The Avengers Collaborative Drabble Thread

[fufufufu]

Drunk Science

It’s just a basic bottle of red Shiraz. Tony and Bruce consume it alongside an unfancy late-night spaghetti dinner, because after a long day in the laboratory, calories are a higher priority than luxury. But for all the meal’s simplicity, Tony Stark counts it as a personal milestone.

Bruce. Is. Drunk.

Bruce, who hasn’t had anything stronger than beer in fifteen years. Bruce, who always frets the Other Guy will make an appearance if alcohol washes away too much of his ironclad self-control (although Tony privately suspects a drunk Hulk would be hilarious). Bruce, who occasionally gives a tight-lipped murmur that his father had been a mean drunk.

The same Bruce had, on impulse, accepted the offer of a glass of wine to go with dinner. He had seemed almost to surprise himself, but Tony wasn’t one to let such a rare opportunity go by, and poured quickly before Bruce could change his mind.

Currently on his second glass, Bruce couldn’t be further from a mean drunk. He’s instead revealing himself to be a more giddy, sweet version of himself under the influence. His mouth defaults to a crooked, happy smile and his eyes shine, like he’s perpetually on the verge of a laugh. And his face has turned bright pink, as if to emphasize his vitality and good cheer, even if he’s starting to sound a little hoarse and congested from laughing and talking so much.

The wine loosens the conversation between the two scientists, sends them off on all kinds of exuberant theoretical tangents. By the end of the meal they’ve gotten a second wind, which is how Bruce and Tony end up migrating – stumbling a little, still carrying their wineglasses – out to one of Stark Tower’s luxurious lounges after dinner. They sprawl across one of the pillowy leather couches, swatting holographic projections back and forth and lazily arguing about laser shield technology.

“It’s just that the phase variance is irregular,” Bruce says.

He’s pinpointed a few tiny symbols, buried amid a morass of calculations. Tony smiles, already enjoying this. Even with slightly unfocused eyes and with wine-purpled lips, Bruce is able to pick things out that most people wouldn’t understand sober.

“It seems regular,” Bruce continues, slurring a little bit. “But that’s because you’re not accounting for the electron buildup.”

“That’s because it’s siphoned off by the field converter,” Tony answers. “It’s Stark Tech. Come on, you think I wouldn’t have accounted for that?”

“You’ve accounted for 98% of it.” Bruce pinches briefly at his nose, closes his eyes; then lets go with a little sniffle. “Excuse me. And before you say I’m being picky, that two percent is going to make a difference when the arc reactor kicks into full power.”

“So we build failsafes.” Tony lifts his shoulders in a loose shrug. “We let the reactor power fully, but incorporate a venting system to let off the overcharge. Easy. I did it on the Mark III.”

“But that’s not…” Bruce wrinkles up his nose. “Efficient.”

“It’s also not efficient to rebuild everything just to overcompensate for a two percent variance irregularity,” Tony says. “C’mon, Bruce, drunk science demands you think big.”

Bruce points at him loosely. “I am not overcompensating, and I am not drunk.”

Tony glances over, chuckling.

“…Okay, maybe I’m a little drunk.” Bruce offers an exaggerated, kind of sappy smile. “But I’m not overcompensating. It just seems that way because of all the little shortcuts you always use—”

“Because they always work,” Tony says.

Bruce groans. “Typical engineer.”

“Mmm hmm, and?” Tony says.

This earns a mild scoff from Bruce, but not the droll retort Tony’s waiting for. He glances over curiously, and finds Bruce has pushed a knuckle up against the bottom of his nose, and takes two deep, hard sniffles. He keeps rolling his eyes upward, and swallows uncomfortably.

Tony tilts his head, watching, until curiosity finally gets the better of him. “…Are you all right?”

“What? Fine.” Bruce blinks, bringing himself back into focus, though his eyes are still a touch watery. “And I’m just saying. Your siphon is a decent stopgap, but I’m looking at the long-term.”

“No, you’re being overly theoretical. Typical physicist,” Tony teases back, poking him in the side. “You’ve got to work in the here and now.”

Bruce throws his hands up, laughing. “Well, someday you’re going to end up in a ‘here and now’ where the best siphon in the world can’t handle the electron overflow, especially if you’ve got the arc reactor at full power. If you introduce an electromagnetic f… uh, excuse me.”

