so many places (M/M)

[kiku]

Salut @Lily !
Matt and James are so nice and funny together! It's really heartwarming to read about them. I had to chuckle when, in Chapter 2 I think, Jim offered Matt a package of tissues, and Matt sneezed in the middle of saying "Thank you". (It's little things like that I really like. 😆) And ooooh, on the motor bike, Matt was so  scared of sneezing on Jim's neck he let one hand go!!! 😱

I like your sneeze spellings a lot - I think they are perfect. And I think it's cute how Mark is always trying to talk through his sneezes. 😉

You're doing such a great job describing the interaction between Matt and Jim. It's so sweet. And I had to laugh when Matt, who was sick in bed, told Jim, "Stop being a nurse and give my my phone!" 🤣

And finally, it's nice to see the roles reversed, with Jim being sick and Matt taking care of him. Wow, Jim is a very strong sneezer too!!

Keep up the great work. 👍

[Not Telling]

On 5/31/2023 at 8:22 AM, Lily said:

Merci tu es adorable et tes commentaires font partis de mes petits plaisirs après chaque publication

Tu me Fais rougir. 😊  Tu es trop mignon. 😊 Et tes publications sont mes petits plaisirs.

Though I am a bit behind I was so excited to see you posted and I'm glad that the intensity is slowing down for you.

Mon dieu! Where to begin. C'est juste une pure perfection. This killed me, I am dead, and writing this posthumously from my grave. 

On 5/31/2023 at 8:22 AM, Lily said:

"Breathing, my dear Jim, is one of the most important things when you're a swimmer."

As a swimmer myself this comment makes me smile. Brings to mind hypoxic swim sets.

I just love the build-up and how you wrote Matt slowly piecing it all together and then the big reveal! Haha I love that Matt asks the obligatory question about if his sneezes are particularly appealing to Jim and that Jim was able to reply honestly. I also just adore how readily accepting and encouraging Matt was of the fetish. And how he even may have teased Jim with it in the bedroom. You have mastered the art of alluding to a passionate encounter while keeping it safe to post, something I struggle with. (I'm too much of a smut whore 😜). I am just a puddle after reading the last several paragraphs. What an update and what an absolute treat! Thank you for the privilege of your incredible writing and endearing characters. I have enjoyed every moment of this story, several times over, and am certain I will continue to. ❤️ 

 

[Dream Moon]

I love it!!!  Now so many things made sense🤭 

[solitaire-au]

Lily, I’m really enjoying this story.

Jim is a really sweet character, and I like how you’ve allowed the readers to know of his thoughts and feelings. It makes for a better story and it’s something a lot of us can relate to.

I look forward to finding out what happens next!

[Lily]

salut salut

thank you all for your kind comments !

@Dream Moon aw thank youuu

@solitaire-au thank you for your remark, I know I like to read thoughts and feelings of the characters I'm reading, it make me feel connected to them, so it was important for me to do it here too. Glad you liked it 💛

@Not Telling to me Matt is just a really sweet passionate guy and really open about a lot of things. Since he genuinely love Jim, he is interesting about knowing him, and also discovering parts of Jim he never thought about. And maybe enjoying the sharing aspect of it ? It was hard to keep it "cute" and not ehm...Well you know. 🤭

I didn’t knew if I was going to continue the story, but another plot came in my mind. Are you ready for more drama, angst, fluff and of course way too many sneezes ?

Our boys are back. Oh, and two years later cause why not ?

Hope you will enjoy it.

Lily

CHAPTER 13 – LOOKING LIKE A ROUGH WEEKEND

Two years later.

Matthew and James continued to get to know each other. They wrote The Greenway Post's greatest issues together. They moved in together a few months later in Matt's apartment. Matt had understood that James was essential to him. He couldn't stand the fact that he didn't wake up every day by his side. James became friends with Lizzie. Then Carol. He went swimming with Matt. He met Carol and Lizzie's children, he saw Matt being the sweetest uncle ever, which made him melting. Jim told Matt of a lonely, difficult childhood, his father's rejection after he came out, to his banishment from his mother's funeral. Matt taught Jim that he could be proud of who he was. Jim taught Matt that he had the right to be vulnerable. They fixed each other, and continued too. They burst out laughing at incongruous moments. They went to karaoke and Matt was mesmerized by James' beautiful singing voice. They sang Radiohead's "No Surprises" together looking at each other like they were the only two people on earth. They sang very silly stuff together laughing like crazy and getting kicked out of the bar. They watched movies together. They watched their favorite movie, "Billy Elliot", and they got emotional together.

Jim introduced his few friends to Matt, over to San Francisco, where they went whale watching together. They even went to Japan together. Matt discovered the places where Jim partly grew up. Jim discovered a happier Matt than ever. Jim introduced Matt to a gallery owner who organized an exhibition with his works. Their relationship had some great moments. Smaller ones too. Jim made Matt Japanese dishes every Friday night. Matt bought him a bike so they could ride together on the weekends. Jim offered a Matt offered an earring like Howl's in "Howl's Moving Castle". They were always full of attention for each other. They learned from each other during all these moments. Their faults were sometimes difficult to manage, but they always managed to overcome them. As much Matt's stubbornness as Jim's jealousy, as much Matt's aggressiveness as Jim's touchiness. Among others. And anyway, they much preferred to agree on their qualities, like those of Matt; his passion, humor, strength of character and independence, which were balanced with Jim's patience, gentleness, emotional intelligence and thoughtfulness.

They were laughing at the same things. They could still marvel at each other. Matt took Jim to the ocean to show him his mother's grave. They did two years of pride together. They were happy. Matt had nearly broken down all of his barriers. James had become the finest exception of his life. He sometimes found it hard to believe that he had fallen madly in love with James Cooper, the one who, two years earlier, was the person he would never have looked at other than jealously. Jim felt just as lucky. He couldn't imagine a future without Matt, his sunshine, his joie de vivre. Every morning when he woke up next to him, he was able to stare at him for several minutes. Even when he was tired, sick or angry. The mere sight of Matt asleep next to him, his hair forever messy and his rosy cheeks, always soothed him.

Yes, a lot of things happened between them. But that was just the beginning.

*

Saturday morning.

Jim hugged Matt in his sleep. Matt leaned against him. He was waking up slowly but didn't want to open his eyes. He felt so good in Jim's arms. He gently rubbed his nose against Jim's neck. Jim moaned softly. He waked up slowly himself.

"Jim..." said Matt after a little yawn.
"Mmm..." Jim moaned hugging Matt.
"Are you awake?"
"M-mm..."
"I feel a morning sneeze building up..."

Jim chuckled a bit and kissed Matt tenderly on the forehead. They both kept their eyes closed.

"And your telling me this because...?" murmured Jim, softly stroking Matt's shoulder with his thumb.
"You're not even excited by it anymore? Oh no I lost my superpower..." Matt moaned and buried his face in Jim's neck breathing in his scent of skin. And he began to breathe a little more heavily because he felt he was going to sneeze soon. Jim could feel his breath rush and his nostrils move slightly against the skin of his neck. He smiled, still almost sleepy.

"Hold it I want to sleep." teased Jim.
"You're t-torturing me." Matt groaned dramatically.
"Don't you want to sleep a bit more?" Jim's voice sounded sleepy.
"I'm...S-shocked. W-who are you and what have you done t-to James Coop-eh-eh-eh-Eeeepsssshiiiew!" Matt sneezed into Jim's neck.

Jim shivered slightly.

"Matt..."
"I'm not even sorry" giggled Matt, lifting his face, fully awake now, and kissing Jim on the mouth.
"Bless you you monster" Jim said, as he opened his brilliant hazel eyes to see Matt leaning over him.

Matt had messy hair, bright mischievous eyes, the trace of the sheet on his left cheek and the tip of his nose slightly pink. And he wasn't wearing his glasses, which made him look softer. Jim looked at this face, this beautiful face, and he knew he couldn't even pretend to be mad at him. His forefinger gently stroked that straight curve, slightly rounded at the tip, of Matt's nose.

"Hello love." muttered Jim.
"Hello dearest." murmured Matt back.

And they kissed. Then they parted and Matt gently wiped the light spray off Jim's neck, stroking his skin. Jim straightened up abruptly, causing Matt to lose his balance and half fall back into his arms. Jim hugged him and rolled him on the bed. Matt protested vaguely "J-J-Jim stop..." - then they laughed and they found themselves looking at each other, glued to each other, inseparable.

"Are you ready for today ?" asked Jim softly.
"Ugh do we have to ? " whinced Matt.
"They're our friends Matt."
"It's just a wedding anniversary. And it's tomorrow. Why do we have to help to prepare the place ?" sighed Matt.
"Matt we are talking about Lizzie and Carol. Please stop being a child." said Jim, amused.
"I don't see why I can't go swimming this morning. Thats just stupid. " mumbled Matt, really starting to act like a child.
"They need our help. The place is big" insisted Jim.
"Ugh...I'm sure the place will be a nightmare for me. It's in the middle of nowhere, flowers and pollen I'm going to sneeze all day long...And then I will look pretty the day of the party !" exclaimed Matt, being dramatic.
"I know you will" Jim kissed Matt and then his nose with a tiny smile.

Matt rubbed his nose with his palm, turning it up a bit, as the kiss tickled a bit his sensible nose.

"Huh...Huh...Hiii-Tishhiuuu !" he sneezed in his hand, looking a bit confused as he was surprised by the sneeze.

Jim kissed her, unable to resist that cute sneeze. Matt turned his mouth away a few seconds later and sneezed once more into his fist.

"Huh-huh-huh-Haaaat-TSSSSHHOO ! Sorry", he said mechanically, sniffing a bit cause it was strong wet one.
"Bless you" smiled Jim.
"Wow! That one emptied me..." - Matt shaked a bit, sniffing lightly.

Jim shivered too. He loved when Matt commented his own sneezes. Matt smirked, knowing how sensitive Jim was to the sneezy-talk, and he kinda did it on purpose.

"What?"
"Nothing", laughed Matt "I love how you're so...Oh...Uh...Uhh-SSSHUUU!" he sneezed freely but on the side, and Jim could distinctly saw a light spray being projected.

Matt licked his lower lip.

"Pfiew ! Felt soooo good" - he had a hard time hiding his mischievous look.

Jim finally understood Matt said on purpose. He shook his head, rushed to his lips, and kissed him again, messing his hair in the process. Matt responded to his kiss with the same passion and then the two men lay back down, a little out of breath.

"I'm happy for the girls but Sunday in only the second day of our holidays together. We could do so many interesting things together...Like…You know…" Matt kissed him on the cheek "And it's also full of people you don't know you're going to get bored..."

James shook his head. Then he looked serious again.

"Matt. Be a good friend. Today we're helping the girls and tomorrow we're enjoying their tenth wedding anniversary. Together"

Matt grunted. Jim caressed Matt's cheek, where the sheet left the mark.

"We're going to dress up, have fun, dance and I'm counting on you to be nice to everyone and introduce me to nice people."
"I'm always nice." pouted Matt.
"Well..."

Jim had to stop himself from smiling.

"Ok ok..." Matt grumbled – "I'll try to make an effort".
"Hey that's my boyfriend…" said Jim, with a loving gaze.
"Well don't be too proud of me yet" – said Matt.

Jim stroked Matt's cheek, then his hair gently. Matt turned his face slightly to kiss that long, slender fingered hand he loved so much.

"I love your hands…" he whispered.

And he put his hand against Jim's. Matt had slightly smaller hands, powerful, agile, like the way he drew. Jim crossed his fingers with Matt's and watched them. There was a small ink stain on Matt's index finger, which made him smile.

"I love your fingers, with ink stains on it…"
"I love your thin wrist that creaks when you're tired."

They both spoke in a soft, low tone, looking at the body parts they were pointing to.

"I love your scar above the knee, it's like a star" whispered Jim as he was gently caressing the scar he knew so well, and he also knew the story behind it, it was a fall on the bike when Matt was teenager, like most of his injuries, and it cracked him up.

Matt continued in the same tone.

"I like your hips, my hands fit perfectly, you see? "
"I love when you do that. Also…I love your strong swimmer shoulders"
"I love your long neck that I can...I can kiss you in" whispered Matt, kissing Jim's neck.
"I like your rosy cheeks."
"I love your high cheekbones."
"I like the shape of your nose, just like David's statue" Matt gently rubbed his nose against Jim's. And he smiled, as he felt Jim shivering.
"I like yours too, it's the cutest and most unique one"
"I love your mouth" and saying it, Matt kissed him, “And I love…Your eyes eating me.”
“I like your eyes. Blue and green too.”

Matt chuckled and blushed lightly.

"I love your hair which is so black it almost looks blue."
"I love your curls, the sun took a dip in it and never came out."
"Jim I love you so much I can't even…" – and Matt voice cracked a bit.

Jim hugged Matt. He had no others words himself, as he couldn't even finished to listed all he love in Matt, and obsviously not only in the purely physical aspect, but everything they loved about each other and they always ended up hugging each other wordlessly, overwhelmed by a love they couldn't keep quiet.

They remained entwined for a long time, saying nothing, sometimes kissing, and otherwise looking at each other, being together, in their cocoon, their world. They had breakfast in bed talking about how they planned to dress for the party. Jim was a little nervous. He adored Lizzie and Carol and knew some of their friends. But the idea of being surrounded by lots of strangers worried him slightly. Luckily there was Matt. The latter probably knew everyone, but he was often reluctant to approach people. Jim knew he could count on him. He would be there with him. There was nothing else of importance.

And then they had to activate. They had an appointment in the early afternoon to help prepare the place. And it was a few hours away. Jim took a shower and then disappeared, frowning, he had to make a call. Matt took the opportunity to take a shower. He spent a long time underwater, trying to satisfy himself underwater. It would be the only water that would touch his skin that weekend. He had to console himself with the idea that he wouldn't have time to go to the pool all weekend, which would be a feat for him.

Matt was surprised, as he walked into the living room, to see Jim still on the phone, eyes focused, face closed. Matt looked at him questioningly but Jim avoided his gaze. He went to the balcony, closing the window slightly.

"So you can only today?" was all Matt caught from Jim, who seemed tense.

Matt observed Jim pacing, speaking little and in a low voice, listening attentively to his interlocutor, jaw tense. A ray of sunlight shone onto the balcony, and Jim, as a photic sneezer, had to sneeze almost immediately when the sun touched his face. But Matt was surprised to saw him pinched his nose so hard that the sneezes were almost silent. This gesture, Matt did not like it very much. He knew it had to do with Jim's lack of confidence, his embarrassment, and sometimes his sadness. He didn't like any of the three scenarios. Frowning slightly, he wondered what this gesture was due to. Since they were a couple, Jim no longer sneezed like that. If Matt rarely bothered to cover his face, Jim covered his face almost systematically, and even more so in society. But he didn't stifled not his sneezes. Jim finally hung up. But he immediately dialed another number. Matt didn't get it. He left to make coffee in the kitchen, absorbed in thought. He jumped slightly when he felt Jim's arms around his waist, kissing him on the neck.

"Coffee ? Nice." whispered Jim.
"I'm nice."
"Not always" teased Jim. Matt turned and kissed him on the nose.
"Okay Mister Mystery, who were you calling?"
"Lizzie."
"Both times?"
"Stop being a cop" teased Jim, but he seemed a bit nervous.

Matt shrugged and poured the coffee. He handed Jim a mug.

"Well if you don't want to tell me, I don't care."

Jim looked down slightly.

"Matt I...I will not come with you this afternoon. I'm sorry. I called Lizzie and apologized to her. But actually I...I'm not going to be here all day. I will be there for the party tomorrow though."

Matt took a sip of his coffee. He was surprised. Jim wasn't the type to run away at the last minute. That was enough to worry him, even though he tried not to show it. And why his calm and measured Jim seemed somewhat nervous?

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, don't worry, I just…I had an important thing to do today. " – Jim was really getting nervous now, despite an effort to looked calm.

Matt put down his cup and Jim's.

"Ok. Jim ? You're kinda scaring me." he finally confessed, looking straight at him.
"I'm sorry" – said Jim and he hugged Matt – "Didn't mean too love"
"It's ok" - Matt gently rubbed his back, then muttered gently "Can I know what you're doing today ?"
"Y-yes. Yes of course you can. I'm seeing my father."

Matt froze and pulled away from their embrace. It was almost as if Jim's father had just appeared in the kitchen between the two of them.

"Your father ?" he repeated, as he couldn't believing it.
"Yes."
"If you were looking to be funny, quit trying, cause it's not." he murmured.
"It's not a joke. I'm saying my father today."
"Your father ? The guy who kicked you out of the house when you were 17?"

Matt said, feeling the anger rising.

"Matt..."
"The one who treated you like dirt and made you feel guilty for your mother's death?" Matt continued in the same tone.
"Matt stop. Please." implored Jim.
"Oh I'm sorry. No you know what ? I'm not sorry at all. James the guy is an asshole. Why do you see him?" Matt said gritting his teeth.
"Matthew stop."

