The Elven Cloak. - (20 Parts/Complete)

[lalaland~]

♥♥♥How could I have missed this???♥♥♥

It's like...

*loss of words*

lol it wouldn't let me use that many emoticons!

[Vetinari]

A well overdue update to this. I have written an ending. Now all I have to do is connect it all up somehow!

Thanks so much to Shiny and Count de Tisza for sticking with this from early on and being incredibly patient. Shiny, hope this might cheer you a tiny bit.To Lalaland, Candy, Wolfmotaki, ooo, silentdreamer and sneeztensia thank you so much both for reading, and taking the time to leave a comment. It's very much appreciated.

Part 17

Viggo's hair streamed down his spine, smooth and flowing, as he lifted his face upwards into the full force of the scalding water. The steam had cleared his nasal passages and for a brief moment he had felt relief; now the thrumming force of the water irritated them once more and he was overtaken by a sudden "HrrAASHAh!" which bent him fiercely forward from the waist. He stood there helplessly, his eyes closed, his breathing hitching irregularly, knowing further sneezes were inevitable, feeling the growing sensation deep within his sinuses. The well demarcated shoulder muscles gradually tensed, his tanned chest lifted as the water flowed all around and over him "HRRRASHAA!........hng..........HRRASSHHAah!" He could feel his nose running, mingling with the water and he rubbed it away with his hand irritably, lifting his face once more into the stream in a vain attempt to lift the ache in his head.

Finally, reaching out he turned the shower off and stood there, water dripping onto the heated floor as he reached for the towel. As he rubbed at his hair a chill overtook his body, running down his spine raising goose bumps all over his still damp body. Feeling a further sneeze building, he stood waiting, his towel in both hands in front of him like some huge white handkerchief. As the sneeze snapped his head forward he muffled the explosion in the already damp towel. Dropping it on the floor after wiping his face, he reached for a new one which he wrapped around his loins before exiting the bathroom.

Despite the warmth of the room he shivered heavily as he pulled on slacks and a warm fleece, hugging it round his body in a vain attempt to feel warm. Still shivering, he tried hard to ignore the reflection in the mirror which showed all too clearly the black rings under his eyes and the paleness of his face through the tan, the only bright point being his overly-shiny eyes and his burgeoning pink nostrils. Bending over wearily to slide his trainers onto his feet his nose suddenly flooded, clear liquid overflowed, dripped onto the carpet. Disgusting, he thought with a shudder, reaching for a tissue with which he rubbed at his nose ineffectually, rendering it more red and sore than ever.

Finally, fully clothed but still with shivers running up and down his spine, he stood up and turning his back firmly upon the treacherous mirror he dragged himself out of the door, down the stairs and into the car that was waiting to take him to the film set.

****************************************************

Cate sat in front of the mirror in her trailer. Not too bad, she thought. Her eyes were still slightly shinier than normal, her nose marginally pink but that would be easily rectified now her nose was running less. The scene itself should be easy enough to film .....only there was the voice-over which she knew Peter wanted to try to complete today as well, so that he could assess and time the whole scene from the rushes.

She tested her voice. "My gift for you Legolas, is a bow..." She came to a halt. She could hear all too clearly the thickness in her voice, the lack of resonance and the failure to breathe through the m, rendering the word more by than my. Reaching behind her she grabbed the small plastic bottle of Sinex and unscrewed the lid. Sitting down she inserted the tip of the bottle into her left nostril and with her spare hand closed her right nostril over. Gently she squeezed the bottle and as she felt the liquid squirt inside her nose she sniffed hard, trying to inhale through a seemingly tiny gap. The liquid felt icily cold then suddenly burned. A tear welled up in her left eye and overflowed onto her face. Swapping her hands she repeated the process, this time spraying the liquid ice and fire into her right nostril, sniffing even harder, rubbing her nose hard with a circular motion and groaning quietly.

The drug began to do its job and as the inflamed blood vessels in her nose began to contract she could feel the congestion loosening. Wishing Craig was here, she pulled out a wad of tissues from the half full box on the table and waited, her hands half raised, her breathing increasingly rapid and hitching. She kept her eyes open as long as she could, watching herself in the mirror in this pose, half way to that loss of control Craig seemed to love so much, already knowing the sneezes were coming, unable to stop them, even if she had wanted to.