He halts suddenly, pushing the same knuckle up against his nose. With his free hand, he calmly removes his glasses and sets them beside his wineglass.

“An electromagnetic…?” Tony prompts.

Bruce waves him off. From where he’s been drunkenly reclining on the sofa, he lifts himself into a sitting position and turns away. The back of his hand comes up to his nose, and his shoulders rise in time with a sharp inhale, right before his head ducks sharply. “Hrrr-ISSHOO!”

Tony blinks in surprise. “Bless you.”

“Thanks.” Bruce shakes his head, slightly taken aback. “Whew. Okay.”

“Now,” Tony says, “continue telling me about this thing that supposedly needs to be added to my technology, so I can tell you why you’re wrong.”

“If you introduce an electromagnetic frequency regulator.” Sniffle. “It sends a counteracting charge at regular intervals. Not so regular that it will interfere with the arc reactor, but—” Bigger sniffle. “But effective, and not requiring a full redesign. And that way it’s… ihhh…” Bruce closes his eyes, his voice caught in a sudden, urgent swallow. “…I have to sneeze again.”

Tony chuckles. “Bless you.” At the aggravated flick of Bruce’s eyes, he says: “What? Just getting it out of the way. I thought you were all about efficiency.”

“I’m not about redundancy,” Bruce answers, his voice still fluttering noticeably. “Hrhh…Rrrk’SHOO!”

“That was kind of redundant,” Tony remarks.

“Shut up,” Bruce mumbles hoarsely.

“Are you done?” Tony says.

“Uh,” Bruce mumbles behind his hand, which he’s cupped over his nose while he takes in a few fierce sniffles. “…Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

“Good. Because here’s the problem. I stuck one of your EFR devices on an early test prototype,” Tony says, and flicks his fingertips to change the holographic display. “And the problem isn’t its potential interference with the arc reactor, but the other way around. They don’t play nicely together. So on a functional level, it’s just not worth—”

“HRRRshoo!”

“You’re not even going to let me finish?” Tony says.

“Sorry,” Bruce says, sounding genuinely apologetic, even as he struggles with a fresh flurry of sniffles.

“I think your nose is trying to send you a message,” Tony says. “It knows I’m right.”

“It does not know you’re right, because you’re not.” The itchy strain still distorts Bruce’s voice. He lifts a hand toward his face, frustrated and slightly cross-eyed, and takes in an involuntary gasp. “HRRIH’shoo!”

“See? Look,” Tony needles him. “You’re allergic to being wrong.”

Bruce laughs, terribly stuffy. “I wish. I’d have saved myself a lot of grief over the years.”

Tony’s good cheer dissipates slightly; he doesn’t miss the reference to Bruce’s green problem.

“Here,” Tony says, reaching into his back pocket and fishing out a handkerchief.

“Thanks.” Bruce turns away to blow his nose, noisy and wet. When he finishes, he’s still hazy-eyed and badly red in the face, and the husky rasp of his breath suggests he can’t breathe through his nose. He gets only a moment of peace before his throat hitches again. “hh-IRFSHU!”

“Bless you,” Tony says. “What is going on over there?”

“I don’t know,” Bruce says, his voice creaky. “Something is making me sneeze.”

“Yeah no, I had picked up on that part,” Tony says.

Bruce glares at him flatly. “Are you wearing new cologne or something?”

“Unless I just started wearing it in the last five minutes, I don’t think that’s the problem,” Tony says.

“Juh… just wondering,” Bruce answers. “Huhhh-RIHG’shoo!”

“And anyway,” Tony continues, slightly more sympathetic, “I’m not. If you’re allergic to any scent of mine, it’s au naturel.”

Bruce sniffles a little laugh behind the borrowed handkerchief. “That would be unfortunate.”

“Tragic, really,” Tony adds.

“HrrrRRSHOO!”

“Good God,” Tony marvels. “What is that, seven in a row?”

“I can’t help it,” Bruce complains, stuffy and slightly pathetic-sounding.

“Hey, I’m not judging. Just quantifying. For science,” Tony says, and observes how Bruce wrinkles up his nose and starts to blink in urgent, irregular bursts. “Eight?”

“Hirrr’UFSHOO!” Bruce massages the handkerchief against his irritated nostrils. “Ohh, geez - IIIRH’SHOO! RIHH’shoo!”