Matt understood better Jim's discretion on the balcony. The tense look. The low voice. The restrained sneeze.

"He's my dad."
"So what? He's nothing like a father." said Matt, feeling oddly worried and angry realizing that Jim was serious.
"Stop." – repeated Jim, a bit shocked by Matt’s intense reaction.
"I just...Why ? You shouldn't do this to yourself." Matt said, shaking his head in disapproval.
"You don't know what you're talking about." objected Jim.
"A father is overrated, you know? I didn't have one. I'm doing very well."
"Oh yeah really fine." said Jim in a sarcastic tone.
"What's that supposed to mean ?" snapped Matt, as he didn’t thought Jim could said something like this to him.
"Nothing" sighed Jim – "Can we stop ? I don't want to fight with you it's stupid."
"You know what is stupid ? To see him." Said Matt, having difficulty to contained his anger.
"Well obviously I didn't expected you to understand."
"Nice one." murmured Matt.
"Just...don't make a big deal of it please" begged Jim with a soft voice.

There was a silence between them. They used to tease each other, bicker. Sometimes Matt would say something a little hurtful but always apologize right away. And sometimes Jim could be angry at the way Matt withdrew into himself. But again they always found a way to talk, to apologize, to grow from these hardships. Only today, there was something particularly new, sensitive. Jim couldn't understand why Matt was being so callous. What was he getting into ? Couldn't he support him, he who usually was such an important support in his eyes ? Matt, on the other hand, couldn't understand why Jim didn't seem to hear him. He didn't trust Jim's father. He was afraid for Jim. 

"He is going to be horrible. You know it. Why are you seeing him?" - Matt just couldn't let it go.
"Because I want it." – said Jim, starting to lose his patience.
"So you actually want to suffer ?"

There was another silence. Matt felt terrible. Why did Jim want to do this to himself ? He didn't understand at all. Wasn't it enough for him ? Why did he needed his father for ? The idea of him not be enough of a family to Jim was the worst. Jim went into the bedroom and took some things that he slipped into his bag. Matt followed him. He leaned against the door, hands in his pockets.

"Hey by the way, what's that supposed to mean ? When you said…I mean you think that I missed something without a father?" – asked Matt, in a cold tone, the words Jim said hurt him.
"I didn't mean that" – said Jim, looking at Matt, saying his cold eyes behind his glasses.
"Cause you know what? At least I'm not having this crisis of identity you seemed to have." – said Matt, being mean as it was his last defense when he was hurt by someone.
"What are you talking about?" – asked Jim in a sad tone.
"He is going to put stuff in your head."
"Like what ?" frowned Jim;
"Like...I don't know. He is going to mocking you. Insulting you. He is going to tell you all the craps you had to deal since you're a kid. Like being gay is a sin. Like. ..You shouldn't be with me but with a girl." said Matt with a tense voice.
"And ?"

Jim was a bit confused. Matt kept a closed face. He was trying to calm down but it was too late. He was angry. And he was afraid. Afraid of what Jim's father might say to his son. Fear of consequences. He crossed his arms as if to defend himself.

"Oh I get it. You think I'm going to believe him ?" asked Jim, knowing already that he was right.

Jim raised his eyebrows.

"Matt please now you're being stupid." – he tried to reassure him.
"Really ?" asked Matt, raising an eyebrow, showing that he was convinced otherwise.
"Matt jeez stop. I don't...Please stop this. It's crazy." laughed Jim nervously, trying to remove the tension between them.
"What is crazy is that you want to see this jerk." said Matt, hurted because he knew that Jim made his decision. His opinion didn't matter to Jim.
"He's my family." said Jim in a serious tone.
"You're real family is the people you love." Matt objected passionately.
"I..."
"Don't tell me you love him. He is the caricature of the violent homophobe and the abusive father. He's not deserving you." cutted Matt.
"Oh and you are ?" asked Jim in the most chilling tone he could manage, his deep voice dropping an octave.

Ouch. That was harsh. Something crossed Matt's eyes. A painful, very rare expression in his eyes, followed by anger. Matt felt insulted. Worst of all, because it was Jim who said that. He didn't deserve Jim. That, Matt had the unpleasant habit of thinking it during the moments of sadness, of loneliness that he could have. But having his lover say so was probably the worst thing ever to him. Even though Matt had always thought, deep down, that he didn't deserve a man like Jim, sometimes he wanted to believe it. And hearing Jim imply that it wasn't just hurt him deeply. Jim stepped closer to Matt, mortified. He hadn't meant that, Matt had snapped him out of his usual calm.

"Now you know I didn't mean that." – he said softly.
"Do not come near me." - muttered Matt stepping aside.
"I'm sorry, Matt I..." - Jim reached up on the bus to touch his shoulder.
"Don't - don't touch me" - Matt ordered, pushing him away "Enjoy you freakin' reunion with daddy dearest. And please if you come tomorrow with a girl just tell me so I can prepare myself for the freak show." he snapped, his usual sarcastic tone turning nasty. He couldn't think anymore, his emotions had clearly taken over.
"Oh yeah ?" - Jim felt the anger rising again.
"Yeah. Fuc...Fuck this." – muttered Matt.
"Well that's just brilliant." concluded Jim dryly.
"Isn't it ? Enjoy." – snapped Matt.
"Fine by me."
"Fine !"
"Perfect."
"PERFECT!" yelled Matt.

And Matt left, slamming the door.

[Not Telling]

Lily!! Non, pourquoi ferais-tu cela à nous? Ça ne va pas du tout. Cliffhanger angst is so hard to deal with! Le ciel fait grise mine.  Though the ending leaves me empty inside, this was a very well written chapter and I can appreciate the human and very real element. I think you perfectly illustrated how two people who love each other have the capacity to hurt each other the most because of the intimate knowledge they have of each other and how they can sometimes allow their emotions to escalate beyond rational thinking and how that negative energy just feeds into one another and plays off each other and ends with both people saying things they don't mean and are hurt by. You have such a talent for giving your characters such depth and realism and writing very relatable, if sometimes painful, interactions. J'attendrai avec impatience ta prochaine publication.

[Privatedancer]

I love the angst and the redemption that will need to follow - no idea how either can redeem themselves but I leave that in your very capable hands …I also am so curious how things will go with Jim’s dad.  Will he have changed?  Will he still be awful and hurt Jim once again? Did he get in touch because he had big new - like he is dying and wants to redeem himself?   So much left hanging but hopefully not for too long.

[Lily]

salut salut

a drama and maybe the longest chapter I wrote so far, including more sneezes (cause yeah, we missed the great fits of Matt didn't we ?), I swears better days are coming for the guys, I'm writing as fast as I can (I do have a lot of free time theses days)

@Not Telling désoléééé ! je sais que c'est dur. I hope this chapter will please you, even thought it still ehhm dramatic ? idk feeling inspired, plus I know sometimes when things have been said, it's really hard to overcome them. Typical miscommunication in a relationship. I'm fascinated by it, love to write about it, because I feel yes it's something really relatable.

@Privatedancer you'll have to wait a bit to know about Jim's father, but it's coming ! We need this conversation. Thank you so much for your kind comment.

CHAPTER 14 – COULD IT BE WORSE ?

Jim huffed. His breathing was shaky. He needed air too. He went out onto the balcony and tried to calm himself down. He saw the silhouette of Matt standing up on the pedals of his bicycle, going so fast down the road. He sighed. A big sneeze took him by surprise, followed by others that he stifled between his fingers, as the sun caressed his face.

"HUH-TSSSSHUUU ! Hhhuh-hhh-Hutttshhhhm' ! HHEEEE-He-tsshxxx !-ih-ih-HUT-Shhhh'mm ! Uh…Hhhh-HHH-hhhh…Ah-tttshhh'uh ! UH-GGGNttt' ! Hhh- hhh-hhhuh…Hhh…Hhhh…"

He gasped lightly into his fist. Matt was just a dot away now. So that was it. Was that really how they started their weekend, their holidays together ? Jim felt like a monster. He should never have said that to Matt. What had gotten into him ? Attack him for not having a father and then giving him the deathblow by claiming that Matt might not deserve him ? Jim was convinced of the opposite. He had simply tried to defend himself. Matt was better than him at arguing. Jim never expected to say such things to him. And yet… Yes, but Matt had hurt him too. Why didn't he trust him ? Did he think he was so weak that he couldn't see his father without coming out completely dejected ? And why hadn't he offered his support ? Matt had been angry so quickly that Jim hadn't even had the chance to really express himself on the subject. A strong anguish seized him at the prospect of going to see his father alone. And then what ?

Matt was pedaling full speed towards Lizzie and Carol's. Either way, they girls had to be helped. He didn't know where else to take refuge anyways. His usual refuge was Jim. Jim. He still didn't understand his decision. He was angry but above all felt a deep sadness that fell on his shoulders. Jim. Why had he told him that ? Making him feeling so vulnerable he was almost shaking. The words swirled around in his head. He was unable to move on.

Carol greeted him happily and they walked together to the car.

"Lizzie is already there. The kids are with friends."
"Ok." he said, trying to stay calm and smiling.

Carol and he got into the car. For a few minutes there was silence. Carol was like Matt ; she did not speak if she had nothing to say. They had been friends long enough now that it wasn't awkward. It was a warm spring, and Carol opened the windows. It was then that Matt realized that in a rush, he had forgotten to take his allergy medication. An unpleasant tingle filled his nostrils and he began to gently rub the wings of his nose to drive it away, struggling. Matt didn't have much patience, and he decided to ignore his allergies. Talk. Talking remains the best thing to do to forget Jim's unbearable words.

"I imagine Lizzie is stressed." he said, trying to start the talking.
"Oh yes. The place is big and even if we have the essentials installed, there is a lot of work to do."
"Sorry huh…There must...HH-have been two of us but..." - Matt took a handkerchief and gently blew his nose in hopes the tingling might subside, which seemed to work at the time.
"Oh yes Jim told us. His father calling him on his mother's birthday ? That must have been hard."

Matt frowned. He had been so shocked and angry that he hadn't even bothered to ask Jim the reason for his father's call. He sniffed lightly.

"Hope you're okay. Jim looked stressed."
"He can. His father is an asshole." he spitted.
"Matt !" Carol growled reproachfully. "I hope you didn't tell him that."
"I don't remember the exact term I used, to be honest," replied Matt, sarcastically.
"Honey, don't be hard on him. We had the luck to have great parents, but not everyone has this chance" she said calmly.

It was true. Carol's father had died when she was a teenager, but had accepted her coming out in the nicest way possible. Her mother was a lovely person. Carol was the oldest of four children and the only LGBT+ member of her family. However, her mother had been a love and continued to be. Matt's mother got along well with her, by the way. And Matt kinda saw Angela as a mother figure. On the other hand, Jim and Lizzie had quite the opposite parents. Lizzie's parents were still alive but hadn't been a part of their daughter's life for a long time. Matt thought of her as his sister, and he had always believed that a chosen family was most important to his friends. He was proud to be the one to helping them with their family matters.

"I know" he murmured, feeling a little ashamed but still not understanding Jim.
"He took this opportunity to talk to his dad, I think I can understand. You know, if Lizzie could…"
"Stop it, Lizzie's parents are horrible. They…Uh…They don't…Uh…Hhh…APPPSSSHIIIEW
! Huh… Sorry. Don't deserve her." – said Matt, sneezing in his fist and rubbing his nose slightly after it.
"Bless you. Well, deserving…Who deserve anything ? I don't feel like I'm deserving Lizzie. I feel like I'm…" "'TTTSSSHHHIIIIEW !" loudly in his elbow. "
"…Bless you honey. Feel like we're trying our best. Since a long time now, but we still trying, with our qualities as well as our faults. This is perhaps the most beautiful thing in relationships, isn't it?"

Matt blushed slightly. Jim's words seemed to pop up even in their conversation.

"Maybe…I d…Duh…HH-ARRRTSSSHIIUH ! I don't kn…Shi-uh-AAAPSHiiiew ! I feel sometimes you just have to try to…To…Ah…HHH-guh…HH-APPSHIUUU ! To see what's good for …Fur…Four youuUUU-UUUH-URTSSHIEW ! Oh my, I can't stop…Uh…HHH…ARRSHIIIEW ! ABSSHIEW ! To see what's good for you and not going to see people who's going to hurt you-u-u-UuuaaAAA-TI-SHHHIUUh ! HHH -HH-Ah-ah-APPSHIEEW-UH !"
"My poor Matt, bless you. Should I close the window?" asked Carol, slightly impressed by the strenght of Matt's sneezes.
"HH-TSSSHIEW ! H-TSHIEW ! HHHHH-TSSSHEHHH !" was the only answer Matt could give to Carol at this point.
"Bless you" said Carol, a bit worried.
"Don't worry I'm ok…Just nee-ee-eeed…To let…Le…Eh…Let them ou-uh-HUUUUh-TISSSSHIEW ! HUH-TISHUUU  ! AAA'RTISHUUU !"
"Yeah right" scoffed Carol, closing the windows.
"Excuse me. I forgot my medicine. "
"Sorry, we just got out of town…Should I turn around for the pharmacy?"
"No don't...HUH-APSHIIIUH ! ARTSSSHIEW-UH ! Don't worry I'm gu-gu-gonna-a-aaaaAAAPSHIIIEW ! Be ok now. Don't worry."
"If you say so. Bless you."
"Thank you."

Jim would have thought about his allergy pills. Matt groaned slightly. He had to stop thinking about Jim.

*

They finally arrived at their destination. The place was a large beautiful domain in the countryside, with small houses a few meters away, at the edge of the forest, to accommodate the closest guests of the two women. Jim and I would have one of those houses tomorrow, Matt thought. The place was beautiful, and a very stressed Lizzie left the main house.

"Oh thank you for being here there is so many things to do I can't even…"
"Hey Liz. Don't worry, I'm here" said Matt, hugged his dear friend. He hugged her tightly, closing his eyes. Even that touch made he think of Jim.
"Matt how are you?" asked Lizzie, who wasn't used to big displays of affection.
"Perfect. How can I help ?" Matt pulled away from Lizzie, afraid to show how vulnerable he was.
"So you can help us install the chairs with your muscular arms, it will be child's play. Well, I hope" she was so stressed about the party she didn't noticed Matt's tension.
"Do you want them all outside?"
"Yes like, see the line there ? Well I..."

Matt was barely listening. But as soon as he got busy it did him good. Exercising physically absorbed him. There was indeed a lot of work and few people had been able to free themselves to help the girls. But that didn't bother Matt. He could at least sneeze as he pleased without worrying about other people's eyes. And with all the work that had to be done, he was able to push the argument out of his mind. The girls thanked him warmly. They were looking forward to the party the next day, and begged him to arrive on time. With Jim maybe ? Matt came home with Carol and Lizzie. They dropped him off at his house and recommended a good night's sleep and possibly a little chat with Jim.

Matt returned to the apartment. His home. Their home. He opened the door with some uneasiness. Jim had not returned yet. Matt took his medicine, a long shower to flush the pollen from his hair, from his skin. He dined on leftovers and collapsed into bed. The bed which seemed cold to him. Immense. He racked his brains watching night fall. He was starting to worry, thinking about how he could text Jim to ask him… Well what exactly ? His heart raced as he finally heard the sound of the key in the door. He closed his eyes. He preferred to pretend to be asleep. Yes, that was probably the best thing to do. But obviously his heart was beating very fast. He couldn't decently sleep now. Jim took a long time before entering the room. Matt had his eyes closed. He could barely hear Jim's cat walking on the floor. Sounds of clothes falling to the floor. He and Jim were sleeping naked these days. It was warm and pleasant to them. He felt the sheet tug a little on his bare skin. And he felt the mattress move slightly as Jim lay down.

Jim had had the worst day of his life. His argument with Matt had broken him into pieces. And his father ? He had played with the pieces. Nothing had changed. It was even worse than anything. Jim could not thinking of his father without tearing up. Could it get worse ? All Jim wanted was to start that day over again. Go back to the early hours of the day, when he was in Matt's arms. Jim was looking at his back, lit by a crescent moon filtering through the window. He felt his eyes mist slightly. How he wished Matt would turn to him, wake up, hug him, and they could forgive each other. It was really too hard.

"Matthew ?" he whispered.

But Matt was not moving. Jim didn't want to insist. He forced himself to close his eyes, trying to match his breathing to Matt's, which he could barely hear, whereas usually Matt, when he was sleeping soundly, snored slightly, which he didn't mind at all, at least. On the contrary, Jim found it extremely cute.

Matt was in the middle of a fight. He dared not move, but Jim, coming home, had brought the smells from outside. Even though he had taken his medicine, the smell was extremely heady. Desperate to sneeze, he kept wiggling his nose in every possible and unimaginable way. But the damage was done.

