so many places : ever after (M/M)

[dwaekki]

I only just realised how early I am to reply 😶‍🌫️ I guess I was just lucky enough to read this cute little ending first 😄

[Privatedancer]

I love it!  I love Jim becoming so much  more outgoing and comfortable l.  And Lily I did remember about the voguing for Jim- I have read it so many times and I can always picture that as that song played in my club days and every gay male friend excelled at it!  Which is why they are sooooooo much more fun to dance with than straight guys.

[Privatedancer]

Lily - looking forward to when you can receive private messages:). 

[Not Telling]

Awww this was such a sweet conclusion to this story arc. I loved all the teasing, first with Matt's gift to Jim to try and get him to lose his motorbike. (I think it's funny that he still isn't a proponent after all this time. At the very least he should appreciate it for having brought him and Jim together in the first place.) Then with Luke nearly catching Jim and Matt getting hot and heavy. Hehe. I was smiling and blushing the whole time especially when they were not so subtly trying to hide what they had been up to. And I just adore Matt's sneezes. Gah! I can never get enough of this. Thank you for gifting us with these enduring and sweet stories. ❤️ 

[Not Telling]

12 hours ago, Privatedancer said:

Which is why they are sooooooo much more fun to dance with than straight guys.

I think it also helps that their MO isn't to end up with a women in their bed at the end of the night. 🤣

Your comment made me think of this skit. 

 

[Privatedancer]

That is amazing!

[Not Telling]

P.S @Lily I forgot to say à tes souhaits! 😳

[Lily]

salut salut 

so i'm back for another round !! 

@dwaekki thank you very much, you’re very fast to read, and I find that very flattering 🤭

 

@Privatedancer You’re so sweet ! Yay I know, I love to dance even tough I’m not very good at it. Most of my gay friends are indeed way better then me (even walking with heels is a challenge I always loose to them). Some of them are dancers (so you can understand how Luke was created) but some of them are just gifted I'm clearly not 😂 About the messages, I think I can ?? We should try, I don't understand much about the ranks here.

@Not TellingI know right ? I thought of that, but it’s just so typical of Matt to always have something to say and being grumpy. I mean this motorbike is iconic in the relationship I mean their first ride ??? and when they run off their own wedding ?  jeez Matt 😅

On 8/4/2023 at 3:46 PM, Not Telling said:

I think it also helps that their MO isn't to end up with a women in their bed at the end of the night. 🤣

 

I have nothing to add haha

and thanks for the blessings 💜

hope you will all like this lil story and I say nothing about it to leave you some surprises (i hope)

Lily

 

 

BILLY

1 – Troubles

Matt was supposed to come back in two weeks. But Jim felt he couldn't wait any longer. A month and a half without Matt was definitely way too long. He was in France for a very nice project, and Jim was proud of his husband. Only he couldn't help but find the distance difficult and the time too long. Even though it wasn't the first time Matt had been away – last year he had even been away for three months and Jim had joined him the last week, after which they had had a wonderful vacation together – this time there was something different. First, the fact that Matt was leaving more and more often and staying at the apartment so little was painful. Maybe the worst in it was that Matt seemed more and more distant, as if he were there without being really there. And Jim tried to understand why, sometimes he was teasing Matt about his silences, his lost gaze, but Matt only answered in a absentminded manner or with a nod, a tiny smile, and Jim was kind of lost about this. Where Jim normally knew how to talk and interact to Matt's sometimes particular behaviour, everything he tried made him felt out of place. Something was preventing him from going into Matt like before. It was hard.

Jim tried his best to make Matt's comebacks feel natural, and do as much as they did before. For example, he was always so determined and energetic to go into some long walks with Matt, as they usually loved since their years of dating, a habit he had not lost since their marriage. Jim was up for anything; taking Matt to the ocean on a whim in a few hours on a motorcycle, riding his bike until he couldn't feel his legs, running out of breath trying to catch up to him while swimming with him… Only things Matt loved. But lately Matt often didn't want to go out. It could have pleased Jim, who could be content to stay at the apartment with Matt, reading, cooking, chilling, talking, making love and all the things they did together in the house. But in reality it was difficult. Even if every moment together were cherished by both of them, at least in the way they were talking about it, and even in some moments when Matt or Jim showed affection with tender gestures, the fact that they saw each other less and less seemed to have created more than discomfort or tension in their reunion, as if they had trouble finding each other. When they spent time together, even though they were so affectionate and gentle towards each other, there was something that seemed off. And Jim didn't know why. He sometimes thought he should talk with Matt about this, but got discouraged each time, telling himself that Matt probably had more important things to think about, that it was Jim who had a problem and not Matt.

With Matt in France, the jet lag further altered their communication. And these days, Jim was getting very sad rethinking about how many times they spent separately, even when they were together. As he let himself be invaded by sad thoughts, which raced through him faster than any other kind of thought, Jim went out on the balcony to take the air. It was a nice warm day and Jim closed his eyes as he felt the sun on his face. The familiar tickle took his nose and he sneezed freely in the air, a double one that gave him instant relief.

"HHHeeeh-ShhIIUH ! ESHIEW !"

As he opened his eyes, passing his index softly under his nose, Jim saw, very surprised, a small ball of black and red fur with big frightened green eyes.

"Hey you…Where do you come from?"

The kitten meowed as an answer. Jim was easily moved, perhaps more since Matt's was away ; he crouched down and held out his hand towards the kitten, which did not move and continued to look at him with a worried expression.

"You're very cute you know that ?"

The kitten meowed again. Jim noticed in his green eyes small hazel spots that made like a constellation in his eyes. He smiled and straightened up to get a bowl of water. He put it on the edge of the window. The kitten still did not move. Jim went back into the living room. A few minutes later, as he sat down on the sofa and opened his phone hoping to have received a message from Matt, the kitten jumped on the sofa and approached him, meowing. Jim looked at the kitten and smiled.

"So...What do you want from me ?"

*

One week later.

Only seven days to wait, thought Jim as he was trying to clean up Billy's mess. Billy ? That was how Jim had named the kitten. Poor kitty spent all day alone as Jim was working at the Greenway Post and took his revenge by playing with a ball of yarn all over the apartment. Jim stopped in front of the big mirror in the living room. Only seven days to wait, and Matt will be home. At least it was the plan. Matt had only sent one or two messages, saying he had really little time with the shows and the various appointments. Jim would have been completely depressed without Billy.

Jim felt trapped in an impossible situation. He loved Matt more than everyone in the world, he never loved someone like him before. And as he didn't believe to sacrifices in love, he did consider that letting the person you love doing whatever they loved and lived for was the best thing to do as long as it didn't hurt you. The fact that Matt was an artist implied his many travels. Jim knew that. He was even the one who was the greatest supporter of Matt. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was this distance between them. Jim tried hard to put things into perspective, he felt that she stood as an obstacle in their relationship. He had full confidence in Matt, a lot in them, but he was beginning to doubt himself. He wanted to get to talk to Matt about his feelings. He didn't know if he would find the right words. How do you talk about something he felt so deeply but couldn't verbalize for himself ? His phone rang, interrupting his head prose. Jim saw the name of the caller.