“All right, ten. You’re determined to screw up every hypothesis I make tonight,” Tony remarks, although he looks Bruce over with some concern. Those last two had sounded increasingly frantic. “Is ten in a row normal for you?”

“Hrihh-IHHGSHOO!” Bruce thunders, and then has a pause. He looks up at Tony in utter drunken confusion. “No! I don’t know what’s going on…”

“Okay. Medicine’s not my preferred area of drunk science,” Tony says, “but let’s try to figure this out. Do you have any allergies that you know of?”

“Uhh – sometimes mold allergies, in the fall,” Bruce croaks. “And I was allergic to one of Betty’s perfumes once, that’s why I asked about the cologne.”

“Okay, well, we ruled that out,” Tony says. “JARVIS, have we had any… mold, or flowers, or plant life in this room recently?”

JARVIS doesn’t answer right away. Tony’s about to snap at him to hurry up, when he catches sight of Bruce growing increasingly daze-eyed and sniffly, and realizes his AI is simply allowing a polite pause.

“HSS’ICHHOO!” Bruce’s shoulders jerk inward with the force of it.

“Gesundheit, Dr. Banner,” the ever-mannered JARVIS says. “As to your question, sir, the answer is negative.”

“Huh,” Tony says, and turns his attention back to Bruce. “Do you have any other symptoms?” It occurs to him that an allergic reaction has the potential to get a lot worse, and wouldn’t it be a kicker if that were what made Bruce go Hulk rather than being drunk. “Can you breathe?”

“Whed I’b dot – HrrIHGshoo! – sneezing, yes,” Bruce says. “I dod’t feel any tingling or swelling. Maybe it’s… a cleaner you used on the couch?”

“Dr. Banner, if I may,” JARVIS says, “you were showing symptoms of congestion before you entered this room.”

“Oh,” Bruce says, and his genuine confusion at this fact reminds Tony that he’s also a bit drunk. “I was?”

Tony sits forward, nodding. “Yeah, now that I think of it, you were sniffling at dinner.”

“Hhh-IIIHG’SHOO!” Bruce slams it into the handkerchief, and then looks at it in dismay. The cloth is soggy and useless. “Ugh. Will you excuse me?”

“Hey – hey, where are you going?” Tony protests, as Bruce hauls himself up from the couch. “I was in the middle of diagnosing you!”

“Bathroob,” Bruce mutters. In his drunken hurry toward the door, he nearly trips over himself when another “RFFFSHOO!” overtakes him.

Tony, left by himself on the couch, crosses his arms and scowls. He’d been having fun, dammit. There wasn’t really anybody else he could get drunk and argue about subatomic theory with. And sure, he’d wanted to win, but Tony’s competitive streak is hardly satisfied by a victory based on Bruce’s inability to stop sneezing.

A distant “IIH’SHOO!” echoes from further down the hallway, and Tony flinches guiltily.

Yeah, okay, so it’s hard not to also feel bad for Bruce, who really does have a tendency toward bad luck. Tony doesn’t mind a few sneezes – really doesn’t mind them, especially because every slip of Bruce’s control fascinates him. But Bruce sounds frustrated as all hell, and who can blame him?

“JARVIS,” Tony snaps. “Scan the room for any potential allergens.”

A brief silence. “Sir, to list all potential allergens would be require several hours.”

Tony huffs, impatient. “Okay, then list any potential allergens introduced in the last 24 hours.”

JARVIS pauses for a moment. “One of the new comforters in the closet is made with down feathers. Miss Potts recently returned from visiting her sister, and trace amounts of dog and cat hair were detected on her person.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Only trace amounts?” he mutters, because Pepper’s sister practically owns a kennel’s worth of both species.

Still, Bruce had a dog back in Brazil, so that can probably be ruled out. And he hadn’t mentioned cat dander as one of his known allergies.

Tony frowns in frustration. “JARVIS, go on.”

“The consumption of red wine has also been known to induce rhinitis,” JARVIS continues crisply. “The presence of tannins, suliftes and histamines can induce…”

“What, seriously?” Tony interrupts, although he kind of knew that already. He’d just completely forgotten because, how stupid and unfair is that?