"Huuuh-tsssheaah ! HUH-TSSSH'mmm !" he sneezed at quietly as possible on the pillow, his body tensing completely with the effort.

Jim jumped slightly and felt his cheeks heat up.

"Huuh-Tshhhi ! Ah…HUH-TXXcht ! Uh…" Matt sniffed lightly, blushing hard. Couldn't his nose cooperate a bit ?
"Bless you" said softly Jim.
"…"

Jim held out his hand hesitantly, then put it on Matt's shoulder.

"You're ok?" he whispered again, his heart racing.

Matt shuddered, and jerked his shoulder free. It was a stupid reflex. Now Jim knew he was definitely awake.

"Huh-sthiiiew  ! Hhun-tssshiew ! aAaAAA-pssshiew ! AaaAAA-kkkssshiuuuh ! Ack-shiiiuh ! uh.... " he sneezed but they felt to hurtful he knew he had to let them out big time.

He took a deep breath and relaxed his body.

"Huhhh-AHTSHIEW ! HUUUH-TSSSHIEW ! Huuuuh-ATSHHHEEEW ! HHH-hhhh-HHH-HHH-APSHIIIIEW ! Sniff !"
"Bless y…"
"Going on the couch" cutted Matt, standing up, panting with one hand under his nose and mouth, in full torture "You're maaaAAk…Ma…Muh…hhhh-AAAPSHIIIIEW ! Making me sneeze. ATSSSHUH ! ATISSSHIEW !"
"Matt wait, do you need any…" Jim began, half straightening up, seeing Matt putting on a shirt, his back still to him.
"Leave me alone. Please." Matt murmured, feeling tears welling up in his eyes, not sure if it was because of his allergies or Jim.

Matt came out of the bedroom and sneezed freely as he collapsed on the couch "HHHUSSSHEW ! TSSSHIEW ! Huh-ARCHOO ! HHH-HUH-HUUUUAAASSSHEW ! Jeez…"

He took a pill and blew his nose a couple of time. Exhausted, frustrated and feeling more alone than ever, he finally falls asleep.

Jim hadn't dared to move. Matt needed to be alone. Maybe tomorrow...Discouraged, frustrated and feeling guilty, Jim fell asleep with a heavy heart. He hated this situation.

Matt woke up with a sore back. He stretched, blew his nose – damn allergies – and reached for his glasses but remembered they were in the bedroom. Growling, he walked over there. The door was open. Even without glasses, Matt could see that Jim was not in bed. He put on his glasses and saw a paper on the bed that was made. He read.

"Matt, I went to the domain this morning to give the girls a hand. Didn’t want to wake you up. Hope you feeling rested. I took our things to the house. Don't forget your medication. I'm really sorry for yesterday. I want to talk about it, I want to see you.

Love, Jim"

Matt crumpled the paper between his hands. He didn't know what to make of it.

He spent the morning ruminating rather than thinking. He didn't even want to eat. Yes he wanted to see Jim. But not his apologies. He didn't feel ready at all. He was vaguely ashamed of last night. He could have… But what exactly ? Tired of torturing himself, he dressed very elegantly – Lizzie and Carol deserved the effort – in a simple black suit that hugged his athletic figure, making him look serious and handsome at the same time. Then he joined Luke. This one, against his car, wore a sky blue suit that brought out his ebony skin. He wore hoop earrings, which Matt said made him look particularly sexy. Matt did have something with men wearing earrings. Matt smiles. Luke was an ex, but he was mostly a good friend.

"Hey Gorgeous"

Luke turned to Matt and hissed admiringly.

"OMG babe you're so handsome."

Matt rolled his eyes.

"Please. You're looking like a peacock and I'm just a plain raven." — and he gave him a kiss on the cheek, smiling.
"Are you kidding me? Matt, you look amazing." Luke exclaimed "Black makes you look terribly sexy, well, it's mostly the costume…No, actually. Really, you're just plain amazing.
“Maybe you should have told me that more often before" teased Matt, blushing.
"I should have." said Luke, blinking exaggeratedly, "You’re so fit I can't even…Have you been working out ?"
"You're too much jeez…" laughed Matt.
"Now I think I made a mistake breaking up with you." said mischievously Luke.
"You didn't breaking up with me ! I did." protested Matt.
"We both did" sliced Luke, who, like Matt, had the annoying tendency to want to have the last word.
"Well if it make you feel good thinking tha…Ah…Ah-TSSSHUH ! ITSHIEW ! HEEEH-TSSSHIEW !" he sneezed almost freely, then remembered he was not with Jim but Luke, doctor Luke actually, so he sneezed turning away, lightly covering his face with his hands.
"Oh my…I forgot how loud your sneezes were" mocked Luke, a hand against his heart, as if he had been frightened.

Matt rolled his eyes again.

"You know, some people are just saying bless you ?" Matt mumbled, as if he was offended.
"I know you too well to know you're going to be sneezing all day again, so what’s the point ?" Luke scoffed.

They got into the car.

"So what ? Jim blessing me every…" Matt cutted himself.

Luke smiled and started the car.

"Oh yes. Jim. Mister Perfection. Can't wait to meet the boyfriend. I thought he would be with you." he was a bit disappointed.
"Yes, well he's already there." mumbled Matt.
"Can't wait to see him. How come I never met him ? You do have good taste. I love your boyfriends."
"Yeah. Well they usually love you less." Matt remarked.
"Probably because I'm the most handsome of your exes." Luke flattered himself.

Matt scoffed. And blushed lightly.

"Yeah, whatever."
"I'm sure Jim is the jealous type." Luke said, a smile in his voice.
"…You really have no boundaries jeez..." sighed Matt, uncomfortable, even though Luke's relaxed attitude was usually something he liked a lot in him.
"Oh c'mon can't we bitch about it a bit ? Sure is the sweetest, but he can't actually be Mister Pefection !"
"N-no. No he's not." murmured Matt, but blushing slightly.

It didn't hurt to talk about Jim. It twisted his stomach.

“HUH-TISHEEEW !" he sneezed right into his hands.
"Ok, ok...Bless you Sunshine. But please, sneeze in your elbow…You are with a doctor, did you forget ?"
"How could I ? You remind this fact every ten minutes."
"Am not ! " protested Luke.
"Whatever, bitch. " joked Matt, as they had this habit of insulting each other but in a lightly tone.
"Did you take your medecine ?" asked suddenly Luke.
"Shit I forget !" Matt exclaimed.
"I might have one or two pills in my bag, don't worry. Oh well, if you're sneezing your head off all night long, I will have the greatest pleasure of entertaining Mister Perfection for you."

Matt blushed. Luke didn't know what he was talking about. He gently blew his nose and tried not to think about Jim anymore. Luckily, Luke was a talker, and Matt only needed to pick him up once in a while. Also Luke was funny. Matt let himself be carried away by his good humor.

Arrived at the domain, Matt found the place even more beautiful than the day before. Maybe because the girls were there, radiant, in a beautiful dress for Carol, long and with flowers, and a pearl gray suit for Lizzie. Matt smiled. Her friends were beautiful and happy. He approached.

"Girls…Wow."
"You're so cute both of you !" exclaimed Luke delightedly.

Everyone hugged and complimented each other. Matt looked around for Jim. Luke was busy telling something, so he quietly slipped away. Where was Jim? He was both very keen to see him and a little afraid of their reactions.

"Uncle Matt !"

He didn't have time to think or watch any longer. An energetic nine-year-old girl jumped into his arms. Matilda, the eldest of Carol & Lizzie, his goddaughter. She was an adorable mixed-race kid, her Afro-styled hair swept back by a purple scarf. She had glasses and small freckles. Her gaze was surprisingly smart and serious for a child her age, which Matt loved about her.

"Hey Tilda..."

He hugged her.

"You're so pretty today. Your moms must be so proud."
"And you, you are so handsome uncle Matt!"
"Thanks Tilda. I made myself cute for you. How are you?"
"Busy like a bee actually!"

Matt chuckled.

"Oh really ? And where is your brother ?"
"With our babysitter. She's nice but I prefer when it's you. Or uncle Jim."

Matt's heart sank despite himself. He still hadn't seen it. It was torture to know he was angry. Even though the note said he wanted to talk about their fight well...He needed to see him. He felt like he also need to talk, though, his mind was still all cloudy from their argument.

"Where's Uncle Jim?" Matilda asked looking around them "He was there a minute ago I swear…"
"I don't know." replied Matt, his heart beating fast.
"But he's your lovebird!"
"My what?" Matt frowned.
"Or your lobster? I forget mom told me something about it but...I don't know anymore. I'm gonna ask. Stay here I'll find Jim for you !"
"No-Tilda wait !"

But Matilda was already gone. Matt rolled his eyes. As much as he loved Matilda, the idea of her doing the arrangement between Jim and he was a bit ridiculous. He took a pill Luke gave him for his allergies. The air was sweet. He smiled despite himself feeling the sun on his face and closed his eyes.

Jim was coming out the other side of the house and heading for the park. When the sun reached his face he stopped for a moment. As a photic sneezer he knew a sneeze was coming. He waited only a few seconds and...

"Hupp-chxsh ! Huh...Hutshhh !...uh..." he stifled them in his hand.

Sniffing slightly, reassured by the realization that no one seemed to have seen or heard him he moved on. Seeing his father was enough to make him go back to that bad habit of feeling embarrassed and disturbing when he sneezed. Evidently, something had been tickling his nose since he had set foot here. Squinting at the sun, he stopped when he saw Matt, his eyes closed, soaking up the sun. He was beautiful. Well dressed. Jim thought his heart had just skipped a beat. He looked at Matt, his curls blowing gently in the wind. But the words he had said to him the night before haunted Jim. His expression grew harsh in spite of himself. His jaw tensed, his cheekbones sticking out. His eyebrows were furrowed. And his eyes shining with a mixture of sadness and anger.

Matt, opening his eyes, met Jim's gaze. Jim in his beautiful navy costume. But...His expression confused him. Jim had never looked at him like that. He didn't think anymore. Jim had probably changed his mind. He probably hated him right now. Yeah, he didn't deserve him right ? Matt, in a sudden fit of immaturity, rolled his eyes and turned away. He saw Luke alone, busy drinking a cocktail, and gave him a nice hug accompanied by a dazzling smile.

Jim felt the anger getting stronger inside him. He pales slightly. That was probably his weak point. His jealousy. No matter how many times he had been reassured by Matt, Jim, tonight, wasn't sure of anything.

He felt very alone and walked away a bit. He didn't know many people here, apart from Carol and Lizzie, a few friends from the group, whom he had seen a few times…Where was Matt, to talk nonsense to him, to make him laugh, to hug him, to ask him how was his day ? Or better, just…Moving on. He turned to where Matt and Luke were with heavy hearts. Luke was still there. Not Matt. Frowning Jim searched the crowd.

"Hey" came a familiar voice behind him.

Jim turned and saw that Matt was behind him. His heart raced.

"...Hey."

There was a long blank. The two men looked at each other without saying anything. Yet they had things to say to each other.

"I wanted to…"
"I think we…"

Jim and Matt had spoken at the same time. They smiled, embarrassed.

"You go first" said Matt.
"Look I'm...I'm really sorry about yesterday. I feel like we both got carried away and I really didn't want that."
"I didn't want that either." said Matt, looking serious and sorry at the same time.
"I know I hurt you, I…I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too" said Matt.

He had calmed down a bit. He knew this was just the beginning. A few words to put some reason between them.

"I wanted to say hi before, but...You were busy with Luke or whatever" said Jim nervously.

Jim felt very stupid, but jealousy seemed to have spoken before he thought. Matt chuckled but he didn't look amused at all.

"Well I don't go to people who's looking at me the way you did" he replied, calmly, but it was a bit tight. His voice was strained in spite of himself.
"Oh so now it's me who's making you avoiding me because of...My eyes ?" grimaced Jim - "Matt do you ever listen to yourself talk ?"
"Well maybe you're right. Maybe I should listen to myself more. At least I will not have to listening to you talking about how great is your father" – and he blushed slightly.

Jim scoffed. But he was not amused at all himself. And he did actually let a sad expression pass through his eyes. Everything started again. He had really wanted things to improve between them but…

"I can't believe this. Are we...Are we going to fight again about this ? I wanted to talk. Not fighting with you."
"Oh then please let's change the subject. You want to talk about jealousy uh ? I can't even look at someone else without you starting to be all jealous." snapped Matt.
"I'm not jealous."
"P-please. I don't even dare introduce you to friends sometimes because I'm afraid you'll make movies in your head"
"You spent several months of our relationship pretending Luke was only a friend."
"Well he is an ex and a friend, jeez, what's your problem ? I don't belong to you anyways."

You made that perfectly clear when you didn't even ask my opinion on your reunion with your father, he thought.

"You can't help but flirt with the whole world." snapped Jim.
"What ? Are you serious right now ?" Matt exclaimed, genuinely surprised.
"You're always teasing and looking at people like theyre so special...you give them importance because you know very well that people are fascinated by your so-called mastery of words."
"Not you apparently." Matt remarked bitterly.

Jim grimaced. His heart was beating too hard.

"Sorry the game you seemed to love, fighting with me, even with words, is tiresome."
"I don't do that. I'm not looking for a fight, you're just not listening."
"Well yes you do. Just admit it." cutted Jim coldly. Matt reproached him not to listen ? But did he even listen to him sometimes ?
"Then admit you're jealous."

When all I'm asking is a bit of trust. You know trust is important to me, was what he wanted to added, but didn't.

"Maybe, but not without reasons." said Jim, blushing lightly.

Jeez that sounded worse than he thought.

"What are you implying?" Matt's voice cracked a bit.
"I..."
"Now be careful." he muttered between his teeth.
"Oh really ? Are you threatening me now ?"
"Stop being so dramatic Jim ! Trying to talk to you right now." exclaimed Matt.
"You're not. You're threatening." insisted Jim, pained by it.
"Well at least it shouldn't change much from your father is it ?" Matt mumbled without thinking.

That was harsh. Jim was so pale right now.

"Jim I didn't… I'm sor..." started Matt, confused and sorry, as he saw Jim's expression change, becoming hard and cold.
"You're the w-worst Matthew. How can you even...I wanted to…You know what ? I don't even know why I'm jealous. Be-because yes maybe I am, but see how much of a challenge you can be I should known that people don't want to stay with you more than an hour." said Jim, babbling a bit, being so sad and angry at Matt he was shaking slighlty.

Matt was hurt too right now. He never knew Jim could be that mean. But it also made him realize his own wickedness towards him. Jim would never have said that otherwise. Jim gritted his teeth. Matt was going too far. He couldn't talk to him anymore, it was awful. He had to be quiet. He didn't know what would be the next words to escape his mouth. Both brought to the surface the most painful and the ugliest of themselves.

"You said you wanted to apologize" murmured Matt.
"Guess what? Changed my mind."
"I hate you so much right now it's not even…" his voice was garbled and without force by this lie, distorted by a sneeze which he suppressed slightly between his fingers to avoid spraying Jim "HUH-XXchiiiew!"

Normally this should have calmed Jim. At least normally. But no. He clenched his fists slightly. He was about to say something, but Matt sneezed again.

"HUH-IKsshiew ! Huh-hhhut-shhhu ! HHH-HHH-HUUTSHOO ! TSHU !"
"You're hating me?" said calmly Jim, after Matt was done, feeling half like he deserved this, half being so angry about Matt right now.
"Way of…Of…Speak…Kkk…Uh…I…Hhh-hutssshhhieew ! Uh…" sniffed Matt.
"Hey dickhead ? I don't want to see you tonight. So just...Go to Luke, Sam, John...Whatever. I don't care. I don't want to see you...Or hear you."

Matt crossed his arms. Jim was driving him crazy.

"Oh great. At least I don't have to pretend I care for your talk with your father." – wow that was mean he though the second he said it, and it was so much the opposite of his thought, just a plain and mean lie again.
"And I to pretend I care at all about what you're doing with your life tonight. Enjoy." said Jim the coldlest way possible, as the tears were welling up in his eyes.
"Yeah you too." murmured Matt.
"Dickhead" muttered Jim as he walked away, his eyes glistening with tears this time.
"Jealous, dramatic…Uh…UHH-ARRCHOO! Stupid bright and…And “oooh I’m so right about everything” jeez I…I-I-I-I haAAARSSSHIEW!" Matt muttered between sneezes, kicking rocks, walking away as well.

Jim kept walking away.

"Don't cry don't cry..." he said to himself inwardly, desperate for the situation with Matt. Why was everything getting worse and worse?

He turned. Matt walked in the opposite direction, his back to him. Jim shook his head and continued on his way to the bottom of the garden.

Matt was hitting the rocks but each hit reminded him of Jim's words. They were both injured. Whether they were right or not... It wasn't that important. He had to… What had Carol said the night before ? Work through that. They couldn't stay like this. It was not possible.

