Female *untitled* (f-a now, m-i later)

[dominchoo]

been a lurker on the forums forEVER, only just now got approved to be a member! enjoy my k!nky brainchild. 

 

 

“Shit.” I mumble, fumbling with my car keys, trying to get the ignition to start. I have to be across campus in 5 minutes for my biology exam and I can’t even get my car started. With one hand on my keys and the other holding a tissue to my leaky nose, my little ford finally lurched into motion. 

    4 minutes remaining. I sniffle and wipe my nose, cutting off a mom and her daughter taking a tour of the campus. Probably deserved that honk and middle finger, but I really didn’t care, I need to be at this exam. 

    3 minutes. I stifle a sneeze into my shoulder and nearly hit the car in front of me. I slam on the brakes and curse. “Stupid stop signs.” Moving again, I can see my biology building. I screech into my parking spot and jump out of the car, almost forgetting to lock it. 

    2 minutes left, and I’m running through the grass, my nose pinched shut, breathing through my mouth. It was stupid to forget to wear my mask, but I was in such a rush I forgot to grab it - not like it does much good anyways. I pull the door open and dash through the corridors, desperate to reach my classroom before my bitch of a professor locks the door. 

    “Hih..Hehhhh” My nose is so itchy, I resist the urge to rub, knowing my hands are probably coated in pollen and will only make it worse. I pull a fresh tissue out of my bag and press it to my nose. “HIhh.. huhhh….”

    I make it into the classroom with roughly 30 seconds to spare, and take a seat at the closest desk to the door, for easy escape if I’m tossed into the depths of a sneezing fit in class. Wouldn’t be the first time. 

    Promptly on time, My professor walks in and shoots me an equally disgusted and sympathetic look before she begins to speak - 

    “Today we begin our final exam. There will be no speaking, texting, instagramming, snapchatting, or anything of the sort. No phones or other devices will be allowed. No cheating. You all read the syllabus. Good luck, and don’t fail.” 

    She passes out the exam, I pull out a pencil, and we begin - both the exam, and the battle against my allergies. 

    I’m only about two questions in when a new face strolls into class. He’s attractive, I’ll admit. Floppy brown hair, a pair of glasses perched on his nose, some freckles dotting his cheeks. But I’ve never seen him in a lecture before. It could be a result of me sitting in the front and leaving from my constant sneezing, or it could be that he never came to class. Professor Stein hands him a test booklet and he takes a seat right next to me. 

    “Hi.” He whispers, earning a disapproving look from Professor Stein. I give a small nod in response, afraid of what will happen if I speak. 

        “Ehh.. HIH!…” I’m desperately trying to be silent and hold back my sneezing, but it’s just resulting in my eyes welling up with tears and not being able to focus. “Nxxchtu! NGxxtCHu!” I stifle a double into my tissue before squeezing my flaming nose and turning my attention back towards my test.

    I last another 4 questions before I’m back to being a hitching mess. I just don’t want to make any noise. I don’t want to sneeze. I can’t sneeze. “Hih… Heeeeehh… Hihhhhhhh…” Tears are running down my face, my eyes and nose are so itchy, my nose is practically twitching. All it wants is to release a string of sneezes and get the pollen out, but I won’t let it. 

    “HEHngxxt! HEHnggxt! HEH’tshuu HIH’tshoo” My nose wins this battle. I blow my nose gently and exchange tissues. As long as I sneeze this way, it’s quiet enough not to disturb anyone.

    I complete another few questions before my nose acts up again. I pinch it, which results in a small squelching noise, but it’s quelled for the time being. I dare a glance over at the exam of the boy next to me - he’s on the same question as I am. 

    There’s no way he’s in the same boat as I am, his nose is pale as the rest of his face, his eyes are blue, not pink. He isn’t sniffling and hitching like I am. There’s no reason for him to be so slow. Even the dumbest person in class isn’t as slow as me right now. Then, I caught him in the act. He glances over at my paper to see if I’ve made any more marks. 

    That prick. That absolute idiot. Cheating on a quiz is one thing. A unit test is another. But a final exam is in it’s own ballpark of idiocy. I prepare myself to call the professor over, removing my tissue-shield from my nose and taking a deep breath to prepare for the barrage of questions. 

    “P…Puhh…Puh’tshhuu! Ih’tsshuu! HEH’ngxxt.” I manage to stifle the last sneeze with my tissue. The boy looks over at my paper, seeing as I had sneezed right after I had written my last two sets of questions. I flip him off. 

    “Cheater! I’m telling Stein!” I write in the margins of my test, before quickly getting back to work. The boy obviously sees this because he goes to write his own message in the margins of his test. 

    “Wait! come talk to me after the exam, I’ll explain why, okay?”  

    “Yeah, whatever I’m still telling Stein.” I respond in the margin. “Hah’tchoo!” Shit. That one snuck up on me. I blush embarrassed, and hunch over my test, nose clenched in the remnants of my tissue. 

 

——————————-

 

“Okay… I’m sorry for cheating off you. I really didn’t mean it!” The boy - Whose name I now know as Oliver - explains. 

“Huhhh… How do you nuhh. Fuck! not mean to cheeeh cheat!” I reply. Of course he insisted on talking outside. 

“Are you okay? You were sneezing so much during that test.” 

“Ahh-Hah’tchiew! HAH’tchiew!” I turned to the side and sneezed again. “Allergies.” 

“Oh. Bless you. Wanna go inside?” He offered, looking back at the building. 

“No… hih… Wi-hih-Windows are open.” I rush out. Oliver just nods. I glare at him past my tissue.

“You never told me your name.” Oliver questions. I glare harder. “Relax! Just a question.” 

“I-hih-It’s Eliz-Hah’tchiew!” I sneeze violently, shaking free a few tears from my eyes. Oliver laughs. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you Elizachoo.” He doubles over in laughter. I copy his motions unwillingly with my own fit of sneezes. 

This is weird. Too weird. 

 

————

 

Oliver walks me to my car, where we sit until my hayfever chills out enough to have a normal conversation. 

“You never did tell me why you were cheating.” I say, turning around in my seat. Oliver stares out the window, chewing on his lip. 

