On the Midnight Train - (7 Parts)

[meepsy]

Hello all! This is my first fic, so any comments/suggestions would be appreciated

Title: On the Midnight Train

Author: silly ol' me

Fandom: original

Summary: a young girl meets a stranger on the midnight train. Adventure (and sneezes!) ensue

Author's Notes: This is a very weird story, so I'll give you a little background info: The story takes place in the present, although, in this story there is an unseen evil threatening all of humanity. The main character, Alina, looks like an ordinary college aged girl, but in reality she is an agent for a secret organization which employs special "thought powers" to thwart this evil. (sounds cheesy, I know)

Anyway, enough from me, here is part one. Hope you enjoy!

Part one:

“Excuse me. Is this seat taken?”

Alina looked up from the comic book she was pretending to read and found a tall young man standing in the aisle beside her, wearing a skillfully tailored wool coat, and carrying an expensive-looking suitcase. His features were decidedly aristocratic: high cheekbones, and a long, angular nose, both of which were pink from the cold, late January weather outside. His brown hair looked purposefully tousled, and he wore a pair of thin, wire-frames glasses.

Alina eyed him for a moment, taking in his aura, and dismissed him as materialistic and thus, uninteresting. However, she could not think of a more appropriate excuse for him not to take the seat.

“Be my guest” she said finally.

The young man gave Alina a curious smile and sat, or rather slumped down into the chair, tucking the suitcase underneath the seat in front of him. He emitted a small groan of relief.

“Thanks. I was afraid I’d have to go all the way to the dining cart”

“Yes. It’s pretty crowded” Alina said, turning back to her comic

“Don’t know why. Horrible time for traveling. It’s so bloody cold out.” The man sniffed and rubbed his nose gingerly. Suddenly, he released a violent sneeze. “Ehh’HESHUHhh! nngh…sorry.”

“Bless you” Alina said without looking up. She could not become sidetracked; she had to remain vigilant.

“Thankgs” The young man turned to Alina, saw that she was no longer paying attention, and became quiet. Then he noticed the comic in her hand.

“Excuse me, but is that from The Sanguine Well series?” he asked.

Alina looked up, surprised “Yes. It’s one of the older ones.”

“Ahhh. Those are my favorites. Where the plot gets so looped around you end up thinking you’ve gone mental. And then all of a sudden, it just clicks.”

“Yes. Exactly.” she said quizzically. She had never met anyone who read Sanguine before. Though she was only pretending to read it at the time, (her mind was focused on other matters), Alina considered the comic series an underrated bit of mastery, and for a complete stranger to share her secret obsession was quite a strange coincidence indeed. Perhaps she had judged him too soon.

The young man smiled charmingly “Well, I wouldn’t want to distract you from such a fine piece of literature. By all means, carry on.” He pulled out a magazine from the seat pocket, and they fell into an amiable silence.

Alina found her attention returning to the young man as he flipped without interest through the magazine; he returned it to its pocket after only a few moments and leaned back into the seat. He sniffed again, took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He held his hand to his nose for a few seconds before snapping forward into another violent sneeze

“Eh’HETCHuh!”

He squeezed his nostrils shut in an attempt to stifle a second one.

“ETCHghnt! Ungh…”

“Bless you” Alina said, this time with interest. The young man closed his eyes and nodded his thanks. He sniffed again, more heavily than before.

“Cold?” she asked. The young man opened his eyes, perplexed.

“I beg your pardon?”

“It sounds like you may be catching a cold”

He shook his head. “Ndo, ndo. Really, I’m ridght as rain” he insisted, though his sneezes seemed to have left him very badly congested. “Idt’s the wind. Irritates mby nose.” He lifted one hand to keep his nose from leaking, the other hand still held his glasses in his lap. Alina noticed with his glasses off that the young man had very deep bags around his eyes, as though he’d gotten little sleep in the last few days.

“Long trip?” she asked. The young man sighed and closed his eyes again.

