ebay34 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 What would be interesting would be if like she was immune to it for whatever reason like she was someone special or had special genetics or fate if you know what I mean Link to comment
Not_Telling Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 YES CONTINUE CONTINUE ELIZA GOT SICK :D MOAAAAR!!! Link to comment
PetalPunk Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 No, no don't apologize! It was a great part! I love contagion! Keep writing! Link to comment
SpookyScarySkeleton Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Continue ! its really good Link to comment
lovessneezes Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 This story is really great and original! Definitely continue! Link to comment
Toober Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I am so sorry for the wait! I've been so busy because I joined track and my artwork keeps me so busy, but I'm trying to write another part right now. Thanks so mush for your patience and your comments! Link to comment
Toober Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 He dreamed of home.He rested against the bed frame in an uncomfortable sitting position, his head slung to the side in a way that promised sore muscles when he woke.He breathed through his mouth because it was a bother to breath through his nose, though he sniffled in his sleep. His dreams had always been twisted by fever. Nothing ever seemed quite right. Sometimes a person's face would look different, or there would be some way of reality he was automatically aware of. It was different every time.This time there was something wrong with Mother Nature's voice. She spoke fast and urgently; she sounded shooken up by something, though there was no danger to be spoken of. She told him to wait in his room with Com, and though her voice sounded frightened and shaky, her expression was placid and calm, and so was he.He went to his room and sat on his bed with his brother.First he was hot.Then he was cold.Then he was awake, and there was a firm grip on his forearm."What the hell happened to, 'I'll meet you at midnight?'" a whisper demanded. Flu rubbed his eyes and stared at the familiar face, only half awake.Eliza woke up to two figures in the middle of her bedroom, furiously whispering back and forth. She shifted quietly in her bed and they froze, both quickly looking over at her like deer in a pair of headlights. Her head hurt and her muscles ached, but she slowly sat up anyway, propping herself up in the pillows behind her and glancing at her digital clock, which told her it was four-thirty. The silhouettes stared at her, and she stared back at them."You've been making friends with her this entire time. Am I right?" the one she didn't recognize gestured to her, still looking at Flu. Flu remained silent, like a child being reprimanded. "Am I right, Flu?" he demanded. "Damnation." His hands flew up to his head and he paced back and forth, exasperated. "Com, just calm down." Flu said, not sure what else to do. "Hahahahaha, calm down? You know-" he seemed very stressed now, and was laughing, "You know what Great-Grandmother said about this." he smiled, frustrated. "She said it all the time, Flu. THE GOLDEN RULE." he was speaking out of irony. He almost seemed manic."Have you gotten any sleep recently, Com?" Flu shuddered. He hated it when Com would get like this."No, I've been looking for you!" he used his voice now, but he kept it low."Com, come on. You always do this when you're tired."He older one ran both hands through his hair and flopped down across the bed, next to Eliza's legs. She sat there awkwardly and moved her feet for the overwhelmed boy. Flu whispered to her, "Don't mind him, he's just a little sleepy."--------------------------------------I hope I conveyed Com's mannerisms efficiently. I was trying to make him seem really stressed; he'd been looking for his brother all night and he hadn't slept and he'd just had a really bad day. He started laughing because sometimes that's all you can do. Sneezing to come in the next chapter and I'm sorry for the delay. I have had the worst creative block ever; I can't write, draw, sculpt. I can't do anything!Sorry this was so poorly written. Maybe the next chapter will be better? Link to comment
Not_Telling Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Yayyyyyyyyy I can't waaaaaaaaait!And p.s. this is really good STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF kthxbai Link to comment
SpookyBoi Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 This is amazing. If you want I have an idea. What if comm has to sneeze but right as he's about to Flu sneezes and he loses it and his nose is driving him crazy so they have a brotherly squabble over this that Eliza has to solve. Link to comment
Toober Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Spamanolover96: I always appreciate ideas, and really the theories and speculations everyone has offered has gotten this story pretty far. Whether I actually find a way to write it in or not is another question, but I will try my best!Not Telling: that really means alot that you would defend this story against it's author, but self criticism isn't always a bad thing. I'm only trying to improve for you guys! But thank you for your words <3 Link to comment
