How did you tell your SO?

[Hyacinth]

I recently started dating a new guy that I *really* like. We've gotten serious pretty fast, and I know its just a matter of time before I tell him. I really do trust him, and don't think he will take it badly. But still, I've never told anyone about my kink and am terrified. For those of you that have told your significant others, when and how did you tell them? What were their reactions? Any tips?

[imhereiguess]

Telling a s/o can be terrifying!! I had to remind myself that if this person was really right for me, she would understand. So one time, when things were getting spicy and she asked me what I liked, I told her I had a secret kink that I was a little bit ashamed of. I made sure to emphasize that it was really rare and she wasn't gonna share it, and that it was important to me that it was kept a secret. She was really encouraging and made me feel safe telling her. I actually have a problem saying the word "sneezing" out loud (does anyone else have this??) so I typed it in my notes app and showed it to her and said that this was what I was into. She was kind of surprised but rolled with it and said she was glad I told her. A little while later (this was on my birthday haha), she asked if there was anything special I wanted during bedroom time, and I said, "remember that thing I'm into?" and she was like say no more and started fake sneezing really well for a first-timer lol. And fast forward a few months later, and she fake sneezes all the time for me, sends me videos, and we're even trying chhinkni! She doesn't have the kink in any way shape or form, but she says she understands why I'm into it and what parts of it I'm into specifically. She even thinks it's kinda hot when I induce her, because of the loss of control. I really appreciate how good she is about my fetish, so I always make sure to indulge her kinks in any way I can. Moral of the story is, if you feel safe, go for it! It'll bring you closer and make spicy time so much hotter.

[peach2218]

I have a whole thread on this site about doing this. I literally just told my husband in July. Married for almost 4 years, been together for 8.5. It all became too much and I just told him. Not in the best way, tbh. I got really drunk first and tried to tell him, freaked out, and ended up in the bathroom crying. 
 

The next day he was pretty quiet and standoffish, and I figured he was just stewing and thinking that my fetish was something like necrophilia or scat or something, given my reaction, so I took a deep breath and pulled the forum up on my phone. Told him “you’re allowed to laugh, it’s really weird” and put my phone on his chest. He did giggle a bit, told me it was fine, and kissed me. 
 

He didn’t ask questions. I think he didn’t want to make me more uncomfortable. The topic hasn’t really been brought up since then, and I’m kinda itching to tell him more about it. For all I know he thinks that my own sneezing turns me on, and he has no idea that it’s actually other people (especially him). 

[rammus]

I told them I had a kink. Then showed them this article: https://www.elle.com/life-love/news/a39375/sneezing-fetish/. I then said I was happy to answer questions and involve the fetish as much or as little as the other person wanted.

I think the point is to convince yourself that it's not so much "eww, weird" but more of "hmm, interesting". When you convince yourself of that and present it that way, the receiver tends to also view it that way.

[solitaire-au]

@Hyacinth please read the other threads people have posted about this, including the one @peach2218 mentioned.

https://www.sneezefetishforum.com/topic/83658-i-finally-told-my-husband…/

In a nutshell, you need to be careful, because once you tell someone, you can’t “untell” them if they take it badly. You also need to choose your moment: when you’re both calm and relaxed and your relationship is in a good place. Just before, during or after intimacy, or sneezing will make it easier to broach the topic than just talking out of the blue.

We understand that you’re terrified because many of us have been there. IMO, nervousness and difficulty in saying it can potentially work in your favour.

If you tell your SO that you have something you want to tell him, stress that it’s not a bad thing, but that it’s private and you’ve never shared it with anyone. If he then tries to reassure you and comfort you and put you at ease, that’s a good sign. If he gets his back up, ridicules you or gets defensive, that’s a sign not to go ahead and tell him.

Because this is a new relationship, I would say go slow. If you are still in the honeymoon phase, then he might still be “on his best behaviour,” rather than showing you his real, unvarnished self as happens later when a partner becomes comfortable enough to reveal their real selves.

If you do tell him, stress the importance of keeping it confidential. Not because it’s shameful, but because other people may not be as respectful. A few people here have disclosed it, and then had that person tell others, and sometimes been ridiculed or shamed over it.

[Psyneezy]

The other threads are super useful. I’d also say think about your intention of telling them. Is it so they indulge you? Is it so they’re aware of the forum and online friends? Etc. Then try and be as clear and as intentional as you can in the details you tell them. 

[Lavender Haze]

I decided to tell my partner after we had been dating for two years. I only really decided to do it when I did because he had made a few jokes about sneezing on me and me liking that. (Weirdly specific, I know. He’s a weirdo sometimes.) I thought he knew about my kink or something. It was kind of eating me alive after that.
 

Soon after that happened, I asked him if I could tell him about a weird kink I have. He said of course. I told him I was very nervous and that I thought I’d prefer to write it all down. So, I texted him some preliminary questions about his jokes trying to gauge the situation. I think I was really just stalling in denial. I really don’t think I should have done that, but once I told him it was totally fine. He asked like a handful of questions. I answered them as best I could.

 

He’s known for about six months now. Ever since then, when he sneezes around me he tries to sneeze on me. he tries to announce his sneezes too. There are times I’m frustrated that he hasn’t asked more about it to try to understand it, but he has been so open with indulging me, so I have been trying to figure out if I actually want/need him to understand, or if I’m actually just happy with him being open minded and exploring it with me.

 

I really hope you telling this new guy goes well! My only tips would be to tell him when you both are in a good headspace and in a neutral location. Like, I wouldn’t recommend doing it in bed or during sexual intimacy. That can sometimes unintentionally add pressure to the person your telling to not just take in the information, but to also form their opinion, decide their boundaries, and come up with a response all at once because they feel as though it is something you are trying to do right then and there. It was easiest to me to say it, leave it on the table for a good while, and then start to play with it. It made it a little less intense, and more natural. Good luck!! 

[solitaire-au]

@Lavender Haze You’ve raised some good points about the timing of and location of how you tell someone.
 

I had thought that before, during or after intimacy was a good time to do it, but now that you’ve put it that way, I can see how it could make things more difficult.
 

If someone is told by their partner “ hey, I have the fetish,” they might assume that because they’ve been told while they’re in bed, it’s because their partner expects them to induce for them right there and then.