Matt.

Jim's eyes widened. It was so unexpected ! He immediately picked up the phone.

"Hey !" his voice was almost strangled by the emotion.

"Hi Jim. How are you ?"

"Matt...It's really you. I'm fine and you ?" he said, trying to get back at his normal voice.

"Fine. Really fine even. What are you doing?"

"Just cleaning a bit..." said Jim looking at Billy jumping on Matt's sweater.

I'll have to clean that too he thought. He liked to leave it in the living room like if Matt was there, and was going to come in any minute and put it on. Sometimes he even snorts says just to check if the smell of Matt, be it coffee, chlorine or his perfume with heady citrus notes. How pathetic, thought Jim.

"You should wait for me to do it ! You know how dust is a great ally for...Well you know what."

Jim smiled. For a second there it was just like nothing had changed. Like he was talking to the Matt he loved without the awkwardness they felt when they were together. Maybe the phone helped. Jim nodded.

"Glad we agree" said Matt.

Jim smiled but it was a sad smile. He did miss Matt so much right now he felt he could start to cry on the phone. But no. He couldn't do that to Matt. Matt was going to feel guilty and Jim didn't want him to feel this way.

"What...What time is it in Paris ?"

"..."

"Matt ? Tu es encore là  ?" asked Jim with a strong accent but trying nonetheless.

"Oui. I mean…Yes I'm here. Actually...I have no idea of the time. I am -" but he was cutted by Jim's voice.

"You didn't set your phone settings to French time ? Sorry did you said something ?"

"..."

"Matt ? Still here ?"

"Guess where I am."

"I don't know. Your hotel ? Or maybe...This beautiful restaurant near the Opera ? Or...Huh...Huh-pxxxshhhuh ! Sorry." Jim tried to stifled his sneeze but didn't succeed.

"Go take some air by the window. It's seemed there is still too much dust at the apartment."

Well if you knew...Thought Jim sniffing lightly looking at Billy. He thanks Matt and get to the balcony. The fresh air did make him feel good.

"Matt I was wonder..." but Jim cutted himself as he saw this familiar silhouette in the street, one phone in a hand, a bug suitcase in the other.

Jim almost dropped his phone as he saw Matt. This one smiled but of course Jim couldn't see it.

"Bonsoir, mon amour." Matt said almost without accent, which made Jim shivers.

Matt smiled seeing Jim's tall figure petrified on the balcony.

"I made you speechless. I’m so good at it. Going up !"

And Matt walked towards the entrance of the building. Jim stayed petrified for a moment. Matt was here. His funny, witty, sweet and marvellous Matt. He didn't have enough words to qualify him right now. Unexpected ? Also. Jim felt filled with very diverse emotions but the joy almost twisted his center and almost cut off his breath. He rushed into the apartment and stopped right into the middle of the living room as he saw Billy looking at him with his big green eyes.

"Oh. Oh no." he realized.

He approached Billy, caressed him gently and carried him to the bedroom that served as Matt's studio. There.

"Please stay silent. I promise you tonight I will let you go."

Billy trotted around the room, curious. Jim heard the front door open and he closed the office door, the last thing he saw was Billy running to hide behind a curtain of the room.

"Jim ?"

Jim ran to the entrance and rushed into Matt's arms. Matt hugged him. He could feel Jim's heartbeat, fast and strong. They stayed awhile without saying anything or do anything beside being into the arms of the other. Then they parted slightly.

"Matt...You're here..." whispered Jim, amazed by it.

Matt gently stroked Jim's pronounced cheekbones with tender.

"Yep ! Are you happy ?" he asked with a cute smile.

"Of course I am..."

And Jim's eyes looked teary but Matt, closing the front door after dragging his suitcase inside didn't seem to notice it. Matt stood up a bit awkwardly, rocking his feet lightly, crossing and uncrossing his arms looking at Jim not with nervousity but with an air of uneasiness. Usually the silence didn't bother them but Jim felt it was so weird that after all this time they had no words to share, no kiss to give to the other. Matt looked at the living room.

"You did clean it. It’s weird tough I feel like..."

And he cutted himself, rubbing his nose.

"Like there is still dust...Or..."

His breathing was getting heavier. Billy's was already tickled his nose.

"Well I..." But Jim cutted himself as he saw his husband started to breathed very loudly, panting and clearing his throat.

"S...Something...Is...Borrowing me it's like...Uh..." his nostrils were quivering, and his eyes were filling with tears at an amazing speed.

Jim bited hip lips softly. He knew Matt was going to have an allergic reaction, but he didn't know what to expect, as he never saw Matt's reaction to cats, because Matt was avoiding them. Matt was the kind of person who cordially hated cats on the simple principle that they made him very allergic.

"Huh…Huh-HUSSHUHH ! Ah…What…APSHHHTIIIEW ! Huh…Ah…ARSHUUUUH ! Guh…Gosh…What…AAAaaAAARR-SHUUUH !" he sneezed very strongly, surprised, covering himself with one hand, then two.

"Matt, I'm sorry" whispered Jim, blushing lightly.

"Why…Wha-aaAAAARTSHHHUHH !" Matt sneezed strongly, causing him to bend over to sneeze this one out.

“Bless you” said Jim, feeling the guilt growing up fast inside.

"I…I don't understand…I…Uh…UHHH-eeEEESHIEW ! ARSHUH ! Ahhh-Aahhh-AAAPSHUUUH ! I'm feeling…Very…Iiiih…ISSSHIIIIEW ! Snnf uh-uh-UP-Uh-UHHHSHIIIIIUH ! F-f- uc-ck…UH-TISHIIIEW ! HUSHIIIEW !”

He was almost dizzy of all those sneezes. Every time he inhaled, he felt the irritation rising in him and he couldn't help but sneeze violently. His hands were getting wet but he didn't care, he only wanted it to stop. He knew the best way was still to get rid of all his sneezes and he wasn't going to shy away from letting them explode, even freely if he needed to. He knew it wouldn't bother Jim. Quite the contrary. But on the other hand he couldn't quite relish the prospect of pleasing Jim by sneezing, because he felt something was wrong. It was not his usual pollen allergies, he could feel it. It was worst. Maybe Jim's new perfume ? He felt that Jim was smelling something a bit different, but he also knew it wasn't just perfume. Jim fetched some tissues and gave it to him. Matt took one and buried his nose inside to sneeze, because blowing his nose was impossible. He sneezed like a dozen times, trying to muffle them without success. His face was getting a bit pink. He blew his nose softly.

