Sexuality

[PetalPunk]

90% Straight.. 10% questioning. If that makes any sense at all...

I've never had a serious relationship and I find both males and females attractive. Open to experimenting.

Straight but not narrow. Very proud LGBTQ ally

[GenieBenie]

Wow! I had no idea this was so complex! I thought there was only gay or straight! Well, I must say I believe I am 99.99% straight. I have never had a crush on a girl, However there was one very manly girl.... but I'm pretty young for this stuff and don't know yet. Cool to see so much variety on this forum.

[Graham Cracked]

Can gender identity be discussed in this as well? If not, I apologize for bringing it up >///<

I've been bisexual since I was around 15-16 after having a realization about it with an old friend who I sort of had a crush on. We did date for a while, though it didn't actually go anywhere, and though I'm engaged to be married to a man, I'm still mostly attracted to women.

Now, as for the gender identity bit, as of about six months ago, I finally decided to go about with something I've wanted all my life. I've never once been comfortable in a woman's body...I could never tell anyone else about this in fear of ridicule. But with an amazingly supportive fiance, who is more than willing to help me with treatment, by the summer of next year, I'll be beginning my transition over to becoming a man. I've already begun wearing more baggy clothing, cutting my hair short, allowing my facial hair to come in thicker (I've always had a mustache growing up xP) and working on building more muscle tone. It's something I need to do to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

...Sorry if that wasn't exactly the expected post, I just felt like, since there wasn't a topic anywhere else to bring up this subject matter, I might as well put it all out here. >////////<

[ImTHATweird]

Can gender identity be discussed in this as well? If not, I apologize for bringing it up >///<

I've been bisexual since I was around 15-16 after having a realization about it with an old friend who I sort of had a crush on. We did date for a while, though it didn't actually go anywhere, and though I'm engaged to be married to a man, I'm still mostly attracted to women.

Now, as for the gender identity bit, as of about six months ago, I finally decided to go about with something I've wanted all my life. I've never once been comfortable in a woman's body...I could never tell anyone else about this in fear of ridicule. But with an amazingly supportive fiance, who is more than willing to help me with treatment, by the summer of next year, I'll be beginning my transition over to becoming a man. I've already begun wearing more baggy clothing, cutting my hair short, allowing my facial hair to come in thicker (I've always had a mustache growing up xP) and working on building more muscle tone. It's something I need to do to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

...Sorry if that wasn't exactly the expected post, I just felt like, since there wasn't a topic anywhere else to bring up this subject matter, I might as well put it all out here. >////////<

That rocks! It must feel so good to finely be comfortable! It's amazing your fiance is supportive I hope everything goes great for you!

Anyway, My sexuality is mostly straight. I've never had a crush on a woman. I have only been attracted to men. But who knows. That could change with age possibly. Very similar to what Crazy said. Almost spot on actually.

[Jorm]

Can gender identity be discussed in this as well? If not, I apologize for bringing it up >///<

I've been bisexual since I was around 15-16 after having a realization about it with an old friend who I sort of had a crush on. We did date for a while, though it didn't actually go anywhere, and though I'm engaged to be married to a man, I'm still mostly attracted to women.

Now, as for the gender identity bit, as of about six months ago, I finally decided to go about with something I've wanted all my life. I've never once been comfortable in a woman's body...I could never tell anyone else about this in fear of ridicule. But with an amazingly supportive fiance, who is more than willing to help me with treatment, by the summer of next year, I'll be beginning my transition over to becoming a man. I've already begun wearing more baggy clothing, cutting my hair short, allowing my facial hair to come in thicker (I've always had a mustache growing up xP) and working on building more muscle tone. It's something I need to do to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

...Sorry if that wasn't exactly the expected post, I just felt like, since there wasn't a topic anywhere else to bring up this subject matter, I might as well put it all out here. >////////<

Congrats! And kudos to your fiancee for being supportive!

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

Wow, congratulations, Oina, I'm so happy for you!

[rhombohedron]

Oina, congratulations! That's fantastic!

I'm queer. Female assigned at birth, but pretty damn ambivalent about my gender identity, and I don't know what words describe me best. There are connotations to both agender and genderqueer that don't always accurately represent how I feel, you know? All I can say that I know for sure to be true is that I don't get super fussed about the pronouns people use to refer to me.