"Why did we come to this so quickly ? Fuck it's Jim, I have to...Fix this."

He turned. But Jim walked with a determined step towards the bottom of the garden. Matt winced and walked into the living room, and the pollen he had breathed in the garden peaked in the warmth of the living room, filled with flowers. He had taken a pill, but these merely diminished his reactions. And it didn't seem to take effect right away. He gasped for a few moments, took a deep breath and began to sneeze loudly, pushing the pollen out of his nostrils with force.

"HHHH-hhhh-haaa-hhhh-Huh-huh-huh-Haaaat-TSSSSHHOO ! Heh...HeeeTISSShIIIUUH ! Eh-Eh-AAA-PSSSSHIIIEW ! E...Ek-PPSshIIew ! H-HHHUTISSSSHU ! AR... AAAaAaAAArchOO ! AsssHHIEEEW ! ASHIEW !"

He blew his nose. And waited. For what ? Oh yes. Deep voice of Jim blessing him, as always. But I realized the blessings wouldn't come as Jim wasn't near him. Maybe for good. Matt didn’t knew at this point. What could be worse than that ?

[Privatedancer]

Oh I love this but I hope I’m not left hanging too long.  I feel so bad for both of them.  But also angry with both of them- boys can be so stupid!  Not saying women can’t be too but I do hope we are better at not saying every awful thing that comes into our minds

[Jinnie]

I CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MANY TIME I GASPED READING THAT CHAPTER WHATTTTBFBDBFND

[Lily]

@Privatedancer got your back

@Jinnie hey there ! that's sweet thanks, more gasping to come (maybe ?) right here right now

CHAPTER 15 - TRYING

Jim admires the expanse of fields, a forest in the distance and something shiny beyond that. The ocean, no doubt. He concentrates on this vision, tempted to drive out the anger and the sadness in him.

"I'm fine. Lizzie is still a little stressed. But the evening has only just begun." – she had this calm, soothing voice.
"She is ? I'll relax her a bit if you want."
"That's sweet. But Jim, no offense can I relax you ?" she asked gently.
"I...I'm not stressed." Frowned Jim. 

The moment he said his words his shoulders tensed and his face contorted. He tried in vain to hold back his sneezes but to no avail. He turned on his side and sneezed four times in a row.

"HUH-tssxxx-uh ! At-sshxxx-iew ! Uh…UUUH-xxxsh’ ! Uh…AT-shhhiii-uuuuh…"

The last one had been so hard to stifled, Jim had felt very wet. Gosh that was annoying.

"Excuse me."
"Wow that seemed intense. Bless you Jim ! Are you ok ?"
"Yeah...I'm sorry I don't know there's something in the air who's triggering me."
"There's also someone who is triggering you." she remarked with a soft voice. 

He found a tissue and turned slightly to blow his nose. Two or three blows were enough.

"...What do you mean?"
"I saw the two of you. But with daggers in the eyes."
"..." 

Jim lowered his head, with pain.

"Oh that... It showed that much?" Jim whispered, both embarrassed and sad.
"Yes" Carol replied simply.
"I'm sorry I didn't want us to put on a show really Carol I'm sorry..." 

He stopped when he saw Carol frowned.

"Hey there. Don't worry about this. Just tell me if I can do something ?"
"I-I don't think so..." and Jim voice cracked so he turned away, frustrated, then chuckling nervously. 

Carol was touched to see him like this. He looked so sad ! Were things so terrible ? She knew their relationship, and did not imagine that anything could divide them forever.

"What did he say to you ?" she asked insightfully.
"What...How do you..."
"Come on Jim we know the man. He can be hurtful."
"He didn't mean it, I know. And I didn't but like…We both…We said horrible things to each other I just…But it was just...Ugh Carol everything escalated so fast..." his voice cracked again.

Taking a deep breath, and as he was so desesperate right now, he told her about their argument from the start until the evening. Carol was a friend. Their friend. Also, Jim trusted her. For her calm, rational, non-judgmental side. He dared to tell her what they had said to each other, leaving out a few details but being honest. Telling this was painful, but Jim needed it. He wasn't like Matt. He couldn't just allow himself to be filled with anger and vent it elsewhere. He needed to speak, to understand. Carol nodded. Her face lit up as if she understood something. Jim surprised that look.

"Wh...Whaaa-Asssh Excuse me I...UH-XXSSShhhh !...Sorry."
"Jim stop apologizing. You're just sneezing." said Carol, actually surprised of how he was apologizing so much.
"Sorry. I mean…I know but..."
"Boy I hope Matt doesn't say sorry every time he sneezes cause otherwise it must be so annoying!" she teased, trying to make him smile.

Jim didn't even smiled at that. It was too fresh. Carol took his arm and they both walked towards the garden.

"Jim honey. Matt acted like this because he couldn't be vulnerable in front of you. So he attacked you to avoid being that that way. And you…Well you did what you could. you are human."
"I've been awful Carol."
" Yes. Perhaps. But Matt too. Are you going to let yourself sink because of... your father ? Of your misunderstandings? "
"No, of course not. I'm so stupid. I should have listened to him but you know I wanted to be stronger. To overcome all that. My relation with my father. To prove Matt..."
"To prove what?"
"I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter now." he sighed.
"Honey…It's going to be ok. Matt is not doing great without you. I'm sure he is as sorry as you are"
"I don't know."
"I think he was scared of what could happen with your father and he let himself go with his emotions. Before you, he didn't even dare to have emotions anymore. He's still learning to manage. I know, it's painful but I really think he try." said Carol kindly.
"Oh jeez you're right but…But…But you know what's killing me ? And I know it's stupid but it's like…He was right all along. My father is just the worst person ever I thought…I thought I was going to die from the pain, I swears Carol I…I felt so terribly alone and all I could think was…Why I wasn't with Matthew, and you girls and…I'm so sorry, I…" his voice cracked, he was on the verge of crying, getting so emotional as he was reliving his really painful day.
"Oh Jim I'm sorry for you." said Carol, moved by the thought of what her friend had to endure with his father.

They hugged. Jim didn't want to cry. He had said too much. He had no right to ruin the girls' party just because he was stubborn. He took a deep breath and pulled away from their embrace.

"Let's...Not talk about it ok ? I can't cry right now, I don't want to ruin everything today..." he looked almost panicked at the idea.
"Ok, ok, don't worry." said calmy Carol, in a gentle tone, "Just so you know, I think Matt couldn't even try to explain to you how much he was scared to lose you over your father so he attacked. But that's all. He loves all o much…" Carol reassured him.
"B-But...It's stupid...L-l-loosing me..." Jim stuttered.

When he thought he'd told him Matt didn't deserve it, Jim felt shame wash over him. How could he have been so obnoxious ? Carol stopped and turned to Jim. She looked at him seriously.

"I know. He is usually a bright guy but with you he can't be very stupid."
"Carol jeez I...I don't know what to do now." – he was so confused.

Carol was surprised. Jim was generally confident, at least with Matt. But right now, he looked scared.

"Just...Find him. Relax Talk to him. Hug him. Dance with him. I know Matt he is probably torturing himself after what he told you."

Jim crossed his arms and pouted. Carol smiled lightly. Then she added.

"Jim he loves you so much it's not even funny. You have nothing to lose. You just have to try. He will try too, I swears. If you love him even halfway, just go to him. "
"Of course I lov..."
"Moooom !"

Matilda rushed to Carol and hugged her.

"Easy love. What ?"
"I was with my friends we went near the stables and we caressed the ponies ! Mom they're so cute!"
"I know they are. But as mommy already told you, we can't have one at home."
"But mom please..."
"I stand with mommy on that one." Carol said firmly, but gently.
"That's not fair !" Matilda sulked for a moment then seeing Jim gave her a big hug and whispered in her ear "Uncle Jim, you know, it's not done, I have a plan" 

Jim chuckled and the little girl ran off again to join her friends.

The damage was done.

Because Jim had always had a big allergy. Horses. And he was far from suspecting that he would find some here. So that was why he felt this horrible tingle all along...His nose was already running. He pulled out a handkerchief and quietly wiped his nose as Carol waved at her daughter.

"Carol thank you. I'm going to Matt."
"Brilliant ! Don't worry you're the only one who talked "the Matthew" fluently." She teased him.
"You do seem to hhh-have knowledge on the matter a-actually." said Jim fighting the urge to sneeze.
"Lizzie is like a sister to him. Don't really had a choice there" she smiled. 

Jim thanked her with a quick kiss on the forehead and walked across the park. Once in the house, he went inside towards the toilets, constantly pinching his nose to avoid the impending explosion. He couldn't take it anymore. To his relief the toilets were empty. He locked himself in a cubicle and sneezed violently.

"HHHH-HUTPHXX-Uh ! Huh…Huh-HUTSSS-THSI-Uh…Haaa-Pssshi ! Uhm…Uh…HUH-TSSSHGN ! Uh…"

They sounded so wet, even with the stifling. But the tickling wouldn't go away. He knew he had to let them go. He took out toilet paper and sneezed violently into the paper, as Jim unfortunately lost his handkerchief while walking fast to the toilets.

"Hhhh…HUUTSSSHIEW ! Oh…UM-UPSSSHIEW ! Uh…Uh…UUUUPSSSHIEW ! Ugh…"

The papers were already soaked. He threw everything down the toilet. Then he sneezed into his hands again - wet big sneeze that gave him a shiver between disgust and relief.

"UH-TISHHHIUUH ! HHH-hhhh-HHH-HHHH-TIIISSSHIIIIEW ! Haahh-AAAPKSSSSHIEW ! hhhHHHH-Oh….HHH-AAARKSSSHIEW ! Duh…Uh…UPShhhhiiiIIIIIEWWW !"

And then a compilation that he sometimes tried to stifled, sometimes to release against the paper as they were so strong and out of control, even for him.

"UP-Ksssch' ! Uh…HHH-huh-HUH-PSSShgggn' ! Haaa-hhh-hhhh-HHH-AAAPSHIIIUUUH ! Oh….Uh…Uh…Oh no…No-uh-uh-PSSSTSHHHIEW ! HUH-hhh-ARRRPSSSHIEW "OH! Haa-hhh-HH-ATPgggn '! Uh…APSSSH'-uh…HHHH-HHH-OH ! HUUUH-ARRRSSSSHUUUUH ! HMPSH'IEW…Uh…HUH ? TSSSH'iuh-oh…TSh'iew ! Uh…HHH'TSSSHIEW ! TSSHPSSSHHIUH ! Hhhh…"

He sat down, overcome by a slight dizziness. His breathing was slightly wheezing. He tried to calm down. The bathroom door opened with a conversation. Jim's heart raced as he heard laughter. One of which he knew by heart.

"Luke just...Stop it !" this voice, this beautiful voice, distorted by a stifled laughter, it was Matt's voice.
"I can't you're too funny like this Sunshine."
"Like what? Don't watch you pervert. Stay outside!"
"Ok then. I'll wait for you in the park. But hurry."

Jim put his hand to his mouth. It was not possible. He was going to sneeze again. Pinching his nose and breathing as he could he tried to control his sneeze as much as his anger. He was almost out of the woods when he heard the sound of running water as Matt washed his hands. But Matt didn't seem to be finished.

In fact he...He was talking to himself in a low voice, as if he were practicing.

"Come on...I can do this...I talked to him before..."

Jim taught Matt was talking about Luke and felt jealousy striking back hard.

Obviously, Matt talked about Jim but Jim was too blinded by his emotions to understand. Jim was starting to feel like he really had to sneeze. And he knew even if he stifled it Matt would hear him. Gasping slightly he tried his best not to sneeze.

"HUHH-CHOO!"

Now that one was Matt's. They were flowers in the bathroom and the sneeze did take him by surprise, as he covered it with his hands at the last minute. He sighed.

"Well bless me."

And he washed his hand again, cause his hand was wet from his big sneeze.

"Huh...Huh...h....HHH-HHHUTSSHIEW" sneezed Jim with violence in the toilet paper.

There was a silence. The water stopped running. Jim blushed. He tried his best but others big sneezes slipped out of his control. Worse. Thing. Ever.

"Huh…HUPSSSHIEW ! Huh…Huh-tissshew ! HUHTISSSHEW! Huh…-HUTSSSHUh ! Hhh…ATSSSHIIIEW!"
"Hey bless you man !" said Matt in a gentle yet slightly mocking tone. 

Just go... Jim couldn't take it anymore, it was horrible and terribly embarrassing. He was hot and the idea that Matt might recognize him was imminent.

"Huh-PCHXW ! Huh…Huh-Pssshch-ih-uh…" he stifled them but he was getting desperate.
"Are you ok in th..."
"Aaah-PSSHcht-uh…Huh-PSSHssshhiiiew !" 

Matt realized.

"Jim. Is that you ?"

Jim couldn't speak right now. He didn't answer and waited to hear the footsteps and the door slam. Then Jim walked out of the cabin, stroking his nose gently. God he was sensitive tonight.

He almost jumped when he saw Matt staring at him, leaning against the door, arms crossed and frowning.

"Ok so you do stand with the no talk no hear policy then ?" – he said with a mocking tone, trying to covering his nervousness.

Jim washed his hands and put a bit of water on his face. Then he wiped it off. Gosh his allergies were terrible. It was such a long time that he hadn't approached any horses that his body was driven mad by a few breaths near them.

"Oh Jim ! Talk to me. At least…Can we try again ? Talking ?" he sighed – "Tell me, can we talk or do I really annoy you right now ?"
"Not more than usual, why do you care anyways" answered quickly Jim.

Matt was a bit shocked at the snapping tone Jim had. He was more of the calm and contained type usually, he revealed a side of him that Matt had trouble grasping.

"You're in great shape tonight."

Jim began to gasp, his nostrils flaring, his eyes half-closing, his hand close to his face. It was agony to feel his nose irritating him so much. He sniffled slightly, but that was even worse. He gasped for a few more seconds, his breathing was deep and desperate, more and more vocal and then the sneeze came, against his hand.

"Hhh-hhh-hhhh-hh-hh-hh-hhhhh-hhhh-hhhhh-snnffff!-hhhhhhh-hhhhhh-hhhhh-hhhh-hhhh-hhh-hhh-haa-huhh-huhh-HUUUTISSSSHIIIIEW!"

Matt swallowed slightly. Jeez that was an epic build up, followed by a strong sneeze. He almost said bless you, but the way Jim was nos even looking at him made him choose his usual sarcasm.

"Who catches a cold in mid spring anyway ? That's beyond me" said Matt, even thought he became worried that Jim might have catch one.
"Snnnnf ! There's a lot of things that are beyond you" answered coldly Jim "Ugh…" 

He looked his reflection and thought he was looking horrible even though the sneezing fit gave his eyes a brilliance they usually didn't have. He blew his nose and a little look of pain passed through his eyes.

"Nice one" – commented Matt with a smile, even though he was hurt and that's probably what made him say – "Gee spending time with your father you really did good it seems"

Jim turned, crossing his arms, leaning against the sink. He glared at Matt.

"Are you done?"
"M'sorry…" muttered Matt. 
"What's that?" asked Jim, leaning a bit forward, even though he did hear Matt. 

Matt rolled his eyes.

"It's easier to be mean to me than to say you're sorry isn't it ?" realized Jim, a sad tone in his voice, pinching his nose as he felt he was going to sneeze again.
"Jim look, I didn't want to make you feel bad, I'm sorry, I just…Oh, here just take this" – Matt approached, losing patience to see him torturing himself and handed his own handkerchief to Jim who seemed about to sneeze, gasping softly and turning face away, looking a bit embarrassed.
"I'm not…Going to s-sneeze" – Jim said, crossing his arms again. 

Matt let out an annoyed little hiss and scoffed.

"Oh no right. You're just really love pinching your nose aren't you?"
"Leav…Leave me a-al…Ah…Ah…AAAHHP-CHHHHIIIIEW! Huh…Huh…HUP-ssht''! Huh…Hutssshem'…Huh…" – his first sneeze was brutal, he had to cover it with his hands, and felt the wetness against his fingers. He wiped his hands, red with shame, and grabbed a paper towel and gently blew his nose. It hurt him, he better take Matt's handkerchief.
"Bless y…" started Matt, impressed.
"Hey Matt didn't know you could make those weird but cute noises" - Luke walked into the bathroom with an amused smile - "But you know, you shouldn't do that. As a doctor, I have to tell you: it's not good for body to stifle them. Oh and also, since when do you hide to sneeze ?". 

Jim blushed slightly and ran a hand through his dark hair. Luke noticed it, turned to him smiling. A handsome boy like Jim always had an effect on him.

"Hey there. You're not like this model from last season ? Vogue Magazine ? No ? My...Didn't we met before ?"