"HiiTCHOO!", she clutched paper hankies at chest height but the first sneeze was dry, the itch unrelieved and the next sneeze building before she even had time to draw a normal breath. Watching again as she hung there she could see through half closed eyes the way her nostrils were flaring with each ragged breath and the slight pink tint to her nose. "HIIITCHOO!, still dry and uncovered but she felt the easing in her sinuses as the fluid loosened, progressing southwards "HeaCHHH!, Huuh.......EEEH..TSSHHH!" the final sneeze overtook her, finally releasing the irritating mucus onto her top lip and into the waiting hankies which she finally raised to her face. She sniffed once and began again. "My gift for you Legolas.....*sniff*"

Better!

**********************************************

Lucky for me that Dom did not mind a sniffling sneezing make-up artist I thought. He was very patient, just as he had ever been but also patently amused, perhaps at the success with which their contagious ruse had succeeded or possibly at the arousal which, he would naturally (and correctly) assume I was experiencing. Certainly when I saw myself in the mirror I could see feverish enjoyment in the glittering eyes and reddened cheeks. I turned away for about the sixth time to sneeze. "HEEaaSSHHH!" and a second "SSSHHHH!"

"Bless you!" He had repeated it every time, his voice warm with a hint of laughter at my condition. I turned back to continue and his eyes were on my face, his mouth smirking slightly, not that I was in any way discomfited by that. Indeed my own expression was probably much the same. To distract his gaze I concentrated my efforts on the application of concealer to hide the hint of pinkness that still lingered around his own nostrils, applying powder almost carelessly until inevitability took over and we both doubled over to sneeze simultaneously, laughing afterward at the release.

[Kiwifruit]

O.O Vet...you...are...incredible. This is just as AMAZING as all the rest of it...definitely one of my favourite stories on the forum!!

[The Sneezster]

Oh! Squeeee!

Can I be your fangirl? Can I, can I, huh? I am so aroused, um, excited that you've posted another chapter.

Thank you, darling.

[doggo]

How happy I am to see this!! You are such a naughty woman, having such a grip of my buttons. Or something like that.....

Love it!

[VoOs]

Poor Mr. Mortensen. In the shower. Heh...hehehehe...

Thisisveryhotyeskthnxbye!

[count tiszula]

A button of my grips, perhaps...

What can I say...except perhaps "My gift to Legolam...." When you've got progressively messier sneezes AND increasingly inevitable simultaneous sneezing....

And it's nice to know that a climax is being gradually approached...

[sneeztensia]

Have I ever told you how much I :D lloooovvveeeee this story?

I'm so glad it's updated, and yes, that bit about "My gift to Legolas" is terrific!

Love you, Vet!

[Vetinari]

Thank you kind readers for your encouragement. This story will be finished though I fear it must be one of the slowest progressing stories ever. This section deals with filming and sadly I have not so far ever made it onto a film set. If there are any glaring errors or ommisions, please feel free to correct me and I will adjust accordingly.

Part 18

“Cut!” Peter Jackson’s voice was sympathetic as Cate sniffled wetly.

“Sorry!” she said, blowing her nose carefully and checking with the make-up artist that everything was still intact.

“You’re fine.”

“Okay to go again?” Peter smiled at her and she nodded her assent.

The cameras whirred, the clapperboard snapped down “Aaaaand three, two, one...”

“HiiiCHEW!”

Peter sighed. “I think you should take a break,” he said kindly to Cate. We’ll try again later.”

He turned to his team. “I think we should try to get Merry and Pippin’s scene down first and maybe Legolas’ too then we’ll try Cate again. Hopefully she’ll be feeling better by then, his voice was optimistic. Everyone scattered to their tasks, the angles were measured, the cameras adjusted to their new positions and a runner was sent to check that Dominic and Billy were ready to go.

Dominic and I had finally managed to stop sneezing and laughing and I had removed all traces of the tears that had finally run down his face from hilarity and irritation. I was torn whether to accompany him on set. He might need last minute touches added.....but sneezing on the set was inclined to be disruptive. I packed my pockets with muffling tissues and tiptoed along behind.