"Why…Why are you-uh-UKSHIEW ! S-so-ooOOH-ARSHUUUH ! Sorry for ?" asked Matt, leaning lightly on the edge of the sofa so as not to lose your balance completely.

"Do you still have your cat's allergy pills?" asked Jim, concerned by Matt's state.

"Why would I ?" frowned Matt, tossing the wet tissues into the trash.

Jim looked very sorry but didn't know how to tell Matt. Matt was breathing heavily, and at one point he took a long breath, then it broke into several small breaths before exploding into a sneeze which Matt covered by putting his nose and mouth in the collar of his t-shirt.

"Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhhhhhh-hhhhhhh-hhhhh-hhh-hhh-hhh-AAARSHUUUUH!"

"Bless you" said Jim in a little voice, then he walked towards the window which he opened wide.

Matt, teary-eyed, searched the room for what could make him sneeze. As he was gasping because he knew he was going to sneeze again and he was out of tissues, he grabbed a sweater of his that was lying on the sofa and he sneezed loudly in it, even though the garment covered a little the noise.

"MMM-SHUH ! Eh-ehssshuuuh ! Isshiiiew !"

Jim came back to Matt and snatched the sweater from his hands, because it was the one Billy played with. Matt frowned but his look both surprised and displeased changed expression as he needed to sneeze again, which he did with violence, barely turning from Jim, as his crisis was beginning to wear him down.

"What is wrong with you-uh-uh…Oh god…UHSSHHUUUH ! ISSSHIEW ! Hhhh....'TSHIIIEW ! J-Jim whaa-aaaa-AAAARSHUH ! Whaaat is ha…ah…APKSSSH'shhhuh !"

Jim's voice was no more than a whisper.

"I'm sorry. There's a cat in the apartment."

“A what ?” nearly shouted Matt.

[Privatedancer]

Oh Wow!  This is going to be lovely - but I am scared for their relationship - however, I am confident you have a plan.  It just feels so precarious at the moment and I am worried for them.  I love that they have their independence but maybe too much time apart is …too much time apart.  And now the cat combined with Matt’s temper has me worried

[solitaire-au]

Uh-oh.

I can understand Jim taking the kitten in. He was feeling desperately lonely, the gulf between them geographically and psychologically was huge, and he didn’t even have Matt’s phone calls to look forward to, because his own husband barely called him.

The last thing he would have expected was for Matt to come home early. And he clearly feels terrible about letting an animal that Matt is allergic to into their home. And Matt is likely to fly off the handle and explode. Poor Jim! 😢

On the other hand I can understand Matt’s anger. When you’ve been travelling for ages and come home, the last thing you want is for your home and sanctuary to send you into a massive allergy attack.

[dwaekki]

Aaah suspense! I feel so sorry for Jim but also so excited you started a new story/ chapter for more Matt and Jim! You really are one of the best writers on here, there's a reason I'm always so quick to read when I see you've posted Hopefully we'll get back to a sweet dynamic soon, I can't see Jim so upset (or Matt so angry at him haha). Thank you for this amazing update!

[Not Telling]

I second everything @Privatedancer and @solitaire-au said.

If their relationship is already riddled with uncertainty, at least by Jim's perception, this can't be good.

I really really hope that Matt doesn't react angrily the way he has a tendency to do sometimes and this doesn't escalate and instead he reacts with tenderness and uses it as an opportunity to heave a heartfelt conversation with Jim where Jim can share the doubts and insecurities he's having but history dictates that probably isn't going to be the case and it'll get bad before it gets better, and quite frankly I think Matt would be justified in being displeased in this situation.

While I can empathize with Jim's compulsion to keep the cat even if momentarily, loneliness drives you to do seek comfort wherever you can get it, and in his defense he wasn't expecting Matt to be back so soon and he probably thought that he would have time to take the cat to a shelter and get it safe and their place cleaned before Matt returned, I still think it was inconsiderate for Jim to take in and house a creature that he is well aware that Matt is highly allergic to. 

This is their shared space and it should go without saying that neither party should be taking in creatures or things that will set off Matt's allergies without explicit consent.  Matt has the right to a home that isn't going to send him into an allergy attack of epic proportions, or possessions that are going to be littered (pun intended) in cat hair.

The cleaning required to truly rid the place of the allergen would be extensive, especially given how sensitive Matt seems to be to cats, and I get the impression the deep clean necessary is not what Jim would have performed. In fact the more I think about it, the more incensed I become with Jim myself. Which means I can only imagine how Matt is going to handle it.....

All that said, my heart still clenches just thinking about how bad this is going to become. I'll just have to hold onto the fact that they always return to each other. 

You're writing is a gift Lily. Thank you for the ongoing adventures (and sometimes misfortunes) of these cuties. ❤️ 

Edited August 8, 2023 by Not Telling
Corrected a spelling error.

[Privatedancer]

Yes I find myself worried for these two.  I think it is just too much time apart because nothing says it is temporary.  My hope is Matt’s been feeling that too and trying to come up with a solution.  As for the kitty I hope Jim didn’t realize how bad Matt’s allergies would be because it is pretty inconsiderate.  But my heart also broke about Matt not noticing Jim’s tears when he came home.  There really is nothing more lonely than feeling completely alone and unseen when you are WITH your loved one.

[solitaire-au]

I just went and reread the original story just to double check.

Jim’s only allergy is horses and while he’s very allergic to them, horses are not a domestic pet you can fit in your house or apartment (aside from the mini variety, but they’re rare,) and they’re not an animal you often encounter in cities. So his allergic experiences with them would be very short and infrequent. And it’s mentioned that while he knows Matt is allergic to cats, he’s never actually seen Matt have a reaction to them.

And with the father Jim had, he almost certainly didn’t have pets growing up, so he may not have realised how difficult it would be to clean the apartment after removing the kitten from it because he’s probably never owned one. He quite possibly may have never had a pet.

Many people are not aware that animal allergies are not just to their hair or fur, but also their skin flakes or dander.

And even most laypeople, even those with allergies, may not realise that cats have a third source of allergen-producing proteins which is their saliva. It’s not just when they lick you or lick themselves that’s the problem, but the saliva actually dries and then flakes off their bodies in the same way skin or dander does, except the particles are much lighter than flakes of skin and thus carried further by airflow and they’re invisible.

In fact, because the proteins in animals that cause allergic reactions are usually present throughout their bodies, other bodily fluids like sweat and urine will also contain those proteins. So someone who is allergic to rats and mice could have a reaction just from the presence of rat or mouse pee in their house/workplace/etc. even if they never get near the rodents themselves.

(Yes, I am a huge allergy nerd who wanted to be a doctor once upon a time.)