Oh yes. In front of Matt's place. I thought you were his lover but you're just an ex, and it was jealousy speaking, thought Jim.

"No I don't think so."
"Luke Green. Nice to meet you. Friend of this one ?" – he said, pressing the beautiful swimmers shoulders of Matt who felt uncomfortable.
"Nice to mee you. I'm…James Cooper." murmured Jim with an even deeper voice than usual, with his allergy.
"Luke, it's Jim" added Matt, lowering his eyes slightly.
"No way!" exclaimed Luke happily - "You're Jim? Like…His Jim? Man, I can't believe it…Finally. You know, he just can't stop shutting up about you!" 

Matt blushed hard. Jim felt his heart sink. He could see Matt blushing.

"Luke ? Speaking of shutting up…"
"What ? Oh I'm sorry." said Luke, giggling, as he was not sorry at all - "Well you do make a very cute couple" he added, observing them both.

There was an awkward silence, Matt looking at Jim who was staring at the sink. In reality, he was looking a little above the sink, in the mirror, trying to understand Matt's expression which was reflected by the mirror.

"So you're dating on the toilets now or…" teased Luke.

It was too much. Jim needed air.

"Excuse me" - he walked away, brushing Matt, and the mere touch made him falter slightly, but he continued on his way.

He crossed without a word, without a look, the party, the garden, he jumped over the field fence and crossed a field before finding himself on a small path lined with trees. He advanced as night fell. He didn't know where he was going. What a shitty day.

Matt had remained only a few seconds without moving, then he had apologized to Luke and had in turn crossed the crowd, the garden, he had seen the long silhouette of Jim crossing the park, jumping over the barrier…Arrived at the barrier, he realized how high and how in poor shape it was. He climbed it and scratched the palm of his hand lightly and rips his pants a little too at the knee. Although he was athletic, climbing was not his forte. Breathless, he looked around for Jim and thought he saw a silhouette between the trees that led to the forest. He descended quickly, arrived on the path. It was beautiful, its trees forming an arch above them. Them. Because Jim was there, only a few meters away. It was time. Nothing could cut them now. Matt promised himself to fix things. He loved Jim too much to ruin it.

"JIM ! Stop ! WAIT !"

Jim jumped. He stopped but didn't turn around. Matt quickened his pace, found himself running a little and came up to him.

"Man you walk like…So fast." he said, catching his breath.

Jim turned around. He looked at him. Matt had cut his hand. He wanted to grab him and shake him to yell at him. Matt really didn't take care of himself, it was almost scary.

"You have blood on your hand." he said in a distant voice.
"Oh…Yes. On my knee too probably, I kinda freaked out trying to imitate you. Jumping the barrier like a superhero" – he tried a light tone, but Jim looked away.
"You should take care of it." he said gravely.
"It's nothing. Jim look…Look at me please." sighed Matt.
"That's all I've been doing since I'm here. The habit of looking your stupid face I guess."

His hazel eyes met Matt's blue and green eyes. Each held the gaze of the other, but it was no longer a challenge. There was something else. 

"I'm really trying to calm down but you're not really helping me." – Matt whispered.
"Well don't try to hard I'm still angry at you" spitted Jim.
"I am too. But…Just so you know, I said nonsense earlier, I don't hate you. But I'm still mad at you." replied Matt.

Jim's eyes widened. He wanted to scream.

"Because I saw my father?" his voice sounded so tense.
"How was it?" – asked calmly Matt.

It was actually the first time he asked in a serious way. Jim was surprised. The worst, wanted to answer Jim honestly. He wanted to cry almost. Yesterday was the worst day ever. But he couldn't tell Matt that. He was going to say I told you so and Jim was going to freak out. He rolled his eyes. He bit his lower lip, Matt saw his jaw tense and his eyes watering. What was left of his anger melted immediately at the sight. Jim must have been through hell. He became aware of it with all the atoms of his body. Their argument could wait. Jim needed him.

"James, I'm...I...Well I..."
" What? What Matt?" snapped Jim - "I told you so ? That's it ?"
"No I..." started Matt, a bit lost, also really sorry.
"You had the luck of having a loving mother all your life who took care of you and embraced the fact that you're gay. That's great for you, I didn't so just...Stop reproaching me things I didn't have. I just...I try to manage with this…As I can. Okay?" said Jim furiously, trying to let off steam so as not to cry.
"Well my mom's dead now so..." – muttered Matt, sad that Jim mentions it.
"Yeah ? Mine too you...You..." – Jim bited hid slip again, afraid of what he was going to say, but so angry right now.
"What ? What ?" – said Matt, trying to provoke him, feeling that Jim needed to let something out.
"You s-sss-ssse-eh-eh-selfish..."

He turned slightly, blushing, and pinched his nose, sneezing.

"HeeeeeEEA-PSHHH-iew ! Uh…Huh-Pssshiew ! Uh…Huh-Pssh-shiew ! Uh…"

He rubbed his reddened nose lightly and let out a long hissing sigh. Matt looked at him with pain. Even that way of sneezing, quietly and in control, he knew Jim had learned from his father. Matt shoots into a rock, his hands in his pockets.

"You think I'm selfish uh ?"
"Yes." - said sharply Jim, desperately searching for a tissue, or anything to blew his nose in his pockets.
"Maybe y'rght." mumbled Matt.
"What-eh-eh-EHHhhPsssxxht!" he sneezed again, strongly stifling it.
"I say you're right. Bless you." he said in a soft tone. 

Jim blushed lightly.

"If...That was a sneeze." Matt mumbled, crossing his arms.

Jim rolled his eyes. He couldn't help it, couldn't he ? No handkerchief. No more tissues. Gently, he passed his hand under his nose just to check that nothing was leaking. Matt rummaged through pockets. For once it was he who had the handkerchief. He thought he wouldn't particularly need it now that he had taken his medicine. He handed one to Jim.

"Take it. Please just...Take it alright ?" he grunted.
"Sure ?"
"Yes..." 

Jim did take them and blew his beautiful yet very sensitive nose right away. Matt handkerchief smelled a bit of chlorine. And fresh laundry.

"I-I-I...Eh-Hu-HuPccchxw !"

"Jeez what's that all about ? I never hear you sneezing that much." murmured Matt, a bit worried.
"I...I thin...Hi...Heetshhhhuuu!"
"Bless you my de..." -started Matt, feeling a tickle in his nose.
"Matt?" Jim asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh you...You started to put this...Awful...Perfume aga...ag...again... Ah-ah-ah-ah-AaaaAaaaAAAASSSShhhhIIIU!" 

He barely covered his sneeze, completely overwhelmed by the need to push it out of his body. Jim blushed lightly again.

"You said you like this perfume" he protested.
"Well I...Yes I did say that but..." admitted Matt.
"Oh you just don't want to say anything nice to me is that it?" 

Matt blushed. Hard.

"You're such a child it’s not even...Even...EH-H-AaaA-PSSSHIIEw !" sneezed loudly Jim in his elbow.

And then...

"Eh-Eh-AAA-PSSSSHIIIEW !"
"HUHHHH-TsssSHOO !
"Huh...He-aaaPSHIIEW !"
"HUTTSSSHIEW !
"Huh…Hut…Ah-Eh-Eh-EHHHTSSSUH !"
"Haaa-psshiiiew !" "Uhhh-Uh-psshhhIEW ! Huh…"

At first it sounded almost like a battle of sneezing. They’re were surprised as how much they both needed to sneeze, Matt because of Jim’s perfume and maybe a bit of the pollen in the air, Jim because of the horses. They both sounded so strong, masculine, and kinda wet, especially towards the end. And the last sneezes were impressive, as Matt and Jim did sneezed at the same time. They was a moment of silence and Matt couldn't do anything but chuckled nervously.

"B-bless...Bless you." Matt said in a breathy voice.
"Bless you too" said Jim, trying to avoid smiling but with difficulty.
"These were big." commented Matt, a little impressed.
"Don't..." started Jim, very embarrassed.
"Hey you know I'd rather you let them go than risk breaking your nose every time." he said this in a soft, slightly teasing voice.

Then Matt approached Jim and shyly took his hands in his. The touch set his cheeks ablaze, electrifying him. Gosh he had missed those sweet hands. And Jim didn't dismiss them. He let Matt touch him, gently stroking his hands with his thumbs. He blushed too. Lightly, but still. Matt was sure they could tried to fix this. Together.

[Privatedancer]

Thank you for not leaving us hanging!  So glad they are starting to make up!

[Jinnie]

many. more. gasps. 

[Privatedancer]

I do hope they end up crying and holding each other tight…. 

[Not Telling]

Oh what a roller-coaster these past two chapters have been. After Chapter 14 I was prepared to give a tirade of the ages: Matt, espèce d'idiote! Jim passait déjà une mauvaise journée. Forget your stubbornness, put aside your selfish ego and pride, let go of your anger. Jim just did something extremely difficult and above everything else he needs the empathy and support and compassion of the man he loves not your judgment and anger! Matt just keeps running roughshod over him and Jim despite it all, Jim is trying his best, he's trying to make it okay, he's extending an olive branch and even then Matt's spitting in his face. Of course Jim is going to react, ça c’était la goutte d’eau qui a fait déborder le vase. I still think come chapter 15 Matt's still being a little bit stupid, but at least he's seemingly putting it all aside for now to attend to Jim and I'm glad their seemingly heading towards some kind of resolution. Thank you for your continued beautiful creation. For better or worse, I am so emotionally invested in these two. Mais, si ce n'est pas trop demande, peux-tu s'il te plaît, être gentil avec Matt et Jim dans le prochain chapitre?  Maybe reward us with some ultra fluff? I don't think my stomach could handle much more angst. Truly though, thank you for sharing with us all your wonderful story. ❤️ 

[Privatedancer]

I liked reading Not Telling’s response because I am totally on Matt’s side of the argument and felt he had held out the olive branch only to have Jim slap it down.  You brought up a really good point though- he needed Matt’s empathy not anger as he faced something so difficult as trying to reconnect with his father.  For me though, Jim implying Matt didn’t deserve him was the lowest blow that is likely to play over and over in Matt’s mind whenever he is feeling low.

[Not Telling]

1 hour ago, Privatedancer said:

I liked reading Not Telling’s response because I am totally on Matt’s side of the argument and felt he had held out the olive branch only to have Jim slap it down.  You brought up a really good point though- he needed Matt’s empathy not anger as he faced something so difficult as trying to reconnect with his father.  For me though, Jim implying Matt didn’t deserve him was the lowest blow that is likely to play over and over in Matt’s mind whenever he is feeling low.

I like reading your response too. Totally valid point as well. Jim wielded his intimate knowledge of Matt to say the thing that would hurt him the most and have the most resonating impact since Matt already internalizes that he isn't deserving or worthy of Jim's wholesome goodness, it was definitely a low blow and meant to cut deep. Definitely not a good look on Jim's part. They both responded poorly to a harrowing situation and neither decided to walk away from the conversation before they said things they'd regret ad would live between them. While I do think Matt has a right to express his concerns about Jim meeting and his qualms started from a place of being well intentioned of not wanting Jim to be further hurt and influenced by his father's bigotry, it evolved to an almost self-righteousness and was totally lacking in empathy. You can not like the decision your partner is making for themselves because you think it is harmful, you can disagree with it because it's not what you would do, but emotional abuse is messy and it isn't always straight forward. Jim needs to make the decision for himself who to invite into his life and continue to see and who to cut out, having Matt get angry with him and judge him for agreeing to see his father and try to influence him to not see his father was not what Jim needed in that moment, nor was it helpful. There were a multitude of approaches that Matt could have taken that would have been infinitely better than the way he addressed it. It was already an emotionally tense subject matter and just escalated to monumentally destructive proportions on both sides-just a perfect storm. When Jim was ready to apologize Matt rebuffed him, so Jim respected that and left him alone per his request (which I *do* think deserves recognition that he didn't continue to try and work things out with Matt when he explicitly stated that he wanted to be alone and respected the boundaries Matt was instilling). When they met up the following day I think they were both still too raw from everything that happened, maybe even still a little too bitter and you shouldn't attempt to continue to converse when you're having difficulty regulating your emotions especially your anger. It's likely they needed a longer time-out before they tried to come back to the conversation. So it put Matt on the defensive when Jim made a careless comment about Luke. That said, Jim was feeling particularly vulnerable about Matt's relationship with Luke because of the shaky ground they were standing on. I think if Matt had been a little more clear that despite needing space he had every intention of coming back to the table and working things out with Jim maybe he wouldn't have let his jealousy get the best of him. Matt too could have overlooked the comment and just let it go, instead he immediately got combative and yet again it escalated. In actuality, if this were detailed on the R/AITA I think it would absolutely be a case of ESH. haha. At any rate, sorry for the stupidly long-winded analysis. Total credit to @Lily for the fantastic writing that inspires such conversation. 

[Lily]

@Privatedancer & @Not Telling

Love how you both wrote almost as much as me trying to analyze Matt and Jim. I re-read all the exchanges betwen the two and to me, Matt’s lack of empathy and trying to communicate with Jim brought to the surface a difficulty on his part to confront the emotions and the difficulties related to family matters. Matt should remember how Jim's temper is most of the time. I mean he's generally calm and collected. The fact that he shouldn't have snapped in any others circumstances should have allowed Matt to be more understanding. So I understand why Not Telling is more on Jim's side. But also Jim was much tougher in the way he talked to Matt, telling him all the worst things Matt could hear from him, so I understand Private Dancer on the subject as well.

On 6/7/2023 at 4:06 AM, Not Telling said:

Jim wielded his intimate knowledge of Matt to say the thing that would hurt him the most and have the most resonating impact since Matt already internalizes that he isn't deserving or worthy of Jim's wholesome goodness, it was definitely a low blow and meant to cut deep.

yes, totally

I personally think they finally both wrong, but also it's part of their limit of the way to communicate and being in relationship. They lacked about setting boundaries on how to address each other and also share their experience in a more caring way. Well, nobody's perfect obviously. Sometimes people need this kind of argument to get a better understanding of the other's perspective, even though it's a shame they couldn't do that in a more collected way.

On 6/7/2023 at 4:06 AM, Not Telling said:

While I do think Matt has a right to express his concerns about Jim meeting and his qualms started from a place of being well intentioned of not wanting Jim to be further hurt and influenced by his father's bigotry, it evolved to an almost self-righteousness and was totally lacking in empathy. You can not like the decision your partner is making for themselves because you think it is harmful, you can disagree with it because it's not what you would do, but emotional abuse is messy and it isn't always straight forward.

Very that

They both emotional people, the difference is that Jim let himself be overwhelmed by emotions he was not used to feeling, very disturbed by Matt's attitude, while Matt, unable to bear to be vulnerable, took refuge in aggression instead of calming down and trying to understand Jim. I think that most of the aggressiveness between the two could have been avoided if they had taken a little time, had left space and especially if they had not tried to have answers to everything as soon as one opened his mouth. But it's that in addition to being emotional, they're also stubborn people who know how to use words to achieve their goal, even thought I was writing their fight perfectly aware that they were completely lost about what they really want. Cause they both obviously didn't want that fight, and even thought they said it, writing it and repeated it, they kept trying to push. My personal belief is that they would have done better to learn from Carol and Lizzie #lesbiansqueens.  💜

I discovered the R/AITA thanks to you, haha at first I was like what…What is that ? But totally agree with you. And I love the analysis, don’t worry, it make me feel like my story is way more deep than I thought which is troublant but rather pleasing. 🤭

🌈 hope this chapter will please all readers, I put so much in it...It's not even the end of the story, I still have one or two ideas for their love story 🤭

CHAPTER 16 – WHERE ELSE COULD I BE

Jim stayed silent. He wanted Matt to do the first step. He knew he couldn’t himself. He was still a bit afraid about talking right now. Afraid of what could escape their mouths. 

"I know I acted the stupidest and selfishness way possible. I am sorry about what I said. I was angry because I..I couldn't understand. Well I still don't, but I want to. I care for you Jim. Everything that concerns you concern me. I don’t understand how I could forgot that, or at least, how I could put that aside these last hours." Matt said with the most gentle tone he could.

"Ok but don't... Don't come near me" Jim whispered without letting go of his hands "You'll...Sneeze again, I don't want you to"
"I'll take the risk. Catching this cold you seemed to have. Bless you by the way. " he frowned, looking a bit nervous "Oh right I…I already told you ehm…What I meant was…Oh please Jim. ..I'm so sorry. I know have been insensitive."
"Yes you did" Jim said looking down.
"Love, I'm sorry. I care and love you so deep I was afraid and I let that fear take me. I was afraid of you being bullied by your father."
"Oh because you prefer to do it yourself ?" asked Jim, in a sarcastic tone where you could hear the sadness in it.
"No I...Look I'm sorry, I know I was rude with you. I didn't...Take the time to listen to you. And I'm deeply sorry about it, because you deserve compassion from me . Empathy. Love. And not…Not the rest, which makes me so ashamed I can barely look at you right now." he said in a low voice.

