Have you ever told someone about the fetish?

[Niceguy]

Told my first wife, pretty early on. It didn't go BADLY, but I regretted doing it because every time she, or anyone else around us sneezed, or talked about it, I always left wondering if SHE was wondering if it was turning me on. And that made ME feel awkward. I told a girl I dated after we get divorced. Nothing came of that one one way or the other. And I haven't told my 2nd wife. Mainly because of how my first wife knowing made me feel awkward, but also because I don't personally NEED it in my "real life" sex life. If you're with someone who could potentially indulge you, then it's worth it. If they're super judgy or disrespectful, LISTEN TO THAT. Because that's a huge red flag. (Lose THAT loser!) But always remember: If you choose not to tell them today, you can always tell them tomorrow. But once you tell them, it can't be unsaid. So you have to decide how important it is to you. For me, when I was younger, it was MORE SO. Now? Eh. It's honestly fine either way. And I say that having had it both ways.

Edited February 5 by Niceguy

[solitaire-au]

@Niceguy I’m sorry things were awkward with your first wife.

[Niceguy]

1 hour ago, solitaire-au said:

@Niceguy I’m sorry things were awkward with your first wife.

It's a learning experience. 🤷‍♂️ And to be clear, SHE didn't make it awkward. She was cool about it. Occasionally tried (unsuccessfully) to indulge me, etc... I was entirely in my head. But knowing that doesn't change how I felt. And I think it's something people should think about before telling their partner.

[kathleenh4656]

18 hours ago, Niceguy said:

Told my first wife, pretty early on. It didn't go BADLY, but I regretted doing it because every time she, or anyone else around us sneezed, or talked about it, I always left wondering if SHE was wondering if it was turning me on. And that made ME feel awkward. I told a girl I dated after we get divorced. Nothing came of that one one way or the other. And I haven't told my 2nd wife. Mainly because of how my first wife knowing made me feel awkward, but also because I don't personally NEED it in my "real life" sex life. If you're with someone who could potentially indulge you, then it's worth it. If they're super judgy or disrespectful, LISTEN TO THAT. Because that's a huge red flag. (Lose THAT loser!) But always remember: If you choose not to tell them today, you can always tell them tomorrow. But once you tell them, it can't be unsaid. So you have to decide how important it is to you. For me, when I was younger, it was MORE SO. Now? Eh. It's honestly fine either way. And I say that having had it both ways.

Excellent advice. I didn't tell either husband and having the fetish didn't make any difference with intimacy.

First husband, 15 years was drunk a lot (alcohol and smoking) impedes the males' unit and turns off us females. (MALES PLEASE READ THAT AGAIN).

Second husband, 2 years sneezed a lot whenever he went out in the sun, inside too.

[JackHarknessTW]

No I’m a bit embarrassed about my fetishes 

[kathleenh4656]

I have mentioned it to two male friends, neither of whom I'm intimate with. They both changed the subject and don't ask about it. I'll probably keep quiet in the future.

[solitaire-au]

Personally, I consider it to be extremely risky to tell anyone who is not a partner or romantic interest.

Why would we tell someone we have no intention of having sex with what our specific sexual interests are? It can make the relationship extremely awkward. We can’t reliably predict how they are going to react.

And because sneezing is a normal reflex that everyone does, some people will assume the worst.

It’s one thing to say, “oh yeah, I have a thing for leather pants,” and the other person might be ok with it, because they never wear leather pants, and no one/hardly anyone they know does. So they’re never going to be confronted with the possibility of unwanted sexual arousal from their relative/friend/coworker etc.

But even if they never sneeze in front of you, any time someone else does, they might be wondering if we’re getting off on it, etc.

Some people will be cool with it, others might be embarrassed at finding out something deeply personal, especially if they feel obligated to reciprocate with a revelation of their own. Others might find it hilarious.

It’s not a harmful fetish. But it’s a vulnerability we reveal about ourselves. In the context of a romantic relationship, it’s not only appropriate to make sexual revelations, but there’s hopefully an expectation to keep it confidential. There is no such implicit expectation to maintain privacy if we tell a sibling, friend, colleague etc. And then we can lose control of that information about ourselves.

A few people here can tell you about times it went sour, when the person they told (including some partners/ex-partners) revealed the information because they thought it was amusing or they wanted to humiliate or get back at the other person.