 

[Lily]

salut salut

glad if this start of story pleased you ! thank you for your comments ❤️😺

@Privatedancer thank you ! yes, sometimes it’s hard to  feel far away from the other, even if the other do finally come back I know it’s so sad, I think in relationships you can take so many things for granted and I’m not saying it’s the case here, but not seing Jim’s emotions is harsh, like if Matt didn’t looked at him anymore.

On 8/8/2023 at 3:30 AM, Privatedancer said:

 There really is nothing more lonely than feeling completely alone and unseen when you are WITH your loved one.

this is so true 💔

 

@solitaire-au yes I personally do understand both perspectives because they’re legit, and I like working with the fact that we can understand both points of view, even if clearly Matt had a bad temper which makes the situation worse

22 hours ago, solitaire-au said:

I just went and reread the original story just to double check.

Omg you did ??? your analysis is so on point, clearly Jim had no idea, and he's not the one to induced Matt on purpose with something he will be terribly allergic too, like he was even a bit shocked when Liz and Carol made their party and Matt did sniffed the flowers to get Jim's attention so...And as I told it before, Matt is based on a friend of mine (who also have a massive cat allergy) and I was surprised of how he was sensitive even if the cats was not around and he pretty much explained to me the same thing you did in your comment, something I was totally unaware before ! thank you nerdy doc 😘

@dwaekkioh thank you very much, I didn’t knew that I was going to post so much on this forum but I love it, it’s really a nice way to have fun with the fetish and creating stuff not just from myself, which is a nicest experience than I thought ! 

@Not TellingMatt really had this thing where he can not express his emotions other than through emotions too strong to contain, usually anger. This is perhaps his worst flaw, because I believe that in a relationship, it is important to learn to communicate with the other. And while you can understand that Matt has a hard time expressing his emotions, that's no excuse for continuing to want to cause "a tune-up" by the anger. Ugh. But I have to confess I love working with flawed characters.

On 8/8/2023 at 3:20 AM, Not Telling said:

You're writing is a gift Lily. Thank you for the ongoing adventures (and sometimes misfortunes) of these cuties. ❤️ 

Thank you so much, but you make me blush 🤭
I can’t say much on their future, you’ll have to read the following parts but anyways, our cuties must and will be protected at all cost.

 

here's the next part, hope you will like it !

2 - For the best

Jim ran a hand through his hair. He could see that Matt was angry, and he could understand that. An allergic reaction was never fun, and he knew Matt must be tired and… In fact, a thousand thoughts were going through his mind. But only one persisted : how to calm Matt ? The rain was starting to fall hard now. Matt took some paper towel and blew his nose in it. The paper hurt his nostrils, but at this point his nose was so on fire he didn't care. He walked over to the window and tried to calm his breathing by taking small breaths of fresh air. He didn't understand. Why would a cat live here ? How Jim could have been so thoughtless ?

"Matt, listen…" started Jim.

"How come there's cat here? I don't even see any cats." sniffed Matt, rubbing his nose with the paper towel to try to dispel the irritation.

"I put Billy in your studio," Jim said sheepishly.

"In my studio ? What a genius idea" Matt muttered sarcastically, raising his head a little, rubbing his nose to relieve that horrible sensation of fire.

Jim sighed.

"I know I…"

"You d-did know how a-ah-aaallergic I am to th-th-EHHHSHUHS-SHIEW !" sneezed Matt.

"Well I'm sorry, he was lost, it's a kitten and…" Jim almost stuttered.

"You thought opening a shelter was a good idea, right ?" muttered Matt. He tried to stayed calm but had difficulties.

"I'm sorry" repeated Jim.

"Uh-shiiew ! Jeez, you know I'm so…So allergic to them so why…II-Huhhh-hhhSHUH ! Why did you took it ?"

"Bless you" whispered Jim.

And he gave him his own handkerchief. Matt took it. He deserved at least that, a clean and soft handkerchief. That Jim didn't pull it out sooner was beyond him. He blew his nose again. Everything was damp and itchy. Far from what he wanted to found Jim. Far from it, really.

"Huh…hhhh-hhhhHUUHHHSHIEW! F-fuck this…" said Matt after a great sneeze he let go of freely.

"I'm sorry" Jim repeated, putting his hand on Matt's shoulder.

"Ok, ok…" Matt muttered, disengaging Jim's hand with a small shrug.

Jim sighed. Matt sneezed again, a fit of ten or twelve sneezes he tried to catch in Jim's handkerchief. But then it was enough. He knew he had to get away. He needed fresh air and at this point, didn’t care about the rain. Matt walked out onto the balcony. He took a deep breath but the smell of the cat lingered. So he let himself be emptied of some of his sneezes which burned his nose.

"Huh-SHIUH! HHHSHUH ! T'SSSHIIIEW ! Huh-HUH-PSHuuuuUU ! Pppp'issshhuuuh ! Huhh-shhhiiiew !"

He took his last tissue which took a little rain and blew his nose with the rest of his breath. He rolled it into a ball between his already rain-soaked fingers. And then he felt Jim's hand on his back.

"Matt..."

Matt jumped and turned, before stepping away from Jim, getting as far away from him as possible on the balcony, exposing himself to the rain.

"Sure you're full of it's fur so…" said Matt as he was standing so far from Jim.

Jim was feeling so bad right now. He tried to probe Matt's gaze to try to understand his state of mind. But he could hardly see his eyes anymore, because Matt's glasses were covered in raindrops.

"Well at least I hope you liked the crisis." said Matt, a bit bitter, a bit cynical.

"Please, stop this." said Jim in a soft tone, but his hazel eyes were very serious.

"What ? Isn't it your thing anymore ?" shrugged Matt, getting soaked.

"Matthew." said Jim, frowning.

Matt shrugged. He knew he was unpleasant but he was very frustated in a general manner. He tried to calm down, but he just wasn't good at it. Jim was trying to be patient. Not to lose sight of the most important.

"Please Matt, come here. Under the awning. You're going to get soaked." he said in a calm voice.

"I'm already soaked." Matt retorted. And maybe I will catch a cold, that will pleases you isn't it ? But Matt fortunately said nothing.

"Are you still angry ?"

"You're still smelling the other one. I don't want to sneeze anymore. Even if…"

Matt crossed his arms.

"If what ?"

"Even if you like it. "

"You know I didn’t do it on purpose. And no, I don’t take any pleasure in your fit. " said Jim, trying really hard to keep talking calmly.

Matt felt silly for implying that, because he knew full well that wasn't the case.

"Matt, come on..."

Matt shrugged. Jim was pained by Matt's behavior. He still felt guilty about Billy, but he also wanted to be with Matt. Find his husband again. He approached slightly then seeing that Matt didn't flinch, walked right up to him and stopped when he was a few centimeters away. The rain was drenching him, making his hair darker than ever, accentuating the bluish glow of his raven-colored hair, which made a great contrast with his pale, oh so pale skin. Matt looked almost a bit scared. He frowned. He breathed slowly but nothing. He took off his glasses and put them in the front pocket of his shirt, because anyway, with all the rain and the drops on the glass, he couldn't see much. The rain continued to fall but more slowly. Jim stared into Matt's blue and green eyes without getting tired. And then the softness of the cheeks he wanted to caress, under the light three-day beard. And the soaked hair between the chestnut and red that were starting to curl again.

