Bits and Pieces (Rivers' short fanfics, updated 09/06/18)

[The Kneezle]

Please give us more! Please please! These are great! Some more sniffly Harry would be wonderful!

[RiversD]

Thanks so much, you guys!

@SneezeyLove ... I couldn't resist.

@The Kneezle I'll see what I can do. Might not be super speedy, though. I'm a lazy bum.

In the meantime, have a 15-minute scribbling from the early hours of this morning. Typos expected.

Title: Cold Call

Character: Ned the Piemaker

Fandom: Pushing Daisies

Tags: Illness, Noseblowing

Authors Notes: I have some Lee Pace related frustrations I would like to share.

“Emerson, I’m sick.”

The piemaker sniffled as if for emphasis, though in reality he could not help doing so. His nose had recently become home to an itinerant river, which was resisting all attempts to stem its flow. Emerson Cod did not seem to care.

“Dead folks don’t mind. And as long as I ride in the back seat, I don’t care. This stiff’s time sensitive.”

“Aren’t they all?” Ned was being drawn into this conversation despite himself. He wedged the phone between ear and shoulder and pressed a handkerchief to his streaming nose. It just made it itch.

“They ain’t all got a lawyer promising ten thousand bucks if we find his will by Thursday. How healthy you gotta be to touch a dead guy?”

There was a long pause. The piemaker had been overcome by the prelude to a sneeze, and Emerson Cod, unable to see the tortured torsion of his partner’s eyebrows, was waiting impatiently for his answer.

“Ned? You still-”

“hhmph! hh…” the violent motion of the piemaker’s head dislodged the telephone, which fell to the ground beside him. Ned had no time to notice this, however, as the single, stifled offering had done little to placate the itch.

“hnchou! hh…hh’tchou!” Ned’s nose would have liked to keep sneezing, but Ned was not good at letting his body have its own way. As soon as he was able, he blew his nose with considerable force, crushing the impulse to sneeze, but causing the painful ache in his nostrils to increase immensely. His body under control once more, he picked up the phone, and apologised to Emerson.

“Was that you trying to get sympathy?”

“No.” Ned wiped his nose again, and wished this conversation was over. “That was me sneezing.”

“Just as well, ‘cause it wasn’t working. Get your car and pick me up in half an hour, when I’ve finished my pie.”

Emerson hung up. Ned wasn’t sure that his wish had been granted in the manner he had hoped. Still, it would only take a minute to play his part in all this. How bad could this be, really?

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Lawl, this was funny!

[RiversD]

Well, this one didn't even try to stay a proper drabble.

Character: Remus Lupin

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders Era)

Tags: Illness, Contagion, Noseblowing

Authors Notes:

The common room was far too quiet without James. He had taken this Christmas break at home, keen to show off Lily Evans to his parents. This meant that Sirius was left to his own devices in a near-empty room, reduced to creating mock-battles with enchanted cushions. Yellow was winning.

Last night had been interesting, his first full moon alone with Remus. It had gone surprisingly well, considering. It did make the small “Oh. Hello, Sirius. Got a winner yet?” from behind him somewhat surprising, though. He’d been expecting Remus to sleep in longer than this. He let the cushions fall, and swivelled in his seat.

“Yellow. You just got up?”

Remus nodded. He was all wrapped up in the dressing gown James had bought him last year. Sirius had always thought it made him look smaller than he was. He’d also brought his bag down, which was a bit odd, even for Remus. Sirius was about to comment, when the younger boy’s breath hitched, and he brought his arm up just in time to catch a sneeze with his elbow.

“heh-heiptschu! Bother. Sorry”.

“Wow.” Sirius looked his friend up and down. Remus looked even paler than he usually did at this time of the month. His nose looked as though he’d been rubbing it too much, as well.

“You look awful.” he declared. “Think maybe you should have stayed where you were.”

Remus sniffed.

“To be honest, I mostly came down to get some tissues. I wasn’t very prepared for this.”

He picked up one of the communal tissue boxes from a nearby table and wedged it into his bag. Despite the holidays, the house elves put out the same number of boxes they always did, so it wasn’t as if one would be missed.

“You know I have a box next to my bed, right? You can just take from there.”

“Didn’t want to presume.”

Sirius sighed.

