I Hunger Only For You (Into the Wild With Me) -Chapters 16/16

[Not Telling]

Hello wonderful forum folks, I am back with a new story that I am very excited to share. I realized after my first story that I have difficulty posting stories that I haven't fully fleshed out or completed because as the story evolves I find myself going back and revising older parts of story but that also prevents from posting new material very often. As it stands, I would probably never be entirely satisfied with my pieces, constantly re-working and revising if given the chance. haha. With this idea, I got too impatient, I'm too excited about this concept and these characters and really just want to get it out there. Hopefully it will be of interest.

Something fun for this story: The title of each chapter come from song lyrics. The challenge is to see if you recognize the song it derives from.   I'll post the song title and a link to the song at the end of each update.

And now without any further adieu.... 

_____________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: Running to the Country We’re We got Nothing to Prove

Werewolves have existed since the beginning of humanity as far as people can tell but it wasn’t until the turn of the 21st Century that they slowly began to be openly integrated into society. Like with most minorities there was still a lot of hatred and bigotry wrapped up in misunderstanding surrounding the werewolf "myth". Contrary to popular belief perpetuated by Hollywood, wolves were not cursed evil creatures that succumbed to feral and violent needs every full moon going around mindlessly brutally attacking the human race. Scientists actually discovered that Lycanthropy was a genetic mutation passed on from parent to child and in actuality couldn’t be transmitted to a non-wolf human from a bite.

It was also a myth that werewolves only shifted during the full moon. Werewolves could shift into their wolf shape at will, at any time, although the kernel of truth is that the instinct and need to shift were particularly strong during the full moon, and were more inclined to do so during that time. Since the werewolf population began to be more widely recognized and some prominent figures had come out as wolves, alliances and coalitions had been developed for wolves especially in big cities. Despite the available resources there was still a lot of false perception of the human wolf population and a host of perpetuated and harmful ignorance. There was an article a day it seemed filled with some kind of naïve vitriolic screed about werewolves and/or how they needed to be eradicated from society. In larger corporate settings human wolves were likely to be let go if knowledge got out that they were a wolf or there was suspicion of a person being a wolf. While Lycanthropy was a protected minority, since the majority of states were at-will employers it was next to impossible to prove that was why someone was fired, even though it was quite obvious that was the reason and most lawyers in North America wouldn’t counsel a wolf anyways.

Jamie Alldridge, a fifth generation wolf who still lived in secret, had left his last job as a mechanical and industrial technician for a multi-billion dollar company headquartered in Chicago, because it was uncovered that the CEO was a proponent of Anti-Wolf legislation and even believed in the persecution of wolves. Despite having worked at the company for 10 years Jamie elected to leave. With the tumultuousness in the corporate sector and the risk of being discovered increasing daily he decided to leave the city accepting a job working as the conference services and maintenance manager at a small ranch in the Montana wilderness near Glacier National Park where he hoped he could live in peace without constant fear of exposure with his life being threatened on a daily basis, and where he no one would find out he was a wolf.  While there was greater risk to being confronted with bigotry in a small remote town he also thought there was less risk of exposure and in the expansive remote wilderness he could shift freely and have acres of land to roam something that was far more challenging when he was living in the city.  With the equality act expansion to include lycanthropes and the widespread public knowledge about wolves, in some ways it had made it less safe for wolves to exist as they desired. Jamie had read an account of a wolf killed while running through Lincoln Park near his home in Chicago. He’d stopped running outdoors after that. Shifting only in the privacy of his home. It could be nice to be in wolf form regardless but accompanying the shift with a run outside, bounding through the night under the glow of the moon and stars was incomparable.  

The ranch owner Mel, who Jamie had instantly liked in his interview checked him in upon his arrival. She was average height with mid back length almost black hair that she kept in a long braid. She had a pretty face, wide, with high cheekbones and dark brown almond shaped eyes, and a brown tinted skin. “Your roommate hasn’t arrived yet. He’s expected to arrive tomorrow.”

“Sorry, roommate?” Jamie asks growing wary. This was not something he had accounted for in his brilliant plan of avoiding detection by working at a remote destination in the Montana Rockies. He hadn't realized that the living conditions weren't individual. Though on second thought, he realized his mistake, it made sense that a smaller ranch property wouldn't house all the employees individually.   

“Yes, he’s our new front desk manager. He's a nice young man. You’ll be sharing one of the employee cabins but don't worry each of you have your own room. Based on both of your interviews I think you will get along."

"Oh" Jamie replies quietly. "Well I look forward to meeting him and I'm sure we'll get on excellently." He adds agreeably, the last thing he wants is to seem ungrateful of the amenities and create trouble before his first official day. He maybe also says it as a way to try and convince himself that it was fine and temper the growing anxiety the fact that he would be living with someone was producing in him.

Mel continued. “You’ll have the weekend off to get in and get settled before being thrown to the wolves." Jamie almost chokes on his tongue at the use of the phrase. Jamie should be used to hearing people use such idioms, it’s not as if they aren’t commonplace, but for some reason coming from someone in a new environment throws him a little.

Mel continues as if nothing is amiss. "You're scheduled to start at 7AM on Monday. You'll attend orientation and be trained on our computer system along-side River, the new front desk manager and your roommate. Once that's completed your schedule will be modified to accommodate the maintenance and conference services need. The hours are not as set once you transition to your role. Generally you'll be up early to prepare for the events and the maintenance needs are always varied. I’ll wait to give you the formal tour tomorrow once  your roommate arrives but feel free to do some exploring on your own tonight and I'll a least show you to the mess hall, meals are included with your living package. The cafeteria is open daily. Breakfast is from 7-9 am. Lunch 11-1PM and Dinner is from 4:30-8pm." Jamie nods in acknowledgment taking in the information. "I’ll take you to your quarters."

The cabin where Jamie would be living was a quaint building, the epitome of a traditional old style remote mountain residence, made from logs. The on grounds staff homes were nestled within a glen of various pine trees and douglas firs. There was a decent amount of space between each home, lending a sense of privacy and seclusion that Jamie immediately appreciated. Mel led him to the last cabin on the lot even more hidden away by the surrounding looming trees.

Jamie got settled choosing the bedroom closest to the entry-door so he could easily sneak in and out on the nights he went out to shift. He was feeling a little nervous. Normally, when his nerves overwhelmed him he would shift but he had stopped shifting entirely the month leading up to moving to Montana. Most wolves shift at minimum weekly, if not daily, even if they, like Jamie, don’t risk doing so in public. It’s healthy and helps them to better regulate their more wolf-like impulses and emotions. Additionally, the less you shift the more it weakens your wolf scent.

Jamie thought it was unlikely he would run into another wolf working on the ranch and even if he did he was near certain he wouldn’t be outed. Most wolves understand the danger of being outed against their will and respected each other’s right to privacy and weren’t typically instigators in outing other wolves. All that considered, Jamie was feeling just cautious enough he hadn’t shifted to allow his wolf scent to be dulled. It probably wouldn’t allow him to avoid detection in close proximity with another wolf but, assuming the wolf he might have chance to encounter wasn’t taking the same precautions he was it would allow him the ability to smell the other wolf first and get out of dodge. Jamie would have plenty of time to shift if all worked out in his favor as he assumed. So instead of shifting he wandered the grounds. The vast expanse and the beauty of the Rocky Mountains made his wolf emit a throaty growl of pleasure. While a human wolf was not 2 unique individual personas like say Jekyll and Hyde, it was more the wolf identity drove certain actions, behaviors, and impulses that likely wouldn’t be displayed in just humans. While it was aggregate, Jamie always identified and distinguished actions that were more relative to his wolf side than his human side as “his wolf.” He sighed, admiring the view. Yes, this was going to be perfect. He continued to walk around letting himself absorb the scenery and the outdoors before retiring for the night.  

Jamie slept restlessly, the anxiousness over what his house-mate would be like making him unable to get settled. Even if it turned out that his ability to run wasn’t as common he had figured he could at least shift in the privacy of his living situation. Having a house-mate made that an impossibility and that wasn’t worst case scenario. There were just enough lycaphobes in the population that Jamie couldn’t rule that out as a possibility. Working with a lycaphobe was one thing, and something that Jamie was sad to say he’d become accustomed to, but living with one, would be something else entirely and even though Jamie was generally non-combative when it came to such matters as encountering your general public “human purist” choosing usually to ignore it unless it was particularly egregious, recognizing that his activism effort was better served elsewhere and the energy wasn’t worth it, not to mention the risk of detection, he didn’t think he would take to living with one too kindly. He was certain that wasn’t a concern he need have.

Mel had said that River, was that his name? Well whoever he was, she’d said he was nice. Mel’s judge of character seemed astute, she struck him as someone who had a pretty exclusive vetting process, you’d have to running a small ranch. Dissension in the ranks was sure to cause anarchy. She also seemed like someone who wouldn’t stand for social injustice, though it was illegal to directly ask someone’s political or other view when hiring and while there are types of questions that could perhaps uncover someone’s deep-seeded bigotry he suspected that none would be related to lycaphobia.

Lycanthrope rights and social justice were not yet as pervasive and ubiquitous as other social justice groups. Though from his tenure in Chicago he was well aware that people had a way of hiding their nature and could look and appear pristine with all the integrity of Nelson Mandela in an interview to only reveal that they were poisonous snakes with demeanors that could rival the most corrupt leaders in their deplorable depravity. Sure there were people that were either too moronic or too prejudiced to hide their nature in any setting but there were those that were cunning and manipulative in their bigotry knowing when to keep their thoughts to themselves and charm their way into positions of power where they could then unleash their unveiled personalities with minimal recourse due to their station. Those were the people that Jamie was always wary of. Jamie was aware that such conniving was more commonplace in the cut-throat corporate, private, and political sectors and logically he knew his concerns were likely for not but unknown loomed over him like storm cloud. He just hoped his house-mate would arrive sooner rather than later. The waiting was the worst part for Jamie, letting his brain come up with any manner of absurd conclusions about his mysterious house-mate.

While he was in the mess hall indulging in a light breakfast trying to settle his nerves Mel approached him. “Jamie, good to see you, your roommate has arrived why don’t you come up to the front cabin when you’re done here.”

“I’m just about finished, I’ll follow you back.” He says, for better or worse just eager to get the introduction over with.

“Great!” She enthused.

As they step into the front lodge Jamie spots the only other person there. He’s bent over the front desk filling out some paperwork with his face buried Jamie noted first his head of dusty blonde hair, wound into unruly curls that flopped in every direction. It was cut just below the nape of his neck and curled around his ears, with bangs that fell into his face just below his eyebrows. Hearing them approach the man looked up, a pair of mossy green eyes met Jamie’s. His face is creamy, long and oval with high defined cheek-bones but otherwise soft features, smooth and free of facial hair giving him that “baby-face” quality accentuated by a cute mole on the lower side of his right cheek, by what Jamie presumed was his smile line, and another smaller one on his chin. A stark contrast to Jamie’s more olive toned and chiseled features that was outlined by a dark beard that was just longer than stubble that matched his dark thick eyebrows and deep brunette thick hair that was kept longer at the top of his head, naturally parting offset from the middle towards the left, flowing across the right side of his forehead and tapering around his ears and neck.  

River stood coming over to where Jamie and Mel were. He was a noticeable several inches shorter than Jamie’s 6’3” wide and muscular frame. He observed at this distance that in addition to the enticing beauty marks he had lighter almost imperceptible freckles that dotted his nose. Holding out his hand in introduction, “Hey, I’m River.” He says with a dimpling smile that touched his eyes creasing them at the corner.

A billowing sweet, and creamy scent like vanilla and oak overlaid with a slightly spicy, rich earthy and softly woody resin smell reminiscent of cedarwood fills Jamie’s nostrils. As a wolf, his sense of smell is particularly keen but this was the most appealing, heady scent Jamie has ever smelt from either human or wolf. Usually scents of other wolves are stronger and more distinct. Human scents tended to be more subtle. Jamie discreetly scents the air, River was not another wolf, he definitely would have been able to tell that and although he hadn’t shifted in a month, at this proximity another wolf would have also sensed him, and River displayed no wariness or recognition being in his presence, so he’s definitely human. A weird feeling sweeps through Jamie’s stomach, like a dip when you’re on a roller coaster followed by a quick swoop, his mouth growing dry, and he has to restrain his wolf from instinctively rubbing against River to scent him. A typical form of communication amongst wolves but definitely not appropriate to a human and certainly not as an introduction.

“Hi, I’m Jamie.” he says accepting River’s hand finding it pleasantly soft amplified more so by Jamie's only calloused hands from years of labor. What he isn’t prepared for is the shock that shudders through him at the touch. He quickly drops River’s hand feeling perhaps even more unsettled than he was before. In all the wild scenarios he had postulated that would come out of his meeting River, this was not one that he had accounted for. It hadn’t even entered his mind as a possibility, not that he was even quite sure what exactly this was.   

“So I hear you and I are going to be our own little pack while we’re both here.” River says the smile still easy on his face, completely unaware of Jamie’s reaction and shock that is arising out of this encounter. Jamie has to wonder how he doesn’t feel this energy surging between them. How could he not be affected by this? Jamie’s head is swimming.

He jolts at the use of the word pack, that wasn’t a standard word that humans used to refer to groups. He had his family who he was close to and would always be his pack to an extent, but most wolves as they became adults broke off from their family finding and or leading their own pack.

Jamie, approaching 35 years of age was older than average for finding his own pack. Wolves matured and even mated young, most starting their own pack shortly after turning 18. Jamie hadn’t really found a pack of his own and it generally hadn’t been a priority for him. He was fine being a lone wolf but for some reason, the way River had used the word made Jamie mourn that he didn’t have an established pack. “Uhhh, yeah.” Jamie remarks unsteadily a prickly and tingly feeling developing just below his skin. Jamie has never had this type of reaction to anyone in his life. God! What is happening?  

“Great!" River answers his smile impossibly widening. "I’m used to having roommates, so hopefully I won’t have developed any of those pesky habits that people who don’t have roommates pick up.”

Despite himself, Jamie smiles conspiratorially feeling strangely comforted in the presence of River's seeming friendliness. “Well, I’m sorry to say I’ve been living on my own for several years now so you’re probably at risk with me." 

“Oh don’t worry I’ll get you trained proper in no time.” River smirks.

Jamie’s wolf piques at the word train but he smiles “Well, I did have a brother growing up so I'm not entirely hopeless."

River chuckles. "I should say that is certainly a start, at least I won't be needing to teach you all new tricks."

Jamie yet again stumbles over the word trick, amazed that River in a span of barely a minute has used so many words associated with dogs or wolves. He recovers easily enough, navigating the friendly banter despite the fact that his insides are becoming a discombobulated map of chaos. "Yes, it would probably be an issue teaching me new tricks, old dog and all." Jamie says privately enjoying his own jab and joke at his species and age. "I can at least assure I’m generally neat, clean-up after myself, and I’m quite good with tools so if anything breaks in our lovely abode I can readily fix it right up.”

River licks his lips slowly before responding the smirk on his lips growing and his eyes sparkling almost mischievously “I do enjoy a good handyman, though I’m not completely useless, I know my away around a tool or two.”

Something in his tone had the all too easy flush rising to Jamie’s cheeks and he found himself ducking his head to hide the reaction. Sometimes he hated how easy it was for that betrayal of his cheeks to telegraph himself brighter than a neon sign. Jamie startles when he hears Mel softly clear her throat, somehow he had gotten so lost in River’s presence and his statements that he had completely forgotten that Mel was there.

“I think I was right to pair you two together” she says with an amused expression “Why don’t we get started on the tour?” Jamie blushes deeper redirecting his attention to Mel giving a small nod. “Great, well I’ll start by saying welcome to Mahihkan ranch, which is Cree for Wolf, named in honor of my family who are descendants of the Cree tribe here in Montana. River that will be especially useful information for you, as you wouldn’t believe how often you will encounter that question when you’re interacting with guests.”  

“Noted” River replies.

Oh the irony Jamie marvels, coming to work at a ranch named after the word for wolf all while trying to hide the fact that he was a wolf.

“Obviously you’ve seen the main lodge this is where guests check in. They are also welcome to come here during the day and sit in the lounge. There are some conference rooms that are utilized throughout the year for business conferences and meetings. The first cabin you see to the west is Clark Lodge, it is our biggest cabin with 6 bedrooms, private bathrooms, a central living room with a decorative brick fireplace, a full kitchen with refrigerator and is equipped with a satellite TV and DVD. It can fit up to 18 guests. It is popular for families and weddings. Further down the path leads to our 12 other smaller guest cabins.” They walked further down the trail while Mel continued to share about the property. “The ranch opens up to 1.5 million acres of wilderness with an expanse of valleys, mountains, and lakes that are popular for hiking and back country activities. We have 1800 miles of groomed cross country accessible trails during the winter as well as snowshoeing and snowmobiling. During the summer fly fishing, tubing in the river that runs through the property and swimming in the lakes are other popular activities. We also hope that during your off time you find time to do some exploring of your own. This is one of the most scenic places in the upper West region.”  

The tour continued until they ended at the last building on the property, the stables. As they grew closer to the stables Jamie was growing increasingly wary. Horses and wolves didn’t exactly get along in nature and Jamie wasn’t too keen on creating distress for the animals. Interestingly, he also noticed River holding back too. “And here we are at the stables” She turns to a women who’s saddling up a horse. “Hey Sarah.”

“Hi Mel” Sarah says coming up close to gate, the horse dutifully following. Jamie stiffens not sure how the animal will react in his presence. More often than not an animal can sense a human wolf but since Jamie hasn’t shifted in a while his wolf scent is probably less discernible to other creatures but animal’s senses are always more sensitive than humans and Jamie doesn’t particularly want to invite a scene that could raise questions. More surprising however, is his own keen animal sense picks up on the fact that River is also tense. He side eyes River while also keeping an eye on the horse. It appears a little shifty but is seemingly preoccupied with a stack of hey and not too terribly bothered by Jamie’s presence.

Mel continues "These are our two new employees.” She gestures to Jamie first. “This is Jamie. He’s taking over as conference services and maintenance technician manager. And this is River” she said now gesturing to River “He’ll be managing the front office and main lodge.”

“Nice to meet you. Mel has been excited for you both to arrive, welcome to Mahihkan.” Sarah says shaking both of their hands. 

Mel turns back to River and Jamie “We trade labor at the stables for free use of any of the horses that aren’t being utilized on trail rides if either of you are interested.”

Jamie almost doesn’t hold back the burst of surprised laughter that begs to escape him. A wolf riding a horse that would be the day. Instead he says noncommittally “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well my apologies boys, I’m going to be assisting Sarah here on a tour that’s scheduled in a half hour. I trust that you can show River back to your cabin." Mel asks eyeing Jamie.

"Of course." Jamie says.

"Please feel free to look around and enjoy your weekend. I’ll see you both on Monday if not before then.” Mel says before entering through the gate and heading to the stalls.

Jamie, careful not to alarm the horses begins backing away from the fence and notices that River is doing the same, though with a bit more haste. 

“Not a fan of horses?” Jamie asks coming up beside him.

“I don’t not like them it’s more they don’t like me, I’mm—“ his breath gently hitches and he abruptly turns away.

Jamie can’t see his face but hears several small Xxt…Hhhh’Xxtch….Xxxxt…Hh’Xxt 

River’s body shaking with each sound. He turns back to Jamie “allergic” he finishes with a tiny sniff.