“Yeah, uh, about that…” He trails off. “Hey I dare you to open the window right now, bet you won’t” 

“Rude, I just met you and you already want me dead!” I scoff. He laughs. “You know I am going to tell Stein you cheated right. As soon as there’s less pollen in that goddamn building.” 

“No no no. You can’t do that.” Oliver pleads, bringing himself up onto the center console. I pull away from his wide blue eyes. 

“Why? I mean I get wanting to keep your credit, but you threw that away the second you cheated, Ollie.” I said in a very matter of fact manner. 

“Please, I’ll do anything.” He throws himself across my lap, causing me to recoil. 

“Move. Anything?” I asked. Oliver sat up in the passenger seat. and dusted himself off.

“Yes, Anything. Just don’t report me to the professor.”

“Be my boyfriend.” 

 

———

 

“Wait what?” I was driving Oliver back to his dorm, at his request. “You want what?” 

“I want something out of this!” 

“Your perk is not getting ratted out to Stein, mine is a date to my family reunion. Hush now.” I said, glancing over at his pouting posture. 

“I won’t do it unless I get perks!” He all but yelled. I sighed, I needed this. I needed to show off to my family that I was good enough to find my own suitor - well in this case I really wasn’t, but that’s not important - They had been hounding me for years, and I just needed them to see I was worth it. 

“Fine! What do you want?” I asked, pulling the car into his lot. He didn’t step out of the car like I thought he would, he turned towards me with a very serious stare. 

“Either of us can ask one question per date to each other, about anything. Nothing is off limits. If I refuse you can leave and report me to the professor, if you refuse I leave and tell everyone your secret-“ 

“What secret? You don’t know any secret.” I cut him off. He puts his finger to my lips. 

“Mhm, yes I do. You just begged me to be your boyfriend. That’s pretty embarrassing huh?” I glare at him. “Oh! And I want to choose our dates.” 

“Fine! But please don’t make them super sneezy.” I begged. 

“All I hear is yes!” Oliver smiled widely, stretching his hand out. “Deal?” 

“Sure.” 

 

Oliver and Eliza were bound by a contract 

• 30 days of being a couple. 

• Oliver chooses the dates

• One question daily for each person

• Refuse and the other leaves with the goods. 

This was going to be a long month.

 

 

Thoughts? I had written it after I had read “partnership” which is why its so similar, but I put my own twist on it, I promise! Hopefully y’all like it. 

[NotWho]

Oooo I like it! I’m excited to see where you take this!

[NickG1998]

I really love this story so far I can already tell it’s going to be amazing please update soon but please take your time and keep up the great work can’t wait for the next update again really good job with this story 

[dominchoo]

Ahh! Y'all are too sweet!💓 I'm glad you guys like my first write on the forums!

I have quite a bit written, but I'll edit/ perfect each part for ya before l update 

[Nella]

Ohhh this is so good! I'm more into colds but this was a genuinely funny and enjoyable read and I'd love to read more

[Kolen]

Yes yes I thought I sensed a similarity between the two. Nice job 🥰😇

[dominchoo]

hey friends! i was planning on waiting, but i figured i’d tease ya with this now since everyone seemed to like the first bit. here’s oli and liz’s “first date”

 

Today was the first date between Oliver and I. Oliver texted me this morning to let me know where and when to meet. 

Good morning my girlfriend! lol Meet me at Pinker park at 3pm. 

At two in the afternoon, I threw on my favorite sundress and braided my hair. I decided against makeup, as usual. I didn’t know how long we’d stay at the park, but I knew that I would probably cry off the makeup anyways. My eyes water like crazy with pollen. 

I grabbed my allergy meds and debated whether I should take them. Hitching, or sneezing, which is better? I’d rather be able to speak with some hitching, than sneeze and not be able to talk. I downed as much as I could without either passing out or feeling drowsy and threw my extra tissues and nasal spray into my bag. 

At three, I was walking up to the park. My hand was already over my nose, there was no itch in my nose yet, but better to be safe than to be sorry. Oliver waves to me from a bench under a cottonwood tree. Oh fuck. This boy. He must be a masochist. 

“Hey! How are you, Eliza?” 

“I’d be be-heh-better if we were inside.” I hitched subconsciously. Oliver whipped out his phone. 

“No, no, I looked it up. The pollen count is low! You should be alright.” He shoved his phone in my face, I pushed it away and pointed upwards. 

“Look up.” Oliver did as he was told. “Tha-hah-that’s cottonwood. Thi-hih-is tree plus Eliza equals snee-HEH-sneezes.” My nose started to itch as a strong breeze blew by, loosening a few fluffs of cotton. 

“No sneezes yet.” Oliver pointed out. 

“Meds.” I retorted, trying to get as many words out as possible without my breath catching. “Let’s start walking.” 

Oliver starts down the path, followed closely by my hitching self. There was a deep, throbbing itch in the back of my nose, but my massive amounts of allergy meds would not allow me to sneeze. As great as it was for conversing, it was literal torture. We seemed to walk in silence for a while, spare for my helpless hitching, until Oliver turned to look at me with a concerned look. 

“You okay there, Eliza?” 

“Y-huuhhh-yup!” I replied, rubbing my nose which now had a clear liquid streaming from it. 

“Do you want to go inside somewhere.” Oliver had put his hand on my shoulder, but I was too preoccupied to shake him off. 

“Heh! I HIH haaaahh I’m fi-HIH hihhh HIH- fide!” I’m furiously rubbing my eyes and nose, which only intensifies the allergic prickle in them.

“You haven’t been answering any of my questions. Let’s go to my car and sit for a while, yeah?” 

“D-HUH hhhuuhhhh- Do Hohhhhh.” 

“Yes.” Oliver grips my wrist and drags me towards the parking lot. We’re sitting in the back seats, with the a/c blasting. “Blow your nose.” 

“Wh-hehhhh huh- why?”

“Just do it.” Oliver rolled his eyes. I did as I was told, but I was still sufficiently stuffed up. “Keep going.” 

“HEH! Oliver - HAH! It ti-HIH- tickles HAAAH!” I rubbed my nose with as much force as possible. 