“Moony, what’s mine is yours. You know that.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Remus smiled sheepishly back at him, then hurriedly snatched a couple of tissues from the box and pressed them to his nose.

“hnn- hitshew! Ugh.”

“Bless you.”

“Thanks.”

Sirius swung himself up from the sofa and moved towards his friend. Much to his surprise, Remus backed away.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m all germy. You shouldn’t come close.”

“Come on, Moony, you don’t want to be alone. I’ll grab some stuff from the kitchens, then we can hang out in the dorm for a while. Play chess, or read or something.”

“No.” Remus insisted. He binned his used tissues, and went on trying to dodge Sirius’ attempts to get hold of him.

“I don’t want you to get this. It’s awful, and you’ll be miserable over Christmas. Just let me hide for today.”

He might have been more successful were he not overtaken by another sneeze. This one took him by surprise, forcing him to hurriedly catch it with both hands.

“h- hh’tischoo!”

Unfortunately, it also forced him to close his eyes. Without thinking twice, Sirius grabbed one of Remus’s hands, turned the palm towards himself, and licked it.

“Argh!” Remus snatched his hand back and began ferociously scrubbing it against his robes. “Merlin, Sirius, that’s disgusting!”

“Still.”

Sirius stepped deftly behind his friend and scooped him into an awkward hug.

“Now I’ve definitely caught it, so there’s no point you stopping me from looking after you.”

Remus let out a shuddering laugh that turned into a coughing fit halfway through. When he could breathe again, he let his head fall back against Sirius’ chest.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

[SneezeyLove]

Ah! YAY! Remus and Sirius are my OTP! And you did a beautiful job with them. I loved every second of it.

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

He licked his hand? Are you serious? That was brilliant!

Heeheehee now they will be sick together!

Oh wow that sounded mean. Oh well.

[RiversD]

@SneezeyLove Thanks! I've not written them before, I'm glad you like!

@fang815 Ta. And if that's mean, then I am a cruel, cruel individual...

A continuation of sorts:

Title: Told you so

Character: Remus and Sirius

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders Era)

Tags: Illness, Mess, Noseblowing

Authors Notes: Well, I couldn't let him get off scot free, could I?

“Told you.”

“It’s not that bad.” Sirius insisted, though the fact that he was speaking through a handful of tissues was a mark against him.

“It’s just a bit… runny, at the moment. Yours didn’t stay that way for long.”

“Well, no, but I wouldn’t say it improved.”

Remus broke off to scrub at his own nose with the back of his hand. It didn’t look like it helped much.

“It just clogs up and stops you breathing. Then you can breathe, but your nose gets all dry and ti- tickly- hit’chew!” Remus turned away to sneeze, his breathing wavering about afterwards, as though he wasn’t quite sure if he was finished.

Sirius smiled at him. “Let me guess, that’s where you are now?”

“Yes.” Remus complained, “It won’t stop itching, and the sneezes don’t help. They just stir everything up.”

“Got another one coming?”

“Not at the moment.” Remus leaned into the sofa and closed his eyes.

“Yes you do.”

“No, and you can stop that right now.”

“I can see it coming.”

“Shut up. -hih- Oh, stick it up your a-ah-ah-tishew!”

Sirius sniggered. Remus shot him a dirty look.

“Really, Padfoot? You want to go there?”

Remus reached out a finger, and before Sirius could recognise his intent, jabbed sharply at the soft curve of his friend’s left nostril.

“Hey!” Sirius protested, but his expression was already crumbling with reaction. He gathered the tissues to his face, gasped once, helplessly, and pitched forwards.

“h’RRIFFSCHH!”

He sniffled urgently into the tissues for a few moments, but no further sneeze materialised, and he reached for reinforcements to clean himself up.

“Merlin’s balls, Moony…”

Remus settled himself back against the cushions and repeated, this time with definite smugness;

“Told you.”

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Hahahahahaha! This was cute!

[SneezeyLove]

D'awww, that was adorable! I love dorky Sirius so much. And snarky Remus. This was the epitome of dorky Sirius and snarky Remus.

Oh, I forgot to add that I love Remus's tickly, delicate sneezes. Mmmm...

[squealofapproval]

He licked his hand? Are you serious?

Yeah, so Sirius XD

Yes!! I love your drabbles, Rivers! You've got mad skills.