"What?" asked Matt more dryly than he wanted to be.

"I missed you my love." said Jim with his usual soft tone.

"I'm sure there are things you didn't miss."

"I missed everything in you." insisted Jim.

"Even my bad temper ?" asked the witty Matt.

"Everything" said Jim in a sweet tone.

"The cat had to help you right ?" teased Matt, still a bit bitter but trying to lightening the atmosphere.

"Stop with Billy." frowned Jim, starting to get pained by Matt's behavior again.

"Stop with that name" mocked Matt.

Jim frowned again. He was sure Matt must find it very pathetic, to find companionship in a chat. He had a quick wit, it was obvious he understood that Jim was lonely, which Jim could handle, but less the judgment Matt associated with.

"Ok, so you like cats, whatever. But how could you let a cat into our house ?"

"I didn't know you where that allergic, I mean…I did clean the apartment but I guess not enough."

"Guess so, yes. F-fuck I still…Want…Huh-kshiiiuh ! I hope…I hope the show was pleasant at least." said Matt, after turning his head slightly in the side to sneeze in the middle of his sentence.

"Matt. Don’t be that way. " murmured Jim.

"What ? It’s your thing isn’t it ? " asked Matt in his grumpy voice.

"You know I didn't mean that. To hurt you."

"Oh as long as the sound of it make you happy…" said Matt, like he couldn’t help it.

And now Jim was getting angry, and Matt could see that. He could see that his nasty attitude was making Jim being angry. Jim, who was usually so easy to take on himself, looked like he was about to explode. And…In a way, Matt knew he wouldn’t mind. To understand how Jim felt. Because he felt he couldn’t do that anymore. Looking at him and just knew what was going on.

"You know your crisis never makes me happy." Jim said as calmly as possible.

"Oh well…" and Matt shrugged.

Jim couldn't suppress a sigh of annoyance. Looks like Matt was doing it on purpose. Matt frowned.

"Why are you so calm?" he suddenly ask.

"Trying to stay calm" corrected Jim.

"Oh, really ?"

"Do you want me to get mad ?" asked Jim, griding his teeths unconsciously.

“I don’t know. Maybe it would do us good.”

Matt had almost a defiant look. Jim was confused.

"To fight over something that is so…"

Jim was looking for and adjective but Matt, interpreting Jim's tone as a way to minimize the crisis he had, cutted him.

"I could barely breathe !" he claimed.

"We both know it's not the point."

"Oh would you like to take my place ? Just to understand how I felt ?" asked Matt, raising his voice.

"I didn't even know you'd be home today." said Jim, raising his voice too.

"Sorry, do you want me to take my suitcase and go home? Leaving you two together?"

“Stop talking bullshit…”

"Hey, at least now you're waking up."

"Waking up ? What do you even mean…" murmured Jim, frowning.

"I don't know, you're so concerned that everything always goes well that we end up not saying things to each other anymore." said Matt very fast, as if he need to say it that way to said it at all.

Jim felt his heart beating so hard, and his cheeks heating up. Matt had rosy cheeks too. They were both angry, but they were ashamed too. Ashamed of what they said to each other.

"That's how you really feel?" asked Jim, concerned and angry, two emotions that were so intertwined that he had trouble sorting them out.

"…Yes. You’re not even yourself now, Jim. You’re just…Playing…Whatever version of yourself you’re trying to do."

That was harsh, but Matt really felt that way. Jim felt like he had received a hell of a slap.

"I'm not even sure you're happy to find me" said Matt in a lowervoice.

The rain stopped. You could hear more than the drops falling. A drop slid down Jim's back, sending shivers down his spine, as Matt, his nose tickled by Billy's scent and the wetness, sneezed again.

"Eh-PPPSHIIIEW ! Huh…Hhhhh-hhh-TsssshUUUH !" he sneezed in his hand, then he pinched his nose and massaged it lightly "Jeez…".

Jim looked away for a moment. He almost didn’t hear Matt’s sneeze. He was shocked, but above all very pained by what Matt was telling him. In fact, it broke his heart. He knew he always wanted the best for both of them, but he didn't know how Matt could perceive his efforts. He didn't think Matt could imagine Jim wanting to avoid confrontation for… What, saving the appearance ? Really, it broke his heart.

"Of course I was happy to find you" he whispered.

“What ?” said Matt, who did not heard Jim, then feeling a tickle again “W-wait…I…Huh-kssshuh !” he sneezed, almost stifling it, which was surprising from him.

Jim didn't dare bless him, as he felt now that Matt was so angry about his allergic reaction he was going to think that Jim actually enjoyed it.

"I said I was happy to have you back." said Jim in a louder voice, where you could feel the emotion rising again.

Even if you didn't kiss me. You barely looked at me, he thought, feeling his eyes cloud over. Matt pinched his nose gently and had a quick cough.

"And I'm not p-playing." added Jim.

Matt just nodded. He was looking at Jim but it ws hard to do. His husband face was soaked, looking tired and so sad right now. And also a bit of anger ? He couldn’t really tell, and that was hard for him.

"…Are you even trusting me anymore?" asked Jim.

"I didn’t…Yes, I trust you, I…"

But Matt didn’t knew what to replied. He looked at Jim again. He saw a withdrawn and sad expression on his face, now he was sure of it, and it made his heart ache. He had to fix his mistake. He had probably gone a bit overboard. But at the same time, he was frustrated with the whole situation. And why everything was so difficult ?

"I was waiting for you. I couldn't imagine you would come back sooner, could I ? The only thing with the cat is…Is that I felt lonely. That's the only reason for the cat. Sorry to be there pathetic to your eyes ." he said, now getting a bit frustrated.

"You're not. I just...Don't you get used to my travels by now ?" asked Matt, a bit curious, a bit surprised.

"Do you want me to?" asked Jim, raising his eyebrows.

"You're avoiding my question." noticed quietly Matt.

They had both spoken very quickly, as if they wanted to talk to each other and at the same time as if they wanted to quickly move on. Jim wished the conversation had taken a different turn. But Matt had trapped him and now he couldn't see how he could have avoided the subject. He sighed, and tried to tell himself that at least if he could express himself, Matt would eventually.

"Fine ! No. No I'm not getting used to." answered Jim, raising his voice slightly.

Matt couldn't help but raise his eyebrows. He didn't expect this. He was even very far from it. Even if it was not a nice conversation, he knew they had to have it. And maybe it was for the best.