His gaze was indeed hard to follow, as Matt seemed anxious, sad, and kept looking at Jim then lowering his gaze.

"Matt why…Why didn't you have this…Empathy for me ? All I was asking from you was…This. Empathy. I wanted you to be there for me. Is that too much to ask of you ?" asked Jim, almost afraid it was truly the case.
"No of course not." immediately said Matt.
"You are my boyfriend aren't you?"
"Of course I am. But…Am I still yours ?" asked Matt with a weak voice.
"Matt I…"

Jim stopped, as he saw how desperate Matt's look seemed.

"Of course you are my boyfriend. And that's why I wanted you to be more understanding.
"I didn't measure up, I know." murmured Matt, blushing.
"Right. Now...I...I have hurt you, too."
"Yes well maybe I deserved it." sighed Matt "I didn't have a father and I'm in the worst position to teach you lessons. And…And it's true that I bark before I speak, I get angry too quickly, I don’t know why sometimes it's just stronger than me. And…And I know I'm too much, I’m the worst challenge you could ask for, I'm a real piece of work and…And also, I get it if you're anoyed by me all the time and…”

As he spoke he averted his eyes, looking at Jim, then lowering them, then looking at him again, stuttering because he was nervous, even though his every word was sincere, he looked up. Swallowing. That was so hard to repeat, so he took and deep breath and then go for it.

"I perfectly know that I don't deserve you. I tell myself that every day"

Jim felt a heavy weight fall into his chest. Everything Matt said earlier was just the truth. His father didn't count. He was not important. He was hateful. And Jim was jealous, that was just a fact too. But here…Listening to Matt, he realized that the own words he said to Matt  seemed to get him too, as Matt seemed to be convinced about it. That was just painful to watch for Jim. He wanted to object to this, he wanted to say that he was wrong, and all he said was just stupid, hurtful, mean, and that he was sorry. He could feel the sobs welling up inside him, preventing him from finding the words. Matt was so humble, so sincere, he was violently convinced now that he was the one who didn't deserve it.

"Please you must erase these words out of your mind." mumbled Jim, on the verge of crying "I never thought…I implied it, but because I was so angry, but I never thought it. Never."
"Oh well, I do think you were right, I am not…Deserving you."

Jim tried to suppressed a sob.

"Of course you are. Matthew I am so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you. I spoke with anger, not with my heart, not with my soul." begged Jim.
"Don’t torture yourself. I know you were angry. And you have every right to be." murmured Matt, fighting against his strong emotions.

He was a bit relieved though. Jim was speaking the truth, he could heard it in his tone. They both breathed loudly, as they were so emotional at this point.

"But you know I'm ready. Sorry it took me all this time. If you want to talk about your father with me, I'm fine. I know he not as bad as I said. He did have an importance to me even, as he participate to the creation of my favourite person on Eartg" – said Matt, trying the best he could, in a gently tone, even though he was so moved, as he said his truth and felt very sensitive right now.
"But you...You were right !" and Jim voice cracked.

Matt bit his lip gently. Jim's eyes were very bright. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Jim love what..."
"I...I wanted to believe a lie...I didn't listen to you and...And I..."

His voice cracked again, this time with a sob. Matt leaned down and pressed his nose gently against Jim's. He breathed softly to avoid smelling too much of Jim's perfume. He put one hand around Jim's neck and the other around his waist. Jim wiped the few tears that had just run down his face, shaking.

"Happy now ? You were right." – he repeated, a sob in his voice.
"Hey...don't say that." said Matt, upset, shaking lightly.
"But you are." – insisted Jim, trying to fight his tears without success.
"Of course not"! Matt grimaced "Stop saying this ! I can bare to see you like this, you know that I preferred to be wrong"

Jim looked at Matt and he felt the tears well up again. Before Matt's facewas  blurred from his tears, he saw a  both sad and worried look cross Matt's face. Then he felt drawn to him, to his body. He couldn't fight anymore. He almost collapsed against Matt, exhausted from his emotions. He sobbed in his arms for a few seconds.

"I hate when we fight...I just can't...I care about what you say...I just...I know I've said the worst things to you I'm so...I'm so sorry... " he said with his voice shaking with emotion.
"Stop apologizing. It's all my fault. You just tried to stop me and defend yourself." Matt muttered, gently rubbing James' back. He was shaking.
"Yes but...I should never have seen it...He's such a...A..." said Jim in a weak voice, then breathing in a ragged way.
"A what love?" Matt asked, hugging him gently, ready to listen to Jim.
"AAAAAAAAPCHIIIEW!" - sneezed loudly Jim, having barely had time to turn away from Matt and having to sneeze freely.

Matt had jumped so much it was surprising. He saw the faint spray in the setting sun.

"S-sorry." Jim blushed almost immediately.
"Don't be." murmured Matt.

Jim wiped his face, tears and nose, shaking a little bit.

"Jim. Come here again."

Matt opened his arms. Jim didn't hesitate long and hugged him.

"Bless you my dear Jim." said Matt with tenderness.
"Thanks love" murmured Jim, without thinking, as the word escaped him from habit.
"Oh it's love again then?" – Matt smiled saying it.
"It always has been." simply said Jim, as he was quicker than Matt to recognize his emotions and vulnerability.

Staying in his arms, he pulled his face away to look at Matt's. He frowned slightly.

"I'm so sorry about your father." murmured Matt, without anger, but just sadness for Jim, and feeling waves of empathy and love overwhelming him.
"Well don't be. You already knew that he was an asshole. And so did I. You tried to warn me, I should had listen to you. I thought he had changed but no. Of course not. He just told me that he wanted to see me about my mom's birthday and it got to me because…Well, you know why."

Matt noded. Jim had been unable to attend his mother's funeral, banished by his own father. Of course Jim wanted to saw his father and talking with him about it.

"But as soon as we saw each other he started to criticize everything again and even though I was very sure of myself, trying to stay calm, I thought I was going to..."

He paused, getting emotional again. Matt didn't rush him. He brushed a strand of Jim's hair that fell into his eyes behind his ear gently. His fingers brushed the earring he had given Jim, the one which look exactly like Howl's.

"The fact that you weren't with me was so hard. I needed my Matt. My rock." confessed Jim.
"I didn't know…I didn't know you wanted me to come." said Matt softly.
"Well I didn't really ask you." laughed nervously Jim "You couldn't guess"
"But I'm sorry. I'm sorry, because I should have been there. I'm supposed to be your rock. That’s just my part. Even if I'm not here. You should have known that I was with you. That I was supporting you. Because I am. And I-I am sorry, I'm mortified, to know that you could not count on me"
"Oh Matt…How I wish you were here. Your presence alone would have been enough to destroy my illusions about my father." sighed Jim.
"Jim, love, I will always be here now. I never want to fail in my role again. You protected and loved me so much, I'm ashamed that I didn't measure up." confessed Matt, feeling the shame warming up his cheeks.
"I know you will. I know it, Matt. But now I'm just...I'm scared." murmured Jim.
"Scared of what?" asked Matt, a bit surprised.
"Like…I know you're not going away. At least…"

Matt noded. Of course he was not going away from Jim anytime soon.

"Right. But…I felt so alone. I feel so alone sometimes. I...If I lose you I'll truly be alone. I mean...I have my friends, and actually, they're mostly yours in the first place but...But you...I...You're my everything. If you stop being here I don't think I could...I...I just can't..." - his voice cracked again and tears welled up in her eyes.

Matt was upset.

"Jim are you crying ?"
"W-wh-what do you T-think jeez you're supposed to be the bright one..." Jim stuttered, crying.
"Am I ? Then most of the time you do take that part" Matt tried as a joke but he saw how much Jim was feeling down so he added "Sorry I just...What makes you feeling you're going to lose me ? I am not going anywhere, Jim." he asked, putting his hands on his face and wiping Jim's cheeks with infinite gentleness.

Jim let him, sniffling lightly. He waited a bit until he felt calmer.

"I'm not like you. I'm insecure. I'm scared. All of this…It’s…New for me."
"I am too. Insecure and scared. Most of the time even." Matt assured.

He took him back in his arms. He felt his heart beating fast. Matt could smell Jim's perfume. Irresistible but also very ticklish. He wiggled his nose like a rabbit hoping to get rid of the feeling.

"But knowing you are near me, everyday, I just feel better. Jim…Told you. You are my favourite person on Earth. And I have this incredible luck that you chose me to be with. You have no idea of how you saved me. Of how you made me a better person."
"Matt…"
"I will tell you that more. I swears. I want you to believing it. "
"But how is that even possible...I'm such an..."
"Stop. You're going to say something stupid." cutted Matt, and then adding, with the softest voice possible, and also with so much honesty "I am so damn proud of you Jim.Of what you did yesterday."
"I didn’t do much you know…I just…Told my father that I was…With you and…And that I was angry at him and…Probably…Other stuff but I…"
"I am proud of you. " repeated Matt firmly, but in a nice way.
"There is really not…"
"Jim ? I am proud of you. " repeated again Matt.

They pulled away from each other a little to look at each other. Matt had to stop "bunnying" and tried to focus on Jim's face. He caressed his cheek. Jim's hazel eyes were sparkling. Jim chuckled lightly, nervously.

"Ok I…"
"I am proud of you. " murmured Matt, drowning his blue and green eyes in Jim's gaze.

Jim blushed lightly. His was taking deep breaths. He nodded slightly.

"Thank you. "

He cleared his voice a bit, but he was still very emotional.

"I don't want to argue with you anymore."
"Me too." - Matt's eyes gleamed.
"It was so awful, I never thought…"
"I couldn't imagine worse," Matt asserted.

He rested his forehead against Jim's. Suddenly, all his emotion came to the surface, not anger, but fear and sadness and shame. Everything that had been going through him, his doubts and fears, as well as his love for Jim, all came to the surface, overwhelming him completely.

"I don't want this anymore" repeated Jim.
"Me neither" sniffed slightly Matt, a tear rolling down his cheek "I love you so much"
"Matt..."
“M-mmm?” Matt sniffed again, trying not to...Cry ?
"I collapsed in front of you. You have the right to shed a tear."

Matt snorted again. He nodded in silence, looked at Jim, smiled for half a second and let his eyes shed threatening tears.

"I love you" he said, his voice cracking as he started crying softly, looking straight at Jim.

Jim felt relieved. Seeing Matt acknowledge his emotions in front of him was important to him. He placed a kiss on his wet cheek.

"I love you Matt"

Matt put an arm around Jim’s neck. Crying in front of him felt so natural. And he couldn't hide his emotions any longer. But as he stood so close, the tickling intensified and Matt knew he absolutely had to part with Jim.

"Now...Love...Back off..." Matt said in a breathy voice as he pulled away from him.

Jim frowned.

"I swear I tried to hold them but I feel...They're coming big time..."
"Matt what are you...Oh." Jim understood.
"Ye-eh-Eh-TIISHOO!"

Jim backed up a bit. The sneeze had been so powerful that Matt had half folded over.

"Bless you." said gently Jim, feeling a warm sensation invade his own body.
"Tha...Tha...ThaAA-xxChIIEw!" sneeze loudly Matt.
"Bless you" - and Jim continued to back away, a shy smile dawning on his face.
"You look like you're having a little too much fun to see-eh-to see me-eee...Hhh-heee-hiii-HHHIIItTSSSSHEEEw!" Matt frowned but was secretly so happy Jim smiled again.
"Bless. Sorry. Love how you don't even try to hold them you just let yourself…Invade" - Jim said his voice distorted by a laugh he was struggling to hold back, still backing away.
"Oh jeez...You know you're scaring m-m-eeeEEtishhhiew! You're scaring me sometimes with your love of sneezing. Stop backing up ! SH...Shhh-iii-iiiiitssssuuuUUUUh! Jim stop !" tried to warn Matt, because he saw that Jim was in danger of losing his balance, backing away as he was.
"Bless y..." but Jim did lost his balance against a clod of dirt and fell backwards. He banged his head against a fence and winced.

Matthew ran to his side, knelt down.

"How are you ?" he asked, a bit worried Jim might have been hurt in his fall.

Jim rubbed the back of his head, groaning. Then he saw Matt's worried look and burst out laughing.

"Im alright don't worry."
"You scared me you…You..." – he actually felt his heart pumping way too fast.
"Come here." Jim said taking Matt by the collar and pulling him against him.

They kissed gently. Matt pulled away from Jim's face a little, running his tongue over his lip. He had a little fog on his glasses. And looked completely amazed.

"Planet Earth to captain Matt ? Where are you ?" said Jim.
"Oh I'm sorry I thought I was in heaven for a second there." murmured Matt.

Jim blushed.

"Don't say things like this..."
"Why ?" Matt had a cute smile "How does that make you feel?"
"Like we could..." and Jim looked at Matt with an expression so suggestive that Matt felt his cheeks becoming red in no time.
"James Cooper you're such a tease !" he exclaimed with a big smile.

They laughed and kissed again with passion.

"Please talk more." - said Jim, "I think I like when you're saying things…Cute…Sexy and…" – he was cutted by Matt's kisses everytime.
"I can't...Were being watched." said Matt in a whisper.
"What? How is that ?" Jim asked as he sat up.

Matt slumped back against the grass.

"Calm down and said hi too Mister Horse."

Jim looked scared. He turned to see a handsome chestnut horse who had approached the fence.

"J-jeez...Oh no..."

Matt laughed.

"Jim don't tell me you're scared of horses."
"No-I-I...I'm really ah-aAAllergic...That's...What makes me snee...Snee-Eh-EH-EEEEEPSSSHiew ! Huh-Huh-HuTSHIIIU ! HAAPSHHHIEW ! I…I can't …Sto…oh…Eh…Eh-EPSSSHIEW ! Huh-TSSSHIEW! Huh-huh-HUPPPCHIEW! Oh…No…No…HUTSSSHIEW !"

Even the horse seemed afraid of incredible those powerful sneezes and rode away, while Jim tried to cover as best he could but the force of his sneezes was out of control.

"Haaat-SSSHIEW ! Huh-TSSSHUU ! Hhh-Huh-TSSSHIUW-Uh-Uh-HAAAAPSSSSHIIIEW ! PSSSHIEW !"

Matt was impressed. It was a long time since he heard Jim sneezing like this. He looked at his handsome face looking desperate and kinda red. Even if Matt embraced Jim's sneezing fetish, he didn't quite feel the same way towards sneezes. He only liked how when he was sneezing Jim looked at him with adoration. Also they did have quite some intimate games with the sneezes and Matt had to admit it was really attractive to see how Jim could go crazing over his sneezes. But tonight…It was a bit peculiar. Matt felt weird, like strangely attracted to Jim's sneezing. He loved them, each one them, because they were so powerful,sneezes, sometimes a bit high pitched towards the end making him let because of how freakin' cute he looked battling his own perfect body.

"Hah…Haaat-SSSHIIIUH !" sneezed finally Jim, barely covering it as this last one took him by surprise.

He was trying to calm his slightly wheezing, clearing his throat lightly. It was this small gesture that brought Matt back to his senses. He leaned down slightly and kissed Jim on the cheek.

"Bless you like…A thousand times. Are you ok?"
"M'sorry I...III-SHIEW ! Hhh...F-fuck I'm sorry...I ca-aaaa-apxxchiew !"
"Hey stop apologizing."
"Sorry. They're so messy I can't even...Huh-uh no...For fuh-uh-uh-UU-SHIEW ! Huuuh'tisssheeew !" – he turned his face slightly, hiding his beautiful straight nose, slightly reddened at the level of the nostrils.

Matt chuckled lightly.

"Bless you. Hey, we both now I'm the king in that area. Don't try to steal my title !"

And he leaned down a little more to kiss Jim's hand, and then he put his own hand in his and lowered it.

"I just want to say real quick that whenever you want to talk about your father, I will be there for you" he murmured to Jim.
"Thank you I will. I trust you" – murmured Jim, closing his eyes a second.

Matt gently rubbed his nose against Jim's. Jim looked down, almost shyly.

"Matt stop…Acting like a kid"
"But I wan't to." Matt protested continuing to rub his nose, smiling, stealing a quick kiss.

Jim smiled again't his lips.

"S-Stop" – he said, without any conviction in his voice, as a little laugh escaped him.
"I just can't. You know what I can't stand?"
"What ?" Jim whispered, getting lost in Matt's eyes, "Oh wait so-sorr-I…I…"

Matt smiled softly, not resisting Jim's adorable way of letting his sneeze overwhelm him in such a desperate way. He waited a moment.

"Hhhh-ha-apppxxxchieww ! Excuse me. What can't you stand ?"
"Bless you dearest. That we didn't meet when we were kids. I can't imagine all the stupid things we would have done together, it's killing me"
"Thank you but…I was very wise you know" Jim whispered.
"It doesn't surprise me at all" smiled Matt, stroking Jim's hair - "And I would have enjoyed taking you to do the rebel with me"

Jim put his arms around Matt's neck and leaned his forehead lightly against his lover.