“’Densely packed’ midght be a more appropriate tderm” he said softly, still holding his hand to his nose.

“I think I have some tissues in my bag if you want” Alina said. The young man raised his head, opened his eyes. These actions appeared to take some effort.

“If you do happben to have sombe, they would be very highly appreciatded” he said, looking a bit embarrassed.

Alina unzipped her backpack and dug out a small travel pack of tissues. She gave them to the young man, who accepted them gratefully. He took tissues from the pack, one by one and blew his nose deeply, filling each and crumpling them all into his fist.

“*sniff* thangks” he said, looking as if the blowing had wiped him of all his energy.

“Don’t mention it. Was it a business trip?” Alina knew that she was prodding now, but she couldn’t seem to help it. There was something compelling about this young stranger, some peculiar point of interest she couldn’t quite identify, or shake off.

“No, actually” The young man’s voice took on a slight melancholy tone. “I went to visit mby father. He’s in a rehabilidtation facility.”

“Oh...” she said and trailed off. The moment seemed to call for a bit more show of concern, so Alina added “Is he doing alright?”

The young man pulled out another tissue and pressed it against his nose. “As well as to be hoped I suppose. Exhausting, nonetheless…Heh’TCHoo!” he sneezed into the tissue, wiped his nose and crumpled it with the others. “Dambn ndose” he muttered. He coughed lightly into his hand; it seemed, to Alina, the type of cough that would typically head off a rather gruesome cold. However, the young man appeared to be unaware of his own precarious symptoms; he simply sniffed and pressed onward.

“Whadt aboudt you? Whadt sordt of trip are you combing fromb?”

Alina let out an unintended laugh. What should she tell him? That she had just escaped a thought prison so heavily fortified she had to drive herself insane in order to break free? That she spent the last week in a dark hotel room, reconstructing her own brainwave patterns through meditation? That she was now travelling, against her strongest instincts, by public train in order to deliver a message which may or may not put the fate of humanity in jeopardy?

“Internship” she said darkly

The young man tried to respond, but instead was pulled forward by another round of sneezes. “Ht’TTCHUuh! ETCHuh! *sniff* huh…HET’CHOOoo!” The last one tore it self out of him. He pulled more tissues from the travel pack and blew his nose; by the time he was done all the tissues had been used.

“Mmngh…I thingk you mbay have been righdt about thadt cold afdter all.” He coughed into his tissue filled fist, looking flushed and completely drained. When the fit had abated, he turned to her.

“If idt’s all ridght with you…um, sorry I never asgked your nambe, did I?”

“It’s Alina” The reply came out before she could stop it. She reprimanded herself immediately; a fake name would’ve been safer. But really, he seemed too genuinely sick to be of any danger to her, and besides, she sort of wanted him to know her real name.

“Alina? I’mb Jon” he said, offering her another one of those charming smiles. He pulled off his coat and bunched it behind his head, revealing a gray fleece-type pullover, which also looked quite expensive.

“If idt’s all ridght with you, Alina, I thingk I should try to get sombe sleep before we reach Burbanks. Would you mbind waking me when we gedt there?” he asked wearily.

“I can do that” she said. He smiled, relief and exhaustion mingling in his deep blue-gray eyes. Still sniffing, he curled himself into his chair as best he could, and crossed his arms around his chest, as if trying to reclaim the warmth lost from his coat.

“Idt was ndice to mbeet you Alina” he mumbled into his coat

“Nice to meet you” Alina repeated, softly, and turned back to her comic, listening to the sounds around her, ever alert, ever watchful. She had the strangest feeling that this perplexing young man, Jon, was not the only surprise in store for her tonight.

(TBC, if anyone wishes)

[Cerulean Flower]

Oooh, pick me! I wish for you to continue! ^^ I have thoroughly enjoyed Part One. Both of your characters are interesting, and your writing style is compelling. I would very much like to read more soon.