Oliver mumbled something with a chuckle, leaning in and pecking my nose. That was enough to set me over the edge. 

“HeH! Hahhh! HAHt’CHIEW! HEHT’cHIEW!… HEH’tiSHOO! Huh!… huHHH…HUHT’ishOO Kuh’ISHOO!… Hah’tshuu!” 

“Holy shit I’m sorry, Eliza.” Oliver began to apologize profusely, but I waved him off. 

“Ndo, Oliver.” I paused for a false start, but sighed as it went away. “That fit’s been cobig for a w-hih- while.” 

“Blow your nose, Elizachoo.” I flipped him off, causing him to laugh. “Maybe the pollen count wasn’t that low after all.” 

“It probably was, but I’m a mess. Too b-hah- bad you’re stuck with me for the next 30 days.” I gave him a goofy smile. 

“29!” Oliver retorted. “Let’s continue this at a later date.” 

“Haaah.. hhhaaaah…hAHt’chiew! Agreed.” 

 

sorry for the short length, i will give more later and i promise…. future chapters are a lot longer. big sneeze writing tuckered me out in the beginning of this fic. 

as always leave you’re thoughts in the comments

[Dgrayman]

What a cute story so far. The sneezes are great and the characters are sassy. Love it!

[NotWho]

11 hours ago, dominchoo said:

 

Oliver waves to me from a bench under a cottonwood tree. Oh fuck. This boy. He must be a masochist. 

“Blow your nose, Elizachoo.” I flipped him off, causing him to laugh.

I love the way you write your characters’ inner dialogue and how sassy they are! I am so looking forward to more!

[Kolen]

😏😏😏

Looking rEaL good matey!!

Don't want to wait but shall with patience.

[dominchoo]

We had 27 days left of the contract, but I’d been stuck in, both from homework and from the pollen count. I was drawing on my ipad, when I heard a knock on my door. I was fully expecting it to be my doordasher, bringing me mcdonalds - I hadn’t ordered any, but it’s nice to think someone might have given me some. But I was a bit disappointed when it was just Oliver. 

“Oh. Come on in. Oliver.” I said, trying my best not to sound deflated. 

“What? Is your boyfriend not a nice surprise?” Oliver joked, putting extra emphasis on the word ‘boyfriend’. I gave a half-hearted chuckle. 

“I thought you brought me food.” I admitted shyly. 

“Don’t you have a car?” He laughed, but stopped after seeing my face.

“Look at your weather app.” 

“What?” 

“Do it.” Oliver took out his phone with his face knit in a questioning look. He scrolled for a while until he pulled up his weather app. “Pollen count.” God, the sheer mention of the word pollen made my nose twitch. It’s like it knew what was waiting outside. 

“Damn. Are they trying to kill you?” He looks up at me with a touch of sympathy in his eyes. 

“Sure feels like it. That’s the lowest in the past 2 days. I can’t go outside. Good thing I don’t have class.”

“I‘ll go get you food.” Oliver says, sighing. I smile happily. 

“Thank you! I’ll pay you back!” 

“Ah don’t worry about it. What are fake boyfriends for?” 

 

It had been at least 30 minutes from when Oliver left to when I heard him knock on my door again. I happily skipped over to the door to see Oliver, holding out a Mcdonald’s bag. 

“Thank you!” I smiled, ripping into the bag. Oliver smirked as I looked up at him. “ You asshole! Half the fries are gone!” 

“You said you’d pay me back.” He shrugged. 

“And you said ‘Don’t worry about it, what are fake boyfriends for?’” I mimicked his voice, balling up a napkin to throw it at him. He feigned injury when it weakly hit his shoulder and ricocheted to the ground.  

“How dare you hurt your dearest, sweetest, most wonderful boyfriend! He who braved the high pollen count to go get you food!” He said in a baby voice. I scoffed. 

“Hey, which one of us has the allergies here, Mister cheater?” 

“No appreciation around here. None!” Oliver threw his hands up, in false exasperation, making both of us laugh. “Hey, you know what I just realized?” 

“Hmm?” I responded, a mouth full of hamburger. 

“We never asked the questions on our date the other day.” Oliver said, looking out the window at the trees and flowers in full bloom. 

“Air-quotes on date.” I said after I swallowed, which made him chuckle. 

“You want to go first?” He was sitting on my desk chair backwards, his head in his hands. 

“I don’t even know what to ask.” I said honestly, taking another, albeit smaller bite of my burger.

“Fine, then I’ll go.” He smiled. “Have you always sneezed this much? Because if so, I feel so sorry for you.” 

“No, no.” I shook my head. “I think I developed allergies when I was like 19? First it was pollen, then the rest of them. I still find new things like every month that set me off. Nothing as bad as my hayfever though. And no need to pity me, it’s just a really annoying part of my life, and I don’t like being pitied.” 

“Sorry. Still sounds like a pain in the ass. What are the other things you’re allergic to?” Oliver asked inquisitively. 

“One question per date, remember? Your rules.” I remind him. He smiles deviously. 

“Ah, Well technically this is a date and that was last date's question!” 

“No, this is you barging in and then buying me food.” 

“Are you refusing the question? Because if so I get to spill how you begged to be my girlfriend to the whole campus.” He smirked. I sighed. Even though that wasn’t the truth, I didn’t want people to think it was. 

“Fine. I’m allergic to some scents. They just make me sneeze.” It wasn’t technically a lie, it just wasn’t the whole truth. “For the record, I hate talking about my allergies. It makes me uncomfortable. Especially with people I barely know.” 

“Oh. Sorry for prying.” Oliver blushed, hand on the back of his neck. I rolled my eyes and continued.

“Anyways, my turn.” I said, shifting my position on my bed to face him better. “Are you the son of some big-shot investor in the school?” 

“What?” Oliver’s face twisted up with confusion and a bit of amusement. “No. You got it all wrong.” 

“Then what is it? Why is it such a big deal that you fail one class? You can just retake it.” 

Oliver’s face falls, both physically and metaphorically, into his hands and he mumbles something into them. “I- This is hard to say.” 

