I Hunger Only For You (Into the Wild With Me) -Chapters 16/16

[Catsgotyourtounge]

I am absolutely obsessed with this story! Cannot wait for more!!

[2SHY222]

Ahhhh what a cliffhanger 😱. I'm at a loss for words 🙌🥰

[Not Telling]

@dwaekki Sorry I made you wait for so long. I knew exactly the layout of proceedings, but some reason getting it out of my head and onto "paper" proved more difficult than I had anticipated. I can't thank you enough for your excitement and responses. 

On 9/3/2023 at 5:36 AM, dwaekki said:

thank you for the sneezing amongst the suspense, and for Jamie's little sneeze at the start, I can imagine him being a really cute sneezer behind his tough image.

I have to admit Jamie's sneezes are patterned after my favorite. 🤭 And good news, the brainstorming paid off, there will be more to come.  

@funbusej Haha, it was what I had in mind from the first word I wrote of this story. While I let my mind drift and wander to other ways I could write The Big Reveal™ this was always the one that I wanted especially for the direction of the rest of the story. 

@ichixshiro14 Oh my Gosh!! I think I'm still blushing from reading this. Thank you for the high praise! There are so many valuable and laudable writers in this community I am humbled by your compliment. It truly means everything to me and chased away the self-doubt that creeped in a moment or two while structuring this next part. ☺️❤️ 

@Privatedancer Of course, we all knew that eventually River and Jamie would get together, that's the entire premise for this story, but I'm with you, it's so nice to finally be there. I have been itching for it myself and it feels like sweet victory to have arrived. But.....I had to keep everyone on their toes regarding how exactly River would find out about Jamie.  I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter.

@Alabaster I think while writing I have to re-read my chapters at least a dozen times before posting but in doing so I inevitably include more which means I have to go back and re-read it again. At a certain point I have to tell myself enough is enough. Which is why I really try not to read once I've posted. I'm so glad that you're enjoying! More you shall have.  

@thesneezyowl 

On 9/4/2023 at 10:57 AM, thesneezyowl said:

Ahhhhh! I love that on instinct he shifted to save River!!

That's true love. 😍

On 9/4/2023 at 10:57 AM, thesneezyowl said:

I am DYYYYING for the next part

I hope you're still alive. 😉You waited so patiently! Sorry for making it such a long wait. 

Thank you as always for your enthusiasm and amazing comments. Reading them makes my day. 

@HPG I'm glad that you like the play sneezes. While it wasn't a lot I thought it was a "canon true" way to insert more Jamie sneezes into the story. 

@Catsgotyourtounge Hello and welcome! It's weird for me to say this as the writer, but I'm a bit obsessed with these boys as well. 🤭Thank you so much for reading and commenting! ❤️ 

@2SHY222 When reading a story I "hate" cliffhangers, the suspense is agony!! It's fine if there's more to read immediately after so I can power through and feel settled but to be left in limbo is a unique form of torture. But I must admit being on the other-side is pretty thrilling. Haha Still I empathize with what I did to y'all and you have my sympathy. 😉

______________________________________________

Hello kind readers! Thank you all for your amazing responses and giving this story such life and love. You are all so wonderful!

I know I left you all hanging for far too long. But we finally made it! The Big Reveal™ is here at last! Thanks for bearing w/me (you see what I did there 😉). Still, we have lots of ground to cover so without any further adieu I present the next chapter.

I hope you enjoy! 

❤️

______________________________________________

Chapter 12: And All This Devotion Was Rushing Out of Me And the Crashes Are Heaven For A Sinner Like Me

The bear’s paw swipes Jamie’s chest, piercing through the strong muscle with it's long claws. Jamie yowls but then a stronger pain erupts in his front leg as teeth clamp down over it. The force feels like a sledgehammer with prongs. He thinks he hears something crunch under the weight of the bear’s mouth and an unbearable pain radiates from his leg. Jamie blocks it out reminding himself why he can't falter. He growls menacingly using his other front paw to scratch the bear’s nose.

It’s pretty rare for bears and wolves to fight in nature. Due to their size wolves tend to avoid bears. When the situation calls for them to fight wolves are usually aided by the entire pack. A lone wolf tackling a 160kg bear disturbed out of hibernation and likely protecting its young that are likely hibernating with her is not the favored fighter. Jamie’s read about bear attacks where the bear was protecting its young and it stalked the person pursuing them until they were nearly left for dead. He’s not going to let that happen to River.  

The bear pulls back from Jamie’s assault and he takes it as an opportunity to slash at the bear’s eye and bites hard on its lip. While effective it’s also risky to be attacking the bear in this manner, but Jamie is singularly focused on protecting River.

Next thing Jamie knows, he’s flying through the air before smacking hard into a tree. He sees stars. He isn’t really sure how much longer he’s going to last. The attack probably hasn’t been even longer than a minute at this point but it feels like it’s been ages.