Awareness clicks “So, we should probably skedaddle is what you’re saying.” Jamie replies. 

River gives a quick nod continuing to walk away but is halted by another quick stifled triple. 

Txtch...Xxtch..Htxtch. 

"Bless you." Jamie says carefully taking in River's appearance. Noticing that the tip of his nose is already tinged pink, his cheeks also dusted with a rosy flush. 

"Nnnoott dddone Hhh yet." River quivers to get out before snapping forward—

Hh'Txxt..Xxtch...Ttstxtch...Xxtch. 

Jamie is beginning to feel uncertain on what is the polite way to react. He's not sure he's ever been in the presence of someone in the throes of an allergy attack, unaware even that someone could sneeze so much in real life, he thought that was hyperbole in cartoons and the entire situation is prompting his tendency to overanalyze and overthink.

Would River prefer his fit be unacknowledged or would it would be rude if he ignored it? Should he offer to leave him alone or would that give the appearance that he's put out? Should he carry on as if River isn't sneezing or should he make note of his plight. Should he be blessing him after every sneeze or when the fit concludes? His uncertainty is compounded with the fact that he doesn't know River. He doesn't want to react poorly and start off his relationship with his new flat-mate on the wrong foot. He tries to think of how he would others to react were he in that situation. His bashful personality would probably mean that he wouldn't want a huge production made over it, likely recognizing the overwhelming embarrassment he would feel from the allergy fit alone but he also thinks he would feel awkward and self-conscious if it was just ignored. He decides to land somewhere in the middle, responding with the standard polite blessing and gentle commiseration but electing not to make a fuss of it.

"Bless you" he says though it comes across a little tentative to his own ears. 

Just as he finishes the sentiment though River’s breath is already hitching again his eyes fluttering shut, face going lax. He buries his face in his collar before releasing 

Hh'Hhh’Tssstch..Hh’TtSSchuu..Hehh’Sstcchhuu. 

These sneezes are unstifled, light, airy, and desperately rapid and Jamie concludes that the way River sneezes perfectly suited him, like if you would imagine how someone would sneeze just based on how they looked, River’s sneezes were exactly what you would imagine. Cute was another conclusion that entered his mind. Jamie frowned, where did that come from?

The way River’s entire body tenses and shakes into each release practically doubling him over, Jamie suspects that they are visceral and far more powerful than they sound. River is clearly in no position to respond as he continues to sneeze. Recognizing that they need to remove River from the irritant as quickly as possible Jamie grabs him by his free hand gently pulling him onward.

“Ugh thanks for getting me out of dodge.” River says when he has a moment to breath, shaking his head as if to clear the allergen.

Jamie nods. “So you’re ahhh pretty allergic to horses, if just that set you off."

River chuckles "You don't know the half of it. That little encounter is probably going to have me sneezing off and on for the next several hours." 

"Several hours?" Jamie repeats stunned, clearly unaware of the intricacies of allergies feeling a little guilty over his ignorance.

“I know, I know I must be crazy right? Like why would I choose to work at a ranch if I’m allergic to horses? But at least I’m working in the lodge. It’s a great opportunity. There’s something appealing about being able to live in the remote stretches of the wilderness. You get ample opportunity to explore and exist in nature all while getting paid to do it. Kind of the dream ya know? I’m going to go hiking on all my days off and I’m totally hitting up the cross country trails in the winter. I’m a bit of an outdoor and adventure nut, and I can’t wait to see what pictures I can get around the property. This was the perfect way to marry both a viable profession with doing what I love.”

Jamie nods, fully appraising River now. Though he was shorter, maybe 5’9” he did look leanly athletic, dressed in wicking hiking pants and a shirt that hugged his sinewy arms and chest that though wasn’t bulky definitely had some definition that was outlined by the shirt. Jamie wouldn’t have pegged him as a mountaineer or avid outdoorsmen perhaps, but he definitely looked leanly athletic and fit. “I wasn’t going to let something as stupid as allergies hold me back. I figure it’s at least somewhat avoidable being at the front office. But I definitely won’t be volunteering my time at the stables, that’s for sure.” He says with another chuckle.

“I can understand that.” Jamie responds.

“Oh hheeerre wwwe go agga Heeh again” 

Hhh’tSsch….H’TSssch…..Heh’Sstch…Hhhh’Tstch…Hehh’TtSssTchuu…HHh’TssSsssssChuu.

“Bless you.” Jamie says when the fit finishes.

River chuckles “I wouldn’t bother, you’re gonna get real tired of saying that. Anyways, what about you?”

“What do you mean what about me?” Jamie says instantly on guard.

“What brings you to the great wide open? Are you a big nature guy? Do you have plans to go exploring?” 

“Uhhh something like that.” He states then recognizing that River is probably looking for a little more than his usual reticence he adds “I definitely plan on exploring.”

“Great, maybe—oh” he finishes his breathe going wavery Hhhh’tSssch…..Heh…Heeh….Tssscchh….H’TSSssch… Hhh’Sstch…Hehh’SsssssTsch…Heh’TssSssssstChuu. 

There’s a long pause leading Jamie to think he was done but he glances sideways at River to see his head thrown back his face frozen and now that he is focused on it, his sensitive ears are picking up the small panting breaths coming from River.

HHh’Hhhh’Hhh’SssssSSTChuuu.

 “Damn!” he finishes with a sniffle.

“Bless you.” Jamie replies reflexively.

River chuckles again. “I’m telling you, you’re gonna want to save your breath.”

Jamie shrugs, thinking he’d feel weirder if he remained silent without any polite utterance in response to his sneezing, but then wonders if maybe River doesn't like it and that his conclusion on how to react to his allergies and subsequent sneezing is wrong. "Sorry, does it bother you if I bless you?" He says twiddling his fingers nervously the pesky all too telling blush flooding his cheeks.  

River smiles "That's kind of you to ask, no, I don't mind, but the stamina it requires is equivalent to a long distance runner. I just don't want you to waste your energy, though I could probably do with more blessings. If I had a blessing for every time I did sneeze I think I would abundantly rich, but like I said this will probably drag for several hours, I would hate to impose any obligation to extend me a blessing on you." 

A startled laugh escapes Jamie "Well what kind of person would I be to deny you from living an abundant life. If you're going to be plagued with such a sensitive nose it should come with a reward don't you think? Just know I will be collecting royalties on your riches given that they are a result of my blessings, contract pending." 

River also laughs before dissolving into another fit. 

"Bless you." Jamie says as River's breathe steadies and the sneezes stop. 

"What do I owe you for that one?" River says with a teasing smile. 

Jamie blushes but answers equally teasingly "Nothing, these blessings are free. Consider them a welcoming gift and peace offering for my potential disgraceful roommate habits." 

River laughs again, a full infectious sound that lends a twinkle to his already captivating eyes.

Turning serious Jamie asks “Do you have medicine you can take?”

“Yeah. I have some super strength antihistamines, I’ll definitely be taking a few when we get back to the cabin. Anyways, if we have some of the same days off maybe we can hit the trails together or something.” River says easily like it’s natural for him to initiate social gatherings and he isn’t shy about immersing himself with someone new. Jamie figures that he probably makes friends readily and quickly with his seeming affability and magnetism.

Wolves are social creatures by nature and Jamie is no exception, though he is more reserved, a little shy, feeling more comfortable with a few close friendships than a circling posse of acquaintances as it can take him a while to feel comfortable with someone and comfortable with opening up. He’s no stranger to the garrulous and unreserved personality types, his brother a prime example of extraverted loquaciousness, but something about how River exhibits the personality has Jamie feeling more comfortable and at ease than usual which must have been why he found himself responding.

“Uhhh, yeah that would be cool. Mel gave me the weekend off to get settled, I imagine she did the same for you? If you wanted to do some exploring now?" Jamie's original intent had in fact been to go exploring, but alone in his wolf form and now he had just wolf-blocked himself as it were, although it was his wolf that was smugly pleased when River emphatically agrees.

"I thought I’d head down into the valley after getting settled if you’re interested.” River says.

“Sure.”

“Cool.”

“Maybe we should stop by the mess hall and grab some lunch to go?” Jamie recommends.

“Oh, yeah, good idea.”

Within half an hour after moving River’s belongings into the cabin and swinging by the mess hall they head down the wooded path that leads to the valley. With it being on the cusp of spring into summer it’s a comfortable 80 degrees outside and a bright and sunny. River is intermittently pausing to snap pictures with his fancy looking DSLR camera along the way. “Wow” River breathes when they reach the meadow valley immediately bringing the camera to his face to take pictures. The view stretches across an expanse of green lush fields that back up to the forest that leads up to the Rocky Mountains.

Jamie feels itchy, his wolf begging to stretch his legs. In an effort to distract himself Jamie leans over River’s shoulder admiring the image on the screen. “You have an artistic eye.” he comments.  

River gives him a pleased almost shy smile. “Thanks. It’s long been a hobby of mine. I took professional classes both in digital and film photography we’re we developed our photos in a dark room. Obviously the digital age opened up a realm of possibility for photography advancement but there’s something to be said about the artistry involved in the “archaic” form of photography. Actually” he trails off scanning through some photos saved on the SD card. “This is one of my prized photos.” Tilting his camera to show a photo of a framed black and white photo of several bolts of lightning from a stormy sky in what appeared to be Joshua Tree National Park. The lightning backlighting the infamous trees, which cast eerie shadows on the ground. Even from the small camera screen Jamie can tell the photo captured both the terror of nature and the inspiring beauty.

Jamie leans in closer to view the details on the screen. “It’s magnificent both in its beauty and terror.” he whispers, though he isn’t sure why, there's no reason for it. Maybe it's because his nose was so close to River’s neck and his liquid sweet and oaky scent was assailing Jamie’s nostrils barely restraining himself from leaning into and rubbing himself into River’s neck. Maybe it's because he was so captivated that the hushed utterance of awe was the most appropriate response.

River turns to face Jamie, his nose gently rubbing Jamie’s as he moves. Jamie hadn’t realized he had been that close. The nuzzle makes his body feel tingly and zingy like he’s touched his tongue to a 9 volt battery, yet he found he wasn’t exactly inclined to move away. “Thank you. I don’t think I ccc-Heeh-one moment.” River says with a quick gasp pulling away–

HHhh’SsssTch….Hhhh’SssTtch…Hehhh’SssssTch….Tssch…ESSSTchuuu….Hhhhh’SsssSTCh….Hhh’tSsschuu…Eh’Huh’Huhh’Hhh’SsssTTch. 

“Oh God, sorry, those crept up on me.”

“Bless you." 

"Tttthank—“ but before he can even finish he doubles over again 

Hhh'TtStchiuu..Hhehh'SSStTChu..Hhh'Tsstchiu.

"Sheesh, anyways. I don’t think I could replicate that photo even if I tried. I think that’s part of what makes it so striking and what I love about photography. You can catch this perfect moment immortalized in time but it’ll never be captured again. You can take a million photos of the same thing and it’s always different and especially with film photography where you don’t get the real time response to know how it turned out. There’s this unpredictable suspense. If I had snapped the shot for that photo one second sooner or later the lightning could have been completely lost.”

“Do you have a film camera with you for while you’re here?”

“Nay, no way to develop them, but my Rebel here” he says gesturing to his camera “hasn’t failed me yet.” As he talks River rubs his nose with a lengthy lean finger. Jamie takes in the rest of his hand feeling oddly entranced with the delicate fingers that seems almost too long for his overall size. 

"Do you paint?" he finds himself asking.

River smiles "Some, I also sketch, though my true medium is photography. Why do you ask?" 

Jamie flushes not wanting to admit what prompted the question but River's patient gaze and open green eyes and overall friendly face has him spilling forth with "You have artist's hands. They're soft, long, and elegant yet durable. I can just imagine them holding a paint brush making long graceful strokes across a canvas. Though I can also see how at home they are with a camera in hand." He finishes feeling his entire face burning with what he is certain is a scarlet hue.

River stares at him thoughtfully making Jamie shift uncomfortably his own fingers twitching by his side and he can feel the burn on his cheeks. "I think that is the most real compliment I have ever received." River finally responds.

Scanning through his camera again he stops on a still image of a canvas painting of ocean waves and hands the camera to Jamie keeping the strap around his neck. Jamie brings the screen to his face, effectively pulling River against him which he tries to ignore despite River's smell filling his nostrils. He takes in the seemingly simple image of rolling waves noting the whirling deep blues and teal and white that lends texture and dimension to the image. Jamie can almost taste the salty air and hear the crashing rush of the waves. As he studies the picture more though he gets the distinct impression that it's about more than just waves it feels full of emotion somehow.

"Wow" he hears himself saying. "You did this?" River nods. "It's striking and so complex. Like on the surface it's just waves that you've captured so beautifully but it also feels like there's something more going, the power and strength of the waves makes it feel rife with turmoil and uncertainty yet the way the water settles around the crashing violence seems to hold an enduring freedom that's strangely peaceful." 

River turns so he's facing Jamie and he sees a curious wonderment reflected in his eyes. "You're the first person that's ever seen that when they look at this painting." 

"Then no one else is paying attention." Jamie says softly. 

"Or you just see more than most." River returns.

Jamie isn't quite sure how to respond to that. He supposes that being a wolf does increase his sense of empathy and intuition but he can't fathom that this observation would escape the notice of everyone, it's so obvious. But as he's sorting out what to say to that River turns away from Jamie on a quick inhale 

Hhh'TssTch....Hhheh'TTstchu...Hhh'huh'Hh'Tssschu. 

With Jamie still holding onto River's camera, in a weird way it's like he's experiencing the sneezes with him pitching forward with River so the strap doesn’t get pulled too tightly against his neck. Only after the fact realizing that he should have released the camera but then he thinks maybe it’s better he didn’t because it might have damaged it. These are the kinds of things that Jamie is prone to overthinking.

"Bless you." Jamie says handing River his camera back. "Are you alright? I mean do you have any other allergies that are getting set off out here?”

“No, well I do have other allergies, but nothing that would be triggered out here. It’s probably residual from the horses and hay at the stables, like I said earlier I’ll probably be sneezing off and on the rest of the day. The antihistamines are helping, trust me. It’s nothing to worry about.”

Jamie eyes him dubiously but drops it, River would know best after-all. 

They sit in comfortable silence for a moment until River shoots up “You like games Jamie?”

“I—what? Yeah I guess?”

Tucking his camera safely away in its case he yells “race you to the fence” taking off at a sprint.

Jamie immediately bounds after him, the play exciting his wolf, pushing it prominent to the surface propelling him forward until as he’s about to overthrow River he leaps on him instead sending them tumbling to the ground, he makes sure that they land so River's camera is protected. River is laughing beneath Jamie, a sound Jamie has decided he likes and wants more of. It’s a pleasant effervescent sound, bright, a note higher than his honey sweet and soothing voice, with an almost innocent quality to it. Jamie noses at River’s neck bringing out his tongue to give it a lick when he hears River’s breathe hitch, lithely wiggling free from Jamie before— 

Hhhh’Tssssch……Hehh’SsssTch….Tsssch…Hh..hhhe’EssssTch…Hhh’Stchuuu..Hhh’StChuuu…Hhh’ttSssch. 

With River pre-occupied Jamie has the opportunity to feel mortified with himself. For human wolves the scent gland is located on the side of the neck. It’s a very sensitive and intimate spot often bitten during mating and in bonded wolf pairs. Jamie, under no grounds should be scenting River least of all in that spot. Jamie has never lost control over himself like that, not even when going through puberty and experiencing his first rut. It had to be because he hasn’t shifted in so long, he was really going to need to go running to hopefully burn off the excess energy so he could act a little more civil. River had stopped sneezing and was giving him a mischievous look. “We still haven’t made it to the fence.” He says turning around to continue bolting forward.

Jamie’s wolf wants to keep playing, chase is his favorite game, but Jamie wrestles it back. If the previous display is any indication he should not be engaging in any kind of play right now, not with a human. River is halfway between Jamie and the fence realizing that Jamie isn’t on his trail. He turns around to shout “What’s the matter? It’s no fun if you don’t make it competitive.” He was half skipping backwards while talking to Jamie, completely unaware of what stood in front of him. Jamie had missed it earlier in all the excitement of giving chase but was fully aware now.

“River, we should run to the fence this way.” Jamie says pointing in the opposite direction.

"Oh no way, I’m not falling for that, you’re far closer if we take that direction. You’re just trying to give yourself the advantage.” River replies with a competitive grin.

“River, seriously come on, you gotta stop going in that direction, there’s a hor—“  

But while Jamie was talking River backs straight into a horse grazing. The horse, being a well-mannered, docile, ranch horse conditioned to handle lots of action is not perturbed even leaning its head over River’s shoulder and rubbing itself against him giving a snort shaking his heavy mane and Jamie can almost see the particles flying off the horse all over River.

“Oh shit.” Jamie utters under his breath hastily coming towards River who is now heeding Jamie’s advice and traveling in the opposite direction though he likely isn’t going to get far, as Jamie can already hear the tiny rapid breathy hitches coming from River, knowing it was only a matter of time—

Hhhh’TSsch….EssTch…..Hh’SsssTch…Hehh’Hhhh’Tsssch….Hehh’TSSschuu….Hheeh’Hhhh’SsStchuuu. 

Jamie gets to River while he’s on his 20^th sneeze taking his arm again, gently leading him away to put more distance between him and the horse. River’s eyes are watering and it doesn’t look like the fit is dissipating. Jamie is concerned when River hits 30 sneezes and it still hasn’t slowed down. The instinctive protective nature abundant in a dominant wolf bubbling full force.

“Is this as bad as it gets?” Jamie asks. “I mean I know you can’t really talk here but should I should be calling for help about now? Like are you going to go into anaphylaxis or something?” River shakes his head in the negative, holding up his finger in the classic hold-on gesture. After about 15 more sneezes the fit seems to slow down.

“Wow, umm—are you okay?” Jamie inquires.

A tinge of pink dusts River’s cheeks. “Yeah, sorry. My allergies can get like that. On the outside it probably looks far more severe than it is.”  

“I don’t know that looked pretty rough.” Jamie stated.

River chuckles “Well, I was really hoping to avoid a fit of that nature, for today anyway. Guess I know why you were trying to get me to go the other way now.”

“Sorry, I should have made it clearer why.”

“Nay, it was totally my fault.” His breath hitches and a small groan of protest escapes him as he starts up again. 

Hhh’Tssssch….Eh’Tsch…Hhhh’Tssschhu..Tsschuuu..Huhh…Hhhh’TttSssch….Tssschuuu…Hhhuh’Hh’HhhhTssschuuu.

“Bless you.” Jamie says when he’s finished.

“Thank you. God! It’s so tickly.” He says scrunching his nose giving it a rub.

“It might help if—“ Jamie begins before stopping himself.

River raises an eyebrow in question.

“It’s just well ummm, that horse uhhh well it rubbed itself against you and your shirt is probably covered in horse dander and contributing to the continued reaction. It might be better ummm, if you know, you took off your shirt?” Jamie doesn’t understand why he’s stumbling to get that out. It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever seen a guy without his shirt on before. It was actually a pretty standard occurrence being a former athlete. But the desire Jamie was ignited with to see River without a shirt on was not standard.