"If only you had been there…"

Matt was looking at Jim seriously now. He knew how heavy that sentence was with innuendo.

"I would have taken you away my love, I would have taken you with me, far, very far from all that you may have suffered. I would have hidden you in a cabin near the ocean, we would have spent our lives in to fish, to write and to paint, to..."

He stopped when he felt a small tear on his cheek.

"Oh no Jim I…I didn’t mean to make you cry again…" said Matt, a bit anxious about it now.

Jim furtively wiped away the tear with a wave of his hand.

"It's a tear of happiness" he whispered, smiling softly – "I'm so glad I met you Matthew Hatfield, you change my life you know that?"
"Well you changed mine too, my dear James…In so many ways, in so may places."

They kissed. And then Matt had a little thrill, which Jim felt.

"You're cold. Here, take my jacket. " – he said taking it off.
"No I'm ok…" – but his teeth were chattering.

He stood up and held out his hand to Jim who took it and stood up. He pulled Matt against him, and put his jacket, slightly oversized, around Matt's shoulders.

"Stay close to me." he whispered.
"Where else could I be ? So you're definetely a super hero tonight" - Matt capitulated - smiling but then "Hey do we go by the road or the path you took ?"
"My path was quicker but it's involving a bit of stunt work and considering the condition of your hand and knee..."
"Say right away that I'm lazy!" Matt exclaimed, annoyed.
"Matt, I saw you swimming. I know you're far from lazy. You're just…not very good at climbing. What ? I'm sorry but that's true." – he giggled a little.
"The truth is that you just don't want to meet the horse again." teased Matt.
"I'm deeply allergic to it!" Jim protested.
"Little player. I'm allergic to the whole world starting with your…Ton…Oh no…UH-PSSSCHIEW!" – he sneezed on Jim’s shirt – "Oh I’m sorry…Didn’t mean to spray on you jeez…"

Jim shivered a bit.

"You know I don't mind."
"Oh boy do I know" chuckled Matt, then saw Jim's had goosebumps "You're cold too" said Matt.
"…Bless you love" muttured Jim, kissing softly Matt on the forehead – "Let’s go"

Jim moved forward a little, then climbed smoothly. Matt tried, but he was decidedly less flexible and less gifted. And then it was dark.

"Take my hand" said softy Jim.
"I can manage…" Matt grunted, but feeling he had little balance, he grabbed Jim's hand, squeezed it in his own and leaned on it to get down without a problem.

Jim caressed Matt's hand and kissed it. He smiled. Matt too. He didn't know why, but found this gesture very romantic. They walked hand in hand, and an animal growled in the night.

"W-what was that?" stammered Matt sticking to Jim.

Jim chuckled a bit passing his arm around Matt's shoulder. Now was he scared ?

"An animal ?" he suggested.
"Jim it sounded like a wild animal growl..." Matt couldn't quite hide the pannic in this voice.
"Don't worry." Jim chuckled again.

Matt clung to Jim's arm, not at all reassured.

"Matt love?" said Jim, trying not to laugh.
"M-mmm?"
"You hurt my arm"
"Sorry."

Matt let go of Jim's arm.

"Matt you don't have to be scared." said gently Jim.
"I'm not scared." pretended Matt.
"Okay then."
"But can I take your arm again ? I will be gentle, I swear. Just a practical question you know."

Jim suppressed a laugh.

"Of course. Practical. "

He slipped his arm into Matt's and they continued. Matt stopped again. Jim turned to him.

"Matt?"
"I'm sorry. I have to...I wanna...Sneeze...So bad..."
"So?" asked Jim calmly even though he felt his heart speeding up in spite of himself.
"I can't it's stuck...Oh god it's killing me." Matt groaned.

Jim smiled.

"Need help ?"
"I knew...Huuuhhhh...I knew I could count on you. Hah...Ah it's killing me!"

Jim bent down and picked a blade of grass. He approached Matt but in the dark it was hard to find him. He brushed his body awkwardly and his hand moved gently up Matt's shirt to his neck, caressing his cheek slowly. Then he slid the blade of grass gently down the bridge of Matt's nose before reaching his left nostril.

"Huh...Huh...Wow that tickle so much..." said Matt between two little moans, gasping.

Jim put his other hand on the back of Matt's neck.

"Stop moving." he recommended with a whisper.
"I try...I...Huh...Huh..."

Jim now stroked the inside of the nostril with the blade of grass.

"M...Ehm...Huh...Hiii-Tishhiuuu!"

Jim could feel the light spray on his chin.

"Huh...Hut-SHIEW ! HaaaaAAASHU ! Eh...EhEPCK-SHIEEW !"

Some of them were sprayed on his face, others were covered. Jim felt like he was weakening, melting a little more with each sneeze.

"Wow...That was amazing..." said Matt, sniffing lightly, finally relieved "Thank you Jim it felt so great".
"They sounded like it yes" murmured Jim with a smile "Bless you love"

Matt leaned a bit to kiss Jim but fell on his cheek. He frowned realizing Jim’s cheek was wet.

"Oh jeez did I..."
"Yeah completely sprayed me" laughed Jim.

Matt blushed.

"I'm sorry love"

He kissed him on the lips now, with tender.

"Well I...To be honest, it wasnt that bad." said Jim in a cute voice.

Matt laughed a bit, realizing.

"Oh…Oh yes, obviously."
"I see the lights of the house. Let's go, before I'm going crazy with you and your damn sneezes..."
"I swear I'll behave." promised Matt.
"Like it's even possible for you" teased Jim.
"Witty smart-ass"
"Oh so we're also sharing this part now ?" teased Jim.

They laughed and kissed some more then they find their way back at the house, Jim keeping his arm around Matt's shoulder and Matt can no longer separate from his lover, too happy to find him again, to feel him close to him, maybe even more than before.

[Privatedancer]

What a wonderful chapter and thank you for making the characters so real that we debate their feelings   I have re-read this since I love it so much and you really remain tru to each of the boys’ characters throughout which is hard to do:). I also had to look up look up the acronyms from Not Telling as I first thought they were a psychological diagnosis (2 of my close friends are there posts so I am accustom to this). Love that it introduced you to am I the asshole?  (Although I would love to see that forum allow each side to share the story from their view because it would be so much better.  This forum has introduced me to tons of non fetish rings like authors or movies or music that is referenced in a story and I love that. Except when a friend asks “where did you discover this?” And I just stare stupidly while coming up with a lie….

[Not Telling]

8 hours ago, Lily said:

Love how you both wrote almost as much as me trying to analyze Matt and Jim.

Haha! I've always been a literary nerd. I write analytical essays on the books I read for personal enjoyment. Good to see it extends to fetish fiction as well. J'ai une araignée au plafond. 🤣 But I'm totally loving the discussion between all of us!  Et j'aime cette énergie-là, positive.

8 hours ago, Lily said:

I personally think they finally both wrong, but also it's part of their limit of the way to communicate and being in relationship. They lacked about setting boundaries on how to address each other and also share their experience in a more caring way. Well, nobody's perfect obviously. Sometimes people need this kind of argument to get a better understanding of the other's perspective, even though it's a shame they couldn't do that in a more collected way.

100% Boundary setting is so important and it's better to draw them before you need to and that often gets neglected and it's so much harder to try and instill and enforce them in the moment when emotions are rampant and your judgment is already clouded. 

8 hours ago, Lily said:

I think that most of the aggressiveness between the two could have been avoided if they had taken a little time, had left space and especially if they had not tried to have answers to everything as soon as one opened his mouth. But it's that in addition to being emotional, they're also stubborn people who know how to use words to achieve their goal, even thought I was writing their fight perfectly aware that they were completely lost about what they really want. Cause they both obviously didn't want that fight, and even thought they said it, writing it and repeated it, they kept trying to push. My personal belief is that they would have done better to learn from Carol and Lizzie #lesbiansqueens.  

All of this, yes! Lesbians setting the model example, is anyone really surprised??? hehe

Haha glad (?) I could introduce you and Privatedancer to AITA. (Though you're probably better off for not haha). In fairness I only just discovered what ESH means. My friend follows the subreddit and will occasionally share with me the posts she knows I will have something to say to (I think because she gets amused by seeing me get all impassioned) and I kept seeing in the replies ESH and I was totally clueless to what on earth that meant and had to look it up. Now that I know it's like how could I have thought it meant anything different, but that was sooooo not the direction my brain was going in when I was running through possible acronym meanings and none of what I was coming up with made any sense - extra sensory something, eat **** honey, every single hot button. I am not a user of internet acronyms, I don't even like to use "Lol" but it definitely means that I come across things that I have no idea what people are talking about. 

Anyways, yes, yes, yes this was such a lovely chapter! It was a nice reprieve not to finish a chapter with that icky, pitted, and agonized feeling in my stomach. (Did I mention that I'm emotionally invested in this story? haha) 

9 hours ago, Lily said:

"Oh it's love again then?" – Matt smiled saying it.
"It always has been." simply said Jim, as he was quicker than Matt to recognize his emotions and vulnerability.

9 hours ago, Lily said:

"It's a tear of happiness" he whispered, smiling softly – "I'm so glad I met you Matthew Hatfield, you change my life you know that?"
"Well you changed mine too, my dear James…In so many ways, in so may places."

MELTING!!! Oh my goodness, soooo sweet!!! I just AHHHH!!!!  That is the testament to true love, when even in tumultuous moments and arguments even vicious ones like this your love is enduring and unwavering. And I love that Matt said "the thing" the title!! And the part where Jim induced Matt with the grass blade, oh my gosh I am speechless and overflowing with giddiness!! 

This chapter reminded me of this song. I think it really embodies the lyrics and makes for the perfect chapter soundtrack. 

 

Your writing is such a gift! I want to send you all the pain au chocolate in the world as thank you! ❤️❤️❤️ 

[Privatedancer]

I live reading my favorite scenes over and over while selfishly hoping for more .  

[Lily]

salut salut

On 6/9/2023 at 1:27 AM, Not Telling said:

All of this, yes! Lesbians setting the model example, is anyone really surprised??? hehe

 

not to me hehe

On 6/9/2023 at 1:27 AM, Not Telling said:

And I love that Matt said "the thing" the title!!

I know it wasn't even on purpose !

I'm surprised how the song is really close to this chapter, plus in my mothertongue it felt strange 🤭

@Privatedancer oh I know waiting can be hard...sorry for the little delay, here's the next chapter for you my sweet kind readers 💜

CHAPTER 17 - PARTY

They had barely arrived in the park when a small gray flash flashed in front of them. Lizzy.

"I was so scared you idiots! I was going to call the police!" she almost screamed.
"I told her not to" specified Carol with a smile.

She followed him closely, looking calm as always.

"Why can't you two behave ? I barely saw you during the nights, I saw your fights but you kept disapparezing and then Luke told me he saw you two going to the forest are you both out of your mind ? It's night! You don't know this forest and…"
"And they are wild animals in it, isn't it?" asked Matt, looking at Jim with a "I told you so" expression.
"Sorry Lizzie. We didn’t mean to worrying you. But we're good now" said Jim in a little voice after nudging Matt's belly.

Lizzie was almost shaking. She'd had a few too many drinks to relax and it was a headache. Her curls swept across her face. She shivered slightly. Carol squeezed her shoulders.

"I'll get you a sweater honey. Try to calm down" she advised her.
"Don't bother. I'm coming." grunted Lizzie.

But Carol went anyway since Lizzie was staring at her two friends and didn't seem at all about to go back inside. She crossed her arms.

"Jim you're supposed to be the most calm and reasonable. Why did you walk away like this ? Luke said you looked miserable. And Matt ? Jeez I can’t with you. Why…Really I freaked out guys..."

Jim was sorry. And the shaking of Lizzie made him take off his jacket, putting it on his shoulders. Lizzie softens a little.

"You were supposed to calm him down before you arrived." concern took precedence over reproach.
"I'm sorry. Didn't meant to spoil your night." said softly Jim.

Matt sighed. He frowned. 

"C'mon Lizzie we already told you we were sorry. We needed talking and space ok ? Now stop acting like a spoiled child."

Jim frowned and turned towards Matt.

"Matthew." he simply said in his deep, low voice.

That was his way to warn him that he was going too far. Jim was particularly sensitive to this aspect. And especially with Matt who didn't always know how to balance his way of speaking. Besides Matt understood right away and changed his facial expression, softening it quickly. He sighed.

"Liz I’m..."
"You're selfish" said Lizzie, angry only at Matt now.
"I know" admitted Matt.
"And you're supposed to be clever than this you moron." she insisted.
"That's...Kind of a paradox sentence don't you think ?" frowned Matt.
"You know I hate when you disappear. You always do big silly actions without telling anyone and it's scaring people you know? It's scaring me. Your friend. I mean..."
"I promise I won't do it again. Lizzie I didn't mean to make you worried." Said Matt seriously.
"I care about you idiot, and you too" she added, turned into Jim.

And her eyes filled with tears. Yeah, she was a bit drunk.

"I was so scared of you two breaking up...The day of my...My..."

She sobbed. Jim put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Lizzie honey don't cry...I'm not letting that idiot go so easily."

Matt grunted for the sake of it but he nodded.

"I'm not dropping that one too, it would be a mistake. For once a guy manages my stupidity..."

Matt moved closer to her. He hated to see his friend cry especially since it was his fault. He only reassured himself that alcohol probably played a part in this too.

“Girl please. You're the lesbian genius. You should know better." Matt said.

And Jim slowly released his embrace so that Lizzie could hug Matt. Matt hugged his friend gently, stroking her hair. Lizzie was not crying anymore, she was only sniffling lightly.

"I think...I drank too much...Where is Carol?"
"Oh you think ?" asked Matt, laughing a bit.
"She is coming" said Jim with a kind reassuring tone, frowning at Matt and whispering "Shut up"
"Can I...Can I...Have a...Huh-hh-hhh-hhhhh-Hu-eeeEEEshUh ! HUH-ShU !" she sneezed on Matt's chest.

Matt froze and close his eyes as she did so. Then he opened his eyes again and looked at her.

"Bless you honey, let's go inside" said Jim with a soft tone, giving her a handkerchief.

Matt rolled his eyes.

"Lizzie..."

Lizzie started to laugh, covering her mouth.

"I'm sorry Matt..." - she took Jim's tissue and blew her nose softly "Thanks".

Matt messed her up slightly, looking grumpy.

"Sneezing on me ! Now please tell me you have your revenge."

Carol was coming with a sweater. Lizzie ran towards her and took refuge, trembling.

"I'm too cold and the boys called me lesbian genius." she said with a tiny voice.
"Ok that's...Great ? Let’s go inside and drink some water ok ?" said Carol, looking at the two boys with a knowing smile, stroking Lizzie's back and holding her tightly against her.

She took Lizzie back inside the house. Jim turned to Matt.

"We should go inside too. You're freezing, and I'm starting to."

Lizzie had left, packing his jacket. Matt noded.

"Sure but..."

He approached and took him in his arms.

"I wanted to do that again." he said softly.
"Oh well I don't mind..." smiled Jim.
"And that..." he kissed Jim softly.
"Still don't mind, said Jim in a whisper.
"And...And telling you I love you." said Matt, feeling that he would never repeat it enough.
"I love you too."
"I think I love you more." claimed Matt.
"Jeez shut up Matt..." Jim mumbled.
"Oh but it's true I..." Jim interrupted him with a long passionate kiss.

Matt felt himself weaken and blushed and put his arms around his neck, and his hands slipped and trembled in his lover's hair without understanding how it was possible to weaken again under his kiss. When Jim parted gently from his lips but without leaving his arms he smiled to see Matt's face all soft and relaxed, the slightly slit eyelids and the parted mouth by which his breathing was slightly interrupted.

"Ok...Were even I guess..."

Jim smiled.

"Let's go before we both catch a cold."
"Like you mind" Matt said in a kind and mocking tone.

Jim kissed him on the temple and they went inside. The evening was beautiful. The room was full, because it was really starting to get cold outside. Matt took Jim's hand in his. 

"Should we grab something to eat ? I'm starving" said Matt, pushing his glasses slightly down his nose.
"Of course"

They approached the buffet. There was so much to eat, and so many people too ! Matt, who didn't care to push people, made his way through without difficulty and filled a huge plate with everything vegetarian, and fortunately there was a lot. Then he grabbed Jim's hand again, who had lagged behind a little, not daring to disturb. They went a little to the side, and Matt picked up a falafel and dipped it in a sauce that smelled divine. He brought the falafel to Jim's mouth, who bit into it.

"Mmm...Matt try it too, so...mmm sorry, it's so so good."
"Okay…Oh wait I only took one." realized Matt. Jim, who had only taken a piece, brought it in turn to the mouth of Matt who took a piece too.