[Kuchafya613]

Can gender identity be discussed in this as well? If not, I apologize for bringing it up >///<

I've been bisexual since I was around 15-16 after having a realization about it with an old friend who I sort of had a crush on. We did date for a while, though it didn't actually go anywhere, and though I'm engaged to be married to a man, I'm still mostly attracted to women.

Now, as for the gender identity bit, as of about six months ago, I finally decided to go about with something I've wanted all my life. I've never once been comfortable in a woman's body...I could never tell anyone else about this in fear of ridicule. But with an amazingly supportive fiance, who is more than willing to help me with treatment, by the summer of next year, I'll be beginning my transition over to becoming a man. I've already begun wearing more baggy clothing, cutting my hair short, allowing my facial hair to come in thicker (I've always had a mustache growing up xP) and working on building more muscle tone. It's something I need to do to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

...Sorry if that wasn't exactly the expected post, I just felt like, since there wasn't a topic anywhere else to bring up this subject matter, I might as well put it all out here. >////////<

That's really amazing I'm so glad he's supportive and that he loves you, no matter what. That makes me really happy

[Kuchafya613]

Wow! I had no idea this was so complex! I thought there was only gay or straight! Well, I must say I believe I am 99.99% straight. I have never had a crush on a girl, However there was one very manly girl.... but I'm pretty young for this stuff and don't know yet. Cool to see so much variety on this forum.

I know what you mean. Normally, when I have a crush on a guy, he's rather feminine. (That being said, I don't have same-sex crushes all that often, but when I do...)

[Kuchafya613]

It's funny because I've been complaining about my sexuality for like...three years now? And I'm still not sure entirely.

I don't like most labels, though I'm starting to figure that kind of stuff out. I used to identify as pansexual with a more straight preference, but the whole

"do-it-yourself" label doesn't feel quite right. Heteroflexibility (a variant on bi-curiosity/bisexuality where the attraction is chiefly straight with minimal homosexual attraction) seems to fit more closely to the point.

I also find myself fitting on the asexual/aromantic scale, but not completely-- so I guess demiromantic/demisexual comes pretty close to where I seem to stand.

Heteroflexible demiromantic. There you have it.

I've never heard of heteroflexible, but the term suits me so well

[Jorm]

I'm queer. Female assigned at birth, but pretty damn ambivalent about my gender identity, and I don't know what words describe me best. There are connotations to both agender and genderqueer that don't always accurately represent how I feel, you know? All I can say that I know for sure to be true is that I don't get super fussed about the pronouns people use to refer to me.

I totally know what you mean. I'm female assigned at birth as well and although I've undergone a fair amount of medical transition and am far more comfortable in an essentially male body, ultimately I really don't think of myself as male, and I'm not comfortable labeling myself as such. I don't really consider myself to be of any gender at this point. Sometimes I describe myself as transmasculine and gender neutral, but that still falls short of the mark and I'm yet to find a term that I'm really comfortable with, so like you, I mostly just go with queer. It's horribly non-specific and really doesn't tell anyone anything, but there just isn't a single term that adequately describes how I feel.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

I'm queer. Female assigned at birth, but pretty damn ambivalent about my gender identity, and I don't know what words describe me best. There are connotations to both agender and genderqueer that don't always accurately represent how I feel, you know? All I can say that I know for sure to be true is that I don't get super fussed about the pronouns people use to refer to me.

I totally know what you mean. I'm female assigned at birth as well and although I've undergone a fair amount of medical transition and am far more comfortable in an essentially male body, ultimately I really don't think of myself as male, and I'm not comfortable labeling myself as such. I don't really consider myself to be of any gender at this point. Sometimes I describe myself as transmasculine and gender neutral, but that still falls short of the mark and I'm yet to find a term that I'm really comfortable with, so like you, I mostly just go with queer. It's horribly non-specific and really doesn't tell anyone anything, but there just isn't a single term that adequately describes how I feel.

What pronouns do you prefer? I will use them.

[Jorm]

I'm queer. Female assigned at birth, but pretty damn ambivalent about my gender identity, and I don't know what words describe me best. There are connotations to both agender and genderqueer that don't always accurately represent how I feel, you know? All I can say that I know for sure to be true is that I don't get super fussed about the pronouns people use to refer to me.