Sexual preference is a bit more fluid in human wolves than perhaps the average Homo sapein due to a lot of the attraction being built on variables that weren’t specific to biological gender or that even relied on biological gender. Proximity, scent, and creature dynamics were more likely to create attraction and solidify a bond in wolf partners. It actually wasn’t uncommon for human wolves to mate with same-sex partners and among other wolves it wasn’t seen or viewed any differently as hetero partners.

It was just that Jamie hadn’t ever felt a pull towards someone of the same sex. Though, admittedly he hadn’t really felt much of a pull towards the women, not even the wolves he had been with over the years either. They usually fulfilled a carnal need but he hadn’t ever felt the type of connection that made him want to settle down.

“Oh! Yeah that’s probably a good idea.” River answers seemingly unbothered by the notion nor impaired by modesty quickly pulling the shirt off over his head. 

Jamie politely doesn’t stare but he can’t resist sneaking a surreptitious glance at River without his shirt and the sight makes his mouth water. River’s skin of his trunk looks so creamy, and soft. His abs, chest and shoulder muscles are taught and visibly ripple against his skin when he moves almost like he was sculpted and cut from stone. Jamie wants to rub himself against it. Sometimes people just need to be scented and this is an occasion that calls for just that. No! Jamie yells to himself, balling his hands into fists to resist the inappropriate urge. “Here.” Jamie says taking off his plaid button up over-shirt and handing it to River. “I can take that.” He says gesturing to River’s shirt.

“Thank you” River says slipping into Jamie’s shirt and passing his own shirt to Jamie. No sooner does he put on the shirt he begins sneezing again. 

Hhhhh’TssSch…Hhhh’SsssTch…Hhhh’Tssch…TSSstch…Hhhh..Hhhh’Tsschuu.

“Bless you.” Jamie says trying to distract himself from thinking about how River looks in his shirt. Something about it is causing his evolved and developed brain to regress and it’s making him feel weirdly possessive, and Jamie debates if it would have been better just to let him go shirtless Jamie’s beginning to fully realize that he’s in trouble if this is going to be his life for the next indeterminate amount of time.

“Thank you. I’m a mess aren’t I?” River says with self-deprecating humor but also a little sheepishly.

“No more than anyone else.” Jamie replies. 

“Now I know you’re being polite.”

“We’re all just train wrecks of sound and fury, every last one of is a mess, it’s basically a requirement of existence. Sometimes it’s more outwardly obvious how messy we are but don’t think for one second there isn’t a single person walking around not a mess in some form or manner.”

 River smiles. “That was deep Mr. Carl Jung.”

Jamie chuckles in return. “Sometimes I surprise even myself with my intellectual prowess.”

 A smile touches River’s lips before he turns sneezing into Jamie’s shirt, a fact that Jamie is weirdly fixated on, and not in a disgusted way. 

Hhhh’Tsch….Tssch….Hhhh’TsssSSCh….HhhhehHh’TStchu…Hhh’Tsch…HHhhh’Tsschhuuu…Hhhuh’TSssTchuu.

“Bless you.”

“Thank you. It’s like the horse dander is just living on my skin. I need a shower. Even then, I suppose I extended my sneezing through the rest of the day.”

Jamie gives River a commiserating pat on his back. “We’ll be back to our cabin soon.” And huh, referring to their quarters under a collective ‘our’ was shockingly natural. River hadn’t even stepped foot in the cabin and he already liked the idea that it was theirs together. Jamie could already imagine waking up and coming to find River in the kitchen, or late nights staying up watching TV, little snippets of a domesticity that Jamie never thought he would find filled his brain and instead of the nameless faceless nebulous image it brought to mind on the rare occasion he allowed himself to think about establishing that kind of intimacy with someone, River now stood in that role. Jamie really didn’t want to contemplate the implications of that, but even if he had, he wouldn’t have been able to, getting pulled from his thoughts by River’s voice.  

“So what about you?”  

“Uhhh—what about me?”

“How are you a mess? From what I can tell you’re pretty well put together.”

Jamie snorts. “Let’s just say I’m one of those cases that my messiness doesn’t quite outwardly show but trust me it’s there. I’m plenty messy.” 

Let’s see I’m a wolf trying to hide my identity, who desperately needs to shift because being around you is slowly killing all my careful self-restraint, which brings up the other point that my wolf is strangely attracted to you, which conflicts with my assumed identity of my human side and I’m not entirely sure what that means or really how to begin sorting that out and I’m going to be living with you for who knows how long which complicates matters, though I quite like the idea of you as my flatmate. Jamie thinks.

River studies Jamie thoughtfully “I get that. And look I know we just met, but I’m pretty good to talk to, at least so I’ve been told. If you ever feel like you want to spill your mess on me I’m happy to listen.”

“I—yeah, I—thank you.”

River chuckles and River knows it's over his awkwardness but it doesn't come across as cruel or pitying, a common reaction to Jamie’s social awkwardness, that was also usually accompanied by second hand embarrassment. But River seemed to take his bumbling in stride, communicating with him with a gentle patient openness and encouragement that he’s grateful for and that also puts him at ease, making it easier to interact with him. "Well Jamie, I believe this is a start to a flourishing roomie situation. I don’t think I could have asked for a better person to live.”

Jamie knows it doesn’t really mean anything but he can’t help but preen at that. He carefully chooses his response avoiding the reactive comment sitting on his tongue and goes with “Yeah, I think you’re not so bad yourself River.”

The responding smile is blinding and it makes Jamie’s heart pound and he can’t help but think that this is either going to go really well or explode into flames.

 

~TBC~

Additional A/N: 

Story Title is inspired by the song "Wolf" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Chapter title comes from the song "Montana" by Daya 

 

Edited November 18, 2023 by Not Telling
Updated Chapter Title to list # of chapters

[dwaekki]

Amazing! River has such good sneezes- they're just what I like 😆 hope to see him stifling a bit more in the future and seeing how Jamie reacts to that. It's so fun seeing Jamie's loss of control around River, excited to see how that plays out in the future! ❤️

[solitaire-au]

Ooh! I like where this is going and I’m excited to see how events unfold and influence the budding relationship between Jamie and River! 🥰

(One thing though, I think you need a bit more spacing. Some of the paragraphs are very long and without visual breaks it makes them a bit hard to read.)

[Privatedancer]

Love this start!

[thesneezyowl]

LOVE this!!! I am super excited to see where this one goes. 

[Lily]

MERCIIII tu es de retour dans l'écriture !! I'm so happy you came back with another story. You write so well, I feel like my english is getting better when I'm reading you haha ! I love how as a reader you feel like you're in it. Love the names too, Jamie and especially River, it's so beautiful. For a moment, I almost forgot that I was reading a sneeze fic, so I was really excited when they were coming, loving how you wrote them, I could literally hearing them. Loving the conversation about the sneezing too, it made me giggle. And Jamie's loss of control is everything ! Can't wait to read the rest of it 🥰

[Not Telling]

@dwaekki Thank you! My personal preference usually leans towards long hitching breaths and extended build-ups and a more robust (though not loud) release, if that makes sense, but as I began writing River and contemplated how I wanted him to sneeze I realized that light, breathless, and rapid were well suited for his character and the image I have of him in my head. How funny that you should ask for more stifles.....you just might see that in this chapter.  

@solitaire-au Thank you! It's been an exciting story to write, I'm glad it's equally enjoyable for readers. Thank you for the advice and making me mindful of the paragraph lengths. I tried to keep that in mind while formatting this chapter. Please let me know if it's more manageable this go around.

@Privatedancer Yay! Thank you for reading. I love seeing your comments.

@thesneezyowl Thank you! I'm excited to see everyone's reaction as it continues. 

@Lily Bien sur! I have to keep up with your prolific authorship.  

On 8/3/2023 at 2:07 PM, Lily said:

I feel like my english is getting better when I'm reading you haha !

Awww you are so sweet, that is such a nice compliment thank you

I'm glad that you like the names. I've often found that inventing character names can sometimes be the most challenging part of writing but with this story as I formulated the characters in my mind they came to me instantly. I think they both embody their names. I've always held a fondness for gender neutral names so it was fitting all around. haha

A/N: Thank you everyone. Hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Cheers

_________________________________________________________

Chapter 2: I Must Admit, I Can’t Explain Any of These Thoughts Racing Through My Brain

Jamie wakes up before dawn still restless and bursting with excess energy. The cabin is silent, indicating that River is still asleep. Jamie gets up carefully, silently moving to the door. Once outside he escapes behind a tree and shifts bounding off through the trees. He races through the field he and River were at yesterday back through the woods and up into the mountains. Jamie is so elated he doesn’t resist the impulse to let out a lone howl.

Jamie creeps back into the cabin a few hours later rejuvenated, though especially hungry. He makes his way into the kitchen to find River pouring himself a cup of a coffee. He turns around giving a startled flinch when he sees Jamie.

“Sorry.” Jamie begins.

“Its fine, I just didn’t hear you. You want a cup?” He gestures to the coffee pot.

“Sure.” Jamie walks over as River pours out the rest of the coffee into a mug handing it to Jamie. “Thank you.” He says leaning against the counter his elbow ever so lightly touching River. It’s subtle enough to pass detection but its sending buzzing currents through Jamie’s skin. He’s trying to think of a way he can reasonably get more of his body to touch River without seeming too obvious, when River says

“So here’s the thing—“ but before he can continue he hastily sets down his mug turning from Jamie. 

Hhh’ttSssch…TttScch..Hhehh’TsSssChuuu…Hhh’hhehh’Hhh’SSssStch.

“Bless you.” Jamie says when the fit concludes after 6 more sneezes. “I don’t recall letting any horses into the cabin.” He jokes.

River laughs. “I’m always pretty sneezy after I get up. Probably just build up over whatever gets in there during the night. I have allergies, of course, as you’ve seen, but I’m also just kind of a sneezy person, probably why I have an allergy affliction, my nose isn’t great at regulating irritants I suppose.”

“Oh” Jamie says rather fascinated with this factoid. He’s never met someone who sneezes as much as River.

“Yeah, sorry I know it can be kind of annoying and disruptive and like not conducive for conversation and whatever.”

Jamie reads between the lines “People have told you it’s annoying?”

River shrugs his face losing some of its joyous spark.  

“You don’t have to say, I didn’t mean to pry.” Jamie interjects not wanting to introduce a conversation that is painful for River.

“Nay, it’s fine, I brought it up, right? Most of my friends are used to it, if anything they find it pretty amusing but other times I think people get a little exasperated when they’re trying to have a conversation with me and all I can manage is to sneeze.”

“My interaction with you yesterday stands as one of the most substantial and engaging ones I’ve had as of late, regardless of the sneezing.” Jamie states sincerely.

River shoots him a smile. “It’s gotten a lot better as an adult. At least I’m not so blatantly bullied. When I was younger, people used to laugh at me or plant allergens in my backpack or locker as a joke and watch when I would dissolve into a sneezing mess.” Jamie splutters looking at River mouth agape.

“That—that’s horrible and cruel.” He says.

River looks a little sad but brushes it off. “Kind of an easy target I guess but like I said it’s not like that as an adult. The only truly frustrating thing is it seems to be a pretty big relationship deterrent.” Jamie cocks his head in confusion. “Apparently establishing a connection with someone who sneezes frequently puts people off. It especially doesn’t go over well in the middle of uh—well when you’re getting hot and heavy. In my experience that tends to kill the mood, and any chance at a relationship.” River explains.

Jamie blushes understanding River’s meaning. Wolves sometimes sneeze to communicate excitement, playfulness, or even contentment so to Jamie it wouldn’t be a deterrent. He imagines his body entangled with River’s their lips locked then pictures River hastily turning away to release a set of sneezes his body rocking forward against his as the expulsions erupt from his body.

Perhaps Jamie is more quirky than he knew but nothing about that seems off-putting if anything he considers it intimate in a way. Maybe not traditionally intimate, but there's something vulnerable in the act of sneezing, the way you lose control of your body even if just for a moment. Being with someone you trust, nay someone you're attracted to during that loss of control and being someone who is imparts care for that person in that moment creates a sense of closeness.

A sense that Jamie has been longing for. In his mind, that's a gift, and he can't fathom why anyone would turn away from such a thing. Really the only thing that's remotely strange about this train of thought, is his imagining himself in that type of setting with River specifically. Though as his gaze sweeps over River’s face landing on his soft looking full and plush mauve lips he's able to objectively admit that they are probably really nice to kiss. 

“That wouldn’t kill the mood for me.” Jamie blurts out before considering his response. As soon as the comment is out of his mouth he wishes he could retract it. The statement isn’t applicable, relevant, and incredibly not helpful while also probably being more than a little incriminating. He tries to think of how he can hastily back-out of that comment.  

Thankfully River just chuckles “I’m pretty sure you’re one of the few. My last partner definitely wasn’t a fan. They made me wear a clothing pin while we were umm being intimate to try and prevent me from sneezing. I guess I had sneezed enough around them that they didn’t want to deal with it. It was only moderately successful and what they apparently failed to realize was that when they removed the clothing pin I would be deluged with sneezes. Once they made that discovery, it was sayonara.”

“The partner before that was so disgusted with me after I accidentally sneezed on them while kissing, they broke up with me, even though part of why I was so sneezy was because they insisted on being at their house that was riddled with cat hair from the 3 cats they owned that also happened to be clambering all over the bed while we were on it, despite the fact that I had mentioned multiple times I was very allergic.”

“The last date I went one was with someone I met through a dating app, they arranged our first date as a surprise, a horse carriage tour ride.”

“Oh no!” Jamie groaned.

“Yep” River said popping the P. “You can imagine how well that went. The next day I had a message from them through the app in which they proceeded to instruct me, rather superciliously I might add, that I really needed to detail in my profile that I had severe allergies so people were aware beforehand and could determine up front if they were equipped to handle my affliction and that in doing so would prevent me from wasting people’s time. They then went on to detail the science behind rhinitis and all current available medication by order of efficacy, referring me to a local allergist that they were sure would help me out, and advised that I should see before continuing to attempt to date.”

“What!?” Jamie expressed vehemently. “What a pretentious douche, as if you aren’t well aware of any of that yourself.”

“I know right? The doctor they referred me too oddly enough was in fact my allergist. I artfully told them to fuck off and promptly blocked them.”

“As you should. That’s quite the decorated history. Though, they were all idiots.” He says fervently.

River gives a small laugh. “Well I suppose I can’t really argue with that, they aren’t still with me after-all” he says with a wink. “That last event was my last real attempt at dating. For all my flaws I never thought it would be my sneeze frequency and allergies that would make me un-dateable."

"That's because it wasn't you, it was them."

"It’s whatever, though the someone kicked your puppy eyes on my behalf is reassuring and possibly a little flattering.”  

Was that the face Jamie was making? He supposed it applied. “I just—it isn’t whatever, none of it is River. What it is, is shitty. It’s shitty that people intentionally made you sneeze for their own amusement when you were younger and it’s shitty now that people would make you feel bad about something you can’t help, or deem you not worthy of their affections because of it.”  

“Well bulletin report-people can be pretty shitty.”

Jamie sighs, didn’t he know it. The whole reason he’s here was essentially driven by people being shitty. “Well, I’ll try not to be, and especially not over something you have no control over like, sneezing.”

“Well I guess that’s good for me ‘cause I’m about to sneeze again.” He gets out quickly, his voice rising in desperation with the impending sneeze before taking in a shaky inhale and pitching forward 

Hhh'tSsschuu…Hhhh’HhhhhEhh’TtSsSSSTchuu….Hhh’SsssTcccHu. 

These sneezes were immediately urgent sending his chin into his chest with each release.

When it seemed like River is done Jamie blesses him.

“Thanks.” River says picking up the previous conversation “Really, I understand the distaste, it’s hard for me to contribute to a meaningful conversation when I’m in the middle of a sneezing fit and no one wants to be sneezed on, least of all while engaging in physical intimacy. It’s just unfortunate that it seems to kill any relationship potential with anyone.” He chuckles, though without any humor.

“And I was worried about my vanity, selfishness, hypocrisy, lack of personal hygiene, and my extreme unwavering pessimism would be what stood in my way of finding my happily ever after. Turns out it's just my sneezing that people can’t get over.” He gives a little insouciant shrug, but Jamie can tell that it does genuinely bother him. He also has a suspicion that, even if it’s small, there’s a part of him that believes he’s to blame for his failed attempts at a relationship.

“You left out your pompous disposition, insensitivity, and disregard for other's around you" Jamie replies with a smirk. 

"Ahh yes, of course." River says dramatically smacking his palm to his forehead. "How could I forget?" 

They share a smile before Jamie continues seriously "I think that if someone was truly interested in you, appreciated you and everything you have to offer they wouldn’t allow an uncontrollable act like sneezing nor an affliction like your allergies to interfere with their feelings towards you. If they were truly entranced with you, they wouldn’t allow something as trivial as a little sneezing get in the way of being with you or ruining a moment of intimacy, physical or otherwise.

Someone who was infatuated with you, who was falling head over heels for you would embrace and welcome all of you including your sneezing. They would be unbothered by it or even embrace it as a unique idiosyncrasy of yours and cherish you all the more for it.

If you haven’t had that yet, it’s because you’ve only been with superficial twats that didn’t see you, and I mean really see you, they only saw what they wanted from you in a specific moment, and when it wasn’t up to their expectations they rebuffed you and made you feel guilty over something you cannot control. Real affection, real relationships means accepting people as they are, messes and sneezes included, not the idealized version of they've created in their minds.”

“Damn, when you say something you really decide to say something. And here I thought you weren’t a talker.” River jokes.

Jamie feels those neon signs burning on his cheeks yet again. “I can be, I just need time to warm-up. Or something important to say. That felt important to say. All of it.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes” Jamie says firmly.

River sits with that before saying “Any idea where I can find such a person because I'm still hung up on there ever being a single person that would just accept being sneezed on in any circumstance but especially not while being intimate with each other."

“Do you still feel sneezy?” Jamie asks.

“Yes actually, I have a lingering tickle that I don't think will go away on its own. I reckon I’ll sneeze again here in the next few minutes.” River answers. “Why?”

“I’m going to prove to you my statement.” Jamie says feeling a level of boldness that his normal disposition doesn’t usually provide him but he’s suddenly filled with the determination that River understand that the way he’s been treated isn’t acceptable, nor is it something that he should shoulder any of the blame for, and that it definitely isn’t the product of what a healthy relationship looks like, and give him the assurance and certainty that there are people out there that wouldn't blink twice over his sneezing, even if it occurred during bedroom activities. 

River raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “Intriguing, and just how are you going to do that?”

“Well” Jamie drawls his voice low. “You and I could possibly consider each other friends.” He pauses then a little shyly “Yes?” Maybe it was too soon to think that, they’d only known each other for less than a day after-all. At what point was it acceptable to consider someone your friend? And there Jamie was over-analyzing again. His speciality.

"Sure."   

“The inchoate stages perhaps but the level of our friendship doesn’t matter and I know it's slightly different as we're not dating, but I’m going to demonstrate what the response to you sneezing should look like and how it would look in a healthy nurtured relationship that was founded on mutual affection.”

River gives a small little cough “For clarity, I presume this demonstration applies to a physically romantic relationship?”

“It applies to all relationships but yes for the intent and purpose of this I will be playing the role of a romantic partner, as per your narrative that is where the negative response is most affecting and impacting.”

River nods looking a little stunned and slightly wary.