“There’s always a way out.” I joked, but it didn’t land - it seems now wasn’t quite the time for that joke. Oliver rubbed his face, akin to the way I would during peak allergy season. 

“I guess you could say getting into this university was kind of a big deal for me and my family.” He said quietly. “I’m only here on scholarships and merit, not money. If I had failed that exam, my time here would be over.” 

I sat silently for a moment. If he needed it that bad, why hadn’t he come into lectures? Or spent every waking hour studying his ass off? It didn’t make sense. Yes, I made it into this crazy-prestigious school because I came from money, but I still spent all my free-time studying, and never skipped a lecture because that’s what you’re paying for. There are no insane weekend ragers here - at least none that I know of - there’s only the Friday night football games. Even those are pretty tame. I had a barrage of questions I wanted to ask, but I kept them tucked away in my head for later. For our next date. 

Our next date…

 

———-

 

We had 25 days left. The pollen count was finally down to something tolerable. Not where I wouldn’t be sneezing, but to where I wouldn’t be dead on the floor from asphyxiation or overdose on medication. Oliver came to pick me up. He told me over text that he had a surprise planned for me. I was naturally a little nervous, seeing as this was practically a stranger, but I played along, for I needed the fake boyfriend.

“Good morning, Eliza!” Oliver went in for a peck on the cheek as I slipped into the passenger seat, but I ducked away for a few sneezes instead. 

“HA’tchiew! HA’isshuu! HIH’shuu!” I wiped my nose with an already soiled tissue. “Ugh, Sorry.” 

“No worries. Bless you.” Oliver said, pulling onto the road. 

“No need to keep ble-heh-ugh blessing me. I’ll be like this all day. You’ll get tired of it.” I deadpanned. He chuckled. 

“Force of habit. I’ve never been around someone as sneezy as you.” We merged onto the freeway. ABBA’s new music was playing on the radio. 

“Well get used to it, for the next twenty five days, thi-hih.. hiiih… hih’tCHUu! THis sneezy mess is all yours!” I teased. That sneeze both ruined my smooth line and added to the sentiment all at once. How unfair. 

“Here’s my question for today,” Oliver said as he merged over into the fast lane, “how far do you want me to go with this? Meaning, how comfortable are you with all the PDA type couple stuff?” 

I paused for a moment. I hadn’t really thought of all this when I signed on for a fake boyfriend. “Um, I guess my answer is also my question for the day. How comfortable are you doing all that stuff?” 

Oliver watched the road for a minute then began merging over again. “I’ll be as comfortable as you are. I’m down for whatever, as long as it’s nothing crazy weird. You’re quite cute, Eliza.” 

I bit back a blush. “Then my answer is the same.” 

Oliver didn’t respond, but rather pulled into the parking lot of our destination. “Ta-Da! My magical mystery date location!” 

“Wait, our surprise date is at the zoo?” 

———

 

ta-da!! chap 3! apologies for the lack of sneezes i promise there are more to come! 

I hope the sneezy talk and cute banter makes up for it…. skimmers i do not blame you for skipping this part. 

y’all are lucky i like you so much, that last part was supposed to be in the next chapter but i threw it in here as a treat. 

anyways, I’ll post more when i remember time to go do some college work 

[NotWho]

Awww I love the update! These two are so adorable!

[CircleSquare]

This is so cute!

[Kolen]

😮😮😮😮😍😍😍 yaay new date time thankies!!!

[dominchoo]

Okay friends. Apologies for how long this was between updates - i know it’s relatively short in our world, but I want this to be done soon lol. I have other sneezy ideas I want to execute and my mind only allows one at a time unfortunately. 

ANYWAYS - it’s time for my favorite little babies to go to the zoo.

 

 

“Don’t worry about the ticket price, I’ll sugar daddy you.” Oliver joked as we walked towards the entrance. “Also I hope you know I’m only here to look at the barn animals.”

“No, I’ll pa-ahhyyyhh HIH’Tchtch.” I stifled into my shoulder, not processing the last bit of what he had said. I had only taken probably half the amount of medication I should have if I knew we were coming to a zoo. I brought the essentials but I wasn’t mentally prepared. I hadn’t been near any animals in a long time. 

“Bless you.” Oliver said. Once inside of the zoo, the scent of animals was a little overwhelming. I reached into my bag to take another allergy pill but I was keeled over with another fit of sneezes before I could 

“Hih’tsch! “Huh’tchh! Hih’tsch. HUH!” I pinched my nose before the last sneeze could escape. 

“Are you okay?” Oliver bent over to meet my eyes. 

“Missed my meds this morning.” I lied. I felt a bit bad lying to him, but I didn’t want to shit all over his idea of the zoo. 

“Here, have my water. Take them now.” He demanded, handing me a water bottle. I quickly swallowed the pills and even administered my nasal spray that I only used in emergencies, causing a harsh single. It was a bit overkill, but I had a feeling even with all this I would still be a mess when we got to some animals. “Do you really take all that every day?” 

I jumped a bit when I noticed Oliver was watching me. “No, only when it’s bad.” I said honestly. “Not that zoo’s set me off or anything! Just residual pollen from a few days ago, you know?” 

Oliver nodded and asked if I was ready to go, to which I said yes, even though I wasn’t. On a good day, all those meds would take at least 30 minutes to kick in. In reality, I needed to go sit in the car for a while before trying to tackle any of this. But, for my fake boyfriend, I stubbornly continued onward. 

Every few feet I would stop to sneeze. It would be a wet double, followed by a few seconds of helpless hitching, then Oliver would ask if I was okay, to which I would respond yes. I would push down that burning tickle until it burst out again, and the same scene replayed over and over. Occasionally we would pause to look at an animal or two, meaning I would sneeze or hitch in place. I continued doing this until we reached the barn animals; what Oliver really wanted to see.

“Are you allergic to hay, or horses or anything like that?” Oliver whirled towards me before we stepped any further forward. Only I noticed that we had stopped a bit too close to the barn, so the scent of the hay was already hitting me like a truck. 