And AHAHAHAHA he induced him XD And the "Merlin's balls" comment!

[RiversD]

Edit: I've deleted this one too, because I realised the characters would be 14 at this point, and that's not something I feel comfortable having on an active thread.

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Awwww poor Harry.

It's been a while since I've read a Harry Potter drabble

[RiversD]

And another!

Title: After the lake (Hufflepuff Edition).

Character: Cedric Diggory

Fandom: Harry Potter

Tags: Illness

Authors Notes: Started this one before he last- thought I'd try and increase my character repertoire a little, since JK gave us so many to play with...

“Cedric?”

“nschh!”

Cho hesitated, then settled herself on the edge of the bed. Her boyfriend was curled up in the middle of it, a tight little ball of misery that shuddered with suppressed coughing and jerked pitifully with each sneeze.

“Your head’s no better, is it?” she ventured, keeping her voice low so as not to distress him further. Cedric shook his head, the slow, careful movement speaking volumes.

“You know…” seeing him in such obvious pain had bought Cho’s voice almost to a whisper. “Madam Pomfrey has some really good headache potions. We could-”

“Nn.”

The muffled negative was accompanied by a hand, which emerged from the huddle of Cedric’s body to take hers. His grip tightened sharply as he was overtaken by another sneeze.

“hh’isshhuh!”

“Bless you.” Cho ran her free hand through Cedric’s hair. “Are you sure?”

She felt him nod. Then, in the smallest of whispers, he confessed;

“I’m not really sure I can move right now. Sorry.”

“It’s alright. I can bring some to you, though, if you’d like?”

Again, the whisper.

“I think I’d like- hh’ischh! I think I’d like you to stay. If that’s- if you don’t mind.”

His fingers curled between hers.

“Of course not.”

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

D'awwwwwwwwww

[RiversD]

Why am I doing this course? My brain is fried. Writing scrappy bits and pieces is keeping me sane. Well, not sane, but less desirous of screaming.

Title: Headache

Character: Tony Stark

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Tags: Illness, H/C I guess?

Authors Notes: Let's just assume anything I post in the next few weeks has not been extensively edited, shall we?

“You okay, boss?”

It was less of a question and more of an opportunity for Tony to explain why he was lying under the table apparently hugging a couch cushion. At the sound of her voice he pushed himself up on to his elbows and did his best to face in her general direction.

“Long day.”

“That a fact?”

“Fought this Sunburst guy in LA. Like… strobe weapons. Or something. I’ve got a headache like you wouldn’t believe.”

Well, looked like he wouldn’t be signing anything for a while. Pepper set her pile of papers down and headed over to Tony’s little shelter.

“Yeah? You been self-medicating for that?”

There was an empty glass on top of the table. Not so bad- she’d half-expected an empty bottle. Pepper crouched down to sub-tabletop level, very grateful that today’s wardrobe choices had included pants.

Tony made an effort to shuffle into a sitting position. He did look rough- even in the shadow of the table Pepper could tell his skin was much paler than it should be.

“Actually I just had the w- hang onasec..hyeschuh!”

He caught the sneeze against the back of one hand. “Sorry. Only had the one, when I got back.”

“Bless you. Really?”

“Yeah. Felt crappy enough that I just found somewhere darkish to lie down.”

“Yikes.”

Pepper stretched out a hand to feel Tony’s forehead. He leaned into the touch, letting her fingertips run into his hairline. Abruptly, he pulled back, twisting to one side with an irritated:

“hh…h’eschuh!”

He sniffed. “Sorry, Pep.”

“Bless. You been doing that a lot?”

Tony shrugged. “Haven’t been counting.”

Pepper sighed and looped an arm around Tony’s shoulders.

“Think you might have more than a tension headache. C’mon, I’ll find you some painkillers and an actual bed, what say?”

[RiversD]

Oh yeah, forgot I finished this while I was in the-land-without-wifi. A tad long, and I'm still not happy with that bit in the middle but my brain has lost the will to edit. Sigh. #makeitstop

Title: Khoshekh

Character: Carlos the Scientist

Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale

Tags: Allergies

Authors Notes: Yay for canon allergies! Boo for unexploited canon allergies! Yay for fanfic!