“Do you trust me?” Jamie asks gently.

“Yes, actually I think I do.” River says.

“Okay good, so just pretend that instead of developing friends we’re newly dating. We’ve connected well on our previous dates. Conversation is easy and natural we feel like we already know each other from the hours we’ve spent endlessly talking, we have a similar sense of humor, some shared interests, and our political viewpoints align. Not to mention there is an undeniable chemistry between us. We’ve done the requisite three dates and now I’ve taken you back to my place and things are heading towards a passionate interlude.” He says with a wink. Where the sudden flirtatiousness is coming from, Jamie really has no idea.

“Is it okay to touch you?” River takes a gulping swallow. “Don’t worry, I won’t be unseemly, I won’t even take it to first base.” Jamie assures. “But I figure for this to play out properly there should be some semblance of romantic physicality.”

“Okay” River capitulates.

“Okay" Jamie says with an encouraging smile. "All I want you to do is just be you, lose yourself in the moment and don't worry about anything else, including your sneezing.”

River gives another nod and with that Jamie turns using his body to crowd River, placing his arms on either side of him before stepping into him pressing him against the kitchen counter. He sees River’s eyes go wide his pupils dilating, wafts of his scent radiating off of him. Before Jamie can convince himself of just how terrible of an idea this is and that he should by no means under any circumstances be doing this, Jamie bends his head pressing his nose and lips into River’s neck, tracing the line of his jugular with the tip of his nose.  

River gasps in surprise. His scent is even more potent here, a little muskier and spicier and Jamie has to restrain himself from doing anything more. He knows he’s playing with fire, his body is already reacting to the nearness of River, he feels lit up like a live wire, his stomach is in free fall, his head is spinning, like the feeling you have when you get up too quickly from being upside down.

He doesn’t fully understand his predilection for River but giving in to his impulses is sure to be a mistake, maybe he’s no better than the people that have spurned him. Maybe he’s only using River just like any of his other partners to greedily obtain what he wants under the guise of being someone who purportedly cares about him. Guilt rolls through Jamie and he’s about to step back an apology on his lips when he feels River’s breath change. He’s taking quick and fast hitches of air and Jamie knows that it’ll only be a manner of seconds. Well, he’s committed now, backing down at this moment would be the exact opposite of what Jamie wants to show River and would likely only enforce the negative response he’s received from a number of people.

Jamie releases his hands from the counter, bringing one to wrap around River’s waist, pulling him close, the other he entwines with River’s hand. He lets his lips lightly trail along his jawline and what he thinks is a small groan escapes River before he abruptly releases his hand drawing up the collar of his shirt before turning his head and snapping forward with a series of sneezes. 

Hhh’SssTch..Hheh’SSsTchuu…Hhh’Tssstch…SssTchu…Hhh’Ssstchu...Hhh’hhh’SssTchiuu. 

Though he’s politely turned away from Jamie, smothering the sternutations into his shirt River’s body falls into Jamie’s with every release.

Just as Jamie suspected there is something intimate about sharing this with River and he’s anything but repulsed. The fit slows, but from River's still drooping eyelids and flaring nostrils Jamie can tell that cessation will only be momentary. He gently places his hand underneath River’s chin tracking the line of his lower lip with his thumb. River takes a shaky breath. “Don’t turn away from me this time.” Jamie instructs his voice uncharacteristically husky, before mouthing at River’s throat.

“Oh” River exclaims barely audible the tail end of the exclamation turning into rapid tiny little breaths. Hhh’Tpptch. River’s head dips into Jamie’s shoulder the expulsion is a little moist against Jamie’s exposed skin.

“I’mmm Hhhh’Heehh sSssorry” EssTchu. 

River makes to pull away but Jamie cradles River’s neck holding him in place.

"Remember you're not worrying about your sneezes right now." 

"Bbut-" River starts to protest.

"Uh-uh" Jamie says. "You are not worrying and you're not apologizing for sneezing. Nothing is getting between us right now." He grabs for River's hand again, his lips trailing lightly along River's collarbone, the side of his neck, and then up to his ear. 

“Oh my God Jamie.” River croaks his knees buckling. Jamie tightens his hold feeling River weaken. As he does so River's body juts up involuntarily into Jamie. The friction sends currents of arousal pooling low in Jamie's abdomen, little pulses of electricity beating down his spine.

“Mmm sssooory” River says breathlessly before burying his head into the space between Jamie’s neck and shoulder releasing 4 sneezes in quick succession 

Hhh’Mmptsch..mmptch..Hhh’Hhheh’Mmmptch..Hhh’mmptch—uu.

While River’s sneezing Jamie plays with the fine curls of hair at the nape of his neck. Jamie feels completely subsumed by River. The gravest mistake he made with this plan is thinking he had any control. River's presence is so heady and Jamie is drowning in it. It's too much, it's not enough, it's all he should have, it's all that he wants. This was one of his most patently stupid ideas. He has no idea what he was thinking, why he would invite this, it would make everything that much harder to ignore. The simple fact is he wasn't thinking. Jamie left his brain at the doorstep. He’s never felt this powerful force, this inexplicable pull towards anyone, but he can’t get enough of the feeling of River next to him his scent surrounding him.

The fit gradually subsides. Jamie gently separates himself from River but maintains the connection between their hands giving a soft squeeze whispering a quiet. “Bless you Riv” the nickname rolling off his tongue easily, like he and River are the oldest of friends with history and inside jokes and a closeness that only years of knowledge of each other grants. He gives River one more final nuzzle before fully stepping away.

The separation allows Jamie's brain to catch up and his former audaciousness completely dissipates. He stands there awkwardly tapping his fingers nervously on his leg chewing his bottom lip. All manner of worries flooding his brain. Paramount being did he ruin the opportunity for his friendship here? 

River's eyes are closed, his cheeks are flushed and his mouth is parted in an "O". Jamie watches closely as he opens he eyes, he still looks a little stunned but he doesn’t seem angry or even uncomfortable, which is a relief. After what feels like an eternity River clears his throat saying “Well, that was certainly enlightening. Point proven. I can safely say that reaction isn’t one I have encountered before.”

“It’s what you deserve River.” Jamie says softly but seriously. “I promise you that there is someone out there that will respond like that, better than that, that will give you even more than that because they'll be with you for real. Never let a person you’re with make you feel less about who you are. As trite as it is, if they can’t accept you in your messy moments or amidst a sneezing attack, even in the middle of physical intimacy, they don’t deserve you.”

River’s looking at Jamie with an expression he can’t read, Jamie tries to decipher it but all too quickly River is turning from him. 

Hhh’TTsTch..Hh’hhh’TsSSchu..Heh’hhh’TssSchiu..Hhh’TSschiu..Hhh’Hheh..Hhh’TStchu…Hhh’SSTchu.

“Bless you” Jamie offers when River is finished. He gives him a concerned appraisal. The tip of his nose is red with irritation. His nostrils are still flared, the vague sneezy expression still plastered on his face looking more and more like a sneeze or more accurately, a rush of sneezes is imminent.

“Are you sure this isn’t allergy related, maybe you should take one of your antihistamines.”

River’s face is already falling preparing for another sneeze but he tries to beat it by saying “I ddd-don’t know Heehh what iitt would be fffrrroom Hhheh, mmmmy nnoo Heeh nose is jjjj-juuusst hhhhH rrr-rrr-really ttt-iiicckkly” 

Hhhh’TssSch…..TtSch….Hehh’SSSsTcHu….Hhhh’Tsch….Hiihhh….Hhhhh….Hhhhh’TTSSschuu.

“Ohhh God.” He exclaims in between sneezes before continuing with a small whimper of protest.

Jamie’s earlier daring has definitely exited the room. Replaced now with his typical over analytical contemplations. He feels helpless and clueless, unsure the proper etiquette or protocol for how to deal with someone caught in a continuous rapid sneezing fit. He wonders if he should offer River something. But like what? Yeah, so much for showing him what a healthy response to his sneezing is. He chides himself. Maybe he should get River somewhere more comfortable. Yeah, that sounds like a good first step, so Jamie leads River to the living room sitting him on the couch. Next, he checks the windows, closing the one in the kitchen and the living room. If something is bothering River from outside there was no need to continue to invite the allergen in. He then goes to the bathroom medicine cabinet where he saw River put his antihistamines yesterday grabbing the bottle and a glass of water sitting next to River on the couch.

“Take these.” Jamie says gently when River has a moment to breath. “Just in case.”

River holds up his finger his face still slack, his eyelids fluttering shut, his body bracing for the inevitable.

Hhhh’TtTSch...SssSTch…Hhhehh’hHh’TssChuu…HhhTSsch…Hhhehh’SSssTchu.

Finally River finds pause to take the medicine falling against Jamie with a heavy sigh.

“Bless you.” Jamie says too softly, warring with the urge to dive his fingers into River’s thick and tousled curls, the teaser he got earlier wasn’t enough. Wolves are tactile creatures by nature, for many it’s a physical need. Jamie did crave physical contact, perhaps more than the average human but for Jamie touch was also something that could be really intense to share, and he usually reserved it for people he had known for a while and felt comfortable with, but the little touches he’s shared with River, not to mention the previous ministration had made him feel all warm and tingly and he found himself craving more. But it was more than just a desire, it was a necessity. It was a burning ache, an itch you can’t quite scratch, a thirst that doesn’t ever quite go away. After scenting River and now with River leaning against him, Jamie felt out of his head, uncertain that he could ever be satiated.

River’s weight is soaking him with pleasure and his scent. That intoxicating mixture of oaky vanilla and camphorous cedar wood odor emanating around Jamie like a blanket. It’s besotting. Jamie is sure he is close to doing something un-kosher, like rubbing his head against River’s neck again and this time not in the name of a demonstration or nibbling his ear or emitting a rapturous rumble, or even sealing his lips over his. Oh god, he has to move, he has to stop this. He has to—

Hhhh’TTtSsSSCh. 

River lurches up his weight coming off Jamie, leaving a conflicting emptiness and relief in its stead. 

Hhheehhh’TSSSCcchhu….Hhhh’SssSSTchu….Hehh’Hhh’tSSch.

Jamie gets up from the couch to disallow himself from giving in to any of the temptations that are circulating in his brain.

River stops sneezing with a tiny whimper and it immediately makes Jamie’s wolf stand at attention. Unable to ignore the sound of distress he reactively sits back down on the couch letting River lean against him, his head coming to rest on his shoulder. “I guess it’s just going to be one of those days.” River states with a small sniff.

“Can I do anything for you?” Jamie asks softly.

River tilts his head so his eyes meet Jamie’s and it almost looks like he’s searching for something before responding. Jamie isn’t naturally open, often sharing only what is on the surface sticking to safe more impersonal topics but with River looking at him the way he is now, he realizes if River asked he would reveal himself.

“What is it?” Jamie whispers.

River blinks himself out of his scrutinizing gaze. “It’s nothing” he says flashing Jamie a reassuring smile but Jamie isn’t quite sold. The smile doesn’t quite touch his eyes the way it does when a true smile fills his face. He doesn’t want to prod and pry into River’s business, if he isn’t ready to share, so he isn’t going to push the issue just try to show River that he’s someone that he can trust so if he wants to share he knows he can.

He rearranges their position on the couch so they’re lying on their sides. Jamie's pressed against the back cushions of the couch, River situated in front of Jamie. Hesitantly, Jamie wraps his hand around River’s torso pulling him so his back is touching Jamie. River tenses.

“Is this alright?” Jamie asks quietly a little unsure.

River turns his head to look at Jamie responding with a question “Are you still demonstrating?”

Jamie pauses confused, why would River think that? He feels like what he’s doing isn’t entirely out of the ordinary but maybe he doesn’t really understand proper boundaries, the people he’s ever gotten this close to, are his brother and family which aren’t necessarily the most appropriate gage for understanding and adhering to standard human social cues provided they’re all wolves.

“What? I no.” Jamie says worriedly. “This is all me, I’m not trying to prove anything to you other than maybe I’m someone that is here for you if, if you’d like me to be. Sorry, is that….am I doing this wrong?” He bites his lower lip his eyes full of earnestness but his cheeks are reddening.

Outside of specific settings like school and work Jamie has always struggled with social interaction. The best model he had was his family, but a household of wolves wasn’t exactly the best example for how to integrate yourself into general society. If at first his shyness and social awkwardness didn’t put people off then it was usually personality traits driven by his wolf that turned people away. He had been called a stage five clinger on more than one occasion and not even by past romantic partners. He didn’t want to already be messing up with River. He hated that he never seemed to socialize well. The familiar swelling of embarrassment roils through him.

“I guess I'm not really good at understanding what I should and shouldn't do and how I should interact with people. You've probably noticed that already." Jamie admits feeling the embarrassment and shame creep into his face, the tips of his ears, and his neck.

"The last person I lived with was my brother, we used to sit on the couch like this together.” He adds. Granted, that was usually when they were in their wolf form and was just part of pack dynamics and Jamie could recognize that it wasn’t typical for two men especially, not even brothers, to cuddle in such a tight space but to wolves such behavior is normal and wouldn't give anyone pause, sometimes that's difficult for Jamie to recall in the moment.  

“Oh.” River says relaxing his eyes going soft “No, you’re not doing this wrong, it's actually quite nice. I just wasn’t sure—“ He trails off, his face getting a faraway look, his breath growing erratic.

Jamie feels River’s body stiffen against him again. “Gonna sn-Hhh sneeze.” He says on a fast exhale the words barely pushed out on the breath of air. River squirms against Jamie, presumably to get away from him, but rather than letting River free Jamie tightens his grip around River.

“Then sneeze, it’s alright.” He coaxes. 

River takes a jagged gasp that shakes his frame his eyelids forced shut, quickly turning his body away from Jamie before he jerks forward 

Xxxtch..H’xxtX..Hgn'xXT..Hhh’Heehh’Xxtch..Hheh’Hhh’XTtch—uuu…GnghxXt. 

The last stifle is particularly forceful ending with a squeak. Jamie marvels at the sensation of River’s body tense and flex against him with each release. If it weren’t for Jamie’s arm around him the force probably would have had him falling off the couch. Jamie pulls him flush against him. River moans as his head rears back with the beginnings of another sneeze. 

Hheh'Xxxt...Hheh'xxt..HgntXtch...Heeh'PXxtch. 

He gasps desperately following the last release. His chest expanding and falling as he attempts to catch his breath.

“You don’t have to stifle on my behalf Riv. Just let them out.” Jamie encourages gently whispering in his ear. River shivers before lurching forward with another series of sneezes 

Hhh’Hhhh’Tstchu..Hhhehh’SssTChuu..Hhh’Hhhehh’Hh’Hhh’TTSssschiuu. 

“That’s it, I got you.” Jamie soothes.  

“Oh Gggodd I—I Hhhh’ ccc Hhhehh ccaaan’t SsStchu..Hhhh’SssTchuu Ssssttooppp.” 

Hheh’SsTch..Hhh’Hheh’tSssTchu..Hheh'SStch. 

“I know Rivy, I know, it sucks, I wish I could make them go away. You just have to get them all out and you’ll feel better. I’ll wait right here with you as long as it takes, don’t try and fight it, just let go.”

“Fffffeelllsss—Hhh’SsTch..Hheehh’Hhh’SsStchuu llllike Hhhheehh…Hhehh…Hhh’Hhh’Hhh’EssSsTchuu  it’lll nnn—nnnnever Hhhh’Hhhuhhh’Hhheehh’SsssTccchiu ennnd. Ohhh.” 

Hh'Hheh'TssTch...Hhh'SssTChuu..Hhehh'SsSSTchuu

Jamie’s concern is rising, River’s entire visage is one of ticklish allergic misery and all Jamie can do is sit and watch River succumb to the terrible itch in his nose. In the small ways he can, he tries to be comforting, rubbing River’s back, holding him securely so he doesn’t fall off the couch.

“Bless” Jamie utters even though he knows River isn’t done.

Hheeh’Hhh’TTSSstch..Hhh’TsssTch..Hheh’Hhh’Hheh’EssstChu…Hhh’TsssChu. “Myy Gggoood, wwwhhhyy wwoo wwoo SsssTchu..Hhh’heeh’EssSTChiiu..Hh’TTssCh won’t it SssSTpp’tchu.

“I don’t know Rivy but something has that poor sensitive nose all worked up. Try and relax and let your body take care of it.” Jamie hopes his tone is comforting and doesn’t reveal his growing concern.

"Ggod I’m sssssoooo Hhh’hheeehh’xxXtChu sorry. Yyyoou ssseee www wwwwhhy wwhy Oh Hhhh’Hhheehh’SsSSTchiu..hh’SsTchu….why ttthh Hhehh —tthissS“

“Shhh, don’t try and talk right now Riv. It’s okay. Apologies aren’t necessary you’re the one that is affected here, not me. I just wish I could help.”

Hhh’Hhhehh’SSsTChu..Hhh’hhh’SStch..EssTch.

At long last, River’s labored breathing returns to normal his body going limp and heavy melting into Jamie. “Bless you.” Jamie says quietly.

River sniffles. “Good grief. I’m sorry. I promise it’s not normally like this, at least outside of an allergy attack.”

Jamie carefully wipes the tears at the corner of River’s eyes and passes him a tissue. “And I promise it doesn’t bother me. You can’t help it.” Jamie responds letting his hand come up and curl around River’s shoulder before his fingers lightly trail down his firm and lean arm, drawing little circular patterns on the inside of his forearm.

River’s breathe catches and he shifts his body a little. 

“Need to sneeze again?” Jamie prompts.

River’s voice when he speaks is gravelly. “Not at the moment.”

“Oh it sounded like maybe you—“ Jamie blushes, he probably shouldn’t be paying this much attention to River’s breathing patters, that’s weird right? Yeah, that’s probably weird. “Sorry never-mind.”

River’s nose twitches. “I don’t think another fit is far off.” He muses taking a shaky inhale. “Oorrr mmmmaybe Hhheehh it’s ccclllloossser Hhh’TsssTchu th-th-the EsssTch then I thought.” 

Hhh’Hhh’TSssTchu..Hh’Hhh’EsssTchiiuu.

“Bless you” Jamie says at the conclusion of the fit. “Your nose is really bothering you today huh?”

“Must be the new environment.” River supplies giving the underside of his nose a rub, his brows furrowing as if he’s trying to figure out what it might be that his him all worked up.

“Maybe you should take it easy today.” Jamie says still lazily stroking River’s arm.

“Maybe” he answers “Will you be here?” River asks scooching his body closer, turning his head towards Jamie and folding it into his chest.

Jamie’s brain and body become jumbled at the intimate proximity, the words he was going to use to formulate a sentence getting scrambled. “I—uh did plan to be out for the day.” He manages to say. He was going to head into town to pick up some supplies.

"Oh” River says moving his head so he’s looking at Jamie, as he opens his mouth—Hhh’TssTchu 

River sneezes without warning freely right in Jamie’s face. Jamie sees the quick flash of mortification before it morphs into sneezy helplessness as River slaps his hands over his face and bolts up from the couch.

TttXtch..XxT..Xxgtch...Hhh’Hnng’STXxT…XxTchu.. 

”Ohh, oooh gosh”

Heeh’Hhnng’XxxTchh…Hhng’chXx…’NGTxT

River sways. Immediately Jamie is at his side guiding him back to the couch.