Peter greeted them with his customary smile, becoming immediately serious as he got down to business. The armourer arrived and handed them their daggers, the script supervisor was consulted. Dominic sniffled loudly and Peter gave him a guarded glance. He looked fine however and they moved into their positions willingly enough. “Aaaaand. Action!” Dom looked into the camera and dropped his head to inspect his dagger. The movement of his head triggered a trickling inside his nose and he tried to sniff discretely but too late, a trickle of liquid had escaped, the drip shining for a second from the tip of his nose before falling. He clapped his hand to his damp nostrils and looked around for me even as the cry went up, “Cut!”

Peter’s eyebrows were raised at Dom. “I’m okay,” Dom assured him, adding an apologetic "Sorry!" with a rueful smile.

“Right, we’ll try again,” Peter said calmly and the crew returned to their places to begin again.

“Action!” the set was silent, the camera captured Dom’s eyes, shining lovingly and then looking down towards his dagger. His nose dripped again.

"Oh for goodness sake,” Peter groaned aloud.

“Sorry,” said Dom. "It’s the movement of my head that’s doing it I think."

Peter looked at him searchingly. It was hardly the first time that Dominic’s nose had required filming around, what with hayfever walking through the fields towards the mushrooms and the whole cloak fiasco. His face was thoughtful. “So if you didn’t move your head, we might be able to shoot?” he looked up at Dom.

“That might work,” Dom agreed. Peter moved over, chatted briefly to the cinematographer who nodded his understanding and made the necessary adjustments.

“Action!” The camera panned rapidly down Dom’s bowed head to below nose level, the action concentrated upon the dagger itself before moving to Billy who lifted his head, his nose clean and sweetly unprotesting as he gazed with a perfect expression of uncertainty and awe into the lens. “Cut and print!” Peter’s voice was clear. Peter, watching closely was aware that Dom’s mouth had been open throughout, he suspected because he was breathing through it. Enough like wonder though for it to pass unnoticed. “Do it again,” he ordered.

Dom came towards me where I stood on the sidelines. Throughout the take I had been standing with my own nose muffled in a pile of paper handkerchiefs. I had sneezed once, almost silently but even that had earned me a disapproving look.

“A hadkie?” Dom looked at me in some desperation and looked relieved when I pulled a similar sized pile of dry paper hankies from my other pocket and handed him a few. He blew his nose with some relief, sniffed aloud, inhaled convulsively and sneezed wetly, pausing to blow some more before presenting his nose to me for further coverage of the pinkness that was peeping through. Lastly he handed me back the now damp hankies which I accepted with a smile, throwing them into a nearby bin and then watched as he returned to his position, dagger in hand.

The cameras whirred, the clapperboard snapped down and all of a sudden my nasal passages began to rebel in earnest. I had put away my hankies to apply the powder to Dom’s nose and all of a sudden I found myself hideously immobilised, transfixed by the urgency of the tickle, unable to flee as I fumbled rather hopelessly in the tight pocket of my trousers, desperate to extract the necessary muffling tissue pile. Breathing ragged, hankies caught in a bundle inside my pocket, I struggled to pull them out, struggled against the tickle, struggled to hold my breath but it was hopeless. The sneeze burst from me, exploding loudly, wetly, completely uncontrolled and suddenly regaining control of my body I scurried from the scene as fast as my feet could carry me.

TBC

[count tiszula]

Mmmm! Lovely messiness and a good bit of fumbling there; .and I can only assume the narratrix has run away in order to prepare some contagious materiel to be spread about the place....

I hope Mr Jackson is wearing leather boots and carrying a whip.....

[Kiwifruit]

Oooh Vet...this is superb, as always!! The last paragraph especially...

[doggo]

Oh, it ended. I think I'm heart-broken.

That aside... yum! This fic is the funniest, hottest, most imaginative fic. Thank you for writing it, and bringing it to such a pleasurable, messy end.

[Vetinari]

It's not ended yet.......

But glad you like it.

[doggo]

It's not ended yet.......

But glad you like it.

The line "This story will be finished" must have scared me out of my brain. YAY!!! :D

[Vetinari]

Haha! I've read someone's post before and was so excited by the idea they were building up that I went and posted how wonderful it was...only to realise afterwards that they hadn't actually written the important and exciting part yet.....

I haven't done it again!

[The Sneezster]

Oh yummy! I'm so happy to have some more of this deliciousness. He handed her back the wet tissues? I must be such a sicko, but that is incredibly arousing!

[Candy]

*dances around in a mad circle*

I'm so so so happy you decided to post on here again! Amazing and delicious as always!

