what's your sexuality?

[Lauren W]

Wow I haven't even heard of some of these terms before to describe sexuality lol. I was just talking with someone last night about this actually. I'm completely heterosexual with a very high sex drive! Not into women at all. I've kissed a few and does zip for me. Nothing! But as far as sneeze fetish goes I probably prefer women sneezing and same with porn I really get off to watching women porn. Love male sneezing too but I'm much pickier with what I like with male sneezes whereas most female sneezing gets me off. So my ideal situation would be to watch female sneezing porn while having sex with a hot guy who also gets off watching it lol 

[TouchOfGrey]

On 6/9/2016 at 3:50 PM, Magmatic said:

^Yeah, sapiosexuality is... pretty inherently ableist, I didn't wanna derail but I'd definitely think twice before labelling it a real thing. Just know that when you take on the label, people might kinda falter around you, and there is good reason for that.

 

On 6/9/2016 at 11:49 PM, ICan'tThinkOfAnything said:

This is just something I'd like to bring up; consider it food for thought, it's not a personal attack or anything. Sapiosexuality in and of itself has some roots in racism, ableism, and classism, which are both closely related. Intelligence is largely a result of education, which is only accessible to those who can afford it. By default, then, those who are PoC, poor, or disabled, are immediately eliminated from the sapiosexual dating pool. 

Of course, every rule has exceptions. Not every disabled person is disabled in a way that hinders their education in some way, and so on. But it's something to consider when identifying as sapiosexual, I suppose. Once again this was just something that I remembered when I read your post and that I wanted to present to you- don't consider it a personal attack.

Okay... having used this term I feel it necessary to defend myself. First of all... I beg to differ. Intellect, in my opinion, is a raw feature that has precious little to do with education. Anyone can memorize facts... that's meaningless. What's impressive to me is wisdom. Insight. Creativity. Raw, unconventional intelligence. I know geniuses who play music on the sidewalk and never graduated from high school. Perhaps I misused the term... I understood it to mean simply "one who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature." Also... aren't all preferences exclusive in some way? Not everyone is physically attractive, for example. Oh well... just had to put my two cents in. 

[bloom]

4 minutes ago, TouchOfGrey said:

I understood it to mean simply "one who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature."

Sure, but sexual orientation describes what genders you find attractive (or don't, in the case of asexuality), not the circumstances under which you experience that attraction.

[Kaze Wo Hiku]

On 6/10/2016 at 6:59 PM, AnonyMeows said:

Not sure if this is veering off topic but do any other bisexuals find themselves swinging between preferences or do you find yourself attracted to both genders equally? I'm not sure if I just happen to find more women attractive right now and it has nothing to do with gender, or am I just preferring females more in general? Whereas a year or two ago it was more of a preference towards men and male characters, though it may have been 50/50 in the middle there with some sexually ambiguous individuals tossed in.

Heres the weird thing about me...I identify as asexual since I dont like sex but I am attracted to both genders, for the longest time it was men so I never considered myself bisexual since I never had "feelings" for women though I found some attractive. Famke Janssen being my go to. 

But as Ive gotten older I definitely find myself attracted more to females but still males as well.  Like I could totally see myself in a relationship with a female as long as they weren't into sex

So am I an asexual bisexual? 

Sorry to veer off again but this has crossed my mind lately.  Junia's comment on asexuality which is correct made me think about it again. Most of the ace's I meet are AR.

[AdrianMarx]

1 hour ago, Junia said:

Sure, but sexual orientation describes what genders you find attractive (or don't, in the case of asexuality), not the circumstances under which you experience that attraction.

Not defending sapiosexuality (I agree about the ableism and everything) but demisexuality does describe a circumstance of attraction in a way but because it's on the aromantic spectrum it's also not. I'm finding it kind of hard to explain what I mean. It's 3:30 I'm so sorry.

However, saying you're sapiosexual is imo kind of the same thing as saying you're brunettesexual. Like, it's a preference you have. You're describing the FEATURE of the person you find mpst attractive rather than which genders you are/are not attracted to.

[bloom]

1 minute ago, Adrian said:

demisexuality does describe a circumstance of attraction in a way but because it's on the aromantic spectrum it's also not. I'm finding it kind of hard to explain what I mean. It's 3:30 I'm so sorry.

It's cool, no worries!

I definitely view demisexuality as a modifier rather than an actual orientation all by itself. I know that its definition is a thing people experience, but it's not an orientation in the same way that being gay/bi/straight is - it modifies those existing sexualities; it's a way to feel attraction rather than the attraction itself. Like, if someone tells you they're demisexual, you functionally know nothing about what genders they're attracted to. Does that make sense? 

[AdrianMarx]

Just now, Junia said:

It's cool, no worries!

I definitely view demisexuality as a modifier rather than an actual orientation all by itself. I know that its definition is a thing people experience, but it's not an orientation in the same way that being gay/bi/straight is - it modifies those existing sexualities; it's a way to feel attraction rather than the attraction itself. Like, if someone tells you they're demisexual, you functionally know nothing about what genders they're attracted to. Does that make sense? 

Hm. Yes I do see what you mean. I guess then you'd have to say it's kind of the same for people on the ace spectrum who don't identify as completely asexual?

[bloom]

2 minutes ago, Adrian said:

Hm. Yes I do see what you mean. I guess then you'd have to say it's kind of the same for people on the ace spectrum who don't identify as completely asexual?