“I-hih meeeh-an, a little to hay-aahHi’schu! but nothing like flowers.” I lied again. Hay sets me off almost as much as pollen does

“So you’ll be okay? You can just stand here if you want.” Oliver said, searching my red-rimmed eyes and flushed face for something he obviously wasn’t finding.

“Hih I-Huuh-I’m fi-hih-ine! I’ll co-hohh-ome with you-huh’ischu!” I fought against the allergic reaction. I really didn’t want to put a tissue to my face and let on that I was reacting to anything other than the pollen here, or tell any onlookers that I was sick. So I sucked it up and went in bare-faced, with nothing to shield me from my allergens. 

“Only if you’re sure. I don’t want you doing anything stupid, Eliza.” Oliver said. The way he said my name was so nice. It made me forget that I was hitching like crazy for a moment. I had him lead me into the petting zoo, where I watched him pet goats, miniature horses, pigs, ducks, and geese. I fought with my sneezes the entire time, allergic tears streaming down my face. I took pictures of him with every animal. 

“Oh, Eliza look! There’s barn cats and barn dogs over here!” Oliver said excitedly. 

“Whhuhh what maaaha’isshuu!! makes them different fruh- from normal cuh cats and duh dogs?” I tease him, fighting the urge to rub my leaking eyes and nose. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Oliver reached up to wipe my eyes, but a sneeze saved the day. If he had touched my eyes they’d start burning more than they were now. 

“I’m fuh-hu’ischu! fine! Let’s go see hih the duh huh.. hUH dogs.” I finished my sentence and held my breath. I couldn’t touch my face for fear of another fit. Oliver hesitantly went off to see the other animals that were wandering around. I really didn’t want to sneeze more in front of him, but I also wanted him to enjoy himself, and I missed seeing cute cats and dogs if I’m being honest. 

I followed at a safe distance, watching Oliver play with an australian cattle dog. Rubbing his belly, throwing a stick for it, and running around with it. He looked so happy. I miss being able to do all that. I went to take a picture, but I sneezed, making the picture blurry. 

Next OIiver found a tiny calico kitten. He scooped him up and started walking back my way. I began mentally preparing for the amount of holding back I would have to do. I wasn’t that allergic to cats, last time I checked, but cats in combination with the rest of things making my sinuses go wild right now was a recipe for disaster. Thank whoever is watching over me that I don’t have asthma. Knock on metaphorical wood. 

“Eliza!” Oliver said enthusiastically when he was a few feet from me. 

“Look who I found.” He’s smiling from ear to ear. He must love cats.

“He-heeeh He’s so-hhh Hih’tschu cute!” I respond. Oliver looks down at him happily. His jeans are covered in barn dust and dog hair; now his shirt is covered in cat hair. He’s gonna be driving home while I'm having an allergy attack.

“Get a picture of us?” He asks. I nod, stifling a rapid triple into my shoulder as I reach for my phone. All I’m breathing is allergens right now, there’s literally no escape. I guess I’m building my willpower. “I’ll take a picture of you two if you want.” 

I considered saying no, but he just looks so happy, I can’t say it. I just nod, trying to breathe as much as possible before he places the cat in my arms and I’m not breathing at all. Holding my breath is my only line of defense against the cat hair that’s dancing in front of my face. 

“Say cheese!” Oliver says. My nose must’ve heard ‘say sneeze’ because at that moment, the floodgates opened. 

“HIH’tschu! HIH’tschu! tschu! tschu!” I gasp for air but I only get cat hair. “Hiiih… hehhhh… HHiih!! HIH’tschiew! HEH’tschiew! HIH’tschiew HIH’tschiewww!” I’m lightheaded from how intense the sneezing is. 

“Holy fuck,” Oliver grabs the cat from me and shoos it away, the damage had already been done to my shirt, though. He keeps speaking but I can’t hear him over my own hitching and sneezing. 

“HIh’TSCHIEW! HITCHIEW! Schiew-Hah! SCHiew! SChiew! HAH’kchiew!” I tried to stifle and end the fit, but it just ended up hurting my throat. “HIH’tschu! Tschu! TSSCHUUUU!” 

“Eliza?” Oliver was speaking low, his voice was tentative, as if he was scared he’d trigger another sneezing fit. After a few more minutes of sneezing, I was once again able to bring myself down to simply hitching. 

“I- hih- I’m fine. You- haaah  you want to see the li-hih- the lions?” I asked, with a halfhearted smile. I feel like I had the wind knocked out of me, but I still wanted my fake boyfriend to have a good time at the zoo. 

“No, let’s go back to my dorm and get some takeout instead.” Oliver kissed my cheek, getting a lip-full of tears. 

“Bu-huh- but you wanted to go- hoh’tiSCHu! to the zoo!” I argued, real tears mixing in with those produced from my allergies. I was a bit delirious from the amount of medication I had taken and the amount of sneezing that had just been unleashed, that I hardly noticed Oliver had kissed me.

“Not if I’m gonna hurt you.” He said honestly. My heart stopped for a second. “Now it’s a good thing we took my car, I always have an extra change of clothes.” 

“Wh-huh’Tischu! Why?” I ask as we start the trek out of the zoo. I’m a touch disappointed we didn’t see the apes, or the otters. Oliver was so dead set on seeing the barn animals - as if we can’t go to the barn some other time.

“Nuh-uh, only one question per date, Miss Eliza.” He joked, making the butterflies in my stomach go wild, and apparently the ones in my nose too. 

“Hah’TShiEW!” 

 

———

 

okay I know i keep saying this, but I promise it gets better. I like to think that my sneeze writing has improved - but not only that, their characters are improved a lot. I promiseeee please don’t hate me lol

I know everyone likes it, but I’m just too critical because I know what kind of stories I like to read. 

Okay I’ll leave y’all be.

[NotWho]

The sneezy torture was absolutely amazing! I love this fic so much!

[dominchoo]

 

On 10/14/2021 at 1:49 AM, NotWho said:

The sneezy torture was absolutely amazing! I love this fic so much!

I’m so glad you like it! and I’m overwhelmed with the positive responses on the first few chapters!! 

I decided I’d give you a bit of a treat today… I know it’s kind of quick but I do have a lot of this written and I can’t get it out of my head. 