I totally know what you mean. I'm female assigned at birth as well and although I've undergone a fair amount of medical transition and am far more comfortable in an essentially male body, ultimately I really don't think of myself as male, and I'm not comfortable labeling myself as such. I don't really consider myself to be of any gender at this point. Sometimes I describe myself as transmasculine and gender neutral, but that still falls short of the mark and I'm yet to find a term that I'm really comfortable with, so like you, I mostly just go with queer. It's horribly non-specific and really doesn't tell anyone anything, but there just isn't a single term that adequately describes how I feel.

What pronouns do you prefer? I will use them.

I'm still not sure I generally use male pronouns in real life because I look all kinds of manly these days and although I like the idea of gender neutral pronouns they're way awkward and I don't necessarily always want to be forcibly outed by the pronouns people are using. Online I suppose I don't really care... Although I have to admit I kind of like people just using whichever pronoun they assume applies. Because I'm an asshole and it amuses me So... Um... Whatever you want, I guess? *is totally unhelpful*

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

Would you be good with it if I just used a randomly selected pronoun each time?

[Jorm]

Would you be good with it if I just used a randomly selected pronoun each time?

That would be perfectly fine with me

[Bondi]

So am I to understand that queer is no longer a slur against homosexuals?

Well, anyway, interesting thread. I did learn a lot of stuff along with that thing I wrote above.

But anyway, heterosexual man here.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

So am I to understand that queer is no longer a slur against homosexuals?

Well, not exactly. It can be. It's more a matter of it being something that's generally considered acceptable within the queer community, but only sometimes considered okay when used by those outside of it. Different people have different feelings about it. Some queer people are only okay with other queer people saying it. Others are okay with anyone saying it as long as they mean it solely as a descriptor, rather than a slur. Still others feel that the word hasn't lost its negative connotation, and so don't like for anyone to use it. And there are, of course, still those who hurl the word as an insult, which is never, ever okay.

As a general rule, I would say that it's okay to use the word queer as a non-personal adjective ("the queer community"; "a group of queer writers", etc.), and as a personal adjective if you're talking about someone you know is okay with the term ("I know she considers herself queer"; etc.). I wouldn't use ever use it as a noun ("the queer who wrote that"; "those queers are good singers", etc.), except as an in-joke among the queer community ("you know us queers!").

Obviously, though, all of that (well, except the last bit; that's a pretty big don't) is all just my opinion. Anyone want to agree/disagree/discuss?

[Kuchafya613]

So am I to understand that queer is no longer a slur against homosexuals?

Well, not exactly. It can be. It's more a matter of it being something that's generally considered acceptable within the queer community, but only sometimes considered okay when used by those outside of it. Different people have different feelings about it. Some queer people are only okay with other queer people saying it. Others are okay with anyone saying it as long as they mean it solely as a descriptor, rather than a slur. Still others feel that the word hasn't lost its negative connotation, and so don't like for anyone to use it. And there are, of course, still those who hurl the word as an insult, which is never, ever okay.

As a general rule, I would say that it's okay to use the word queer as a non-personal adjective ("the queer community"; "a group of queer writers", etc.), and as a personal adjective if you're talking about someone you know is okay with the term ("I know she considers herself queer"; etc.). I wouldn't use ever use it as a noun ("the queer who wrote that"; "those queers are good singers", etc.), except as an in-joke among the queer community ("you know us queers!").

Obviously, though, all of that (well, except the last bit; that's a pretty big don't) is all just my opinion. Anyone want to agree/disagree/discuss?

That's interesting. I was told by my friend (who is a straight ally) that the term "queer" is always offensive. That's why I've been so tentative to use it.

[SomeoneRandom]

Bondi, on 22 December 2013 - 04:03 PM, said:

So am I to understand that queer is no longer a slur against homosexuals?

Well, not exactly. It can be. It's more a matter of it being something that's generally considered acceptable within the queer community, but only sometimes considered okay when used by those outside of it.

I like your whole explanation, myownprivatesfc. I'll just tack on a little more. As evident in myownprivatesfc's explanation, with her use of terms like "queer community", "queer" is a good umbrella term (for queer folks ourselves to use or possibly others). Queer encompasses LGBTQQIPA+ and all those zillion letters. That acronym is long and confusing, and it always accidentally leaves someone out. Queer can refer to anyone who identifies as anything other than heterosexual and/or cisgender (meaning not transgender).