Yup, that's basically my stance on it. (Actually I am working on a big-ass post about this for tumblr right now, which is why it's on my mind.)

Which I don't think invalidates those feelings or anything! I just see those things as modifiers rather than orientations of their own.

[Kaze Wo Hiku]

2 minutes ago, Adrian said:

Hm. Yes I do see what you mean. I guess then you'd have to say it's kind of the same for people on the ace spectrum who don't identify as completely asexual?

Ding ding that's me!

[Icarus Rex]

21 minutes ago, Kaze wo Hiku said:

Heres the weird thing about me...I identify as asexual since I dont like sex but I am attracted to both genders, for the longest time it was men so I never considered myself bisexual since I never had "feelings" for women though I found some attractive. Famke Janssen being my go to. 

But as Ive gotten older I definitely find myself attracted more to females but still males as well.  Like I could totally see myself in a relationship with a female as long as they weren't into sex

So am I an asexual bisexual? 

Sorry to veer off again but this has crossed my mind lately.  Junia's comment on asexuality which is correct made me think about it again. Most of the ace's I meet are AR.

"Sexuality is fluid" sounds like such a platitude at this point, but there's a lot of truth to it, for a lot of people! I think there's a really unfair onus of proof on people when it comes to sexuality-- once you've called yourself one neat, succinct thing, it can be hard to reconsider that label, even if it no longer feels relevant to your life. Whether because you realized it wasn't right for you in the first place, or because (like a lot of other things) it has just changed over time.

Hopefully this isn't a Captain Obvious reply, but I don't think it's so unusual for your sexuality to broaden/shift over time.

[Sawyer]

18 hours ago, Icarus Rex said:

I think there's a really unfair onus of proof on people when it comes to sexuality-- once you've called yourself one neat, succinct thing, it can be hard to reconsider that label, even if it no longer feels relevant to your life. Whether because you realized it wasn't right for you in the first place, or because (like a lot of other things) it has just changed over time.

This is so true, and like you said, it applies to so many people. I don't think labels are inherently problematic, but they aren't by any means permanent when talking about social constructions like gender and sexuality! 

I identified as asexual for a while, but after discovering that my strong attraction to women wasn't an abstract separate part of me (and was more romantic than I realized), the label "bisexual" became a way more important part of my identity than my lack of desire for intercourse ever was. The fetish definitely muddles things, because it's not like I don't masturbate or have sexual feelings (about all genders!!), it's just that they only apply to a specific non-sexualized act. 

[Kalla]

I didn't want to become one of Those People, but my sexuality is also fluid. When I was a teen I identified as bisexual, and while I'm aware that the label "bisexual" encompasses many preferences including being only slightly attracted to certain genders, I genuinely felt that my attraction to all genders was pretty evenly split. I am a person who experiences both sexual and romantic attraction.

The older I get, the more I find that I am almost exclusively interested in women/transfeminine people. Like I am 95% into chicks and maybe 5% into dudes. Even back when I was more interested in men/transmasculine people, I would contribute to bisexual erasure by calling myself a lesbian because it's fucking tiring to be out as a bisexual. (No, I DON'T want to have group sex with you and your wife, random dudebro. No I am not a straight person "experimenting" or a gay person only half-way out of the closet, no I am not a promiscuous disease vector et cetera ad infinitum.)

So I feel weirdly conflicted about being more and more gay. tbh I don't know if I would be interested in a non-fictional dude at this point, assuming that I wasn't in a monogamous marriage. But am I somehow joining forces with people who don't believe in bisexuality?? Crazy talk, but I feel bad about it.

[ICan'tThinkOfAnything]

On 6/21/2016 at 9:14 PM, Kaze wo Hiku said:

Heres the weird thing about me...I identify as asexual since I dont like sex but I am attracted to both genders, for the longest time it was men so I never considered myself bisexual since I never had "feelings" for women though I found some attractive. Famke Janssen being my go to. 

But as Ive gotten older I definitely find myself attracted more to females but still males as well.  Like I could totally see myself in a relationship with a female as long as they weren't into sex

So am I an asexual bisexual? 

Sorry to veer off again but this has crossed my mind lately.  Junia's comment on asexuality which is correct made me think about it again. Most of the ace's I meet are AR.

Asexual doesn't mean you dislike sex- it means you aren't sexually attracted to people. You can like sex, or hate it/be repulsed by it, or be neutral towards it, and you can find people attractive. You just don't get sexually turned on by people. Doesn't mean you don't have a sex drive, either. So perhaps you're simply bisexual with a disliking for sex?

Or maybe you're ace and biromantic. 

[JQLovesSneezes]

I classify myself as bisexual, but I could potentially be pansexual, I'm not exactly sure at the moment.  Not that my family is homophobic or anything, but I keep my sexuality to myself in my family. Only my inner family knows I'm bi and it weirds them out, so I just have't told my external family. I wouldn't even think about denying it if they asked me, but I've never been very open talkative about it, especially with my rather conservative family. 

[Big Bear]

I've always thought of myself as a heterosexual man, plain and simple.  But lately I've been remembering strange yearnings and intense crushes I've had for more than one male friend of mine over the years.  It seems to be directly connected to how "masculine" or "feminine" the person is in appearance and attitude.  I am not attracted to men or women who are "manly" in appearance or attitude but I do seem to go either way for a person who is very soft and effeminate.  So I'm not sure what my sexuality is anymore.  Also, no offense was intended with any of the terms I used.  My old brain has a hard time keeping up.