But as his eyes land on the half-finished glass Bruce had abandoned on the coffee table, Tony has the sinking feeling JARVIS has found the culprit. Yeah, the congestion had kicked in at dinner. While they were drinking. Dammit. Tony mentally shoves back the prick of conscience, reminding him that he’d been the one who offered and eagerly poured the damn wine.

“Is this my fault, JARVIS?” he complains, and then throws up his hands. “Nevermind, don’t answer that.”

Tony picks up the wineglass and trundles off to the bathroom, where Bruce is probably still sneezing his head off. He’s not eager to give Bruce the diagnosis, because Bruce will probably take this as proof that he should’ve stuck to his general reluctance to drink.

Well, Tony consoles himself, at least there’s still the big bag of weed option. Stoned science can be fun, even if it tends to proceed a lot more slowly.

________

[VividBubbles!]

Well, Tony consoles himself, at least there’s still the big bag of weed option. Stoned science can be fun, even if it tends to proceed a lot more slowly.

*cackles evilly*

LOVED THIS!!!

bye.

Edited October 25, 2012 by VividBubbles!

[Dye]

Omg, this is just beauuuutiful! I am dyiiing~! Bruce, you cutie!

Love the nod to the movie at the end, as well.

[Naraya]

Oh. My. God. How good was THAT?!

I beg of you, please write something Tony/Pepper - your style is awesome!! xxx

[Dusty15]

Ahahaha AWESOME! I love drunk science and sneezy!Bruce <3 Well done, fufu, and thanks for sharing!

[Garnet]

Oh goodness, that was beautiful <3 NNNHH with the handkerchief. You're a fantastic writer, thank you for contributing!

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

Wow, that was really well written and in-character. Bravo! Also, so adorable. Perfect.

[Bruyere]

That was wonderful!

Well, Tony consoles himself, at least there’s still the big bag of weed option. Stoned science can be fun, even if it tends to proceed a lot more slowly.

Lol.

[NoV]

Thought it might be time for a little Natasha Romanova sneezing in between all the Tony Stark sneezing love Here is my alternate take on her Avengers chair escape scene - what a girl...

A Sneezy Escape...(F)

Natasha felt the sneeze building in her chest, fuelled by the clouds of dust which swirled up from the feet of the men surrounding her. Her arms flexed uselessly against the rope, making her efforts to raise a finger to her violently tingling nose appear as a feeble effort to escape.

‘You don’t seriously think that you’re going to get away from us.’ The man’s voice was mocking, his breath reeked of cigarettes. Natasha blinked her large eyes, trying to keep the allergic tears from spilling down her cheeks. She sniffed in an attempt to rid her nose of the torturous dust, only for her eyes to take on the inescapable, far-away look that betrayed the approach of one of her colossal sneezes.

Although she hated the loss of self control that sneezing brought to her, she realised that this was a force of nature that could not be stopped. Her head tilted back, her red hair tumbling back across her shoulders, gasping in a series of preparatory breaths.

‘Haaa...aaaah....haaaaaaa...’

Natasha felt the ropes grow tighter with every breath she took, her chest fighting to expand against her bonds. Her interrogators stared at her dumbfounded, trying to guess whether this was some kind of trick, or worse still – some kind of joke.

Her build-up became ever more desperate, her body heaving against the ropes in violent fits and starts. Through the all-consuming need to sneeze, Natasha felt something was wrong. She had never had a build-up go on for so long, despite the sensation that she needed to sneeze thundering in her nostrils with hurricane-like intensity. She simply wasn’t sneezing, although her body trembled with a desire to explosively release.

And then she realised – the bonds that held her were too tight, and she simply could not get enough air into her lungs to allow the sneeze to escape. Unable to open her eyes, Nastasha continued to gasp and hitch. Her nose twitched as more and more dust was drawn inside, her stomach tightened and flexed. The pressure of the bonds was immense, squeezing her breasts and hips with a strength that grew with every little gasp of air she managed to inhale.

Then, when she felt that the colossal sneeze would be trapped inside her forever, a balance tipped inside of her.

Natasha sneezed!

It came as a deafening roar of sound, the sneeze seemingly having quadrupled in size for having been restrained for so long. Natasha jerked forwards, her red hair flying, her mouth wide in a bellowing scream of a sneeze, which felt as if it had been delivered up from the tips of her toes.

‘HHUUUUURRRREEEEESSSSSHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!’