Also, queer as a self-identifier has personal implications. It can be a way to identify as not cis/hetero without being specific. It's also a term that carries some political connotations. People who identify as queer may be more likely to see themselves as subversive, counterculture, activists, etc. Not everyone feels queer. For example, a lesbian woman who is married and lives a typical, normative suburban lifestyle might not feel queer. Just lesbian. It has something else to it. I don't know if this makes sense... Someone who identifies as heterosexual and cisgender might also identify as queer if they regularly engage in a queer activity that is a significant part of their identity, such as regularly performing as a drag queen. Their sexual orientation and gender is normative, but there's something... queer... about them.

Other queer folks, jump in if you disagree about that last definition.

[Jorm]

I agree with everything that's been said so far about the word queer and it's usage. I would add that, at last in my experience, there is often a generational element to how people feel about it. A lot of older people in the community don't like it because it was still very actively being used a slur when they were growing up/coming out, so it has a very negative emotional connotation for them, whereas a lot of younger people, say 30 and under, never really experienced being called queer as an insult because it had pretty much gone out of vogue by the time they were at the age to be hassled, so they don't associate it with harassment and abuse.

Like SomeoneRandom said, it's most common use probably in the phrase "queer community" because it's so much simpler and more inclusive than LGBPTQQIAetcetcetc, basically functioning as a catch all for anyone who isn't straight and/or cisgender. I would say that in that respect it's fine for anyone to use it. But that I would suggest being very careful about using it to describe a specific person unless you know that they're cool with it. Queer is still very much a developing term in the community and it's likely to continue evolving in the next 20 years or so. At some point in the future I think it will be totally fine for anyone to use it respectfully in the way that today it's fine for anyone, regardless of orientation to use the word respectfully. But at the moment, although it's quickly gaining popularity, especially among young adults/college students, it's still a very personal matter and it's best to air on the side of caution if you're not sure how someone feels about it.

Then there's genderqueer, which is a much more specific term though it's exact meaning still varies somewhat from person to person. Broadly it means someone who does not feel they fit within the male-female binary, but based on the individual that may mean that their gender is some combination of male and female (bi-gender), that it is a distinct third gender, or that they are "non-gender", genderless, a-gender, gender neutral, etc. There are probably more variations that I've forgotten or am unaware of, but I think (and hope) that that serves as a decent 101 explanation of the term. However, keep in mind that not everyone who considers themself bi-gender, third gender, A-gender, etc identifies with and uses the term genderqueer. In my experience most are unlikely to be really offended by having someone use genderqueer to describe them, but they may not be comfortable with it and so object to it's usage in regards to them. But don't take my word for that, I'm not at all bothered by someone referring to me as genderqueer although it's not how I personally identify and depending on the situation I'll correct people, but that certainly doesn't mean everyone feels that way.

[squealofapproval]

I identify as Bisexual. My parents have it in their mind I'm queer. Actually, my dad does, and when I told him he threw a book at me. My dad doesn't know I'm dating a girl because he'd disown me but my mom was once bi curious so she accepts me completely.

[MoonDuck]

Heterosexual.

Wow. I'm so educated on the topic now from the above posts

[Kuchafya613]

I identify as Bisexual. My parents have it in their mind I'm queer. Actually, my dad does, and when I told him he threw a book at me. My dad doesn't know I'm dating a girl because he'd disown me but my mom was once bi curious so she accepts me completely.

Sorry about your dad :/ but I'm glad about your mom!

[Kuchafya613]

Heterosexual.

Wow. I'm so educated on the topic now from the above posts

I know, right? I considered myself to be pretty educated on the subject, just from my own research, but nothing beats the things you can learn from other people

[Introvertedme]

It's funny because I've been complaining about my sexuality for like...three years now? And I'm still not sure entirely.

I don't like most labels, though I'm starting to figure that kind of stuff out. I used to identify as pansexual with a more straight preference, but the whole

"do-it-yourself" label doesn't feel quite right. Heteroflexibility (a variant on bi-curiosity/bisexuality where the attraction is chiefly straight with minimal homosexual attraction) seems to fit more closely to the point.

I also find myself fitting on the asexual/aromantic scale, but not completely-- so I guess demiromantic/demisexual comes pretty close to where I seem to stand.

Heteroflexible demiromantic. There you have it.

THIS.

also, for me, I find the female body way more astetically pleasing than the male form but I've only ever had romantic feels toward men so far and that's who I see myself falling in love with as of right now so I'm a little confused about what that means. but of course, I'm still young so I really don't need to worry about this. *sigh* can anyone relate to this?