Not_Telling Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Not Telling: that really means alot that you would defend this story against it's author, but self criticism isn't always a bad thing. I'm only trying to improve for you guys! But thank you for your words <3Oh okay sorry uhhhhhm can't wait for next part in that case Link to comment
lovessneezes Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Really looking forward to the next chapter!And I agree with the others,ya gotta stop criticizing yourself! Your story is awesome. Link to comment
SpookyBoi Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Your a good writer, with a great writing style. Another thing to think about in using ideas is what would I do in this situation. Link to comment
ebay34 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 This is amazing I wish my writing was anywhere near yours mine sucks Link to comment
Toober Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 Guys LOOK I DREW FLU HE LOOKS SO GOOD OMGEE http://thefallofmyworld.deviantart.com/art/I-Am-the-Flu-437877912?qo=0&catpath=gallery:thefallofmyworld:48393942&order=0&offset=0Hope that works. Link to comment
SpookyBoi Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Oh that's so cool he looks awesome I can't wait for your next post ! Link to comment
Toober Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Yes, sorry. I really should be updating this story more often and I am open to ideas any ideas! Yes thank you here is another part. Also how do y'all like girl sneezes to sound like?"You're sick with a genuine smile"-----------------------------------"Ihh, hI-sChEIW!" Eliza sniffled, rocking a bed a little as she jolted forward. Com sighed hopelessly, pressing his palms into his eyes and said, "Tell me you didn't.""If that's what you want to hear; but just because I say it doesn't make it the truth." Flu shrugged, still standing awkwardly in the center of the girl's room. Com seemed to struggle with this new revelation, sitting up and holing his head in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. He shuddered much like his brother, so Eliza moved her blanket to his shoulders, which he shrugged off. "No, you'll need this more than me." He tossed the blanket back at her a little listlessly, falling short."What do you mean?" she asked innocently. Com smiled genuinely for the first time at her blissful ignorance before he elaborated, "You've got that feeling in the back of your throat and nose, you have a headache, and your muscles probably don't feel too great either. You're sick, don't you think?""Eck," she said, feeling conflicted. Part of her knew Flu would infect her, but part of her wanted to believe that her company to him would except her from contagion. Flu looked down at his feet, recalling the feeling he'd gotten. It was worse that nausea; worse than when he changed. "ihh, hihhh....hh, K'IShuu!hehhh, HEh'ShIEW!" Com sneezed into his cupped hands, sniffling afterwards and rubbing his temples. "Flu." he said hoarsely, gaining both his and Eliza's attention."Hmmm?" Flu now sat on the floor because the silence had gotten long; all of them were pretty tired."It's time to *Snf* -time to go home. Mother must be worried." Com rubbed his wrist under his running nose."I guess so..." he said slowly, either tiredness or sadness displaying through his soft voice. He gave Eliza a longing look, and then helped pull Com to his feet. Both of they boys looked worse for the wear and dogged They yawned, both of them. At the same time. She nodded to them as they left, bowing her head politely towards them. They left out the window, down two stories and disappearing from her sight.Suggestions suggestions suggestions! They're going home now, so I need ideas for a transitioning scene with a little fight in it. Any ideas at all? Link to comment
SpookyBoi Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 You know my idea. This is amazing. If you want I have an idea. What if comm has to sneeze but right as he's about to Flu sneezes and he loses it and his nose is driving him crazy so they have a brotherly squabble over this that Eliza has to solve. But this could also dig up some family issues. Link to comment
SpookyScarySkeleton Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 ^^ that I agree. And uhm your drawing looks like a cross between Danny Phantom and Jack Frost, hot hot hot <3 . Really good story so far ! Link to comment
Toober Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Spamanolover96: yeah but Eliza's not there anymore.... But I could use part of it? Really anything would work, I'm stuck. Thank you though, for your continued support!DeathNoteOwner: haha I didn't even think about that, but now that you mention it.... lol thank you for reading this through! Your support means so much! Link to comment
SpookyBoi Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Well you could also bring someone else into to sovle the problem. Link to comment
Toober Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Mento123: I didn't forget about you, I just didn't see your post yet! Thank you so much for all of your comments though!(you've commented on this before, yes? If not I know you've ,commented on some of my other stories) Link to comment
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