She felt the bonds around her slacken, felt them fall away from her shoulders and chest. Even through her ears rang shrilly from the force of her sneeze, she realised she was free. The violent jerk had been too much for the rope, and the threads had failed. Smiling through her allergic tears, Natasha marvelled at her sudden good fortune.

Time to take these guys down – preferably before they’d had a chance to pick themselves up.

[Dye]

whoa nov

WHOA NOV

THAT WAS REALLY REALLY HOT

just

BLACK WIDOW OKAY

sakgjsdkjgkfjdh

[fufufufu]

Thanks guys!! It kind of spun out from drabble-length so I'm glad that was OK!! I adore sneezy!Bruce...

NoV... GUH. Sneezing out of clothing/bindings is just... GUH. Guh. I'm sorry I don't have better words but yeah, that was awesome.

[Ciuty80]

@ fufufufu that was soooo OHHHMYYYYGAAAAWD SEXY !!!!! :drool:

thank you for sneezy bruce!!!

[Always-a-Ginger]

Very cool to see this thread back.

Everyone contributing is so good with these characters.

[fufufufu]

Hi Naraya, you inspired me to try my hand at some Tony/Pepper. Hope this is something like what you wanted

(Effing) Outer Space Dust

“I don’t know how you can even stand to look at one of these things.”

Pepper glares at the laboratory examination table, repressing a shudder. It’s a hideous pile of metal and carcass, because Tony’s been doing the engineer’s equivalent of an alien autopsy on one of the Chitauri warriors. It’s freakish, and grotesque, and dusty. So dusty.

As if it weren’t horrible enough on its own merits, Pepper hates dust.

Just the sight of it makes her right nostril flutter with a hot tickle. There’s a reason Stark Tower is clean enough that you could perform brain surgery on most of the floors, and it’s not Tony’s germophobia (although that helps).

And this isn’t even normal dust. It’s all come floating up off this thing, the creatures from space that had been led by a mass murdering Norse god (fucking outer space, and yes Pepper Potts is usually quite a bit more ladylike in her phrasing, but nothing in her corporate training had prepared her to deal with beings from outer fucking space in her home, attacking her home and her city and her boyfriend and she’d missed his call).

Tony’s barely come out of the laboratory since the incident, and Pepper’s fixated on business because it’s the only aspect of this she can stand to think about. There are media conferences to arrange, after all. Schedules to fill. Enough work orders to bury the Hulk. Work orders for repairs to the tower, her tower, the one she had put her soul into.

“I usually let Bruce do the direct looking,” Tony says, a joke covering his unease. “Used to work as a doctor, he’s way less squeamish.”

“Oh,” Pepper says. She’s barely registered Dr. Banner’s presence, again, because she hates the circumstances under which he’d come to be here (though the man himself seems pleasant enough, and had saved Tony). “Oh, yes. That’s right.”

“Unfortunately for me,” Tony continues, “he’s been borderline absentee since he found a functional telephone number for Betty Ross.”

“Betty Ross,” Pepper repeats slowly, searching her memory. “The general’s daughter?”

“Yep. Ex-girlfriend, love of his life, all that jazz.” Tony’s eyes go over Pepper, with a pointed intensity. “He was – pretty eager to see her. Y’know, probably rethinking a lot of things after the whole end-of-the-world situation, how dumb it would be not to seize the moment, appreciate your hot, awesome girlfriend…”

He’s not talking about Banner, and he’s not subtle.

“Tony… I haven’t—” Pepper gives a tight smile. “I know I haven’t been here. I’m sor—”

“Sssh. No.” Tony’s back to firmness, to bossing. He gestures at the dead alien on the exam table. “This – none of this, is on you. Nothing. You’re dealing, and so am I.”

“But the phone call—”

“Was a dumb idea. What was I even going to say to you?”

She drops her head. “It wasn’t dumb, Tony.”

An awkward silence. Pepper glances, out of the corner of her eye, at the outer space creature. “I still can’t believe all this happened.”

She doesn’t mean for her voice to shake, and certainly not her mouth.

“Pep, hey…” Tony glances toward the door uncertainly, as if afraid someone will walk in and catch him having feelings. Once secure, he steps forward and wraps her up in an unexpectedly tight hug. “Hey, it’s all right.”