[dwaekki]

Nooo this is too sad 😥 I hope they can get back to being happy together again cause i can tell they both still love each other so much 😭 This is reminding me of your earlier stories when Jim first discovered Matt's short temper- hopefully this will be resolved in the same way ❤️‍🩹 Your writing is so emotional and captivating, I'm so ready to read more soon with many more sneezes to come 🥰

[Not Telling]

Well....Matt didn't react quite as explosively as I thought so I guess there's that. But wielding his knowledge of Jim's fetish like a weapon like was so unbelievably hurtful. Even if someone accepts and even embraces the fetish there is still a lot of emotional self-consciousness involved and Matt more than anyone knows this. He also knows that above anything else Jim puts the comfort and care of his loved one's first, anything else would be secondary. Jim wouldn't ever take pleasure in Matt's sneezing if he was genuinely distressed and the implication that he would, that he would cater to his lust first is just so cruel. It might even be worse than explosive anger.

While still harmful and not right, things said in rage can at least be rationalized as things said in the heat of the moment and there is greater inclination to overlook things said at that level of anger. But Matt had a cooler frame of mind here, which indicates that his statements were intentionally hurtful. I can't imagine if I entrusted someone with that intimate detail about me and they tossed it back in my face like that.

My heart breaks for Jim. This combined with his doubts, their steady drifting apart, and deterioration of intimacy, Matt's apathy, it's all so distressing. 

Jim needs reassurance, comfort, love. He needs to feel close with the the love his life. He needs to be seen, he needs to be heard, and validated. I so so hope Matt gives him that. 

Edited August 9, 2023 by Not Telling
Corrected a sentence that didn't make sense.

[Privatedancer]

This section so amazing and well written as always but made me so pissed at Matt and you all know I am #teammatt.  I feel he was nothing short of abusive towards Jim.

It was bad enough using his knowledge of his most intimate secret as a weapon, but to accuse Jim of purposefully harming  him, threatening to leave and go “home” which to me means he isn’t even thinking of this as home anymore, and looking at Jim while he is in so much pain and just pushing him harder and harder in hopes of breaking him.  It reminds me of early on when he yelled at Jim and made Jim shake and as soon as he realized he had scared and upset Jim so much he was shaking,  Matt Immediately calmed down and tried to comfort him and swore he wouldn’t hurt him like this again, and he barely knew him then.  Now this is his husband.  This is whom he has pledged to always love and support and care for. Jim is trying so hard to remain calm and honor his vows to Matt no matter how much Matt is hurting him.  I don’t honestly want him giving in to Matt in any way.  Matt needs to fix this and own this.  Jim made a mistake he thought he could resolve before Matt came home.  It wasn’t intentional. (And is Billy’s name from Billy Elliott?) There is no comparison between that and the international pain Matt is inflicting. Ok rampage over;). Reading the first section brought me back to the Joy Luck Club:

and Jim needs to find his voice again:

 

[solitaire-au]

@Privatedancer

I agree, though I have to say I am #teamjim. I relate to him a lot.

I think Jim’s approach to conflict comes from his experiences with his father. When you live with someone abusive, particularly a parent, you learn to suppress your anger in the name of personal safety.

It’s quite sad that as Jim (and others) has pointed out, Matt finds it easier to lash out and hurt others, than to say he’s sorry.

Which means Jim has to almost always be the one keeping a lid on his emotions to stop their arguments from escalating into blazing rows. And when someone says something hurtful, all the apologies in the world cannot “unsay” the words or take back the damage they caused.

Btw, the links you posted about Joy Luck Club didn’t work. It just shows those “type these characters in to prove you’re not a robot to proceed.”

[2SHY222]

I found your stories last night and am in awe of your writing and their relationship 🥰 I can't wait to see what happens next. 

Also the way they take things too personally and how they fight is the exact way my husband and I argue. I'm emotional like Jim and my hubby is definitely sarcastic Matt. I actually admire how much this hits close to home -minus the amount of sneezes. 

[Privatedancer]

Sorry the links didnt work/ I will just say one of the best movies ever and you can look up Joy luck club+ lamb chops in you tube for the first scene and joy luck club +I’m listening for the second scene.  The second scene will make little sense  without context but the movie and book (Amy Tan) are phenomenal .  Nothing to do with sneezing but just an amazing story and that particular story line that reminds me so much of Jim and Matt is a lovely one.  Some are very hard as they are all intense.  

[Lily]

salut salut

 

@2SHY222Oooh tank you very much that's very sweet ! welcome in our little circle of cutipies reading about cutiepies (well not so much for the moment but hey)

On 8/10/2023 at 8:50 PM, 2SHY222 said:

Also the way they take things too personally and how they fight is the exact way my husband and I argue. I'm emotional like Jim and my hubby is definitely sarcastic Matt. I actually admire how much this hits close to home -minus the amount of sneezes. 

oh really ? 😮
I hope you will have less arguments and more sneezes in the future then 💛

@dwaekki I knoooow I’m sorry ! Guess I love the drama but more seriously I think if in relationships a problem is not fixed it tends to repeats itself

@Not Telling I agree with everything you said. I think I would be so mad at Matt if I was at Jim's! Jim doesn't deserve this at all. I think Matt is too convinced that everything will always work out and he doesn't pay enough attention to how other people may feel. He would tend to contain everything and then explode. And it's like he didn't allow himself for Jim to take a huge amount on himself but not try to explode in any way he's trying to fix. In fact, this is one of their biggest differences. Matt destroys things without even realizing it and Jim is always fixing them. But they have to find their creative chemistry together at least if it's still possible because it's the only thing that can make their relationship work over time by making them find a balance and respecting their personalities.

@Privatedancer @solitaire-au

Yes you both so right !

On 8/10/2023 at 6:26 PM, solitaire-au said:

It’s quite sad that as Jim (and others) has pointed out, Matt finds it easier to lash out and hurt others, than to say he’s sorry.

totally

@PrivatedancerAnd yes for the cat's name and Matt didn't even seemed to catch it which is a shame because he could have calm down and tried not to be mean to Jim but trying to turned the situation in a very different manner. I mean we know he can be witty, but he could have been in a comical way instead of being that cruel. And yes abusive is the term. It's a shame but I do think it show how well a man as nice as he can be can also being abusive very easily.

The links did work for me and I watched the clips after writing this third part and I was very surprised of how close it sounds to my story ! But I think you can find this kind of argument in a lot of couples and it is very represented but not always in a very good manner, as I find it's often argument flirting with emotional/psychological abuse which is a shame (the acting tough is very good, love how subtle the actors are playing it felt so real)

 

Thank you all very much, your implication in my story is amazing and I’m so touched you take the time to comment at every chapter I mean that’s so sweet 😭
merci beaucoup 🥰

Will Matt stop being a bastard ? Jim find his voice again ?
I do hope you will like this chapter !
ps : not the most sneezy chapter but next one will be a fest, I promise

3 – How could you ?