[Aria]

Just... the seething hotness of it all! Contagion, competitions, messiness and silliness, adorable Dom and Orly, and everyone sneezing at once in cleverly delicious different ways! I tell you, the hotness! Now look what you've done, you've taken away my ability to form actual sentences.

Thank you so much for this story, it is truly top notch sneezefic. So happy you're continuing, the awesomeness of this is overwhelming!

[Weirdo Girl]

I think I know I just died.

And Dom sounds soo sweet and cute!

[Kiwifruit]

This story will be finished...

TBC

Is it too late to ask if these will some day come to pass...? No pressure, but this has got to be one of my all time favourite stories (not to mention one of the very first I read after discovering this place...) and if you still had any interest in continuing, I'm sure you would have many very thrilled readers!

If there are any glaring errors or ommisions, please feel free to correct me and I will adjust accordingly.

Ooooh, I found one...the rest of the story!

[Vetinari]

Well, Ms Kiwi. Since you asked, here is the next installment, probably I think the second last as well so I hope you enjoy it.

Part 19

Four more sneezes caught me before I even reached the relative privacy of the trailer. The first overwhelmed me even before I reached the door that led outside, probably still within earshot of the production team. Like its predecessor it burst forth uncontrollably, though this time I was better prepared than before and I smothered it into two of the paper handkerchiefs, doubled up and held in both hands.

My irritated nose dribbled into the soft tissue, quickly soaking right through to my fingers. I held it in place, gripping my nostrils with my right hand, breathing heavily through my mouth as I opened the door and stepped through with the paper clutched tightly to my nostrils which were already showing signs of succumbing to further sneeziness. “hhhuuh.....” the brightness of the day outside hit my eyes and simultaneously I loosened the hold on my nose and sniffled, sending myself into a loud “HiCHEW!” It resonated off the walls that surrounded me and through my body which was, as ever with a cold, hopelessly excited. I leaned against the wall and let my hand fall, a moan escaping from my lips even as the third sneeze overwhelmed me, open and uncovered this time. A celebration of the ecstasy I felt. For me there really was no better feeling in the world.

My legs carried me, somewhat shakily back to the trailer, the fourth and final sneeze of that short traverse hitting me just before I reached the door. I caught it behind steepled hands, another moist, hollow sounding sneeze and I sniffed the dampness back up as I reached for the door handle and stepped inside.

*************************************

I found out later that back on set, Dom was not faring much better. He groaned aloud afterwards, recounting the details as he sat sniffling, waiting for me to remove the wig and powder and the layers of foundation.

“God it was awful!” he stated baldly, “Your sneeze was nothing. Honestly! I don’t think anyone could have noticed it.....and if they did they’ll have forgotten it long ago with the show I put on for ‘em.” He grinned, sniffed wetly and continued. “My nose just went crazy. You now it was really cold in there. We kept trying to replay the damned scene and at the beginning my nose just kept dribbling over and over every time they said “Action”. It was awful. Peter must have wasted yards and yards of film.”

He looked up at me and stopped and rightly so because I was becoming utterly distracted from what he was saying by the trickling sensation in my own nose that usually heralded a sneeze. I felt his eyes on me, watching appreciatively as I slowly built to a climax and sneezed heavily and wetly off to the side. “hngtCCHHew!”

He waited as I reached for a hankie and wiped away the impending overflow before continuing with his story. “Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse I felt this incredible tickle and I knew I was going to start sneezing like mad.” At this point he gave a loud sniffle and as if to echo his previous statement a troubled look invaded his face. “Oh for goodness sa.....EhSSHHH!....” the weary-sounding sneeze burst from him he groaned once more, reaching for the box of paper hankies. He looked exhausted and I couldn’t resist reaching out a hand to stroke his head. To my delight he leant forward, leaning his face against my chest, his arms around my hips, closing his eyes as a tired smile played over his face. Sighing deeply I laid my own head on his and we sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness.

******************************

Peter stood on set contemplating Orlando. Despite the make-up he had a somewhat tired and dishevelled look, not really appropriate to his elvish character. Peter had spoken to Orly too and it was obvious that whatever had been troubling Dom and Cate was affecting him as well. His voice had that stuffy congested tone to it. At least, he thought, Legolas didn’t have anything to say for his scene, he had only to caress and then draw the bow Galadriel had gifted to him. Sighing a little he started to call out orders, getting everyone in position, ensuring the crew was ready.