Here’s a bit of Eliza’s backstory, more sneezes, another date, and more cutesy fun with my babies. 

 

Oliver was sitting in my room watching me get ready. He had convinced me to let him take me out to dinner. I was so avid in refusing, that it had taken him a week to convince me. We had only 18 more days together as a fake couple. He argued it only seemed right that he took me on a proper date that didn’t end in an allergy attack. Plus, he said he found a place that didn’t put roses on the table; what a gentleman. Oliver pulled himself away from his critical stare against one spot on my wall to look over at me. 

“Hey Liz?” Oliver asked in his quiet voice. I turn to face him, makeup half done. 

“What’s up, Oli?” We had adopted the nicknames for each other during the week leading up to ‘the big date’. He thought if we didn’t call each other our ‘normal’ names we seemed more legit. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were allergic to all those things at the zoo?” Oliver asked quietly. He looked so frail, like one gust of wind could knock him over. I wanted to ask if that was his question for the night. I wanted to tease him for caring so much about me. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He looked so cute and small. So vulnerable. Who am I to prey upon the vulnerable 

“I didn’t want to ruin your fun. I wanted you to enjoy your time at the zoo without worrying if we would run into something I was allergic to.” I said honestly. I hated talking about my allergies, but the way he approached them made it seem doable. 

“Can I tell you something?” He looked up at me with big blue eyes that looked like the ocean. “The whole time we were there, I was worried that you were allergic to something there. I didn’t want to tell you no, but I hate the idea of someone else enjoying that sight.” 

I sat up straight. “What do you mean, someone else?” Oliver sat up and looked me in the eyes. 

“I hate seeing you like that, but you’re so cute.” Tears began to form in my eyes. 

“Do you mean my sneezes or me?” I ask. “Because I don’t want you to be one of those fetish weirdos. I dated one of those before. Never again. I don’t think I’ve ever sneezed that much in my life.” I rambled. Oliver laughed. 

“I believe we’ve both used our question for today, Liz. But I will tell you I do not have a kink for your sneezes.” 

“Oh thank FUCK.” 

 

———

 

“Thah hiiht’isshu-isshu-isshu-isshu! Damn lady! Who wears that much perfuehh HIH! Hihit’ishhu-isshu-isshu-issh-issshhuu!” I sneezed helplessly into the tissues I had pulled from my purse. I hadn’t brought nearly enough this time, as I didn’t bring my regular bag. 

“Goddamnit, I’m so sorry Liz.” Oliver was rubbing his temples. “Just as I was telling you I wasn’t in it for the sneezing too!” I laughed until I sneezed another rapid fit. Oliver rubbed my back and had us sit on the curb. “I need a comprehensive list of all the things you’re allergic to.” 

“Iht’ishuu-ishuu! It chah-HEH! changes constantly but I can get it to you by meh-het’ishuu-isshuu-isshuu-isshu! Fuck! Monday.” I joked.

“What do you mean changes constantly?” 

“I’m always finding new things that set me off-hih-“ I hold my hand up and close my eyes, preparing for another fit, but it doesn't come “Since they’re so new, It’s an ever growing list. 

“You said 19, right?” Oliver asked. 

“Hiht’iscchuu!-Ichiuu!-ICHiuuu! ICHNtCHuh!” I gasped for air after the last stifle, it seemed to take my breath away. 

“That one seemed to hurt, you okay?” Oliver asked again. 

“Yes and unsure.” I responded finally, after I had caught my breath. 

“Let’s go back and change clothes, yeah?” It seems he had forgotten his question about my allergies, or maybe he had gotten his answer somewhere in my sneezing. I simply nodded, feeling another rapid fit coming on. 

 

—————-

 

The reunion was 2 weeks away. We had wasted 4 days playing video games in Oliver's dorm and studying together. It seems Oliver's bad study habits had rubbed off on me. He showed me his huge array of N64, playstation, and switch games, to which I was in awe. He beat my ass in all the versions of MarioKart he owned, and every other two player versus game we played against each other. I think the only game I managed to beat him in was StarWars, because the map glitched. 

“Okay, Liz, question time.” He turned to me, pausing the game. Oliver shifted on his tiny bed to face me. I was leaning up against the lofted mattress. I dropped my controller and swiveled around so we were facing each other. “You said you dated someone with a sneezing kink, I want to know what that was like. I’ve never even heard of that before. Tell me everything.” 

“Everything?” I ask, shifting nervously. That was an uncomfortable relationship of mine. It was fun, I learned a lot about myself and definitely a lot about my body and boundaries, but it was something I kept in the back of my mind for no one to see. 

“I mean, however much you’re comfortable sharing of course.” Oliver blushed, averting his eyes. He was kind of cute when he did that. I sighed. I’d tell him as much as I could without freaking him or myself out. 

“I was 19, a freshman in college, and I guess you could say a ‘freshman to my allergies’” I joked. Oliver chuckled, slipping off the bed and sitting next to me. I felt a strong urge to lay in his lap, but I resisted and stayed leaning against the bed frame. He was staring at me intently as I continued speaking. “I only knew I was allergic to pollen at that point. They aren’t as bad as they are now, I didn’t take meds everyday…” 

 

——

 

“HIh-iht’chiew!” I sneezed openly into a tissue as I sat in the computer lab. Sniffling, I pulled up my assignments for the next week and sent them to the printer. As the ten pages took what felt like an eternity to print, I stared out the window. My unlucky ass had developed hayfever as an adult, and was now sneezing all over campus. My previously pristine book bag now had tissues strewn all over it - some used, some not. It was honestly gross. I never knew I could hate sneezing so much. I used to hear people sneeze and think it was cute, when girls had those dainty little sneezes, or certain people’s faces before they sneezed. But now I’m just annoyed by it.

The painful, burning itch in my nose was never-ending. It sat in the back of my nose, only sometimes granting me the release of a sneeze. Most of the time I would just sit in agony and have to scrunch my nose around. 

“Hih-IH’TCHiew!” I sneezed again, as I grabbed my papers. Damn windows, they always have to be open in the spring. Right as I was about to leave to walk back to my dorm, a boy with short blond hair stopped me.