“Let’s get you off your feet before you fall over.” He pulls River onto couch sitting beside him rubbing his back as River continued to sneeze endlessly.

As soon as River recovers he launches into an apology “I am sooo sorry, that sneeze completely caught me by surprise I had no idea I needed to, I swear.” River’s expression is so distressed. Jamie hates that River looks so tortured over an accident that was beyond his control.

He resolutely decides he should never look like that. Honestly, it could happen to anyone, it’s not like the general population is particularly careful when they sneezed. He had seen and knew people that rarely covered or did so in a way that was completely ineffective and they had far less contained sneezes than River. While the overall lack of decent respectful hygiene and carelessness about spreading germs made Jamie cringe, with River he found he didn't mind. Perhaps because it wasn’t indicative of lack of conscientiousness towards other people and wasn't preventable. River was still barreling forth with an apology. Jamie places his index finger over River’s mouth. River goes silent but his eyes are full of apprehension.

“It’s fine Riv, really, I know you couldn’t help it.”

“You really are different from most people.” River remarks.

Jamie feels the recognizable crimson flood his face. “Uhh yeah—so I’ve been told.” He replies. Glancing at the floor, wishing not for the first time that he was more adapted to acceptable human social behavior.  

“That’s a compliment, Jamie.”

Surprised Jamie’s eyes meet River’s. “Oh” he says embarrassed but pleased ducking his head again. “Thank you.”  He adds softly warmth settling in his belly.

“So you have plans today?” River asks.

“Uhh yeah, just final preparatory stuff and picking up some things in town before we officially start.”

River nods. “Well I shan’t keep you.” He says standing up from the couch.

And of course, now Jamie feels a little awkward. His default setting it seems. A part of him, a large part of him doesn’t want to leave this couch. A whole day snuggling with River sounds especially appealing. He shakes his head trying to cut that thought loose. As tempting as it is he can't allow himself that luxury. If it took less than 24 hours for Jamie to do everything he's already done who knows what an entire day in the privacy of their home would do to him. He thinks about asking River to come with him but he doesn’t need another person accusing him of being a stage five clinger. He needs to be cool, and not invade River’s space. River would probably enjoy the solitude and doing his own thing without Jamie interfering. Given that they were living with each other there would be no shortage of them being around each other. If Jamie was going to remain even remotely tolerable it was probably best to give River alone time as much as possible.

He could probably benefit from being separated from River anyways, allowing him to sort through all these peculiar actions and to prevent himself from doing anything else stupid, like scenting him again, and this time without the ruse of being a fake partner to excuse the inappropriate action. His reaction to River was supposed to just be a weird side effect of suppressing his wolf form. It was supposed to go away once he shifted, but if this morning was anything to go by shifting only seemed to heighten his response to River and he’s not quite sure what to do with that. “Right yeah, I’ll uhhh I’ll see you later.” Jamie says also standing. 

The last thing he hears before walking out the door is 3 quick sneezes from River. Jamie adds getting some things for allergies to his list of items to get while out.

***

Jamie arrives back at the ranch property just after dusk, having made a day of exploring the town that was a few hours away from the ranch. “Hey” he announces when coming back inside.

"Hi.” River says from the couch immediately down-casting his eyes.  “Look, ummm, I’m sorry about this morning.”

“What?” Jamie asks thoroughly confused, setting down the bags of supplies he has in his hand and coming to sit on the couch next to River, but careful to leave an appropriate amount of space between them, despite the urge to press his body against him.

“Just you know, well the sneezing, especially sneezing on you, I still can’t believe that happened and my little pity party about my dating exploits. Sorry if that made you feel like you had to do that whole comforting me thing."

“Really, you sneezing is not a problem, like I said, you can’t help it, it doesn’t bother me. As for your so-called pity party. First of all you didn’t make me do anything, I did it because I wanted to. Secondly, I’m glad you feel comfortable to share all that you did with me. I hope I can serve the trust you’ve placed in me justice. I also hope that maybe you see there is better out there for you, you should have better than the reaction that you’ve received and I hope that’s what you seek for yourself, because I know it's out there. You've just somehow found yourself in the bad egg end of the dating pool.”

River is looking at Jamie with disbelief and it's making Jamie feel more than a little self-conscious to break the tension he adds “Now if you really want to apologize it should be for the coffee you made this morning.”

“What!?” River said in mock offense. “I’ll have you know I make great coffee. I got through University as a barista.’

“Oh yeah? How long ago was that? It would seem you’re out of practice.” Jamie smirks.

“It wasn’t even 10 years ago thank you very much. Besides it’s like riding a bike, once you know, it stays with you, but see if I make a double pot again.” River grumbles but with a smile on his face, before it quickly falls in the classic pre-sneeze expression.

Hhehh’TSsssCh…Hehh’SssSSTchuu…HHhh’tSSch…Heehh’Heh’Hhhh’SssSSTchuu.

“Oh my god! I swear I wasn’t like this for the whole day.”

"About that.” Jamie begins rummaging around the bags from his shopping “I got some things that will hopefully help."

He pulls out a few dehumidifiers first. “Keeping the air dry is supposed to help with controlling allergies. I figure maybe we should keep one in here and one in your bedroom? I also got a couple HEPA portable air-filters. This smaller one is for your room and I got this industrial looking one for the living room. I read that can also help.”

Jamie reaches for another bag. “Then we have an assortment of nasal sprays." He pours out the contents revealing 20 bottles.

"There’s your classic corticosteroid spray but the pharmacist also recommended a Cromolyn sodium nasal spray as it can help block the release of immune system agents that cause allergy symptoms. They did advise that this one works best before exposure to allergens and will probably need to be used many times throughout the day but it’s considered very safe. Given the environment and that you’ll probably be around people that have been interacting with the horses frequently maybe you’ll just want to start using this daily, while you’re here to maybe help lessen your attacks?” Jamie suggests.

"Did you buy out the whole store's supply of nasal spray?" River chortles.

Jamie blushes. "Of course not, I left 1 on the shelf." He quips.

River's lip quirks into an uptick of a smile. "How will the next poor allergy suffering guy survive with just one nasal spray, when apparently you need an arsenal?"

"I guess he'll just have to have his own friend that supplies him, I can't be the keeper of all allergy sufferers, just yours." Jamie says. 

River raises his eyebrow. 

Jamie replays what he said in his head, he turns beet red. "I didn't mean—I mean that uh well because I know you I'm more vested in your well-being than some hypothetical stranger." Jamie wants the floor to open up and swallow him whole. That would have to be better than stumbling through this explanation.

"I left plenty. There will surely supply all the allergy sufferers of Flathead County. I just wanted to make sure you were fully stocked, given that we live remotely and such remedies aren't readily obtained in our neck of the woods." He continues refusing to look at River his embarrassment reaching epic proportions. 

"The pharmacist also mentioned an herbal remedy that has had some success in relieving allergy symptoms. Spirulina. I found some at the grocery store you can mix it in juices or water or whatever. From what I understand is it acts like an anti-histamine with anti-inflammatory effects. I thought it couldn’t hurt. It’s also supposed to be really healthy for you. I might even start drinking some. Finally, they also referred me to an allergist that operates just a few hours away. I got their card, just in case you need an appointment.” When Jamie finishes unloading all the remedies he finally looks up to see River looking at him his expression inscrutable. 

“You really got all this for me? Aren’t HEPA filters kind of expensive?”  

Jamie grows concerned that he overstepped, of course it wasn’t okay. Who was River to him? He had no business babying him and providing for him. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cross a line. I just, after this morning I didn’t want to see you suffer like that, that didn’t look like an enjoyable time and you seem like you’re really excited to be here and I don’t want your experience to be undercut with allergies that make you miserable so I thought we could maybe do something about it. But I should have asked if it was okay first I’m sorry.”

“What!? No, that’s not why I asked. I’m just—this is really thoughtful. Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” Jamie responds aware of how painfully literally true the statement was. Jamie was a generally caring person by nature but not in this manner, where it was like he was deeply invested in being the person that contributed to the other's well-being, that he was fulfilled simply by being able to contribute to the person’s well-being, like it was everything to be able to give him that.

Oh yeah, he was in so much trouble.

~TBC~

Additional A/N: 

Chapter Title comes from the song "Howlin for you" by The Black Keys

 

Edited October 3, 2023 by Not Telling
Format changes

[dwaekki]

Why is Jamie so sweet 😭❤️ I can't wait to see this relationship develop, and thank you for the stifles! They'll always be my favourite haha but I do hope River finds some relief... You're writing is incredible as always, I can't wait for the next part!

[solitaire-au]

I second that! Jamie is such an adorable sweetheart! 🥰 And poor River!

[Privatedancer]

This is amazing!!!!!  I am dying to connect the dots here - if River isn’t a wolf, and I am not 100% convinced that he isn’t, then is he allergic to wolves?  And is the electrical pulse connection a strong attraction or some other connection?  And if they do get together - and they have to😘- then will jamie need to hide being a wolf from River?  And will that secret feel like a betrayal because River will perceive Jamie is holding back something yet asking him to trust completely. Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself …all while I asked Alexa to play “Hungry Like the Wolf.”  

[Lily]

As I took the train today I was listening to some music and then I found out you published this amazing chapter ! And wow it was an intensive one. I melted on my seat reading the part where Jamie is being sneezed on. Also I had to hide my phone as my neighbour looked at it and even if everything is in English I was so afraid he could gets it haha. And I was smiling and being agitated do much I had to take lil breaks. The stifling part was great, I love when a person say to a sneezing person "don't stifling them/you don't have too" I find that so cute and very intimate. The wolf plotline is original and intelligent way to speak about the sneeze fetish so thank you very much for that bold idea ! And your writing is so beautiful...I agree with @Privatedancer 's reflections it will be soooo dramatic if Riv is allergic to wolves...But I really like the idea of the betrayal I mean I do live for drama 🥺 but only because I know that after the drama (and during it) there is still the love and I certainly adore reconciliation scene ❤️(ok I have to calm down too)

[thesneezyowl]

I am loving these 2 so much! I have so many questions!!!!!! Is River allergic to dogs/wolves? Can they be mates if he’s not a wolf? IS HE somehow a wolf?! I just reeeeally am loving the concern/protective side of Jamie. And the sneezes are soooo good! Can’t wait for the next chapter!!!

[Not Telling]

@dwaekki Awww, thank you thank you thank! I have a weak spot for stifles as well, I find that it's harder to impart the auditory complexity of a stifled sneeze in writing but always happy to include stifles in my stories. ❤️

@dwaekki @solitaire-au I do have a particular soft spot for Jamie. Glad you enjoy him as well. 🥰

@Privatedancer @thesneezyowl Your comments reveal the highest compliments a writer can receive, that your both so invested, that you're developing theories and are eager to see what happens next. It makes me very happy that my story can inspire so much consideration and all these questions. My lips are sealed, spoilers and all that, but I will say you can expect some things to start to unfold in the next few chapters. 

On 8/4/2023 at 3:25 PM, Privatedancer said:

…all while I asked Alexa to play “Hungry Like the Wolf.”  

Haha, this song has definitely been on rotation while writing this.  

@Lily Oh gosh I know exactly what you mean. I recently was out and about and needed to look up something on my phone and the last tab I had opened was a story on the forum that I'd never closed out of so when I opened my browser that was the landing page. I clicked away really quickly. haha Thank you so much! Funnily enough, I'm not big on the werewolf/supernatural creature romances but this idea popped into my head and I thought it would be a different and unique story with a lot of fetish storyline possibility. This, along with a vampire mm romance novel I've written (not a fetish story) are vastly becoming some of the favorite things I've written. Funny how that works sometimes, and that inspiration can strike from the most unlikely of places. 

 

Thank you everyone, your comments make my day! I hope this chapter is to your liking. 

_____________________________________________________

Chapter 3: Sometimes, All I Think About is You, Late Nights in the Middle of June

The first week at the ranch is a whirlwind. Jamie spent the first half of it mostly in the front lodge first being trained with River as Mel has promised and then to learn the planning and booking system that the ranch used for conference services. Jamie had to admit it was a pretty sophisticated software for such a small ranch, indicative of the care and attention Mel ran the place.

The latter half of the week he transitioned to fulfilling more maintenance and conference services specific tasks. He appreciated that as he was getting a hold on the ropes Mel granted him a lot of autonomy. Mel isn’t overbearing and seems to trust both Jamie and River’s expertise really letting them take the reins in their respective positions. Some of the days had been long especially after Jamie began taking over the conference services and maintenance tasks but Jamie loved the work, despite the hours and the laboriousness of his duties it didn’t feel like work to him. He realized he was happier here in just a week than he ever was in all his years in Chicago.

Mel scheduled a summer season BBQ party/orientation at the conclusion of River and Jamie’s first week to simultaneously officially welcome River and Jamie at the ranch, give them an opportunity to meet and mingle with the rest of the staff and also just for good work social fun. Her intent was also to use it as a training run for Jamie in setting up for large outdoor events that would utilize the sound system.

The evening is well underway. It's a beautiful night, the sunset streaking the sky with pink, orange, and purple hues with the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains. There’s an easy comradery among the employees, most of them have worked there for years, it’s a very different atmosphere from Jamie’s last job that had minimal retention. Jamie had stayed because of his loyalty but it wasn’t commonplace at the company. It was partially related to his wolf traits but Jamie was also pretty sure that it was just in his nature to steadfastly commit to one place.

He recognizes that he could easily find a long term home here. The idea of being part of a close knit group of people that are consistent and enduring, that feel almost like a family is very appealing. It was hard to form relationships at his last job because of the high turnover. Combined with Jamie’s shy nature, difficulty initiating conversations and what he assumed was probable awkwardness it often made it difficult to establish connections with people immediately. While he had adopted to this truth and even eventually stopped hoping for a close work friendship due to the unpredictability of how long someone would be around it had still impacted Jamie deeply. He wanted an established set of close friends. It was something he hadn’t really had since he’d graduated college. There’s something about this environment that calls to a deep rooted need in Jamie and he thought that maybe he could establish those friendships here.

A resonating laugh echoes through the air, and Jamie’s eyes immediately find River. He’s in a conversation with the Chef, Marcus, but everyone just affectionately calls him Chef. His head is thrown back and he’s grasping at his chest as the laughter rolls out of him. Speaking of deep rooted needs-River. River is a whole other reason why Jamie could easily find a home here. He takes a sip from his beer to cover the cartwheels his stomach is performing. River seems to have so much happiness in him that it spills over all the people around him, and it always puts Jamie at ease. With River he doesn't feel like his personality quarks and oddities impede him, he doesn't feel like he has to be someone more or different to associate with him. With River he’s more comfortable than he’s been with anyone outside of his family.

Jamie is so distracted by his thoughts of River that he doesn’t notice the man himself is coming over to talk to him, until River is practically in front of him. River stumbles over a stick. Jamie puts his hands out to catch him automatically.

“Ooops” River says with a small giggle followed by an enthusiastic “Jamie!” River looks up at him his eyes all wide and open and Jamie relishes the ebullience. He knows that River is an energetic and expressive person and offers that kind of genuine enthusiasm with whomever he’s talking to, its part of his charm and appeal. Jamie’s seen that overflowing effervescence imparted on the few guests he’s witnessed River checking in. He’s just a supernova of vibrant exuberance and every time he directs that zeal towards Jamie it’s impossible for him not to be captivated.

“Hi Riv.” Jamie says maybe a little too affectionately. River leans into Jamie’s chest slightly and it’s doing all sorts of things to Jamie’s brain, removing any kind of rational and logical thought, replacing it with fantasy and whimsy. He really should release River now, he should probably step away, but he finds he’s immobile and he’s loathe to step away.

As it is, River is the one that pulls away. 

XXxch...Hhh’TXch…NgXxtsh.

He continues to sneeze helplessly. Jamie wonders if he’s stifling because of the crowd and not wanting to draw attention to himself. He thinks he’d probably feel better if he let them out. The last sneeze is silent but it folds River in half. 

God, he’s so adorable. Jamie’s mind errantly thinks and that, okay, he’s never had about another guy before but it’s the millionth time he’s thought that about River this week alone and he’s not even sure that was just the wolf talking. Yep, Jamie has picked up a one way ticket to Hopelessly Infatuatedville, with a scheduled layover in Identity Quandaryington. It’s quite an eye-opening journey. At least the scenery is pleasing.

One of the wranglers, Jesse, comes up and begins talking to Jamie and River. Jamie likes him from the limited conversations he’s had with him. Jamie can tell he loves his job and takes the responsibility of being a wrangler very seriously, but also has an easy going laid back nature. “Howdy you two. So how are you liking it so far?”

And there’s that dynamic smile of River’s again, crinkling anew with a bright happiness. “It’s so great!” River enthuses. “It’s stunning here, I love how laid back it is, and the familial aspect of working here, like I love that it’s a smaller guest ranch.” Jamie’s so captured by what River’s saying he almost misses when it’s his turn to continue.

“Yeah, I agree. It’s a nice change of pace for me coming from a big Fortune 500 company. I like how close everyone is and I like the freedom we have and all there is to explore. It’s kind of like we’re in our own corner of the world.”

Jesse nods “That’s perfect my dudes, you’re going to fit right in here.” With a friendly slap across each of their shoulders he’s off leaving River and Jamie alone again and it seems like River was waiting to be alone again because immediately begins sneezing. Quick helpless stifles. 

Hhh’NxTch…XXxt….Hh’Xngtch...Hheh’PTsch. 

He’s got to be stifling because of the volume of people Jamie thinks again.

“Come with me.” Jamie says leading them away from where everyone is using the speakers as cover. Once they're tucked away River begins letting the sneezes out.

 Hhh’TssSStch..Hhh’Hhh’TSsschu..Heh’eTSsSStchu…Hh’SsStCh…Hheh’TSssschuu. 

River gives his head a little shake when the fit ends. “Sheesh.”

“Bless you.”

“Thank you.

The current song playing over the speakers finishes and rolls into “Copperhead Road.”

River’s eyes go wide with excitement. “I love this song!”  People are already lining up in the middle of the lawn to dance. River glances at Jamie holding out his hand. “What do you think?”

“I’m not really—I can’t really dance.”

“Everyone can dance, it’s just moving your feet in time. Come on, this dance is super easy, I’ll show you.” River says grabbing Jamie's hand and tugging him towards the makeshift dance floor. “Just watch my feet.” River directs. “There are only 16 steps that repeat for the whole song.”

Jamie does as he says. “Think you got it?” River asks as the second verse begins. Jamie is about to shake his head but River encourages “Just give it a try. “Do what you can and if you get lost you can always pick it back up for the part you do know.”

Jamie feels a little bit foolish but River is giving out little queues. “Kick together, kick together, kick together, kick together. Good!” River enthuses but then Jamie gets lost on the next part. “It’s okay” River says “We’ll go back to that bit but it’s a heel touch then you hitch it across to your other knee.” River demonstrates and then has Jamie follow. “That’s it you got it!” River claps. “Then you just rreee—“

H’txtch….Hh’Tsch…Hhk’TSCH….H’StXch..H'ngght

“Bless you.”

“Thank you. Gosh, I don’t know what’s setting me off but I feel so sneezy. Anyways, then you just repeat the heel kicks.” Jamie notices that they’re no longer in time with the song and he feels so silly and awkward and he knows he’s ruining it for River who of course is an incredible dancer, coordinated and smooth his movements have an added flare. River seems to pick up on Jamie’s unease because he wraps his hand around his arm. “Hey, don’t worry about everyone else, what they’re doing doesn’t matter, it’s just me and you, this is a long song, we can go at your pace and then jump back in whenever you’re ready, yeah?”