Not for the first time, Carlos cursed himself for being won over so easily by that pleading voice. And the puppy eyes. He could never resist the puppy eyes.

“It should just be for a few days.” Cecil had said. “Allergies aren’t that terrible, are they?”

And like a fool, he had crumbled.

“Well, I suppose we can try it. I know how much he means to you. And anyway, Khoshekh is very different from the cats I’ve met before. Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

But if Khoshekh had proved to be different, it was in quite the wrong direction. Carlos’ eyes had begun to prickle as soon as he entered Cecil’s apartment, and now they were positively on fire, useless tears flooding his vision in a vain attempt to extinguish the burning.

And his nose, oh his nose. He had exhausted his packs of travel-tissues and moved on to some of Cecil’s considerately-placed boxes. But no matter how many tissues he filled with allergic issue, there was always more to take its place. And the very action of clearing it out kept making him have to… to…

“HhRISHoo!”

“Pax.”

“Thank y- hh.”

The sneeze had not come alone. Carlos could feel them there, waiting.

Cecil tilted his head at him.

“Are you-”

Carlos held up a hand, the next sneeze still dancing on the cusp of realisation.

“S-sorreh- sorry. I… I have t-t-”

Further speech was impossible. His meaning was obvious in any case. He closed his eyes rather than struggle against the inevitable, only to force them open again when he heard a sudden rush of movement.

Cecil was hovering over him now, still wearing that expression of benign curiosity that Carlos had long ago learned to fear. With a slight frown of concentration, he reached out a single long forefinger and poked the tip of Carlos’ nose. Then he began tracing its contours, oblivious to his boyfriend’s efforts to push him away.

“Cehcih…heh… hehhhh…”

Carlos tried to speak, to somehow express that no, this was a very bad idea, but he couldn’t quite find the air to put into words. Despite his clumsy attempts to move his head away, Cecil’s fingertip was persistent, it’s light touch overwhelming to the scientist’s tortured nose.

“hhh-IESHOO! Hh..hh…”

Carlos was dimly aware of Cecil springing back, but he didn’t have time to focus on anything but ridding his body of this all-consuming irritation as the fit swallowed him whole.

“hRRISCHoo! Ha-ischoo! Ischoo! Ich! ICh! ah…ah… h’rrschOO!”

“Pax. Wow.”

Carlos reached for some fresh tissues.

“You’re tellig me.” he muttered irritably.

“Are you sure this is allergies?”

“Yes, Cecil, I’m sure. Why, are allergies different in this ridiculous town as well?”

He knew he had been a little harsh. Cecil had that Look. The one that suggested that he had been very hurt, but was making an effort to be understanding and forgiving. Bugger. Carlos sighed.

“I’m sorry, Cecil. I get short tempered. You know. Because of the itching.”

“It doesn’t look nice.” Cecil agreed.

“Not rea- hh…ISCHoo!”

“Pax. I’m sorry.”

Carlos shrugged. He couldn’t stay annoyed with that face. Or that voice.

“Don’t worry, Cecil. I’m sure one of the scientists at the lab can make me up some stronger antihistamines.”

“Some what?”

“Allergy medicine, Cecil.”

“Oh, okay. You know, I think they probably have some of that at the store. I could go get some for you if you like.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I feel more comfortable when I know how my medicine’s been made. It’s a scientist thing.” he added, hoping that would prove satisfactory. It did.

[Sneezy123]

Your writing is amazing! It would be amazing if you could continue with the Tony Stark ones and the Fred and George ones. There awesome!

[Anonymouse]

Omg that Pepper/Tony one was so sweet. I love that Tony's response to feeling miserable is to booze up and find a dark spot to wallow. I love how he broke off to sneeze then picked up right where he left off like nothing happened.

I agree with Sneezy123, this is a formal request for more Avengers because you write them perfectly.

[Dye]

Augdfhgfsh I was going to make a comment about the Tony one (I absolutely loved how you made his text smaller as he was going to sneeze, really captured the desperation. <3) but then I noticed there was suddenly a Night Vale one!!

I love Night Vale so much, and I'm so sad they haven't mentioned Carlos' allergies since. Goodness, it made me a little giddy.

(My tickets to go see one of the UK live shows actually came in the post today, so this was timed perfectly!)