Fine ! No. No I'm not getting used to.

Matt knew now was the time. They had to talk. Put words to their emotions. Even though he dreaded it, he knew it was essential. But he also had to relieve his irritated nose, as he felt a terrible tickling that wouldn't go away for several minutes. He knew that if he had asked Jim, with a flick of his magic finger, would have made him sneeze immediately. But that sounded out of place right now. So he ran his bent index finger along the bridge of his nose and rubbed it vertically.

"But Jim it's been like this...Almost since we are married. How could you told me that now ?" Matt asked, his heartbeat quickening.

It almost looked like it was going to be sunny again. Jim also felt his heartbeat quicken.

"You know I already told you. But I can't stop you from working either."

"No, you can't." Matt muttered, more like a thought than a statement.

"I know !" said Jim with an annoyed tone.

"Hey don't get mad. It's not my fault ok ?" Matt replied defensively.

"Oh it's mine ?" chuckled nervously Jim.

It was so hard. He wanted to get things cleared out with Matt. He didn't know how he managed not to explode at this point.

"Why d-do you want so-sorry guuna…Guh-unna sneeze but…Why…do you want someone to be g-gu-guilty ?" Matt asked.

His expression changed to a relaxed, almost innocent look, his breathing hitched, he struggled to speak and then he exploded into four sneezes that sounded more high-pitched than his usual sneezes, and kinda stifled in his fist – " Uh…Uhm…Gnnn'shhiew! Mmmmp'ssshuh! Hhhh-Shhh'iihh! HUH-TssshhhiiIIIh !"

He shook his head, like to get rid of the feeling, and his nose felt a bit better. He rubbed it slightly, just to be sure. He didn't notice Jim's look of concern. He was confused. And more than the confusion, Matt was not feeling good at all. He knew he implied terrible things. And he just couldn't understand what was going on between Jim and him. Actually, he had his idea, but he only half believed in it. And he felt all the tension between them, he felt it in his whole body even in his mind, and it weighed on him so much that he felt like he could collapse at any moment in front of Jim. 

"I am not. You were the one talking ab-about f-uh-uh-UKSHIUH !" sneezed Jim between his hands to covers his face, as the sun, which finally came out, caressed his face, causing an unexpected photic sneeze.

He waited a bit as Matt was looking at him, almost like he was going to bless him, but as Matt didn't said anything, Jim starting again.

“I love the fact that you're an artist. I will always love that. I fall in love with that side of you ok ? We can talk about it, but I can't help it if it's causing me pain" He explained, as calmly as possible, even if emotion won over him.

"Because you can't watch me?" Matt said with a certain cynicism.

But he realized he was going too far once again. Jeez, he needed someone to shut his big mouth.

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that, I didn't mean that."

And he put his hand on Jim's shoulder, which he felt hard as stone. That too was not normal. And even earlier, when Matt had freed his shoulder from Jim's grasp, he had felt foolish for doing so. Their gestures of tenderness seemed not to arrive at the same rhythm, as if they were in perpetual shift. Jim's expression was withdrawn and sad.

"How dare you say this to me?"

Matt bit his lips. Jim sounded so cold.

"How dare you...Implied all of this ?"

"I did..."

But Jim cutted Matt. That was enough.

"You're very hard on me tonight." said Jim, letting Matt's hand on his shoulder, seeing the ring of his husband shining, the hazel stone so brilliant as if it was well taken care of.

"I apologize." Matt whispered pressing Jim's shoulder "I didn't want to imply that."

"Then why are you always saying stuff like this?" asked Jim, looking Matt straight in the eye.

Matt felt his cheeks flush with shame.

"Because I'm an idiot."

"Bullshit. It's not enough." said dryly Jim.

"I know. I'm re-ehssshiuh !" he sneezed in front of Jim but placing his hand in front of his mouth and nose.

Also, when he sneezed, Jim could feel how Matt gently squeezed his shoulder, a little physical reflex of course, but Jim felt his throat go dry in spite of himself.

"Sorry."

Jim bited his lips. He didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry if you missed me. I know that I should have been there more often." said Matt, wanting to do more than gently squeeze Jim's shoulder.

"That's not what I'm asking you."

"Or let you know. I shouldn't have called you anymore. I'm always a little...Afraid of disturbing you, you know."

Jim chuckled nervously. Matt dropped his hand from Jim's shoulder.

"What ? It's true." Matt asserted, frowning, losing a few years in his expression of frankness and incomprehension.

"And me then ? You think I wasn't afraid to disturb ? You know very well who I'm here with. And you could call me at any time, I'll have answered you. And they were expecting from you, actually. I felt so...I wanted to tell them you were ok, but how could I ? I didn't knew myself."

"Well, o-ok, you don't always know the people I travel with or those I meet but..But you c-could have called me too" stammered Matt who understood Jim's position better and felt perfectly stupid.

Jim sighed softly.

"Ok. Let's say I should have. But...But that's...Let's...Let's focus just for a sec. Cause...F-Fuck Matt, do you even realize what you did tonight ?"

"I didn't..."

"Oh you didn't mean it ? Well guess what ? Tired of this. Tired of this tune of yours. Words matters. With or without intention. And what you said was very hurtful." said Jim coldly to avoid getting too much emotional and not being able to finish what he wanted to say to Matt.

"I know. I shouldn't h..."

"How could you said these things if you knew it ?"

Jim shook his head. He couldn't get over Matt's attitude. Matt had to understand that it was not possible.

"If you're mad at me I'll always hear it. We can always talk about it. And I'll be ready to apologize and question myself because your word, your emotions, you whole person matters to me, and I respect you. You don't have to be like this with me. To be so mean." continued Jim on the same tone.

Matt swallowed. He felt how he didn't respect Jim and felt so ashamed that he wanted to disappear right now. Jim was speaking calmly but you could see how emotional he was inside. And besides Matt didn't need to see anything about it. He knew it.

"You. You of all people should know. I spent my childhood loving a man, trying not to hate him when he said hurtful things to me. I could barely put distance between him and me when I grew up. And you came into my life. And you were the one who allowed me to break the cycle. So...I can't let you take his place. I just can't."

The mention of Jim's father made Matt shiver. He would never have imagined being associated with such a man. Matt wanted to say something but he knew Jim wasn't finished. And he understood that he had to be quiet. Listen. Acknowledge what Jim had to say to him.

"Matt you're my favorite person in the world. I have met a hell out of people you know ? You're still are my favorite person. The one I want to spend my life with. But if you don't try to work this out with me, I just can't continue like this. I can't just close my eyes on this. I think...I know I deserve better."

Jim looked down for a moment. He felt empty. He had said what he had to say. Or almost. He looked up to plant them in those of Matt who, if he felt very ashamed and sad, had not left Jim's piercing gaze for a single second.