Jamie can’t understand why River would possibly want to stick with him when he’s clearly advanced and could be enjoying the line dance with everyone else, but he doesn’t want to let him down by being totally incompetent so he does his best to emulate the previous steps River instructed.

“See you got it!” River exclaims. “Now we only have one more 4 count and we’re done. And this is where it gets really fun.” River winks, then walks him through the box steps.

“Oh, I see by fun you mean most difficult.” Jamie says as he’s trying to finish the last 4 count.

River laughs bumping his shoulder into Jamie’s. “You’re doing great.”

"Great for a rhino performing Swan Lake.” Jamie grumbles.

River gives another hearty laugh. “Ahh, come on give yourself some credit you’re at least as good as a hippo doing an Irish jig.”

Jamie snorts.

“Seriously, you look great. You ready to start from the top?”

"No” Jamie says but with a smile.

“You got this. We’ll go on 4, 1,2,3,4.” Jamie stumbles through the count but completes the 16 steps turning in time with everyone else. When the song ends River high five him his eyes are alive and bright. “See told you, anyone can dance.”

Jamie flushes, he knows he wasn’t good but River’s attention and encouragement makes him feel like he won the first prize.  

“Alright River!” Sarah and some of the other wranglers are saying. “A man of hidden talents. Sure you don’t want to come join as a wrangler, we get our line dancing on at the stables quite regularly.”

River chortles. “Quite sure.” And as if just the suggestion of the stables sets River off, he turns to the side and stifles 10 fast sneezes. “I’m pretty sure my allergies would have something to say about that.” He jokes though Jamie can see a slight blush dust his cheeks that indicates that River is a little embarrassed to talk about his allergies so publicly. He can also tell that he’s still vaguely sneezy but fighting the urge down probably due to the audience. Jamie situates himself so River is behind him and blocked from everyone’s view.

Hhh’XXtch..XXgnt..XXxT..Nnn’ggtch…Hh’XXxtch—uu.

Jamie really wishes River wouldn’t stifle, he can’t imagine that it feels too good and doesn’t seem to do anything for quelling the urge. The fit appears to, at least temporarily be over. “Bless you.” Jamie says softly. Knowing that River probably doesn’t want to draw too much attention to himself, hence why he’s stifling Jamie leans into to his ear so only he can hear to ask. “You alright?”

River starts to nod before quickly turning away sneezing into his shirt collar. 

Hngh’Ssh….Heh’Xtchh…Ngtch…TxxxT….Hhh’Heeh’Heh’pppTsssh.

“I’ll be alright.” River whispers back when he can. He *will* be not that he is. Jamie thinks about asking if River would like to leave but then Jesse yells.

“Okay so we know you can line dance but let’s see some real moves.” Jesse says and the opening sounds of “Pony” come over the speakers.

River laughs looking to Jamie. “Oh no man, that’s all you.” Jamie protests with an embarrassed chuckle.

“What are you talking about Jamie, you’ve got an ass that was made for this song.” Sarah interjects and Jamie feels himself ripen. 

“You know she’s got a point.” Jesse adds.

“Well there you have it” River says smirking at Jamie. “It would be a shame to deprive the world of that booty!"

Jamie can tell by the heat in his face that he is bright red. Before Jamie can protest River is pulling him against him and oh God his brain is not equipped to work under these conditions. It’s like all his nerves fall into a jumble, tripping over themselves in their eagerness for River’s touch and it’s like he doesn’t know what his body is when River’s touching it. His divinely enticing scent is permeating off him amplified by his sweat and Jamie isn’t really paying attention to his movements too preoccupied with River’s hands at his waist. River’s face is close enough that Jamie can feel his breath on his chin and he can smell the intoxicating scent of River that comes with it. His knees are growing weak, his mouth filling with saliva. His neck is right there all he wants is—abruptly River is pulling away.  

Hhh’nnGt….Txtch….Hhehh’mptchh…..Hhh’Txtch….Hk’Xtch.

“Bless you.” Jamie says but River continues to release multiple sneezes that although well suppressed have his body flinching with the effort of containment and there is no sign of any imminent abatement. He excuses himself and Jamie isn’t sure if he should follow or not. He wants to follow, but he has no real reason to. He’s saved from the debate when Sarah grabs him to dance.

When the song ends everyone whoops. Jamie knows he should continue to socialize with other people, that’s part of the point of this party, he lives with River he has plenty of opportunity to be around him but he can’t help himself, he has this inexplicable need to be near him and make sure he’s alright and it’s not like he hasn’t spoken with other people. He and Mel had a long conversation while Jamie was still setting up and he had chatted with Jesse earlier in the evening. He also spoke with Chef while he was grilling. He figures he’s probably alright to seek River out.

He locates him sitting near the refreshments looking a little hang-dog and fatigued like he only just found some reprieve from sneezing. “You doing alright?” Jamie asks announcing his presence, taking the empty seat next to him.

River flashes him a dazzling smile. “There he is, nice moves you pulled out on Sarah.” He says. “And you told me you couldn’t dance.”

“You were watching?” Jamie stupidly asks.

“Kind of hard not to.” River comments and Jamie doesn’t know what to make of that, what it means. Is he messing with him? He’s sure he couldn’t have looked good, not how River would have looked if he’d been the one dancing. Maybe he is implying that he was so bad it was hard not to watch, or maybe he’s referencing Sarah, that’s probably more likely, and Jamie knows he’s overthinking this and he doesn’t understand why he cares, why he wants River to be enticed by him dancing.

“Uhhh thanks, I guess?” Jamie answers just before River abruptly turns away to sneeze.

Hh’TSsTch…Hheh’TsssTch…Hh’TSsstch..Hh’TssSSsChu.

"Oh God, my nose is so itchy.” He bemoans “I just kkkeeeppp fffee Hhhh’TSSch…TSssChu….Hhh’Hhhh’SsssTchu..Hhh’SssTch. He makes a noise complaint that is a cross between a whimper and groan and Jamie wants to wrap him in his arms and pet his hair and stroke his face. “The feeling won’t go away.”

“Bless you.” River slumps against him. Jamie swallows, he is growing rather attached to River doing that. While they haven’t cuddled together on the couch like their second day together, River often leans against Jamie when they’re near each other and it fills him with a pleased pleasure, like River knows he’s safe and will be supported by Jamie, he also isn’t going to complain about the additional touching. “Should we uhhh get you home, maybe load you up with some medication?

River's green eyes are vibrant and sparkling in the reflection of the night sky and it makes Jamie feel like he’s lost contact with the ground, like he’s floating, drifting on the bright aura that is River. River gives a small nod before leaning back against Jamie. “Okay” Jamie whispers trying to ignore how his insides are quivering. He stands first, helping River up out of his chair. River sneezes almost the entire walk back to their cabin leaning heavily against Jamie to stay up-right.

“Do you want to go to your room?” Jamie asks gently once they’re inside. River nods but makes no move to walk away from Jamie. Jamie leads River down the hall opening the door to his room. “Alright, here we are.” River angles his head so he’s looking at Jamie. His scent warming, growing rich.

“Your eyes are so brown.” He comments. “They’re all doe-eyed and melty like chocolate.”

Does he know what he's saying? Jamie wonders. Is sneeze drunk a thing? Or maybe he’s legitimately drunk from the party, but no River doesn’t smell like alcohol and he was with him if not watching him the whole night and he didn’t have more than one drink.

“Thank you?” he responds awkwardly. River is listing into Jamie and the way he’s looking at him all warm and open, Jamie has to step away now before he does something supremely stupid. The proximity of River’s athletic and wiry body in conjunction with his scent is compelling to a point of losing all self-control. Stepping back feels like it takes more effort than anything he’s ever exerted in his life. “Night, River.” He says gently. After closing the door he hears 6 sneezes that erupt in quick succession and he can’t quite explain why they pull at him so.

Jamie waits in the hallway after the door shuts. He wants, he’s not sure what he wants. He has an odd impulse to knock on the door and what? Ask to come inside? That’s not his place. Despite what his wolf might think River is not his. Fuck, Jamie really doesn’t understand anything that’s happening or why he’s reacting so strongly to River, and why it hasn’t dissipated in the weeks since they’ve arrived. He’s just a guy, there’s no reason for Jamie to become a sopping and sloppy dysfunctional mop when he’s around River.

Jamie goes to his own room and tries to sleep. He’s been sleeping alone for most of his adult life, there’s no reason for it to feel this weird, this empty now. There’s no reason for it to feel like he’s missing someone in his bed and there’s definitely no reason for him to believe it’s River specifically that he’s missing. There’s no reason for him to think that he should be looking out for River. There’s no reason for him to want to provide for him. River isn’t his to take care of and won’t ever be. It’s a long while before sleep finds Jamie.

***

Things feel almost normal in the morning but to help things not head down whatever path Jamie seems to be traveling with River Jamie throws himself into the ranch duties. Even though he’s pulling long hours, Jamie actually finds the work meditative and it thankfully does the job of keeping his mind and more importantly his hands off River and before he knows it he’s been at the ranch for over a month.

There were multiple outdoor weddings scheduled in June which kept Jamie busy with setting up and tearing down for the ceremonies among the routine maintenance and grounds keeping duties. Still he found time to go running in either the early morning or after his work had concluded for the day. Since Jamie’s hours were not as set and usually began before and ended after River’s standard 8 hour shift he doesn’t question his absences. Some nights they would grab dinner together in the mess hall or stay up and chat when Jamie got home but their time together had been pretty limited in the past weeks. Which Jamie considered for the better, the less interaction and more distance between them the better for keeping his behavior in check but when they have their first day off together since starting and River asks him if he wants to go to the lake he doesn’t even think about turning him down.

They’re sitting on the dock and Jamie is trying to not to think about how good River looks in his swim trunks. He’s trying not to admire his bare sinewy legs, his muscular torso, the way his abs dip into that perfect V cut as they connect to his hips. Or how the sunlight reveals the subtle coppery highlights interspersed throughout his sandy blonde hair. With all his not looking, he notices River giving him a mischievous smile.

“What?” He starts to say but before the word is fully out of his mouth he finds himself in the lake. He can hear River laughing before he gets his head back above the water. He’s too preoccupied to notice that Jamie resurfaced so he smiles going back under the water and swimming around the deck. Quickly and quietly Jamie pulls himself out of the lake and sneaks up behind River. Without a word, Jamie picks River up and tosses him into the water. River yelps and Jamie laughs. When River surfaces Jamie says “What comes around goes around.”  Leaping off the dock into the water. River is laughing again.

There’s a slight summer breeze creating mini waves in the open water causing River to drift towards Jamie. The closer he gets the quicker Jamie’s heart beats against his chest and he really needs to stop acting like this any time River gets near. Just why does he have to look so good with his hair soaking, the little water rivulets dripping down his porcelain complexion? And why does he have to smell so exquisitely good? It’s basically causing Jamie’s brain to error. Wait? River’s treading closer, why is he getting closer, he’s practically chest to chest with Jamie.

“You have lake plant in your hair.” He giggles. Oh, that it explains it. River peels it off but the feel of his fingers in his hair sends a frisson of excitement down Jamie’s spine. River’s leg brushes against Jamie’s as he’s treading water and Jamie practically jolts. They’re eyes meet and everything in Jamie is igniting. Heat flares like shattering glass in his veins.

“Sorry” River says and begins to float away from Jamie and Jamie isn’t ready for him to be so far away, so desperately he makes up an excuse to keep River next to him.

“Here, wait, so do you.” He says and runs his fingers through River’s hair pretending to pick at nothing.

River gives another giggle. “Thanks.” but he’s quickly turning away.

Hhh’Tsstch..SssssTch...Hhh’Tssstch…Hhh’hhh’Heehh’TSSsssTchu.

Despite River’s insistence that the only thing around the ranch that would make him sneeze are the horses and hay, Jamie has gotten used to his interactions with River including multiple extended sneezing fits. The lake being no exception. River doesn’t act like it’s anything out of the ordinary though, he did mention that even without a specific cause he was just someone that tended to sneeze a lot.

It’s silly because it’s just sneezing, but to his stupid wolf brain it tells Jamie that River is vulnerable and it sets his instincts into overdrive and compels Jamie to protect River. It doesn't matter that River seems generally well adapted to his sensitive appendage. The only time it seems like it’s something that is more bothersome is when they’re in a group or out and about around other people. Jamie noticed that River tends to stifle the more people are around. Even so, he really probably doesn’t need to endure Jamie’s over-reactive protective instinct, not for something so innocuous.

“Let’s get you to where you can touch the bottom yeah?” Jamie says pulling River in tow till they get to a spot where the water is shallower.

Hhh’TSSssTch…HhhEh’TssSSsChuu..Hhh’SssssChu.  

“Thank you.” He says when he’s done. His voice quiet, almost intimate. The way the light from the water is reflecting into River’s eyes is mesmerizing. It's picking up the small flecks of amber in the irises. Jamie has to do something before he completely loses it. So he does what any reasonable person who’s trying to ignore their growing affections and wanton impulses towards someone and dunks River under the water.

River comes up sputtering but laughing. “Jerk” He says but with no real heat a smile on his face and then he’s launching himself at Jamie wrestling him into the water. “What goes around comes around!” River says with a cackle when Jamie surfaces.

Jamie laughs. “Fair.” And River’s turning away again.

Hhh’SsssSSTchu…Heeh’TssSSstchuu..Hhh’TSsssssTch…Hhheh..Heeh’SStchiiuu.  

“Bless you.”

“Thanks. I ttthiiink I—Heh-” Hhh’SssSTch..Hheh’TSsSStchu..Hhh’SsssTch...Hheh’Hh’SsssTchuu…Hh’SsssTch..Hehh’SssStch. 

“Oh god, sorry. I think I got water up my nose.” River says with a small sniffle and gentle rub of his nose and gosh he is so adorable.

“Bless you.”

“I see I’ve yet to deter you from that yet. I think that’s a first, most people who’ve seen me sneeze as much as you have long given up by now.” River says with a chuckle. “Hell, they probably would have stopped after the end of the first massive allergy attack.”

Jamie realized at some point, probably around the second day that he liked blessing River. There wasn’t much he could do or offer when River was launched into a continuous nose explosion but blessing him felt in a way like he was telling River he didn’t mind his sneezing, that it wasn’t a nuisance, that he wasn’t disgusted with or put off by it and it wasn’t something that he would leave him over. River would often send him a grateful twinkling look after Jamie blessed him, which seemed to indicate that he knew everything it meant and why it was important to Jamie that he bless him. Being able to bless River was something that Jamie had come to cherish and now with this new tidbit of knowledge, that people stopped bothering, Jamie is never going to stop, he wants to give River something special, something different than the other people in his life and that’s so simple. Besides, River deserved every blessing that could be bestowed on him and then some.

***

They stay at the lake well into the evening swinging by the mess hall for dinner before heading back to their cabin. River has gotten progressively quiet throughout the evening and now he feels tense next to Jamie his usual pleasant rich warm sweet and woodsy citrus scent is a little acrid and ashy.

“Everything okay?” Jamie asks his voice full of concern.

“Uhh—yeah yeah I just—I’ve been keeping something from you and I didn’t mean to keep it from you for so long, it’s just with some things, well I didn’t want it to change anything between us because things are good and I—I like what we have but it feels wrong to continue not to tell you like you’re operating under a false pretense and I—I want to tell you but it’s not easy for me.”  

River’s scent is swirling around Jamie turning even heavier and smoky making Jamie want to choke on the air, suddenly growing wary himself. River wasn’t making any sense. Did he know what Jamie was? Did he not want to live with him anymore? Was he going to tell everyone?

“Okay” Jamie says slowly, successfully keeping the apprehension out of his own tone. He leads them to the couch. “I’m listening Riv, you can tell me anything.”  

River’s body is so rigid his gaze pinned to the floor, his normal spirited and joyful face is shut down. Jamie’s never seen River act like this. “Okay, well I’m—.” He begins but is interrupted with short pulls of breath.

Hhh’Tsch….Hheh..Hehh…HHhh’TSSSstch..Hhh'TsssTch...Heeh'Hhh'HhH'TSssTchu. 

“Bless you.”

“Thank you.” River says quietly. “Umm anyways what I was trying to say is” he takes a deep breath steadying himself “I’m gay.” It takes a beat for Jamie to process that information, that really wasn’t what he was expecting to hear but River must interpret his silence as negative and he barrels forth.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I didn’t think it would do well to lead with that as an introduction and that’s not really my preference anyway but I meant to tell you shortly after. I was actually planning on telling you the following day but then you did that whole demonstration thing and I didn’t want to make it weird by telling you then and then a good moment didn’t come up again, well it probably did I just kept making excuses and every day it’s gotten harder and harder to just tell you but I knew I had to I’m sorry if this makes everything weird or if you—“

“Whoa, Whoa.” Jamie says placing a hand on River’s thigh halting his explanation. River pauses his green eyes warily meeting Jamie’s, his scent so caustic it leaves an ashy bitter taste in Jamie’s mouth.

“I’m honored that you’re trusting me with this knowledge about you, thank you for telling me.”

“I—wait you’re really not bothered by it?”

“Why would I be Riv? This doesn’t change anything, you’re no different than who you were yesterday, you’re no different than who you were even a minute ago before you told me. You’re still you and I’m still me.”

“Yeah, but that knowledge has a tendency to change things.”

“Well it doesn’t for me.” At least not in the way you think. Jamie thinks. “It doesn’t change how I see you or how I’ll interact with you and why should it? You like who you like and it sucks that society has told you and anyone else that it isn’t okay, that being true to yourself can wind up with you hurt or ostracized and that telling people who you are is something to be feared. I’m glad that you feel safe with me but I hope you don’t think it was a requirement because we live together or do things together, you don’t owe me anything more than you want to share with me.” River’s scent is relaxing, the warm oaky and soft woodsy scent returning.

“I, that’s, I mean—I know. I wanted to tell you, not just because we’re living together, but because we’re friends, my closest here, and it’s not something I want to hide from people like that in my life. I mean I figured you’d be pretty chill about it, it just still doesn’t get easier initially coming out to people.”  

“I get that.” Jamie says. “Is there anything I can or should do in this moment?” Jamie asks.

River half chuckles. “I think the fact that you’re not being an asshole is good enough.”

Jamie chuckles back. “I told you, I try my best not to be a shitty person, particularly in instances that involve something that just is and can’t be helped.”

“I—well thanks.”

Jamie gives River’s leg a reassuring pat “If there’s nothing else I’m going to go take a shower. I feel a little gross after today.”

River smirks. “Yeah, go, you smell.”

“Are you sure that isn’t you? If I smell you have to as well, we’ve done the same thing all day.” Jamie quips.

River sniffs the air, and the action is so wolf-like Jamie nearly laughs. “Definitely you.”

Jamie hums thoughtfully at River eyeing him and River has split second to realize what is happening before Jamie’s trapping River’s head around his arm. “How ‘bout now?”

River is giggling “You want me to answer honestly?” he say his voice full of mischief halfheartedly struggling to get out of Jamie’s iron grip.

“Depends” Jamie answers wrestling River into the couch his body hovering over his. “My mother always told me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“My mother taught me the same.”