More Avengers and WTNV drabbles are always welcome!

_{pleasewritemoreyou'reamazing}

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Your writing is wonderful. And the characters are spot on.

Keep at it!

[SneezeyLove]

Yay, more Night Vale! Tell me, do you know which episode it is that they mention Carlos' allergies? I seem to recall that they did, but I don't remember when...

[RiversD]

I'm back! That dissertation and associated life events very nearly killed me, but I live to tell the tale!

I've all but forgotten how to write for pleasure after that, so I turn once again to this thread to get me back into the swing of things. That means lots of quick scribblings and plotless shmoopf while I can still pretend that I don't need to panic about job hunting just yet...

Sneezy123- Thanks! I'll do my best!

anonymouse- aw, thanks . Yeah, I figure Tony for the kind that goes and hides somewhere when the world gets too much or his body lets him down. He's not used to having people he's comfortable being imperfect/vulnerable around so he reverts to default.

Daisoku- Thought I'd try it out, see how it went. Thanks for the feedback! I hope you have an awesome time at the Live Shows!

fang815- You flatter me. And I love it.

SneezeyLove- It's 44- Cookies. A little after 6 minutes in. Night Vale rocks, right?

Title: Research and Development

Character: George Weasley

Fandom: Harry Potter

Tags: Induced (technically), stifled.

Authors Notes: you going to tell me it never happened? Also, I'm totally sticking with my "George stifles and Fred doesn't" headcanon.

“No way. I was test-subject zero for the Fainting Fancies. You get this one.”

“Fine.” George pouted a little, but tore the yellow end from the striped chew Fred held out to him nonetheless.

“ugh.” he pulled a face. “We’ll have to work on the tas-teh- heh…” his eyes glazed over and he raised a hand to his face expectantly. He didn’t have long to wait.

“hh- hhngt!” George compressed it neatly between thumb and forefinger, but didn’t lower his hand. Fred watched approvingly as his twin took three sharp, urgent breaths, and dipped forwards again.

“nnt! Hh’ngxt! hhncht!” He gasped, half-lowering the hand, but snatched it back into position as an unanticipated sneeze rushed over him.

“nngschew!”

“Bless. Looks like we’re on the right track. Are you-” Fred broke off when George raised a hand. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” George’s voice was concerningly unstable. It sounded like he might have a lost moth fluttering around in his lungs. “Just… gimme a sec.”

In the silence that followed, another sneeze materialised, this one announcing its presence well in advance. George’s breathing warped and caught for a full twenty seconds before-

“hhh’ hnXt!”

“Bless.”

“Thanks. Sorry, what were you saying?”

“You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. Just not sneezed that many in a row before. Made myself dizzy.”

“Oh. Fair enough. Changed sneezing patterns is good, though. I’ll put that in the notes.”

“You do thahh…” George’s mouth twisted away from the words into an expectant wince. “hh… nnght!” he blinked hard in the aftermath, then turned back to Fred.

“I’ll have the other half now, though, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, right.” Fred reached for the little red square and passed it over. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” George popped the creation into his mouth and chewed. About half way through his expression fogged over again, and he grimaced. It looked for a moment like things would get messy, but George scrubbed vigorously at his nose with the palm of his hand and the urge retreated. He swallowed.

“Yuck.” He stretched for a glass of water. “That’s even worse than the first half. Did one of your socks fall in the cauldron?”

“Oi!”

Mock-insulted, Fred chucked his pencil at his brother. It bounced off his forehead. Almost as if this had dislodged something, George’s face crumpled and he gasped, helpless against the imperative from his nose.

“hh…hhh!...ksschnn!"

He barely managed to get his arms up, catching the sneeze awkwardly between steepled hands. Now his hands hovered just below his nose, caught with the rest of him in inter-sneeze limbo. His nostrils tic’ed, still irritated, then bowed to the inevitable.

“i'kssht! ih…ih… h’hschnngt!”

Panting, he managed to raise his head long enough to meet Fred’s eyes. His brother’s horrified expression was the perfect match of his own.

“Uh oh.”

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Update update update!

Awww, poor sweet thing

[SneezeyLove]

D'aww! So cute! Love that headcanon.

[Wildwood]

That's such a fantastic headcanon! Every single one of these drabbles are just lovely, my goodness