"Yay that's good. Should took more of it. Here, let's try this."

And so they continued to nibble on their plate, each tasting a bit of everything, sharing each element of the plate. Matt went to get them some more falafel and also a drink. They felt fine. But Matt wanted to feel Jim's body against his, and he asked him to go dancing. Jim hesitated a little. He took another sip of wine and it gave him enough confidence to take Matt's hand and lead him into the adjacent room where people were dancing. Jim was a little stressed at first, his long body remaining a little stiff as Matt swayed unabashedly in front of him. Matt moved closer to Jim and put his hand on the back of Jim's neck, swaying slightly against him. Jim smiled, relaxed. Matt was really good at making him feel like they were the only two people in the world. Reassured, perfectly at ease, he began to dance against him, smiling. They danced like this for a long time, to the most energetic and calm songs. Then they decided to go have a drink. They reunited with friends and chatted, before reuniting with Carol and Lizzie.

The girls were happy to see them like this. Lizzie was now more collected and just a bit tipsy. She was so happy to see them that close. Matt and Jim stood close to each other, and kept stroking each other's hair, back, cheek... Everything was soft, complicit. Carol felt everything was back into normal. Lizzie and Matt were arguing nicely for a thing or another. Then Luke announced the time for speeches. Of course, Matt made a speech in honor of Lizzie and Carol. The last one in fact. The girls were touched, because Matt was a born speaker. He knew to be funny and witty, everything was so intelligently put in the nicest yet most original way possible. Also, even though Matt was kinda doing the show, you could see how emotional he was deep down. Jim was very moved, perhaps even as much as Carol and Lizzie. He complimented Matt, as he was very proud of his man. Matt grunted and saying he was done with this kind of bullshits, even thought he was secretly happy to have done it. He was getting a little grumpy only trying not get too emotional. Jim knew this, and he put his arm around Matt's waist, kissing him gently on the forehead.

"You’re the greatest friend ever" he soflt said in his ear.

Matt blushed and stopped being grumpy right away.

"Well I know that…Obviously…" he grunted.
"You never stop do you ? " asked Jim with an amused smile.

Matt looked at him

and let himself be won over by this contagious smile. Now Matt and Jim were talking and complimenting each other near the buffet without thinking of the other but then…

"Can we dance?" asked a soft voice behind them. Matt and Jim turned around.

It was Luke. The handsome Luke with his hoops and his light suit that brought out his black skin. Matt took a sip of wine and looked furtively at Jim, unafraid of his jealousy but not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

"Well I don't..." he started, not knowing where he was going with that.
"I'm not asking you Sunshine, I'm asking Jim - I can call you Jim right ?" asked Luke with the most charming smile ever.

Jim smiled shyly, not really knowing if he felt awkward or pleased. He saw Matt's expression because Matt, probably because of the dance and the alcohol, didn't really hide his surprised expression as well as usual. That made him smile. 

"You can. Let's go"

He kissed quickly Matt and in a half laugh half whisper he said "See you Sunshine".

Matt grunted. He took another sip. He was not jealous and he was glad Jim seemed to be so relaxed and confident right now that he didn't care. Then he was quite relieved to see that Jim could become friends with Luke. Luke wasn't the mean type, but he teased easily and had a sharp tongue. Drinking quietly, he watched them dancing. One time. Two. Three. At the fourth dance he thought they would come to drink but no. Jim was a good dancer and above all he was the type who didn't get tired easily. Luke ? Luke had been voguing since he was sixteen and he danced at the club on the weekends. The two together made a nice energetic pair. And the more Matt looked at them the more he found them beautiful. His ex and his boyfriend. Without feeling jealous, he got annoyed when, for the fifth time in a row, Luke and Jim swayed to the rhythm of a Lady Gaga song. Matt felt like he had disappeared. They were dancing and talking, seemed to be having a great time, and Matt felt slightly left out. Matt waved at them but the two didn't seem to see him. Matt rolled his eyes and drink again. He was relieved to see them come back after the tenth song out of breath and their faces flushed.

"Oh my god...Your man...Killed me !" said Luke with exaggeration and pouring himself a glass of juice.

Jim burst out laughing. He took Matt's glass, frowning slightly at finding it empty. He fills it with juice too and drank in one go. A small drop ran down his chin and Luke laughed when he saw it, thumbing it dry. Jim blushed. Matt felt he needed to stop right away whatever Luke was trying. Of course Luke had no particular intention but Matt refused that his magnificent ex fiddles with his magnificent lover under his eyes. It was the limit. Its limit. And ok, maybe he was a bit jealous. As the two chatted like they'd known each other forever, Matt felt it was time to slow things down. And he wanted Jim to be with him. Not in the exclusive sense, but rather because all he was interested in was spending the evening with his newly reunited lover. Not liking to talk to nothing, Matt had an idea. A kind of stupid idea, but which in his eyes was worth another. He had spotted beautiful bouquets of flowers near the table that he had carefully avoided until now. But his idea was precisely to…enjoy it. As Jim and Luke continued to chat without really paying him any attention, he turned to the bouquet of flowers and inhaled their scent deeply. Several times, even rubbing his nose squarely in the heart of the flower. Then he turned to Jim and Luke who were gently arguing for the title of best dancer. He pretended to listen to them but his nose was so irritated that he was almost surprised at the slowness of the fit of sneezing he was about to have. He inhaled slowly and deeply through his nose and the result was explosive.

"Hhhh-Huh-oh-ARTSHEEEW ! Hhh-Ha-AssSHOOO ! Ha-ha-ha-hh-hhh-Huuuh-arshiiiiiUUUUh-uh…"
"Bless you" said Luke and Jim in unison finally turning to him.
"Tha-hhh-HHHHH-ATSHUUUU ! HUH-EEEAAATSHUUU ! HH-HHH-hhhuuuh-HHHH-ARSHIEW !" sneezed loudly Matt, feeling like he was going to lose his nose cause the sneezes were so strong and harsh.
"Jeez Matt try at least to cover them!" laughed Luke.

Jim blushed a little.

"Like...Easy for you-uh-uuu-HUPSHIIIEW ! T-to-uh-uh-AHPSHIEW ! UHTISHHHIEW ! To say I'm...I'm...Oh g-g-gosh...HUH-ARSHHHHIEW ! Hhhh-huh-haaaaAAAAPSHUUUh !"

Jim blushed so hard. The wetness of the sneezes and the talking? That was too much. He was melting from inside.

"B-Bless you" he whispered.

Matt looked at him and gave him a quick wink, followed by a smirk. Jim couldn't believe it. Did he…No, he couldn’t did that on purpose ? Not in public ? He looked down at the table. He could see the yellow of the lightly powdered pollen on the table, as if the flowers had been shaken. He understood quickly what Matt had done. He looked up at Matt, but this one was busy. His expression relaxed completely and he sneezed again.

"UUUH-PSHIIIEW ! Uh…UHHH-PSHTSHIEW !"

Matt sighed as they were getting so huge and messy, he covered them as best he could but people were starting to watch.

"You didn't take my medic" Luke reproached.
"You didn't take them ?" Jim repeated, starting to be concerned.
"UUUAAAH-PSSSSCCCHIIIIEW !" was Matt’s desesperate sneezy answer.
"Here take this" said Luke, not disguised but almost in awe of the crisis, handing Matt some paper towels.
"Yuuu-uhISSSHIEW ! IKSSSHIIIEW ! Uh-UH-MMMUHTISSSHUUUh !" sneezed Matt on the paper towels, trying to rubbing of the pollen as he was starting to cry from it, and also feeling like it will never stop. He couldn’t open the mouth without sneezing.
"Bless you" murmured Jim, a bit concerned now.
"I'll see if I have any meds left," sighed Luke, switching back into "doctor mode" and walking away from the buffet.
"Gu-unna sneeze ah-AaaaAAAPSHIEW ! HUH-HUH-HUAAAATSHIUUUUH ! HUMPSHIEW ! T’sssssSHIEW ! III-IT’SHIIIIIUH !"
"Bless you. Now, follow me" said Jim, grabbing Matt's hand and dragging him into another room and then into the hall which was empty, behind a column. The light was low, almost out.

Then he pinned him against the column.

"Matthew Hatfield did you fell on the head or what ?"
"What ?" frowned Matt.
"That fit you have…"
"What ? Are you going to shame me for it ? " teased Matt sniffing lightly.
"I know you did it on purpose. But I’m still wondering why." frowned Jim.
"I didn’t…"
"Did you feel..." Jim started, but then biting his lip softly.
"What ?"
"I don't know. Forget it." Jim shook his head and brushed away a curl from Matt that kept falling on his forehead. He thought to himself that Matt probably didn’t feeling jealous, that just wasn’t his kind, but part of him suspected it anyways.
"You always want to know how I feel." noticed Matt.
"Maybe. But takes into account that you're always trying to hide." said Jim, not in a reproaching tone, but more like a fact.
"That's...Painfully true." admitted Matt with a grin.
"I love you because it's a part of who you are Matt. You're a very honest person. You're just very protective of yourself." said softly Jim.
"I know that with you I can let my guard down. But..."
"But was ? Please tell me."
"Right now I feel...Happy. Because I'm with you. Kinda...Emotional but I don't really know why. Relieved."
"Relieved." repeated Jim, trying to understand.
"Cause...Jeez do I really have to tell you this ? I wanted to be alone with you and I thought that moment would never come because of Luke and his damn moves."

Jim rolled his eyes and kissed him passionately.

"You...Crazy...Crazy man..." he muttered, almost out of breath, between the annoyance that Matt hadn't taken care of his health and the vexation, mixing with excitation, rised inside him.
"I am the craaaa-tha-tha-the cra-aazy o-one? Eh…EKSSSHIIIEW !" he sneezed turning his face on the side, then rubbing cutely his nose with a little moan.
"Bless you...Please stop…" Jim almost begged, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and kissing him slowly.
"Well it's not like I'm doing it on purpose...!" protested Matt, in all bad faith, feeling that the pollen would never leave his nose alone again, smiling uncontrollably against Jim’s lips .
"Right, sorry" said Jim and he kissed Matt again, as it was so impossible to resist him right now, then shakening his head "Now but really…Sniffing flowers?"
"Nuh-huh-huh I d-d-didn't…Huuuh-Hu'tTTTSHIIIIOO !" Matt sneezed in his hand.
"J-j-jeez…" murmured Jim, starting to lose all control of himself.
"M'sorry ?" said Matt, sniffing lightly, then rubbing again his index under his nose in a way Jim couldn't help but find it quite adorable, then gasping "Huh-huh Oh my I ca-can't s-stop…HUH-ISHIIEW ! Huh-HISHIIIIEW ! Uh…Uh…HMPSHIEEW-M !" the last one he sneezed it into his elbow, and he felt how wet it was.
"Bless you...You idiot…Whose fault is that ?" he grunted.

And then Jim kissed Matt again with a little moan.

"I didn't...Like...Sniff..." protested Matt, gasping and almost wheezing.
"I can still see the pollen love" said Jim, and then, with a mischievous smile, he ran his slender index finger along Matt's nose and stroked the outside of his nostrils very slowly.
"P-p-please Jim stop…Uh…It’s…Teasing me…Oh...My nose is sooo-oo itchy..."
"You're a tease yourself love, don't reproach me what you're inducing…" said Jim with a low voice.
"Gu-gu-gonna s-sneeze on you…" tried to prevent Matt.
"I dare you." And Jim, cutting Matt's answer, kissed him again.

Matt responded to her kiss with passion but pulled away slightly.

"Oh my…Oh my god, Jim I…J-Jimmy stop…"

They were both blushing so hard as they knew they could be heard and seen at any time. Of course they only kissed but sneezing was so connoted to them that it was hard not to feel like they were showing off to the world. Jim looked at Matt with bright eyes, a smile on his face, expecting a sneeze that was soon to come. The dimmed light went out completely and someone must have switched on the general ignition because the light, suddenly very strong and bright, spurted into the hall, splattering their faces.

"IIIITSSSSHIIUUUH !" sneezed almost immediately and very loudly Jim, a sneeze that had taken him so by surprise that he sneezed right away on Matt's face.

Matt closed his eyes reflexively, surprised too, feeling a light warm spray on his face. Jim put his hand over his nose and mouth, shocked at what he had just done. Cause he never sneezed on Matt, or only by accident.

"Matt I..."

Matt licked his mouth, smiling like he was excited by the situation.

"Jim-dearest ? Bless you."
"So-sorry the light..." Jim sniffing lightly, blushing so much.
"My goodness, that…That was far more interesting than I ever thought." confessed Matt.

Then he burst out laughing but his laughter was cut off by his own sneezes.

"HahahaHHHH-hhhh-hhhuh-HUH-IPSHIIIEW ! Huh-etSHHHIEW ! Hhh-hhh-c’mon…HA-AAAISSSHIIIIEW !"

He was sneezing on Jim between kisses, their faces drenched in sweat and wetness. The last one was so high-pitched Jim shivered. Then Matt buried his face in Jim's neck, took a deep breath, and sneezed hard against him.

"HUUUUh-HU-ISSSSHIEEEW ! Mmm…So good…Excuse me…" he murmured, gasping softly as caught his breath.

That felt so good he sighed of relievment. Jim was almost melting now. He moaned softly.

"Oh my…" he murmured.
"I know right…" almost laughed Matt.
"Bless you love I…Hope you do feeling relieved, they sounded so strong…"
"They were…I couldn’t even tried to shushing them. " confessed Matt. Then he smiled as he felt Jim shivering. "Jim ?" said softly Matt.
"M-mm ?"
"Let’s go to our room. Now." He whispered to Jim’s ear, then turning his face softly, he pressed his slips against Jim’s.

They caressed each other gently, their backs, arms, stomachs, very gently, under their clothes. They kissed and kissed, and tried to continue their dialogue together at the same time.

"But…The party…" Jim objected weakly.
"C'mon we danced, have fun, I made a speech and all. Now I just want...Now I only want you. I know, I'm selfish but like..." sighed Matt, wanting to take Jim right now.
"O-ok yeah…I don't know…Why we are still…Mmmm…Talking…I want you too Matt…" Jim capitulated, kissing him again.

They ran out of the house hand in hand, crossing the park laughing like kids and once in the cabin, Jim pushed Matt onto the bed.

"Now easy there" Matt had a cute excited giggle.

Jim slowly leaned over Matt with a smile and kissed him. Matt felt capsized. He ran his hand gently over Jim's chin and parted from him for a moment.

"Are you gonna sneeze on me Jimmy-boy ?" he teased.
"Oh-w-well you can talk…" blushed Jim.
"Oh dear of course I'm going to! Love to make you crazy…" said Matt kissing him softly.
"Yes, I know that" muttered Jim, but in an amused tone.

He gently removed Matt's glasses. He gently tossed Matt's curls back and kissed his forehead tenderly.

"Mmm you smell so good…" whispered Jim softly inhaling Matt's smell.
"Are you kidding me…" blushed Matt, as he felt sweaty right now.

Jim scooped Matt up in his arms and gently rolled on the bed with him. They looked at each other a long time. They were breathing slowly, deeply. In their shining eyes emotions passed. They were so happy right now. Matt got up slowly, putting his hand on Jim's neck and kissed him passionately. Oh how they missed and needed this !

[Privatedancer]

Gahhhhhh- thank you lovely lily- very much worth the wait!  I wanted to read it slowly - maybe a little this morning - then a little at lunch - and save the finale for after work but I have no willpower with these boys.why is that? I’ll just have to enjoy reading it in its entirety agin and again:)

[Privatedancer]

Some time it might be lovely to see  Luke sick and the boys caring for him and him feeling so grateful to be be taken care of as the patient. 

[Not Telling]

1 hour ago, Lily said:

I'm surprised how the song is really close to this chapter, plus in my mothertongue it felt strange 🤭

Haha that wasn't intentional. I relate a lot to music, basically every situation reminds me of a song. I'm a bit obsessed with Redcar, everything he's ever put out is so soulful, artistic, expressive, profound, transformative and just beautiful. I happened to be listening to the album while reading the chapter and thought how much that song fit these two. But it did seem strangely fitting that the song I thought matches these boys was in French. haha. 

Lily, this was another masterful chapter! Thank you!! Matt inducing a fit to get Jim alone, oh my gosh, just I'm swooning, and melting, and blushing. And the ending!! I am a puddle. I love their intimate and sexy and private moments they destroy me. Just wow!!

28 minutes ago, Privatedancer said:

 I wanted to read it slowly - maybe a little this morning - then a little at lunch - and save the finale for after work but I have no willpower with these boys.why is that? I’ll just have to enjoy reading it in its entirety agin and again:)

Same. Absolutely, no self restraint. But I could read this entire thing a hundred times and not be sick of it. Such an incredible piece of literature.