“Aaaand....Action” the cameras clicked and whirred, Orly concentrated fiercely, ran his left hand up the bow slowly and lovingly then moved his right hand back to draw the string back to his face.

“Cut and print”. Peter sighed with relief and a small smile played over his features. He spoke to Orly. “That was fine, the expression was good. The only thing we could maybe change would be your breathing. With the air so cold and with you breathing through your mouth we could see your breath every time. Do you think you could manage to breathe through your nose for the next take?”

Orly’s face was a picture. He looked at Peter as if up at a headmaster, closed his mouth and sucked hard, trying to breathe in through his nostrils. The only sound that came forth was the strangled sound of a tiny trickle of air passing through thick liquid. The action obviously unsettled something in Orly’s nose because he was immediately overtaken by a sneezy expression. He lifted his hand and gripped his nose, turning away with a hopeless attempt to stifle, the resulting three sneezes bursting forth despite him with a loud squelching sound.

“Oh never mind then,” the expression on Peter’s face was hard to read. Patience and sympathy struggled there with frustration for an instant, then he patted Orly on the shoulder paternally. “Don’t worry about it, we can go again and just do it the same way as before. We just need another take to be on the safe side.” Orly nodded somewhat mournfully and got back into position.

“Action,” came the call and the cameras rolled again.

***********************************************

Peter’s gaze wandered in frustration from Cate to Viggo. Even from this distance at the other side of the set Viggo looked a sight. Even the most skilled of make-up artists could not hide the black rings under his eyes. Cate too. They sat tiredly in seats side by side and even as he watched both took out handkerchiefs, Viggo to mop rather tiredly at his nose, thrusting the handkerchief back into his pocket while Cate held hers in two hands at chest height as she apparently waited for a sneeze that threatened to overwhelm her.

Viggo’s misery was complete. The next scene to be shot was between him and Cate and looking at her he could see his own problems reflected back. This must be the sneeziest cold ever, he thought rather gloomily as he contemplated the irritation on her face as she sat there still, trying not to breathe through her nose and still unable to shake off the tickle. Finally she succumbed, sneezing heavily and wetly into the waiting hankie.

Viggo felt his own nose tickling in sympathy. There was no time to reach into his pocket and he lifted his hand quickly to cover the gushing sneeze that overwhelmed him leaving his hand damp and his nose dribbling. Standing up quickly, his hand still in position covering his face he hurried round the corner before reaching into his pocket for the hankie and mopping up the mess once more.

Peter shook his head. Sighing deeply he left the set, taking a phone from his pocket and switching it on.

*************************************

Orly burst into the room where Dom and I were sitting. My work complete we had moved over to the couch and he was sitting relaxing against my shoulder, eyes half closed, snuffling gently. He jerked away as Orly leaped into the room then lay back again when he saw who it was.

“You’ll never guess!” Orlando's voice sounded excited.

“What?” Dom replied tiredly.

“We’ve got a holiday.”

Dom just looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“We’ve to go away for a long weekend. Peter got so sick of us all sneezing all over the place that he’s sending us all away for five days with strict instructions to rest and get better.”

I could feel Dom brightening up beside me as he looked at Orly’s grinning face. “Did you have something else in mind though? Other than resting?”

“Resting shmesting,” said Orly proudly. I’m going to London for the weekend!” he looked at the two of us. We had been spending so much time together over the past few days that for one of our number to go away alone seemed unthinkable. Apparently Orly thought so too because after a moment looking at our stunned faces he added with a wicked grin, “So......Who’s coming?”

[Kiwifruit]

An...an UPDATE! Thank you!! Just as good as ever, full of yummy sneezy descriptions, humour and a fantastic cast, all tied together with your superb writing skills!!!

Now to anticipate that last update!! :bleh:/:hug:

[doggo]

I love it, so naughty! I love your writing as always, this is such an uplifting fic, and the messlicious descriptions... Oh and all those poor, sneezy, hot, cold-ridden men...

[BlueRandom]

Okay, I'm not sure why I never saw this before ... but it's amazing.

Really really really awesome. Like - - There's so much variety! And Orlando!

(Plus the Hamlet joke-thing = so cool )

[obsessed]

Oooh, I love how you write!