"And Matt, even if you don't believe it, you deserve better for yourself too."

Matt felt his heart clench hard then swell inside him, as if threatening to break.

"Oh Jim..." murmured Matt.

Jim wiped the edge of his eyes.

"I do want to work this out. I'm unforgivable to not being better for you." stated Matt, with emotion.

Jim cutted him.

"Implying I would hurt you on purpose I just..."

He sniffed lightly.

"Sorry but that was just...That was just impossible to hear. I mean how...How could you even thinking this ?

"I didn't I just spoke with anger and..." tried to explain Matt, but struggling as he knew he was the guilty one.

"But why ? Why can't you just admit your anger and not using it...Against me ? I mean...I just..."

He sniffed again.

"I would never do that to you."

"I know" whispered Matt.

"But you think you're entitled to do it to me ?"

Jim held back a small sob and Matt just wanted to hug him at this point.

"No. I'm not entitled to do it." firmly said Matt, looking a bit pale.

"Please just..."

But Jim cutted himself because he bit that Matt was about to sneeze, his nostrils quivered and his mouth slightly parted let out a gasped breath.

"Su-sorry...Have to...Sneee-shiiUUh ! Sor...Eh-EeeePSHIEW ! Eh-Eh-AAA-PSSSSHIIIEW ! Excuse me." he said again, almost breathless as the sneezes followed each other with speed and intensity.

He had sneezed in his elbow but they sounded as harsh and wet as the ones Matt sneezed inside.

"Are you okay ?" asked Jim.

His hazel eyes had space for concern. Matt felt miserable but that wasn't so much about the allergies now. He sniffed lightly and took his breath again.

"Huh... Huh-III-ShiiiIIIIew !" he sneezed in his palm then pinched his nose slightly - "Yes. Sorry. Don't worry. What were you going to say ?"

Jim hesitated. Matt had a pale face, red eyes and a reddish nose. He looked tired and sick. The wetness of his hair and clothes didn't help the picture. But no. He had to go on.

"That I don't want you to ever implied that I could take pleasure seeing your hurt. Cause it's more than a lie. It's probably the worst thing you could ever tell me." said Jim and even if his voice broke near the end he said it with strengh.

Matt noded. He was afraid to speak. He felt like such a piece of trash for hurting Jim. Unconsciously his fingers were playing with his wedding ring, the little hazel stone, the same colour of Jim's eyes around his finger.

"I apologize. I have no excuse but if you still trust me, please hear this ;  I will never do such a thing to you again. I can't. I wish I could erase all of it but just...Seing you like this, telling me how much I hurted you is killing me. I never thought I could hurting you like this, and it wasn't my intention I...I know that I have no excuses, I hope you will understand how I know that I'm not deserving of you. I respect you so much, I love you so much, I can't staying like this. You say you love me and I can't believe it...You know I believe...I would rather not see you than to know that I hurt you."

Matt felt how emotional he was getting and bited his tongue. He hated himself right now. Jim nodded back. He ran his left hand over his face and then through his dark hair, brushing it back, shaking the moisture away with a firm wave of his hand. And that was at this moment Matt noticed Jim didn't wore his wedding ring. He felt something very strange inside of him. 

"Ok" simply said Jim.

He knew Matt was saying the truth. And he felt he was getting emotional too, but at this point, he just tried to listening to himself first. Did he told everything to Matt ?

"O-ok what ?" asked Matt trying to focuse on Jim's face and not on his empty finger.

"Ok I trust you. And I want you back, but without whatever side of you showed me tonight."

"Oh..." sheepishly murmured Matt "Yes" he said loudlier.

"I will need a bit of time to forgive you though." admit Jim.

"I know."

Jim surveyed Matt. He looked sad. Was it because he was realizing how her reaction had hurt him?

"Also ? I missed you. And I'm happy for your career and I'm proud of you and all but I miss you. And again, you can't just expect me to just change that." whispered Jim, tears in his eyes.

"James how can you even look at le right now...I was the worst, I'm so deeply sorry" said Matt in a strangled voice.

Jim took Matt into his arm. He was a bit stiff, and he felt that Matt was too, but they both relaxed after few seconds, smelling softly the other one. Yes, Jim was still hurt by Matt's words and at the same time, he needed this physical presence against him. But Billy's smell triggered Matt's very sensitive nose. He tried to warn Jim.

"I huh...Huh..." but it was impossible to speak. And Jim knew that Matt needed to sneeze. He didn't say anything but gently tightened his embrace.

Matt had to sneeze right away anyways, which he did against Jim, barely covering himself with and hand, his face being so close to Jim's neck.

"Ha-HAPSHUUH ! Eh...Eck-shiiiew ! Uh...Nuh...UH-uhRTSHUUH ! P'shuuuuh ! Oh...Ah...AaaaAaAATSHIEW ! T'shhhuh !"

Jim felt a light, warm, damp veil over his bare skin there, but as always he didn't care. He parted gently from Matt because he didn't want him to suffer any more and knew his touch must be irritating. Matt was actually hissing a bit now.

Edited August 11, 2023 by Lily
missed some words

[Privatedancer]

I love this Lilly.  I think Jim has to show Matt the seriousness of his actions.  And why should he believe Matt who had promised before - twice - that he would not do this to Jim.  A promise isn’t enough.  I think Matt needs to make some very grand gestures before Jim should take him back.  Like going to anger management bad working through his issues and staying home and agreeing only to travel a limited amount of time.  He needs to earn jim back in my opinion and I am curious when and why jim removed his ring.  I also think it will take time for Jim to be able to find pleasure in Matt’s sneezes.  I mean he really fucked up.  He needs to have his whole focus be on fixing this and being the kind of man jim deserves.  I know Jim would disagree becuase Jim is much kinder than I am.  I would be taking a break from Matt after this night.  Luckily he isn’t married to me

[dwaekki]

It's so great to see you portray such a realistic relationship, and have your characters talk things out in a (nearly) healthy way. I agree that it's very important to fully resolve issues before moving forward if you want to stay with a person ❤️. I'm happy Matt and Jim are now on the same page, so I can only wait looking forward to see what comes next (hopefully some more cheerful chapters 🥲, although admittedly I love seeing vulnerable Matt every once in a while, I have a weakness for strong men being soft haha). I need to come upwith more words to describe your stories other than 'amazing' or 'great' but that's truly what they are, it's so lovely how you integrate sneezing into a fully committed plot with such incredible characters. This is probably the most I'll ever say on this forum cause normally I end up repeating myself, but truly I'm so excited to see where you take thus and I'm so happy you've carried on with these brilliant characters. All I'm waiting for now is some more soft, happy m/m dynamics and plenty more sneezes and caretaking from both parties ❤️❤️❤️

[Femilloween77]

I'm super late to the party but I'm so glad you kept on writing, that sequel is wonderful. Forever a big fan of your stories Lily 💖