[Coffee Mug]

I'm not particularly into colds (I love allergies) but the way you wrote was just wonderful and I couldn't stop myself from reading thru all of it!

Jon is incredibly cute and I also like Alina's character.

Please do continue!!

[onlyhim]

Fun and cute! I'm definitely intrigued. Can't wait to see where you take this.

[LovelyLinda]

That's sooo fab!!

Please continue that ;-)

Guys with colds still are the best...

[obsessed]

Oooh, a very suspenseful plot and adorable lead character. Me likes.

[countless]

nice start !

C

[starpollen]

Yes. Yes. Yes. Continue please. I love this plot - am ravenously curious about the thought prison and the mysterious message, and the other surprises that may be in store...

[Nia]

Oh please finish this! I'm lovin it!!!

[a red nine]

"TBC, if anyone wishes"? I wish! Please continue, the plot is thick and the sneezes are good.

[meepsy]

Oh my goodness, thank you all so much for your wonderful comments! I can't tell you how much they brightened my day

So here is part two. It's a little short, and there's only one sneeze, but I'm a little plot-obsessive, so please bear with me!

(Plus, I have a feeling the next part will more than make up for it, at least as sneezes go )

So, without further adieu...

Part Two

The train car was quiet; most of the passengers were sleeping. Beside Alina, Jon slept as well, snoring softly. It had taken him a while to fall asleep; the uncomfortable train seat, along with his troubled sinuses had given him quite a fight, but eventually his exhaustion seemed to prevail and he drifted off.

Alina had sat through his struggles silently, not daring to look in his direction. Now, with his eyes closed, breathing low and even, Alina sneaked a secret glance.

His face still bore the haggard marks of an impending illness: eyes bruised and sunken in, a pink flush in his cheeks and at the rims of his nostrils…the fact that she even noticed these details worried Alina all the more. She couldn’t figure out why she felt so concerned. She wasn't exactly the mothering type after all. Not by a long shot.

Jon stirred a bit in his sleep, and Alina turned away, feeling her own cheeks grow red. He didn’t wake up though, only sighed and pressed his head deeper into his coat-pillow. The sigh was small, at the back of his throat, inaudible to anyone but her. She wished he would do it again, but…wait…

There was another sound, as small as Jon’s sigh, but much more sinister. A high-pitched gurgling buzz. She had heard it before, heard it in the thought prison, heard it whenever they were around. And they were here now. They were here for her.

The dim lights on the ceiling flickered. Somewhere, in one of the train cars behind her, a woman began to scream.

Oh hell

Alina snatched her bag from underneath her seat. She had wisely chosen to sit in an emergency exit seat, and now she began to undo the safety latch as quickly and as quietly as possible.

She turned back and saw Jon, still asleep, completely oblivious to the danger he was in. She sighed, unsure of what to do. He was just another stranger after all, ineffective, insignificant…

“Jon. Jon. Wake up.” she whispered urgently. Jon startled awake, and immediately began to cough.

“Whnn? Are we…there already?” he said tiredly through his coughs.

“Shhh!” Alina whispered. “I need you to listen to me. You’re in danger. We need to leave right now.” Jon lifted his glasses, put his thumb and forefinger to his eyes and rubbed them; he clearly was not taking the situation in properly.

“Whadt ‘r you-

The sound of more screams coming from the back cars stopped him mid sentence. His red rimmed eyes grew wide with confusion and unease.

“Alina, Whadts going on?” he said quietly, full awake now. Alina ignored him. The buzzing was getting louder. She undid the latch, pulled open window, and stuck her head outside. The train was moving fast, but there was a thick layer of snow on the ground, which sloped downward into a woody forest. If they jumped far enough out, they would be able to survive.

The train’s emergency alarm went off, and the screams doubled in number and intensity. They were moving fast now; they knew where she was.

“Jon. You have to trust me. If you stay on this train, you’ll die, or worse” Alina said, abandoning the whispering. He looked around, confused, angry, helpless. She couldn’t wait any longer for him to make a decision.