“Okay so now that we’ve established that you should probably—“

“I think you smell good.” River interjects and Jamie’s brain malfunctions. Smell plays such an imperative role for a wolf, so much is communicated through scent. River might as well have said he thought Jamie was a sexy hunk of a man. Two things follow that. The first is Jamie emits a low guttural noise from his throat tracing his nose along the side of River’s neck. The second is River pushes Jamie off of him just before pitching forward with a set of rapid and desperately breathless sneezes.

Hhhh’Tssch..TSSSTchu..Hhh’ESSStch..Hehh’EssTchuu…SSSTch..Hhhh’TSssstchu…..Hhh’SssTchuu.

Jesus! What was Jamie doing!? This was precisely why he needed to limit his interactions with River. It was clear that this little, okay, okay massive fixation wasn’t going anywhere, and it was causing problems with his self-restraint and ability to not cross specific acceptable social boundaries. If it hadn’t been for River sneezing, who knew how far Jamie would have gone, he shuddered to think. He’s walking on a tight-rope and every time he does something like this his balance is teetering and he’s setting himself up to fall.

“Bless” he whispers when River’s fit tapers off. Jamie simply can’t cope with everything he’s feeling when it comes to River. The loss of self-control, the overwhelming reaction he has to his scent, to his proximity, to his touch. His panic must be showing because River scanning his face asks

“Hey, you alright?”  

“Yeah, of course I’m fine, just fine. I’m jus—uhh going to go take that shower, yeah that. Then I’ll probably just go to bed I’m pretty tired. Don’t wait up for me. Night.” He says rushing out of the shared living space leaving a nonplussed River.

Real smooth Jamie. He thinks to himself once in the bathroom. The tiny hairs on his arm are still raised from the contact. The ghost of River’s touch lingering on his skin. His scent living in his nostrils. Even with the smell sensitivity that comes from being a wolf, you’re supposed to get used to scents with continuous exposure, but River’s scent doesn’t seem to be losing any of its potency for Jamie. River stands near him and he breathes him in and he feels like he’s getting drunk. Drunk enough to lose all his inhibitions and do something stupid, like what he just did or worse. Whenever he’s around River he has this feeling like he’s just been hit over the head.  

He tries to ignore his body’s reaction to him, he tries to ignore the wolf instincts, and the impulses but he lets himself look at River when he’s bright and bubbly with laugher, his nose and eyes crinkling and his cheeks dimpling from the wide smile he possesses. He allows himself to steal little glances at him when he’s in his office and River’s at the front desk interacting with a guest in that magnetically enthusiastic way that Jamie is convinced could thaw even the most frigid person.

Jamie hasn’t ever felt like this about anyone. He hasn’t ever felt this connected to anyone. He didn’t even know it could exist so effortlessly, easy and dazzling, right in front of him without having to search for or strive for it. And now, knowing River’s gay it’s shifting something in Jamie, shifting towards something that resembles a lot like hope and possibility. Which is ludicrous. The assumption that River could possibly be attracted to him on zero basis other than the fact that he’s another man and living with him is diminutive to the complexity of sexual attraction and treading the line of heterosexism.

As far as Jamie could tell River hadn't given any indication that he felt anything more for Jamie other than friendship. If he had anywhere near the reaction to him that Jamie had to River he was fairly confident he would know. Jamie probably wasn't his type. He probably wasn't anywhere close to his type. He wasn't interesting or sociable or stimulating or suave enough for a man like River. River could have anyone why would he want a shy, taciturn, awkward, over-bearing werewolf who knew nothing about art, or photography, and couldn't dance. 

Jamie's been marinating and turning things over since meeting River and he's begun to stack up the evidence and he believes that this attraction is probably more than just a fixation on his wolf’s part and even if it was it probably didn't really matter, what the wolf wants the rest of the body and self usually follows. Sometimes the animal instinct caught on before the rest of the body and person was conscious to it, but that's part of why he knows sexual preference norms are usually rendered null and void when it comes to wolves.

Jamie isn’t so attached to his heterosexuality that he will play the “No homo” mental gymnastics game all so he can hold onto the myth of his straightness. He’s not so deeply entrenched with internalized self-homophobia that he is blind to all the signs. It probably isn’t heteronormative to find yourself thinking on a daily basis how adorable your guy friend is, or how sexy he looks in muscle tees that cling to his skin and reveal every movement of his muscles underneath, or how enticing he looks with his shirt off and his body is sleek with water, or how alluring the lines of his neck are—although that one is probably the wolf taking, or how kissable his plump lips look especially when he purses them when he’s deep in thought or when he unconsciously licks them when he’s listening intently. Okay, so yes if it looks like male attraction, feels like male attraction, and sounds like male attraction it’s probably gay, or at least sitting on the spectrum. So maybe Jamie is having a latent sexual awakening.

Ultimately he doesn't think it's really about the gender but all about the person. Like a nice pair of well fitted jeans, he doesn't care about the branding tag, he cares about how he feels and looks in them-and huh, Jamie really didn't think through that analogy. Great, now he's imagining that with River. Abort! Abort! Abort! Back on track, the point is that he doesn't need a label to know that what he's feeling is all related to River. He doesn't need to adjust his entire self-concept to know that he craves everything about River. 

River had entrusted Jamie with his orientation maybe Jamie could give River a similar gift by sharing how he felt? But what would happen if River didn't return the feelings. Could he stand it if River pulled away? If he felt uncomfortable around him after that? Would it make their living situation unbearable? How would it impact their working relationship? Their schedules didn't usually align, but Jamie's office was right behind the front desk and there would be times that Jamie would be in there while River was working the front desk. Everything Jamie thinks he wants is sleeping one door down from him, and maybe he could have everything he wants if he tells River how he feels, but could he risk losing it all? With those questions on his mind Jamie fell into a fitful slumber. 

~TBC~

Additional A/N

Chapter title comes from the song "Heat Waves" by Glass Animals

If you're interested in what the line dance to "Copperhead Road" looks like this is probably the best video available.  

 

Edited October 3, 2023 by Not Telling
Reformatting

[dwaekki]

Aww poor River! I hope he gains confidence around Jamie soon, although I did once again LOVE the stifles in public... I admire you for updating so quickly and regularly, whilst keeping up the amazing quality of work ♥️ looking forward to reading a lot more 😋

[solitaire-au]

Poor Jamie! He’s irresistibly attracted to River and finding it so difficult to keep control. (I love the little descriptions of his wolf like behaviour when that happens.) But more than that, he doesn’t think much of himself, nor does he feel he deserves love and affection. 😢 

[thesneezyowl]

Not me logging in just to read your new chapter and comment 🤪 This is so well written! The depth of character development and the intricacies of their inner workings have me in deep! And of course the sneezing is 🤌🏻 I shall continue to think about the different ways this story could go as I patiently wait for a new chapter. Thank you so much for this!!!

[Privatedancer]

Definitely hoping to see River be there for Jamie the way Jamie has been for him but dying to find out what is going on.  I feel there are too many coincidences for River to at least not suspect what Jamie is - like maybe he is saying things and doing things to encourage Jamie to open up?  Or maybe not.  Or maybe there is another connection entirely.  Ok now I have a really good idea but I’m sure your ideas are better so I just have to wait….

on a random note I know what you mean about not usually being a fan of the whole vampire werewolf supernatural bit but first this feels nothing like a warewolf story and also I do feel differently when it is well written and relationship centered like this.  So the random note is a book recommendation (and amazing author)- Lani Taylor.  Yes, it is young adult and fantasy which is a little embarrassing to admit but her work is exceptional.

[Not Telling]

@dwaekki  Thank you for the kind compliment! ❤️ It's been a bit consuming but I've been excited to release these updates. I must marvel at how quick on the draw you are with your comments. Haha. It's impressive.  

@solitaire-au

On 8/5/2023 at 8:38 AM, solitaire-au said:

Poor Jamie! He’s irresistibly attracted to River and finding it so difficult to keep control. (I love the little descriptions of his wolf like behaviour when that happens.) But more than that, he doesn’t think much of himself, nor does he feel he deserves love and affection. 😢 

You picked up on that did you? 🤣 When it comes to interpersonal relationships it's hard for Jamie to see his self-worth a biproduct of

1) Circumstance - living as a minority that is largely shunned and oppressed

2) Experience - he's in his thirties and he hasn't had a profound close relationship with anyone outside of his family

3) Personality.

I also think he views some of the traits that make him a prime viable partner: his compassion, empathy, and kindness as unexceptional because in his mind any good person would have these qualities. Then he's either blind to or self-conscious about the other qualities that make him endearing and attractive. 

@thesneezyowl *Blush* You flatter me, thank you so much! ❤️ 

On 8/5/2023 at 12:39 PM, thesneezyowl said:

I shall continue to think about the different ways this story could go

You aren't the only one haha. You should see my outline, it's a bit of a hodgepodge of free formed thoughts and ideas, some complete paragraphs others just sentences that have come to me that I want to include somewhere but don't have their place, others are just elemental considerations. I know where the story is ultimately headed but everyday it grows and evolves.

@Privatedancer I am dying to get the chapters written so I can get them out there so you all know what's going on. Haha. In an ideal world there would be a way to just instantaneously take all the story from my head and get them on "paper." I really love reading your comments because they cause me to consider things and I would love to hear your ideas if you wanted to share.  

On 8/5/2023 at 12:45 PM, Privatedancer said:

this feels nothing like a warewolf story and also I do feel differently when it is well written and relationship centered like this.  So the random note is a book recommendation (and amazing author)- Lani Taylor.  Yes, it is young adult and fantasy which is a little embarrassing to admit but her work is exceptional.

Yeah, I think that's why the idea appealed to me and why I decided to let it come to fruition, because it didn't follow the same prescription of other werewolf stories and offers a different take on the lore. There is no shame in enjoying YA novels, some of my favorite books to date are YA. YA genre receives an unfair, unwarranted, and unreasonable amount of hate and judgment. I'll have to check her out, is there a book you would recommend I read first? Daughter of Smoke and Bone sounds intriguing. 

~Thanks again everyone for reading and all your thoughtful comments! I'm so glad this story is getting so much love! A little bit shorter of a chapter for this one but I've been itching to get this one out to you all.  Hope you enjoy! ~

_______________________________________________________________

Chapter 4: Open my Heart and Let it Bleed Onto Yours

Jamie wakes up early still restless, still ashamed over his ongoing misbehavior around River, and still unsure whether he should reveal his feelings to River. He decides to go on a run just to curtail any potential for irresponsible social interaction and to clear his head. He spends the rest of the early morning preparing the big conference room and conducting a routine check on the emergency pull cord equipment.

Once that is complete he has a rare moment where he’s able to be in his office for a sustained period. As he walks into the lodge and sees River organizing some documents in a binder brow furrowed in concentration, lips creased with focus, the sunlight streaming through the huge windows of the lodge haloing his hair, the cream Henley he’s wearing making his eyes pop, the compelling pull of his desire flaring in his gut, Jamie decides he’d like to tell River how he feels.

He’s a grown ass man, stereotypes to the contrary aside, surely he is capable of a mature conversation about his feelings. He’s so tired of holding back, he doesn’t want to contain and restrain himself anymore, he wants, no he needs River to know everything he does to him. River trusted him, he in turn can trust him with his feelings, and even if they aren’t reciprocated he has to trust that he won’t lose River. He just hopes that River will want what he’s offering.

He’ll test the waters over the next few days to get a better gage of River’s own feelings, to see if there is even a possibility or hope if there seemed to be a chance he would tell him. There was no reason he couldn’t begin now as he passed behind River to enter his office he brushed against him giving a cheery “Hello!”

River barely looks up muttering “Hi.”

Well that wasn’t promising. But one test result does not a research study make. He can’t draw any conclusions from just one interaction. River seems a bit distracted he’s probably busy. Jamie continues to his office. Just as he enters he hears River’s cell phone ding. Followed by a dramatic sigh and

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” River’s scowls at his phone.

“Everything okay?” Jamie asks from the doorway.

Another heavy sigh “Yeah, just dealing with some lingering logistical stuff from my moving here.” River rubs at his temple like he’s starting to get a headache. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

At that, River looks up from his phone to look at Jamie for the first time, his eyes softening, creasing with small little smile lines. “No, it’s nothing.”

“Okay, if there is anything just let me know.”

River’s eyes grow even softer looking almost tender. “I will, thanks Jam.”

Well that was new? The butterflies in his stomach begin to flutter with hope. Don’t be ridiculous. He thinks. A nickname is not a confession of someone’s interest in you, if he was going to do this properly he couldn’t get ahead of himself. He wouldn’t get an accurate assessment if he believed there was a hidden desire and secret longing in the totally benign and normal actions of another person. He would have to maintain a reasonable perspective. It was reasonable to believe that a nickname did establish a certain familiarity so it was still positive, but it wasn’t a declaration of want.

Jamie heads to his desk and begins working. A short while later he’s updating the planning software with new bookings that have come in through the online reservation system when he hears River talking to a family that has come to check in.

He’s making friendly small talk in the way that comes so seemingly natural and easy for him. The family is responding energetically to his questions when suddenly there is a loud bark followed by rustling and Jamie sees a huge Burnese mountain dog trying to jump over the counter.  

“Boomer! Down.” One of the owner’s is commanding. But the dog is enthusiastically licking River’s face still scrambling to get over the counter. He shakes his huge head playfully. “I’m so sorry about this.” The owners are saying. “He’s normally much better behaved. We had a 16 hour car ride here he must be feeling a little restless.”

When River replies Jamie detects that it’s strained almost like he’s trying not to breath. “16 hours cooped in a car is no fun is it buddy?” He addresses the dog giving it a gentle pat. It licks River’s face again as if to say yes.

The owner’s are finally able to pull him to the ground and Jamie hears the man tell the women “I’ll just wait outside while you finish up here.”

While River is still friendly for the rest of the encounter it feels rushed, he doesn’t maintain the conversation the way he sometimes can, keeping guests talking to him for upwards of 15 minutes, long after he’s performed the requisite tasks to get them checked in.

When River speaks again his voice is breathy, throaty and he’s talking at a rate that’s faster than his usual honey smooth cadence. “You’re all set. Here is a map to the property, some trail maps of the area, and a pamphlet of activities open to you while you’re here. Please let us know if you have any questions and enjoy your stay!”

“Great, thank you for your help!” The women says. “And again I’m so sorry about Boomer.”

“It’s fine.” River says quickly though there’s nothing unfriendly in his tone and the unusual tone completely escapes the stranger Jamie can tell that his voice is strain and he gets the impression he’s trying to end the interaction as quickly as possible. 

After the lady leaves Jamie peeks his head from around the half shut office door. “You okay?”

River waives his hand in a dismissive gesture but is quickly bending over. 

Hnng’XtCh….Hh’HG’tXtch..Hng’Xxxch…H’kscht..Hhh’ngttX…Hh’X’schh! 

River is doing his best to stifle, the first set of sneezes coming out in a strained submission but with each release they become less and less controlled.

Heh’KppSssTchhh..Heh’NSsssTXch.

The sneezes are violent and quick, leaving hardly any time to draw a breath before the next release, the breath immediately becoming the build-up to the next sneeze. The force sends River’s head downward with the barely contained explosions that were become more challenging to stifle. Jamie catches a tiny “Oh” before River loses the battle—

Hhhh’TSSSSsTch….Hhhh’TssSch….Hehh’Heh’Hhhh’TSssSSSChuu….HhhEh’EsSsssSSTchu.

He braces himself against the counter as the overpowering sneezes rack through him. Seeing as he’s in no capacity to do much of anything except submit Jamie leads him into his office. “I’ll cover the desk.” He says. River looks like he’s about to object but is immediately thrown forward with another sneeze.

Jamie shuts the door to give him privacy though he can still hear him from the other-side and it is with great effort that he doesn’t join him in the office and provide some kind of support but he knows that River can easily take care of himself, he doesn’t need Jamie’s over-reactive protective instinct smothering him. The best support he can offer him right now is staying right where he is, covering the desk.

 River steps out of the office some 15 minutes later his nose pink and eyes a bit watery, his carefully brushed curls haphazardly flopping in his face and disheveled, he looks exhausted and it makes Jamie want to take him into his arms and carry him to bed. Okay, that’s not—he should not be thinking that.

“Bless you.” Jamie says shoving the other impulses down. “Are you alright?”

Before River can answer he’s overcome by a new fit.

Hhh’TssSch…Heh’Hhh’ESssStchu…HHh’tSSSch….Hehh’TSSsChhuu

Sneeze after sneeze is ripping itself out of his body. Losing his balance, he stumbles into Jamie. Reflexively, Jamie wraps his arms around River and pulls them both to ground.

At the fits conclusion, River whimpers, leaning against Jamie burying his face into his chest, the sound and gesture going straight to Jamie’s heart.

"Bless you Rivy.” He says unable to stop himself from running his fingers through the soft curls on the top of his head.

River leans into the touch. “Thank you. Jeez.” His voice is raspy and worn, irritated from the endless barrage of sneezes.

“That was intense.” Jamie comments.

River nods in agreement. “I’m highly allergic to dogs.”

Jamie stiffens. “D-dogs?” He asks his voice cracking.

“Yeah, ttthheeyy mmmmaa—“

 HTxch…Hhhh’TSSSsch…..TtsSch…Heh…Heh’Hhh’TSSSsssch…Hhhuuh’TtSSSSchu….Hh’ESSSchuuu...Hh’EtSssch..Heeh’Hhh’Heeeh—

A dramatic pause River’s head reared back, his chest fully expanded the outline of his muscles are taught underneath his shirt, his face frozen in pre-sneezy countenance. The anticipation of the pending involuntary violent spasmodic expiration of breath hangs in the air. Finally—

H’SssTChuu.  

Mmmm he groans before finishing his sentence. “They make me sneeze like crazy. Like my allergy to horses has nothing on my allergy to dogs. I’m going to be a wreck the rest of the day. Having a face full of a fluffy mountain dog is like Cujo reimagined for me.” He says with a slight chuckle.

 Jamie sits horrified and stunned with this new information. River is allergic to dogs!? Oh. My God! The reality of the situation slowly seeps in. Jamie had been triggering River’s allergy attacks. That’s why he always seemed to sneeze more in his presence. Jamie is instantly flooded with a bone cracking guilt. Everything he’s done to try and help, and make River comfortable when he’s experiencing one of his endless fits, and it’s been largely his fault all along.

River immediately doubles over with another 15 sneeze fit. They seem to be increasing in their intensity, the buildups getting lengthier before the actual release. Of course they are you dimwit, and they’re not going to get better while he’s braced against you. Jamie’s mind cruelly adds.  

Heeehh….Hhhh’Heeh’Hhiih’SsssSSTChuuu…..Hhhheehh….Hhhhiiih…Heeh…Hhhh’TSSSssTchuuu.

When River leans back into Jamie’s chest after this fit Jamie’s body goes rigid which of course doesn’t escape River’s notice.

“You alright?”

No, he is most definitely not alright. He’s just been told that the first person that he’s been contemplating pursuing a relationship with, the first person he’s yearned for and agonized over like this, the first person he’s ever been this far gone on was someone he couldn’t fundamentally be with.