“Yeah.” Pepper’s buried her face against Tony’s shoulder, and she just breathes, just smells him. “I know.”

“It’s just – I don’t even know what the hell we’re up against anymore. Taking this thing apart is the only way I’ve got even a remote grip on what the hell we’re up against now.” Tony pulls a little more tightly at her waist, nuzzles at her neck. “I could definitely stand to take a break from the arms race, though…”

Tony keeps one arm firmly around her waist. The other, he lifts and gestures at one of his robots; which promptly results in an ear-splitting crash.

“DUM-E, you moron,” Tony barks, decidedly unromantically. “That was a ‘cover up our alien friend’ gesture, not a ‘drop as much as possible all over the floor’ gesture, Jesus, I swear—”

“We should clean—” Pepper starts.

“Pep, no. What did I tell you about enjoying the moment.” Tony’s free arm comes right back around her. “This counts as one, right? I’d say we’re way up from twelve percent.”

“We’re up to at least eighteen by now.” She laughs, and drops her head against his shoulder, and lets herself be held.

And then she realizes she’s just taken a deep sigh full of dust. Undoubtedly kicked up by whatever mess DUM-E had made.

Oh – oh. Pepper wrinkles her nose, deeply and repeatedly. This is what she’s always hated, ever since she was a little girl and teachers would erase the chalkboard too vigorously, and the rest of her classmates would laugh at the fit this sent her into. Pepper’s never grown out of this particular weakness – the tickle radiates upward, between her eyes, which are watering – but she’s learned how to cover it. How to tighten her throat and close her jaw should she feel a fit coming on during board meetings. She puts this skill into use now, because it’s either sneeze down Tony’s back, or pull out of their embrace and risk sneezing in his face.

Pepper doesn’t hold it back as well as she’d hoped. Must be this particular dust – (fucking) outer space dust. She holds the sneeze in the back of her throat as well as she can, but the force of it still makes her spasm in Tony’s embrace, and it still comes out high and girlish and a little choked.

“nnhn’kxtchew!”

Tony lifts his head. “Did you just –”

“No,” Pepper answers, a tiny bit hoarse. She doesn’t sniffle, even though she’s desperate to soothe the drippy itch rimming her nostrils.

“Really?” Tony says, a lazy tease. Damn him. “Because I’d swear you just—”

“Well, I didn’t. Moments, Tony. Weren’t we having one?”

Tony chuckles. “Sure, babe.”

Pepper’s a bit of a hypocrite, given that she can feel another of those dusty, moment-killing sneezes coming on. She scrunches her face. This backfires, because it only seems to enflame the tickle building at the bridge of her nose.

Without pulling out of her embrace with Tony, she cups a little hand over her nose, rubbing at it. “Hihhhn… kk’xtiiew!”

Pepper sneezes over his shoulder. Her slender frame quakes forward helplessly, against Tony’s chest. It’s remarkable how solid he is – how solid Tony can be, for all his impulsiveness and self-centeredness – that he still holds her easily, that his affectionate chuckle rumbles against her.

“Bless you, Pep.” Tony tightens his grip, rubs a hand along her back. “I thought I was the one who was allergic to these kinds of intimate moments?”

She sighs in frustration. “I do not do dust.”

“You don’t?” Tony says, curious. He pulls back, resting his hands in a light grip on her shoulders, and peers at her face. “Let me see.”

“Tony,” Pepper says in breathless warning.

“What?” he says. One hand – those nice engineer hands, she has to admit – comes up to her face. Tony tips up her chin, runs a thumb along her upper lip, and at last bats at her nose. “You should get flustered more often. It’s cute.”

“It is not cute,” she says. “It’s unprofessional—it’s - ihh-Hihh-in’kttt!”

Tony’s grinning, not seeming to care that Pepper’s half-stifled all over the thumb he’d crooked under her nose. “Bless you.”

“I’m not done,” she says, her attempt to warn him off undercut by how her breath keeps hitching. “I’m… ihh… iihp—”

“Yes?” he teases, still rubbing an affectionate grip along her upper arms.

“Tony – I… ihh…hhhah-” Pepper’s eyes close in despair, her perfectly red lips open in the slow gasp that’s overtaken her. On pure instinct, she tightens her throat. “Hinnnk’ttew!”