“C’mon!” Alina nearly growled. She grabbed his arm and pushed him to the window, pressing hard against his back so that he was forced to brace himself on the frame of the window to prevent falling out.

“Jump as far as you can. Protect your head and neck when you make impact" she commanded. Jon turned back to her, fear replacing exhaustion on his face.

“Budt wha-

“GO!” Alina shoved against his back and he jumped, falling into the (thankfully) fluffy snow. She threw her bag out the window and pushed herself onto the frame, the awful buzzing was almost deafening now, vibrating through her ears like a jackhammer, pulsing, pushing to get inside her mind.

Not again

She jumped, felt the slap of the crisp air as she fell, crashing; wet pillows of snow puffing up around her. She lay there for just a moment, wondering whether she was still alive.

Then, from about 20 yards away, a loud, unmistakable “Ehh…Ht’CHTCHuh!” sounded, and her speculations on death were (for the time being) melted away.

(TBC)

Mod Note: Edited at author's request ~Mute

[smiles15]

love it!

[Cerulean Flower]

OOOoooo, you can't leave it like this! The suspsense is killing me! I am still very much in like with your story. Please continue soon.

[Coffee Mug]

Oh God, YES this is getting better and better

Like it ! And I like how cute Jon is and seems so helpless (heart melts )

[LovelyLinda]

Aww...You can't stop it right now,

it's getting better and better *grin*

Woah...Please continue soon,

I'm really excited what's happening next.

[obsessed]

Holy crap, you're an incredible writer. I love the plot. :DDD

[starpollen]

OH yeah. Way to jump right into the action! Excellent. Can't wait for more!

[count tiszula]

Terrific story; exciting in so many ways. I am hooked!

And welcome to the forum.

[Weirdo Girl]

Ohhhh.

this is good.

this is very good.

i love it!

[Aprilcot]

Are you sure this is your first story?

Because, let me tell you, it's amazing!

Please continue!!!

I need more!!!

[meepsy]

Thank you all for your lovely comments! I feel so inspired! .

Here is the part three (lots more sneezes, like I promised) I used some swear words in this one, just a heads up.

Anyway, enjoy!

Part Three

Alina picked herself up and brushed off the snow as best she could before it had a chance to melt through her clothes: as thickly layered as they were, she didn’t want to take any chances. Apprehensively, she rubbed her ears, closed her eyes, and listened to the sounds inside her head. No buzzing.

Thank god

She looked over to where Jon had landed. He was kneeling in the snow looking disoriented and cold, the snow already working its way through his dark jeans. She watched his body stiffen, his hand cup around his nose and mouth in preparation for…

“Heh’TCHUuh! Hgt’TCH! Heh-EH’GNTCHuh! *sniff*…”

The sniff at the end was thick and gurgling, and the sneezes themselves sounded more congested than before. Alina was beginning to wonder if this was such a good decision after all.

“Bless you” she said, walking over to him, retrieving her bag up along the way. Jon did not turn around. He stayed kneeling in the snow, as if he believed that whatever was happening to him would eventually go away if only he kept still. Alina crouched down beside him, worried.

“Jon, you alright?” She reached over but he shrugged away from her touch.

“Nodt really,” he grumbled, “considering the fact thadt I jusdt godt pushed oudt of a bloody train by a stranger intdo the freezing fucking cold…Ndo, ond second thoudght, Ih’mb fine. Just peadchy, thangk you for askging.”

“I meant did you break anything” Alina said. Jon responded by sniffing viciously, and turning away from her. Great she thought. Glad he’s taking this so well.

“If you’re not hurt then you have to get up. We need to start moving, and you’re getting soaked just sitting there.”

Finally, Jon turned to look at her, but the anger in his eyes made her wish he hadn’t.