“How can I help you?” I ask with a sniffle, a tissue still over my nose. He blushes profusely. 

“I’m not usually this forward, but,” He starts, not able to meet my eyes as I wipe my nose. “Would you like to go out with me?”

 

———

 

“That’s how he approached you?” Oliver interrupts my story, his face contorting into a mixture of amusement and disgust. I smile half heartedly and nod. 

“If I wasn’t so naive I would’ve said no, but seeing as he was my first real relationship-“ 

“Wait, he was your first boyfriend?” Oliver cuts me off again, his expression unreadable. I cock my head, confused. He looks out the window. 

“Yes? He was, unfortunately.” I say. Oliver is still looking out at the tree that seems to be raining pollen directly outside his closed window. “ Now if you’ll stop interrupting me I’ll get back to my story.” 

“Right, sorry.” He says sheepishly, looking back at me attentively. I bite back a blush. 

———

 

Our first date is tonight! We’re going to meet up at a park and have a picnic at 8.

I put on a sundress, left my hair down, and did my makeup. I took some meds, so I wouldn’t sneeze all over the food, and got into the car. I was a bit apprehensive, as I knew nothing about this boy, other than that we went to the same school, but I was excited. My first real relationship. I had a thing with a few boys back in middle school, but nothing serious, nothing past the ‘looking at each other, weirdly flirty texts, and holding hands under the lunch table’ phase. This was adult dating. I could get X-rated on the first date if I wanted to. Not that I did. But I had that freedom. 

As I approached the park I suddenly became very glad that I had taken my medication. The trees were all flowering, so petals and subsequently pollen was floating in the breeze. There were daffodils, hydrangeas, and lillies peppered amongst the park, and of course there were wild flowers everywhere. I saw the boy from the computer lab sitting on a blue blanket right under the biggest flowering willow I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even think that willow trees could flower like that until that day. 

I walked out to him and immediately my nose began to itch. It was just an annoying tickle, nothing to make me sneeze, but it was enough to make me wish I stayed inside. 

“Hi! I realized we never exchanged names. Mine’s Jonah.” He said with an extended hand. I reciprocated the gesture with a smile.

“I’m Eliza.” I said. The tickle in my nose had intensified, but it was still just that - a tickle. there was no sneezing itch. I sniffed and scrunched my nose. It only seemed to worsen the annoying tickle. 

“I thought this would be a scenic place to enjoy some sushi. You like sushi, right?” Jonah asked. “If you don’t I have other food with me too.” 

“Yes, I like sushiiiihih” I reply, unable to stop the hitch from escaping my lips. The itch was forming. He ducks behind him and grabs out a few containers. 

“Oh! Before I forget, I picked these for you while I waited. I thought you might enjoy them.” Jonah handed me a bundle of a few wildflowers. They were really pretty, but I knew I couldn’t accept them. 

“Thaahh-hah- Thank you Jonah, but I can’t HIH I can’t accept them.” I struggled to contain a full sneeze, but the sweet scent of flowers was intoxicating, causing my nose to twitch. 

“Oh? Why not? Are you okay?” Jonah asked, his cheeks going a bit pink. I could’ve sworn I saw a smirk toying at his lips, but my eyes were threatening to roll back into my head as I prepared to sneeze, so I couldn’t be certain. 

“I’m aahhhhll ahh allergic to pAH pahhhhhh pollehh! HIH’TCHIEWWW! HI’TSCHIEWWW!” I sneezed a big double involuntarily and sniffled. I looked up at him to see him wide-eyed. “You ahh you alright?” 

“I’ve never heard a sneeze that pretty.” He said honestly, not able to look away from me. I chuckled. 

“You heard many sneezes?” I was able to talk without hitching this time. He smiled, able to pull himself out of whatever trance he was stuck in. 

“That’s something I’ll tell you if you earn it, Miss Eliza.” He said playfully. I got butterflies in my stomach at that moment. I knew I wanted to see him again. 

 

Okay. it’s long. I hope you like. 

There’s more in the works as far as this story goes. Maybe some one-shots, getting to know Oli, since this is really just a “Eliza” story. Idk, we’ll see. This is where I’ll leave it now though. 

The Italics is her telling the story, but I thought it would be more fun if I write it out for you all. 

 

[chronic reader]

I love this new update and am I seeing real feelings emerging between Eliza and Oliver!?!? *hope hope hope*

[RipleyToo]

I hope Oliver catches something.. 😈 

[dominchoo]

22 hours ago, chronic reader said:

I love this new update and am I seeing real feelings emerging between Eliza and Oliver!?!? *hope hope hope*

17 hours ago, Puzzle said:

I hope Oliver catches something.. 😈 

evil… i like it! (stay tuned, it’s definitely coming)

 

Okay, quick update here because I’m writing a lot of this in place of doing my college class work OOPS but I’m genuinely SO excited to share the rest with you all… 

with that said, here’s the next chapter - we’re still telling the story of Jonah the weirdo. 

 

It had been 2 weeks since our first date, Jonah had been texting me almost daily. If we weren’t walking each other to classes or going on study dates, we were texting. I would stay up until odd hours of the night with him, be on the phone, video-calling, or even playing computer games. It was a fun relationship we had. It was one of pure lust and flirtation. I loved it. We were set to have a sleep-over at Jonah’s apartment tonight. Things were moving really fast, but we were both comfortable, so neither of us saw a problem. He was a sophomore, and lived in an apartment off campus by himself. He worked a lot, so it was kind of lucky that we both had this night to ourselves. 

What was unlucky, was that it was that night that I discovered I was allergic to perfumes. 

I was all dolled up, and had my bags packed in my car. I stupidly didn’t bring any medication, because I never did during that time of my life. And I routed myself to his apartment. It was a common location during that time. I always told myself I would get an apartment like him. I was giddy with excitement for what the night might hold. 

“Eliza! Come on in!” Jonah opened the door for me before I even had a chance to knock. looks like I wasn’t the only one a little too excited for this night. 