She’s still not done. Tony has to realize this, because Pepper’s certain she has the most intense and ridiculous about-to-sneeze expression she’s ever had in her life. But Tony just watches her with some curiosity and affection, and holds her in place with a loose rub at her shoulders.

“Hhh—heh-UNk’ttew! Hngh’ttew!” A deep pink flush goes across Pepper’s cheeks. “Haa-nnk’ttew! nn-k’ttew! Nnk’TYEW!”

Pepper’s fired off five before she can catch a breath, but her only respite is a quick gasp.

“Huuh-urnk’ttew! Nnnngk’ttew! Ihnk’tttew! IIHNk’xttew!”

She’d had her hair in a neat little bun. Each sneeze, each rapid duck of her head causes a few more locks of it to shake loose. Tony hasn’t let go of her upper arms, his grip steady and reassuring even as Pepper jerks forward in his grip with every mortifying little sneeze.

“Huh-ihnktttchoo! Hah-inkxtschoo!” Pepper draws in a huge, loud, helpless gasp. “Hhhhhhnk’CHOO! hhi’CHOOH! hhi’NTCHOO!”

The fit seemingly won’t release Pepper until she’s let out these last three breathless, wet explosions. She’s pretty sure she’s sneezed all over Tony’s chest. And maybe his beard, god, how utterly mortifying.

She throws back her head, trying to get a few disheveled locks of hair out of her face, and does her best to look dignified.

“That,” Pepper announces, “also didn’t just happen.”

“Oh no, of course not.” Tony’s looking her over, a sly affection. “Definitely wasn’t adorable as all hell, either.”

____

[Dusty15]

Ahhh sneezy!Pepper is so so sexy <3 What a brilliant idea for a fic! Thanks for sharing

[fufufufu]

Thanks Dusty!! I agree

[Naraya]

Good Lord!!! Wow...!!

Fufufufu I love you so much right now, girlfriend!!!!

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.......

[Naraya]

Damn iPad will not let me do smiley face things btw, otherwise my status would have been covered in the little explosive heart thingys xxxx

[Dye]

Oh, wow. That was incredibly hot. Pepper~ <3

Just... akgdjdlkjfdkjgkfdhhkfdjhkljfdkhad

[matilda3948]

“Definitely wasn’t adorable as all hell, either.”

Adorable as hell! Yes! Indeed!!

[fufufufu]

And now for some Tony...

----

The Rule About Cats.

One of the rules Pepper had learned on her first day – when she was a fresh-faced, ambitious young woman in her twenties – was that no cat was to cross the threshold of Stark Industries.

The rule actually preceded Tony. Maria Stark, his mother, had suffered legendary allergies to the creatures. And for all Howard’s flaws, he’d not hesitated to banish the creatures that made both his wife and son react badly. (Tony, who had inherited his mother’s allergies, had been skeptical Howard’s concern really extended to him, given their poor relationship. Pepper dug up an old letter to the contrary, in which Howard came within an inch of firing a business associate who had visited the house covered in hair from his own housecat, causing a young Tony to spend a sleepless night sneezing. Tony hadn’t quite believed the letter, but…)

So no members of any feline species on Stark property, and Pepper reflexively turns down any charity appearance at zoos or animal shelters, though she’ll send a nice check in Tony’s name. She's learned the rules, and is quietly meticulous about enforcing them.

Which is why, a year after the Chitauri invasion, Pepper comes to a shocked stop when she finds not one, but four cats crawling around in Tony’s office. With Tony’s full approval.

They’re crawling on Tony’s lap, in fact, and he’s grinning and petting them. Even though one look at him makes plain that his allergies are flaring: his eyes are bright and pink with tears, and he absolutely cannot stop sucking back loud, throaty sniffles.

“Hik-CHUU! … Hi, Pep,” Tony greets her. He rasps it, evidence that the cats are making his throat itch, but he’s grinning. “I sent Happy out for some real cat food, but maybe we should pop a can of tuna. I think they’re hungry.”

“Tony,” Pepper cries. “What – what are you doing?”

Tony looks at her innocently, and somehow, his smile makes it all the more apparent how red and irritated his eyes are. “Being a good friend,” he says. “Haaagh’SCCHEW!”

“Well, if you’re not going to be very clear, I will,” Pepper snaps. “You are allergic. You are having an allergy attack.”