“Alina” he began, his tone colder than the chilly night wind. “Would you mbind telling mbe whadt in the bloody hell justd happbeded?” Alina was starting to lose her temper; sure he had a right to be angry, but couldn’t he save it for later? They needed to start moving, now.

“What happened” she said, “is that i just saved your life, okay? Now stand up before you get hypothermia to go along with your cold.” As if to emphasize her point, Jon’s nose chose that moment to harass him once more:

“Ungh..EH’GNKTSHuh! Ekg’TCH!”

He rubbed his sleeve under his nose, sniffing, trying to contain the mess as best as he could. He was shivering violently now, with only the thin pullover and no hat or mittens.

“Okgay” he said sarcastically through sleeve “Here’s a q-question: Why exagtly did mby life need saving in the f-firsdt place?”Alina sucked in an impatient breath.

“Look” she huffed, “I didn’t exactly tell you the truth when I said I was coming back from an internship. The real truth is I’m delivering a message. A really important one. So important that my failure to deliver it could mean the end of the entire fucking human race.”

Jon stared at her, dumbstruck.

“G-good God,” he mumbled to himself “Ih’ve been kidnappbed by a m-madwomen.”

Alina rolled her eyes as she pulled a sweatshirt out of her bag. It was one of her brother’s: swiped from the laundry bin the night she left home. She brought it wherever she went. Wrapped inside the sweatshirt was a wool hat and a pair of thick skiing gloves.

“Go ahead, delude yourself” Alina said, brushing the snow off Jon’s shirt. “I’m leaving either way…” She pulled the sweatshirt over Jon’s head, and taking his freezing hands one by one in her own, she put the gloves on him as well.

“…You can come with me, or you can stay here and catch pneumonia…” She tugged the hat onto his head, tucking it around his ears.

“…the choice is all yours.”

Alina rose from her crouching position and waited. Jon stared at her, silenced by either stubbornness or humility.For a moment, Alina was sure she’d have to leave him, but just as she was about to turn around, Jon picked himself up and stood, hugging himself against the cold.

“Budt whadt-

He stopped, his eyes closed and his head tipping back, red nose twitching.

“Eh’KGTSHugh! *sniff*…Budt whadt can you do? We could be mbiles from ehny kind of shelter for all you…kndow…Hgk’GNXT!” The last sneeze was filled with brutal congestion, yet his nose was running so much from the cold weather that he was forced to sniff and rub it with his sleeve every few seconds. His voice was getting hoarse as well, Alina noticed.

“Bless you,” she said, fighting back her guilt. “Finding shelter’s the easy part. First things first…” She climbed back up the snowy hill to the train tracks, waited for Jon to do the same. “For the next few minutes, I’m going to need you to be as quiet as possible. I have to take care of something.”

Jon nodded consent; he seemed to have given up on the whole situation. Together, they began to walk down the train tracks, and when she was confident enough in her pacing, Alina closed her eyes, and let the darkness of her mind slip over her.

(TBC)

(PS: I noticed a few glaring typos in my last update. Does anyone know how to go back and edit? Do I need to ask an Administrator? Thank you!)

[The Mute Poet]

Sorry, meepsy, you've got to wait until you're fully validated before you gain editing priledges. However, if you'll point out to me what you'd like changed, I'd be more than happy to help you out.

[meepsy]

haha, alright! I'll just give you the biggest ones I saw in part two:

3rd paragraph: "She was exactly the mothering type" - 'was' should be 'wasn't'

14th paragraph: I meant to start a new paragraph (hit 'enter' again) at the line "Alina, whadt's going on?" Also, in the following paragraph I meant to do the same thing at the line "Jon, you have to trust me."

I guess those aren't actually a big deal, I'm just a perfectionist, but thank you for your help!

[The Mute Poet]

No worries at all, I certainly empathise with the perfectionism. Happy to help, and be sure to ask if you need anymore in the furute!

[onlyhim]

This story is so good! I can't wait to see where you are taking it. (Really nice job on the characters. =)