“Hi Jamie!” I went in for a hug, but when my face hit his shoulder, my nose instantly began to itch. It was the deep, throbbing, allergic itch I was all too used to. I pulled away maybe a bit too fast and scrubbed my nose and eyes. Of course, this only worsened the itchiness, causing me to sneeze like never before.

“HAH’Kit’shu!-shu!-SHU! HAH’KiT’SHUU!”My nose exploded. When I gasped for air, I was in shock. I had never sneezed like that before in my life. 

“Damn.” Jonah said, pausing for a second. It almost looked like he shook some thought out of his head before he asked, “are you okay, L?” 

“Yeah, I don’t know what happened. Probably a hair.” I said with a smile. I put all my stuff onto his bed and went to sit on the couch. 

“You want some mac and cheese for dinner? It’s all I can afford right now.” Jonah laughed. I nodded. 

“As long as we can watch anime and cuddle after.” I say, flashing him some puppy-dog eyes. 

“Anything for you, babygirl.” He said with a smile, turning back to the stove. 

——-

 

“That asshole probably wore that on purpose!” Oliver shouted, earning a knock on the wall from his neighbors. “Sorry!” 

“No, he didn’t know. I didn’t even know.” I said. He was so close to me now, his shoulder was mere centimeters away from mine. I wanted to rest my head on it, but I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. “Now if you’ll stop interrupting, please. You asked for the story.” 

“You didn’t say I couldn’t add my commentary!” He sat up and looked at me. 

“I thought it was implied!” I said. Oliver ‘hmmph’ed, falling back against the bed. Our shoulders were touching now. It was nice. 

 

———

 

I was snuggled up against him, watching our favorite anime movie, ‘Hotarubi No Mori E’, which I probably enjoyed a little more than him. We’d watched it probably 3 times now in the 3 weeks we’d known each other. 

Now that I was laying over his legs and so close to him, I knew there was something on him that was making my nose go crazy. I was able to hold the sneezes at bay for most of the movie, but I wasn’t good at stifling. 

“Heeeeahhh… Hey, Jo-HeH hiiiiiiihhh… hah.. Jonah?” I asked, struggling not to sneeze. He perked up. I could see his face get a bit

“Y-yeah? What’s up, L?” He asked. Jonah looked away from the movie, but wasn’t able to meet my eyes. 

“Diiiiihh hih hiiiiih Did you- yoooouhh Did you wear a flaaahhh flower or something HAH! Hih….” I was really struggling at this point, but I didn’t want to ruin the movie. I guess I was already ruining it, by talking, but I didn’t want him to be super concerned about me as well. 

“Nope. Just cologne.” He said with no emotions. His eyes were back on the TV screen. I was getting a little pissed at this point. He didn’t even care that I was struggling with my sneezes. 

“I hihHhIIIh I thi-hhh think I’m allergic to it HAH! hah…” The sneeze was threatening to come out, and it was going to be ten times worse than if I just let it out when it first came into fruition. 

“What do you want me to do about that?” He asked, going stiff with each growing hitch. I struggled to let out an exasperated sigh. 

“Ch-AHhhhh Go chahhhhhhhh ooh change please HIh oh.” I closed my eyes, willing myself not to sneeze. 

“No.” He stated, with a small quiver in his voice. My eyes shot open, looking up at him confused. Jonah was finally looking at me. 

“Wh-ehhhhhIH AH! why?” He began bending down towards my face. I was a bit nervous, but also excited. I hitched right into his face. 

“Because, L,” He whispered, taking a deep breath, “your sneezes turn me on.” Then he gave my nose a tiny peck. I was past the point of paying attention to the movie, even though, ironically, Gin and Hotaru were kissing. It was my favorite part of the movie. He gives her his mask, and kisses her. Now it just reminds me of this sneezing fit. My nose was also past the breaking point, and began to release a string of sneezes that I previously thought was impossible. 

“HHHIh! Hahhh! HIH’KIt’Chshiu!-shiu-shiu-shiu! HIH’kiT’Shiu-shu!” I paused, pawing at my nose in a moment of naivety. This, of course, made the itch worsen, as my hands had been all over his cologne soaked body. “HIH! HiH’Tschiiiiuuu-schiuuuu-schiuuuu- HAH!” I gasped for air, not knowing my nose was capable of such an explosion. I felt warmth beneath my shoulders. Was he really enjoying this? Well, I guess I could play it up for him. 

“Ah! S-sOHHhhh Ti-hIH TIHHHHHHHhhh’TSChIU-SChiuSchiuu!” I was frozen in place, the culprit hovering in the air around me. 

“If this is too much for you we can stop.” Jonah offered. I weakly shook my head, but the movement alone was enough to trigger another fit. 

“Hah”Kt’shu-shu-shu-shIUUU!” I felt like this was never going to end. I needed to get out of here. I loved Jonah, but this was way too much. These sneezes made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. 

“Okay, I’m going to go change, you do what you gotta.” He said. I continued sneezing. Did he really find this hot? I mean I know he thought I was hot, but my sneezes? This mess was hot to him?

 

Sorry it’s a touch short… i’ll update with the last installment of the Jonah series soon ;)

[DanniSneeze]

I love this concept!!!

[NotWho]

I love the updates! I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us!

[dominchoo]

8 hours ago, DanniSneeze said:

I love this concept!!!

i appreciate the compliment, but the idea is heavily inspired by “the partnership” by PennyLane on here

7 hours ago, NotWho said:

I love the updates! I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us!

ooh yall it gets fricken spicy just wait im so excited (not even from a snz perspective, just from a story perspective im kinda proud of this.. and i usually hate what i write lol) 

 

still editing the next part so you only get the best 💝

[DanniSneeze]

On 10/18/2021 at 3:42 AM, dominchoo said:

i appreciate the compliment, but the idea is heavily inspired by “the partnership” by PennyLane on here

ooh yall it gets fricken spicy just wait im so excited (not even from a snz perspective, just from a story perspective im kinda proud of this.. and i usually hate what i write lol) 

 

still editing the next part so you only get the best 💝

Ah yes I’m a huge fan of that story lol

[RipleyToo]

Maybe Oliver will catch it from someone 😈.. I’d love to see a stubborn sick Oliver