It was a cruel twist of fate, like a stab in his side. How could the universe be so unrelentingly dastardly? How could he be so lucky to be given someone like River in his life? And how could he be so fucking cursed? He’s always known he was better off alone, and this is the big Fuck All reminder that he was right, that he was stupid to think he could ever have more than he already did. 

“Jam?” The inquisitive tone cuts through his racing thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I’m shell shocked, and agonized.

As gently as possible Jamie adds. “It’s just we probably shouldn’t be situated like this on the floor.”

River’s eyes flicker up to his confused. Then a dawning seems to appear over them before they go blank, his scent going a little sour.

“Right, yeah of course.” River shuffles away and Jamie stands abruptly putting as much distance as the space allows between him and River. His mind steel reeling.

Despite the inner turmoil, when Jamie speaks he finds his voice surprisingly calm. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? I’m all caught up, I can cover the desk for you till close. I’ll just ask Mel know to hold all maintenance requests for me till after five.”

“No, no you don’t have to do that I –Hhh can mmm-mmanage.” River says but as if to show he can’t 6 additional sneezes escape him.

“Please, I insist. It’s no trouble and ummm not to add insult to injury but I’m not really sure how uhhh functional you’re going to be if you stay here.”

River pushes out a little laugh. “I suppose ttthhhaats aaa—“

Hhh’SsssTch…Hhh’TssTchuu…Hhh’SssTch

“a fair point.” He finishes with a sheepish expression. “You’re really sure?”

“Definitely.” Jamie replies. “Please Riv, go home, take it easy, you have nothing to worry about here I promise.” He urges physically restraining himself from brushing away the curly bangs that have fallen in River’s eyes.

“Thank you.” River says quietly, his scent warming again.

“Any time, I got your back.”

After River left Jamie contemplated what to do, he couldn’t live with River anymore that was evident. His gut clenches when he thinks about the fact that he’s been the cause of most of River’s sneezing. He got out his phone and dialed. It’s answered on the first ring.

“Hey Jamie.”

“Hi Mel, when you have a moment could you please come to the front office.”

“Sure thing, I’ll head over there straight away.”

“Hi” Jamie greets when Mel walked through the lobby.

“Hi, how’s it going?” She says

“Good, I just have a few logistical things. River had a severe allergic reaction to a family that brought their dog. I sent him back to our cabin and will be covering for him the rest of the afternoon. I’m all caught up but just in case something maintenance related comes up I won’t be able to attend to it until after 5.”

“Oh poor dear.” Mel said. “That’s fine, thank you for doing that.”

“Which brings me to the other thing. I’m realizing how severe River’s allergies are and I’m worried that with the work I do I am contributing to them. I was wondering if I could request a different living situation. He already has a modicum of exposure on a daily basis working the front desk and talking to people that either have dogs or have been on a horse ride and I think it would be better if he didn’t have continued exposure in his home.”

Mel nods thoughtfully. “I’ll see what I can arrange.”

“Thank you. I apologize for any trouble this causes but thank you for considering it.”

“The health and safety of my employees is my number one concern, I would hate to think that River is suffering while working here. You two are both consummate employees. I’ve been extremely impressed with what you have contributed to our ranch in such a short time.”

“Thank you.” Jamie replies.

After closing the desk Jamie was called for an issue with the property UTV, which suited him just fine. He didn’t know how to confront River, and the additional reprieve that River would have with his absence would do who him good.

Jamie walks through the door of the cabin a little after 8, unable to busy himself with anymore work in avoidance of going home. He is still no closer to a resolution regarding River. It turns out he didn’t need one. As soon as he shuts the door River rounds on him.

“You requested to move out!?” he asks his tone expressing a simmering vexed displeasure but there’s an undercurrent of what Jamie thinks resembles hurt. Before Jamie could say anything River continues.

“Clearly I make you uncomfortable now but Jesus, I didn’t think you would be that much of a bigot that you would ask to move out and use some cockamamie excuse like my allergies! I sincerely thought you were better than that, after all that bull shit about feeling sorry that we live in a society that makes people like me fear coming out, and it turns out you’re a very person I need to fear! I guess I still haven’t learnt my lesson.”

It takes a moment for Jamie to catch up. “River, no, this is completely unrelated.”

He makes a derisive sound. “I can’t believe I was so wrong about you.”

“River please this isn’t about you being gay. I told you I was fine with that and I am, truly. This is something different.” 

“Yeah, than explain it Jameson!” Jamie flinches, only his mother calls him Jameson and only when she’s cross with him. “Because from where I sit it’s pretty damn obvious that’s what this is about.” He says marching up to Jamie. Jamie quickly side-steps backing away from River.

“That’s what I thought.” River spits out. “You know what—“ he begins but is cut off.

Hhhh’ssSTch…Hhhuhhh’hhh’SsSSTchu…Hiiihh’Hhhh’SssSTch….Hhh’Hhhh’SSSSTChuu.

"Bless you.” Jamie says automatically.

River shoots daggers at him, the ferocity in his green eyes enough to make Jamie instantly regret the sentiment. “Don’t you dare!”

Jamie raises his hands in surrender. “Sorry.” He adds quietly.

“Oh you’re sorry! Sorry!? Little late for that bud! As it turns out Mel is unfortunately not able to change our living situation. Which I found out today when she came over today to ask me if there was anything she could do to make living with you easier so my allergies weren’t affected. Which was a big surprise to me! So turns out we’re stuck with each other which *is* really unfortunate seeming as now I sure as fuck don’t want to live you. I suppose I should thank you fffoor” He groans before pitching forward with 6 rapid fire sneezes.  

He recovers launching right back into his tirade “I should thank you for revealing to me who you really are before our friendship continued. You talk a big game about how I need to find someone who accepts me and my mess but how about my identity. Why don’t you demonstrate to me what a good friend should do when they find out their friend is gay. I’ll give you a hint, it isn’t this.”

River’s face is hot red and the pleasant vanilla and soft woody cedarwood scent has taken on a sour intoxicating ammonia and turpentine smell. Then his expression goes grave and carefully blank and Jamie hates seeing him lock himself down like that.

“You know what, no, I’m done. I won’t give you that satisfaction. Just stay away from me Jamie Allridge.” With that he turns on his heel to his room.

Jamie stands there a long while after. He runs his palms across his face. How had this gotten so bad so quickly? He wants to go after River, he wants to explain, but he supposes having River mad at him is the best outcome if it means it will keep him away from Jamie but he doesn’t like how that sits with him. The desire to go running edging to the surface but he shoves it down. If he’s going to continue to live with River even if River doesn’t want to be near him, Jamie can’t shift anymore in the hopes that if he wasn’t shifting it would mitigate the reaction River was having to him.

“I’m so sorry River. This isn’t what I wanted.” Jamie says under his breath.

Additional A/N: 

Chapter title comes from the song "Wolf Like Me" by TV On the Radio 

 

Edited September 20, 2023 by Not Telling
Reformatting

[thesneezyowl]

The squeal I let out when I checked for a new chapter one more time before I went to bed was probably heard by my neighbors. The cliffhanger … THE. CLIFFHANGER!!!! I’m talking myself through how you’re going to make this work. Because it HAAAAS TO! And can I just say how impressive it is that you’re writing these lengthy chapters so quickly with such awesome detail. So good! 🐺🩶

Edited August 6, 2023 by thesneezyowl

[dwaekki]

I'm always embarrassed to reply so early but I also always happen to be lucky with stories updating as soon as I open the website 😭😶‍🌫️. Luckily @thesneezyowl was here before me this time so thank you! And omg poor Jamie and River- I don't know who I feel worse for 😢. Hopefully they sort this out soon! I need more sweet sneezy dynamics from you and thank you again for your hard work and speedy updates ❤️

[solitaire-au]

While I feel sorry for River, poor Jamie! He deserves better! 😭 This chapter was heartbreaking, but in a good way! 💔 

[Privatedancer]

Great chapter - I sent an IMbecuase I had so much to say

[funbusej]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, that is the worst kind of cliffhanger!!!!!  I just discovered this story and was REALLY getting into it...but I can wait patiently.  I really love your writing style, and this story and the characters are so darn interesting!  Can't wait to see where this is headed. 

[Not Telling]

@thesneezyowl You make me feel so good!! ❤️ Gah! *Blush* Thank you, thank you! I'm so glad that you're enjoying. 

@funbusej @thesneezyowl I know, I know. I hate myself just a little bit for leaving you with the cliffhanger. As a literary tactic it's great, as a reader it's so agonizing. I guess I have a bit of an evil streak as a writer. Haha

On 8/6/2023 at 1:49 AM, dwaekki said:

Hopefully they sort this out soon! I need more sweet sneezy dynamics from you

Don't worry, we'll have more sweet sneezy dynamics soon.

@solitaire-au Yeah, River's reaction wasn't fair to Jamie. It's understandable of him to be wary given the prejudice and homophobia that members of the LGBTQ+ community can face however Jamie hasn't given any indication that he is someone that falls into that camp and he deserved the opportunity to explain. 

@Privatedancer❤️ 

Hello Hello everyone. Thank you as always for your wonderful comments and for reading. Here is the next chapter.....

________________________________________________

Chapter 5: Destroy it All, It's All Untrue, How Can I Even Breathe Without You?

The next few weeks move on a scale of tense to harrowing. At the cabin, River becomes a ghost. It’s almost impossible to tell that there were two of them living in the cabin together. If it wasn’t for Jamie being able to smell River’s presence it would seem like there wasn’t another occupant at all. When they have to interact at work it's stilted and bitter. Jamie is torn between wanting to mend things and accepting that River’s avoidance is for the best.

The resigned acceptance doesn’t stop him from paying attention to River whenever he can, though it’s an empty, sickly kind of attention. Watching and wanting and knowing that he can’t have him.

There’s a constant, crushing, void that resides within Jamie, he’s lost and unmoored without River’s presence. There’s a standing energy depleting ache that lives in his chest and only seems to dissipate when he’s close to River which, right now, is a minimal occurrence and only when their work dictates they be in the same place at once. Jamie keeps reminding himself that it’s a good thing, that it’s the best thing for River. He takes what little solace he can in the knowledge that he’s protecting River even if it's not in the way he would like, even though it means that River is operating under the impression that he holds a prejudice towards those of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Jamie engrosses himself in his work and tries not to think about it. He tries not to think about the hole that not having River to talk to and be around leaves in him. He tries not to think about the way his heart lurches whenever he runs into River unexpectedly. He tries not dwell on the listless emptiness he feels not having River to talk to and be around. He’s been perfectly fine being alone and un-partnered his entire adult life, knowing someone for a few months couldn’t have possibly changed that. He’ll get over it, and he’ll have to.

But…as the days drag on Jamie becomes more and more untethered. Food has lost its taste and just the sight of it makes his stomach roll. He feels enervated, the long laborious hours exhausting him to his core, but he’s stopped sleeping, unable to find peace in the solitary hours of the night. He goes to bed shivering and gets up covered in a cold sweat. His symptoms presumably exacerbated by the fact that he isn't shifting. 

While getting ready one morning, he catches sight of himself in the mirror. He looks haggard. His usual olive complexion is pale, his cheeks are hollow, and his eyes look dead, sunken into his face, marked by dark circles. 

Hhee’SssTChiew.

Jamie blinks, the sneeze takes him completely by surprise. Unlike his afflicted flat mate, Jamie hardly ever sneezes. When he was looking up remedies he could provide for River he had read that the majority of people sneeze an average of four times a day. He thinks he doesn’t even sneeze that much in an average month. The only time he sneezes a little more frequently is when he’s ill, which is also rare. He doesn’t get sick, not even the minor cold. He can’t even recall the last time he got sick but he doesn’t think it would be false to think it was when he was in school.

Hhhehh….Hhhehh…E’SsTchiew. Jamie pitches forward with another sneeze. Ugh it would figure that he’s getting sick. Life sure has a way of kicking a man when he’s down he laments.

To make matters worse, he receives a news alert on his phone about a wolf that had been outed. The wolf worked at a coffee shop in one of the larger cities near where the ranch is located. When the owner refused to “deal” with the employee properly (implying fire them) the cafe was vandalized beyond recognition. The insurance company found some bull-shit loophole that allows them to not have to cover the damage, something to do with the owner having an onus in creating a safe environment and protecting the patrons that frequent the café and that by having a known wolf on the pay-role it compromises said safety. Similarly, no bank would loan for the damages because of the risk involved in loaning to a business that supported lycanthropy rights.  

So, your typical lycaphobic social injustice, but to cover the cost to repair the damage the owner might have to go out of business. The owner had set-up a crowdfunding campaign to try and collect some of the cost of the repairs. Jamie clicked on the link. Only a thousand dollars towards the $100,000 goal had been raised. Unsurprised by the lack of support, though disheartened all the same. Jamie clicked on the donate button and anonymously sent $10,000 to the owner. He had plenty of savings from his last job and with his amenities and living expenses covered at the ranch combined with his current wage he was not want for money. If the campaign didn't get further support it likely wouldn't do much by way of preventing them from going out of business but he hoped it would help a little. He messaged the link to his family as well, knowing they would assist and have a broader network of people they could enlist to support the cause as well. 

The article was just one more report among many that revealed that Jamie could never be out, not even here among people that he thinks would be open minded. He isn’t about to put Mel or anyone at the ranch in a compromising position and he certainly doesn’t want to cost Mel her business nor the livelihood of the people who have built their home and family here. He’s probably already selfishly putting everyone at risk just by being here.

So yeah, Jamie's day is off to a great start. 

Looming sadness over losing River-Check. 

Unfathomable loneliness - Check

Disheartened by the harsh reality of the cruelty of others and a system that is built upon the continuing oppression of minorities - Check.

Guilt trip over his existence as a wolf - Check. 

An illness - Check

All he needs is a the proverbial papercut with lemon juice poured over it and he'll be upgraded to having a banner day. 

Jamie hears River stir from his room and glances at his watch. He’s having a later than normal start. He quickly finishes getting ready and exits the cabin before River leaves his room.

Jamie checks the maintenance ticketing system and sees a request to repair a part of the fence down at the stables has been submitted. He makes his way to the stables.

An hour later he's about to lift the piece of plywood to put in place when he promptly has to put it down

Hhhehh’SsTchiew…Hheeh’STchiew. He rubs at his nose and is about to pick up the piece of wood when he hears from behind him.

“Hey man!”

Jamie turns to see Jessie. 

"Wow, dude you look like shit." He exclaims.

Jamie blushes, good to know that's confirmed. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of big projects filling my time this week, working double time. I’m just tired I haven't been sleeping too well".

“Oh I know how that goes, sorry bro. Need help?” Jessie asks gesturing to the piece Jamie was attempting to install.

“If you’re able to that would actually be really great.” He says. “Can you hold this in place while I secure it in the post?”

“Sure thing.” Jessie replies easily hoisting the piece while Jamie nails it into place.

Just as they’re done he turns to his side muffling a few sneezes into his flannel over-shirt.

Hheh’PppTchiew…Hheh’Hhh’MpppSsstchiew.

“Bless you, dude.” Jessie says. “Sounds like maybe you’re pushing yourself too hard. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off, you really don’t look good.”

To be consumed by his loneliness and despondency, no thank you. He’ll repair a thousand fences if only to occupy his mind and distract himself from his self-pity.

“I’m fine.” Jamie shrugs. “Thank you for your help.”

“Of course. Take it easy.” Jessie says patting his back before walking off. Jamie flinches at the touch, immediately put-out, his skin crawling with repulsion like he’s been swimming in sick sewage. A far away memory surfaces and everything clicks, holy shit he knows what this is- the loss of appetite, the fatigue and malaise, the shivering and sweats, the wretched melancholy, and his touch aversion by anyone other than River. He isn’t sick. This is more than mourning the loss of a friend, more than heartbreak, he’s experiencing bond rejection as a result of a spontaneous bond.

The courting rituals of werewolves are relatively similar to that of humans with a few differences. Primarily, when a wolf finds a potential mate and enters into a relationship with the prospective partner, as the relationship develops the wolf inherits a special attachment to the other half, and creates a bond. As wolves have been shunned from society for centuries and continue to be discriminated against not much is understood or researched regarding the intricacies of wolf society and dynamics.

Jamie has a greater knowledge base than most, with his entire family for generations back being pure-bred wolves. What he understands about romantic bonds is that it is more powerful than any human to human bond. It’s almost visceral in its quality. A bond can be brought on by the wolf’s attraction towards its partner, proximity, tactility with the other partner, and certain behavior patterns. All wolves in a pack are bonded to some extent, but among romantic cases, bonding is generally a prelude to mating.

Before a romantic bond is fully realized and consummated if the respective partner is not receptive and repels the advances of the wolf, the bond that is forming breaks. In some cases, if the feelings of the other half were strong enough it can leave the wolf feeling ill with symptoms akin to the flu and can lead to episodes of depression and mood affective disorders.

As far as Jamie is aware bond rejection isn’t very typical, because a bond of that nature usually doesn’t start to form until the relationship has long been established, the partners are fully committed to each other, and there is minimal chance of lack of reciprocation by the other party. If a bond rejection does occur, it’s usually experienced by wolves that are in a bianimalia relationships where only one partner is the wolf. In wolf pairings bond rejection is practically non-existent as wolves mate for life and the relationship isn't likely to deteriorate once a bond is established like human relationships can. 

As for spontaneous bonds, they aren’t even supposed to exist. They’re fairytales, fictional lore. They shouldn’t be possible among wolves, much less with a human.

It makes sense that this is exactly what is happening though, all the signs falling into place. The magnetic almost electric connection Jamie's felt when he’s touched River, the inexorable pull he feels to towards him, the desire to scent-mark him, the subsuming infatuation and inability to control his impulses, the elevated compulsion to protect him and comfort him, how he only feels relief from his misery when he’s by River, comforted and restored by the presence of the person he’s connected to. Jamie can’t help but emit a humorless laugh, it’s all just so ludicrous. How is this his life? More importantly, what is he going to do? 

Since bond rejection isn’t a common phenomenon, he has no idea how long these symptoms will last or if they’ll go away. He suspects like with any emotional upheaval and grief ridden occurrence it should lessen and then fade, with time. At least he hopes that is the case.

~TBC~ 

Additional A/N: 

Please don't be too mad at me for leaving y'all with another cliffhanger.  I had hoped to get both this and the next chapter complete to post together, but alas here we are. I can promise not to leave you hanging in unresolved suspense for too long. 

I also have a surprise that will hopefully keep me in all your good graces while you await the next installment: I have been working on some artwork of the boys! 

https://imgur.com/a/E6Koj9r

Chapter title comes from the song "No Cure for the Lonely" by Swans

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXDW5ZBzuUU

Edited September 20, 2023 by Not Telling
Reformatting, changed chapter number (had 2 chapter fours)

[solitaire-au]

Poor Jamie! 🥰

I’m hoping that River notices Jamie’s sniffles and sneezes, sees how sick he is and the icy walls he’s put up starts to thaw when he’s reminded of all the times Jamie took care of him.

I’m wondering if Mel or anyone else at the ranch is going to notice, too.

The idea of bond rejection, and it not occurring very often, is a great one.

And the fear of being outed as a wolf, especially after the cafe worker was would be fearful prospect for him, but it’s so in character for him to take the risk and contribute anyway. Jamie strikes as the kind of person who would readily help others, but would have great difficulty in accepting help for himself, partly because he’d have spent so much of his life being solitary and independent.

Anyway, I loved this and look forward to more!