“Relax, Pep. Ahh-KCHEW! …I took a pill,” Tony says, with a blithe shrug.

“Which is clearly working,” Pepper says, dry and sharp. (This is why cats were banned. Maria’s allergies had been terrible, no matter what kind of medicine she took, and Tony’s inherited the intensity as much as the allergy itself.) “How did – where did these cats even come from?”

Tony grins, mischievous despite an impending sneeze.

“Huh, well, that one’s from huhh – HHP-SSCHEW! – Russia.” He points to a slinky little black cat with some orange patching curving along its breastbone, and then points to the bristly calico curling up beside her. “That one’s from the circus. We’ve got Dayton, Ohio—” Tony points to the biggest and heaviest of the cats, with dark fur and radiant green eyes. “HIIKSSHH-SHEW! And this one’s from Dad’s old photo albums.” A sandy-colored cat with blue eyes and a muscular frame.

Pepper’s jaw drops, realizing that she recognizes Natasha, Clint, Bruce and Steve respectively. “Your… friends,” she breathes, her eyes widening. “Your friends have been turned into cats.”

“Kinda thought they were our friends, Pepper, but yes.” Tony’s eyes close halfway and his mouth drops open, and he hovers like that for a minute, before he violently doubles over. “HUHK-TCHOO!”

“Is this something you and Bruce are responsible for?”

The big cat with green eyes lifts its head, and Pepper would swear the animal looks mildly offended.

“Believe it or not – UHHK’CHEWW! - no.” Tony snuffles against his sleeve. “…we think it’s a certain wannabe trickster god amusing himself. Hhhh-AAEF’SHEW! … That’s why I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-Mjolnir isn’t represented. He’s off on Asgard, hopefully pounding some sense into Loki, while I…” Tony pulls up his lips into an annoyed frown. “HAAAEF-SHOO!”

“While you have an allergy attack,” Pepper says, about to stomp her foot. “I don’t like this division of labor.”

“Can’t be helped. I’ve had enough space travel for one lifeti…” Tony trails off in a gasp. “Aaahf’SHOO!”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said that I agree with,” she says grimly.

“And besides, Loki’s plan is – AASSSHH’HEW! – backfiring. He might have known that I have a little allergy, but... HRRAF’SHEW! What he doesn’t know is that I used to have huge fights with Dad about getting a pet.” Tony reaches over and ruffles cat-Bruce’s head, a little aggressive. Pepper can pretty much see the exact moment the dander starts to affect Tony, as his eyes flutter sharply and his expression distorts. “HISH’SHEW! HRAASHEW! So, screw Loki. I’m an awesome cat owner, and I’m going to show why his plan sucks.”

“Only you would come up with that chain of logic,” Pepper says, affectionate in spite of herself, as Tony messily howls another sneeze all over himself.

Cat-Natasha and cat-Clint are snuggled up together on a corner of the desk, while cat-Steve prowls around watchfully, protectively. Cat-Bruce remains perched in one spot on Tony’s desk, somehow managing to convey the philosophical calm of his human form. The philosophical look turns to vague annoyance as Tony reaches over and aggressively scratches his head, but then a little purr comes rumbling out of cat-Bruce, and Tony lights up.

Tony’s delight is undeterred even by another “HRRASCHEWW!”, and he approaches cat-Steve next, curling a finger under his chin for a thorough scratch.

Pepper’s shoulders sink a little. Even though he’s perpetually on the verge of an explosive sneeze, and with his eyes and nose streaming badly, Tony looks boyishly gleeful. He’d never directly mentioned the growing-up-without-pets thing, but now that Pepper thinks of it, he always did get kind of grumpy whenver she had to reject those zoo and animal shelter charity appearances for him. And there’s something wistful in the affectionate way he chatters at his shapeshifted teammates.

“I’ll get you another pill,” Pepper says. “And maybe see about that can of tuna.”

-end

[aggedy_ann]

Gahhhhh, fufufufu, you're killing me.

That was just *dies*

[fufufufu]

Yaaaay! Thanks

[Dye]

Awww, this is so adorable, fufufufu, I'm dying here from the sheer fluffiness and omg tony you cutie jhdgkjsdkjfhdaljfhslgjdkjgefkjhflhdsgoj

[Ciuty80]

this was sooooo HOT!!!!!! :drool:

thank you!!!