100 ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart

[obsessed]

Banana peels anybody?

[Marceline]

Paint a mural on the bathroom wall with condiments- ketchup, mustard, mayo... then say it was your three-year-old consciense that did it, not you.

[Cauldwell]

Undress the mannequins in a suggestive way, bellowing "Do you mind?!?!" at passersby/management

Steal a pallet-jack from the backdock and ride it around the store

Get a big ball of wool and tie it somewhere near the door, walk around the entire store, and if anyone asks tell them it's so you don't get lost

^^^Fellow Aussies should get this

Put ladies underwear on any large stuffed toys you can find, then leave them all over the store

Get a big bucket of popcorn and a cooler of coke and put your feet up watching the big screen plasmas on a nice cushy leather lounge

[Marshmallow Peep]

Empty out 2 shoeboxes, put them on your hands and run like a... really fast person I guess.

[SweaterWeather]

Jack one of those motorized carts and take it for a joy ride around the store

[everest]

Set up a table and find random food throughout the store. Then, hand out free samples.

[Rhomberg Rabbit]

Shake hands with the employees and tell them to call you 'Admiral'

[stolen from a list of how to freak people out in elevators]

[Icee]

ask for candy on halloween and get kicked out for soliciting. and then, whenever an employee comes up to you and asks if you need any help, break down in tears and whine "why can't you people just leave me alone?"

[Skiffy]

I have a friend that really did get kicked out of Wal-mart (well, ASDA) and got a life-time ban. Her ingenious plan was to go shopping drunk, accidentally mis-use the self-check-out and get accused of shoplifting. Strangely, my other friend who regularly fills her old-fashioned shopping cart with stolen goods and once wheeled out of the shop on one of the checkout staff's broken office chairs got away with it. *shrug*

[Blah!?]

Step 1: Wear the same clothes that the employees do, but don't get a nametag. Just dress like they do.

Step 2: Stand around in an area containing products that you actually know something about. Make it look like you work there, but never directly state that you're an employee.

Step 3: If any customers ask for your help, answer them if you can. Obviously don't do anything like checking them out, but answer their questions and stuff. Help them out to the fullest of your ability as long as you don't have to do anything that only actual employees are allowed to do. Generally try to advise them not to buy the most expensive things and/or to go to other stores instead.

Step 4: If confronted by an actual employee, don't pretend to be one. Simply tell them the (incomplete) truth: you're just a random person answering questions that customers are asking you.

Step 5: ????

Step 6: PROFIT

A bunch of people did this at Best Buy a while ago. It was amazing.

[Weirdo Girl]

Follow one person around and whenever they reach to take something off the shelves, scream "that's mine!"

[Healer]

Streak.

[sneezedreamer]

Go loot Wal-Mart on May 22nd. If people try to tell you the rapture didn't happen, deny it. "BUT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN SAVED!"

[Jemmabean]

Announce that you're here to start a union and watch the tear gas fly

Roflsauce, more like watch the store close the following week. For COMPLETELY UNRELATED REASONS. *sprays teargas*

[March Hare]

Don a white coat and a pair of safety-goggles, bring a clipboard and a pen, and start walking around "examining" various shelves. When an employee comes up to you and asks what you're doing, flash an ID (of any sort) and say "I'm Patterson from the F.H.I.D. Your manager knows about this." Look very grave and serious. Make ominous note-scribbling gestures.

[Rhomberg Rabbit]

Streak.

Take notes and write me a full report

[polychrome]

...hand out q-tips and ask people to induce for you...

so obvious

[PopTarts]

Oh this looks like fun.

Go into the kids toy section with a big brown coat on and ask any parents if they want to see my cotton panties.

[Quills & Wells]

One of my friends, who has a deaf relative, got kicked out of Walmart for eating all their free samples. She would walk up and take one, eat it, and go back for another. When people would tell her to stop she would sign "deaf" and look confused. She did this more than once at the same Walmart. I was so embarrassed the one time I was with her that I ended up walking off and going clothes shopping.

I think she's banned from there now, actually.

[Cauldwell]

- Get a copy of the personals section of the paper (bonus points for the services offered section)

- Get a megaphone

- Walk around the store advertising the listings

[Heavy-Chevy]

Step 1: Grab a shopping cart, go to the frozen food section and fill the cart as high as you can. Pizzas, buffalo wings, etc. go nuts.

Step 2: Go to the aisle where they have the kitchen appliances and head straight for the microwaves and/or electric grills.

Step 3: Start cooking all that food. If any customers walk by, offer them a slice of pizza or some wings. The smell of tasty cooking things will eventually attract the attention of Wal-mart employees.

And when an employee finally does approach you, say this... "The service at this restaurant stinks! I had to go get my own food AND cook it to so don't expect a tip!"

ALSO.... you and a friend could always play bumper cars with those electric scooters.

[SomethingClever]

move in! or at least spend a substantial amount of time there...

(eh, so it's a target, but still...)

[The Dead One]

Put boxes of condoms in people's trolleys when they're not looking.

Run into a changing room and then shout very loudly that there's no toilet paper in there.

Look straight into a security camera and use it as a mirror to pick your nose.

Set all the alarm clocks so that they go off at five minute intervals.

Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible or James Bond theme.

Wait until nobody's looking, or near enough to stop you, and then use the shop tannoy to make stupid and nonsensical announcements.

Go up to the security desk or the customer services completely calmly, and then when they ask if they can help, say yes normally, and then start singing The Witchdoctor very loudly while acting like a monkey.

Take a stuffed toy with you, and sit on the bench in the entrance. Whenever somebody walks past, say "No, they're not a Pokemon either." to the stuffed toy.

Make a fort out of the sheets and pillows on display, sit in it, and wait. When security comes to get you out, squirt them with a water pistol for not using the password.

Let loose four very friendly dogs in the shop, label them one, two, three and five. Watch as security spends hours looking for number four.

Watch the security monitor for ages and then complain very loudly that the shop only has rubbish on the telly.

[DogLover]

Oooooohh, this looks like fun

Take a friend with you and start a pillow fight in the bedding section.

[smooshi]

Walk into the shop, look around, try to look REALLY disappointed and then say as loud as you can: "Holy shit! I thought they sell walls here. I mean, this is fuc**ng called WALL-Mart. God, my life is a lie!"

If anyone looks you in horror, yell to them things like: "Don't look at me that way! I pay taxes to this country, and I get f***ed up like this for being a good citizen? WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!"

If any staff member comes to you,start shouting even harder, yell in horror: "You are one of them! Liar! Liar!!!!"

Lie on a floor, start criying, be nuts.