Jamie stumbles up, the adrenaline serving as anesthesia fixing his eyes towards the bear sprinting towards it barking and snarling. A strong paw swipes at him sending him rolling a few feet down the slope. Luckily towards Jamie’s abandon pack, which has his ice axe. Jamie tears it from the pack darting back to the bear. He lunges, imbedding the axe into the broadside of the bear just below his head where the vital organs are. The bear stumbles and Jamie uses it as an opportunity to attach his jaws on the bear’s upper muzzle clenching hard using claw at the bear’s eyes. Jamie fights with everything he has until the bear collapses dead.

Jamie surveys the glen searching for River. He can smell the ashy fear of his scent traveling through the air. As he wildly searches for him he sees large red patches in the snow and he errantly wonders how much of it is his blood. He thinks he can feel some blood dripping down his fur, but he can be concerned about that later, probably when the adrenaline drops and his body lets him know just how much pain he’s actually in. For now while he’s riding the high he’s going to get him and River out of here before the bear cubs come out of the den. While they would probably be more within the size Jamie could fight if he needed he’d rather not have it come to that.

River, River River. His mind is saying over and over. Must get to River. Finally he hears the dulcet questioning voice of the only person that matters. “Jamie?”

Jamie’s eyes focus on River, he looks a little like he might be in shock. He gently grabs the seam of his jacket by his teeth and tugs. He looks back to the den entrance and back and River with a whine, using one of his paws to point in the opposite direction, hoping his directive is clear. They need to get out of here.

“Right yeah okay we have to go.” He says his voice sounding a little dazed. and shaky and Jamie is sure he’s in shock, not quite operating on all cylinders but as long as he can still walk and get a safe distance away Jamie will be satisfied. He's at least relieved he understands. He goes to pick up his pack. “I got it.” River says shakily, intercepting and Jamie's efforts throwing the pack on his back. Another positive sign Jamie thinks.

As they walk Jamie’s entire body begins to feel like a lead weight, its unthinkable agony, blinding, it feels like everything in his body is crushing in on itself but he keeps pushing. Eventually all the adrenaline coursing through him must leave and his body completely gives out. With a weak mewl he crumples to the ground on his next attempted step. He’s only passingly aware of someone cursing saying his name before his vision goes completely black and he slips under. 

***

Jamie isn’t sure how long he’s out but he wakes to gentle strokes on his fur a soft cloth rubbing down his body and against his nose. As consciousness seeps back in he hears.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck Jam, come on. Don’t you dare fucking die on me! Not like this, not before we even get started. You have to make it. You’re always so strong, stronger than I ever even knew. This can’t be how you go it just can’t. Come on Jam be strong for me like you always are.”

Jamie emits a small whimper.

“Jamie! Oh thank fuck!”

River’s hugs Jamie and oh the warmth of his body pressing into him, his wolf, is felicity. It's everything, and Jamie wants to drown in it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembers he shouldn't be this close to River like this. Jamie gives a throaty rumble, not threatening but warning. 

“Shit! Sorry, I wasn't thinking, I'm just so relieved but that probably hurt. I'll be more gentle. Here how's this?” River says threading his fingers through Jamie's fur on the top of his head.

It's bliss, anytime River touches him. His touch is it's own pain medication but that's not the point. He pulls his head back huffing. He opens his eyes a fraction to look at River. He rubs his paw over his nose and then points to River then makes another huffing sound with a shake of his head followed by drawing an X in the ground. Communicating as a wolf to a non-wolf isn’t something Jamie has ever done, he’s not sure if he’s made his intent clear but River responds

“Jamie, you enormous fool!” Jamie releases a small disagreeable grumble at the insult “You think I give two shits about my allergies right now? You saved me from a grizzly bear! A fucking grizzly! I’d bury my whole face into your fur if it would help you. That won’t help will it?” River asks jokingly.

Jamie makes a chuffing sound akin to a chuckle.

“Well, I’ll take it as a positive that you still have your sense of humor. I’ve been cleaning you off, trying to identify the worst of your injuries an-aand Hhh getting you bbb—bandaged.” Jamie opens his eyes to see River fighting the onset of sneezes that are sure to come. His fingers are pinched over his nose his eyes squinting shut. After a beat he releases his hands from his face continuing “But I rr-rr-rreaaly dddo—don’t—“

Hhhh’SsssTchuu….Hhheh’Hhhe’SssSTch….EsssTch….Hhhh’SssSTchuuu….Hhiiihhh..Ehhh…Hhhheh’SSsssTchuu…Hhhh’Heehh’Hhihh’TSSsSSChuu….Hhhh’tSSsstch…SsssTchuu...Hh’Hheh’SSssTChuu.

“Jeez, okay let’s see if I can get this out now. I really don’t know how your injuries translate while you’re in your wolf form, and I really don't know how effective the treatment I've been applying is with you like this and not as a human. I’m going to assume you can’t shift right now?” River asks after a fit that’s upwards of 30 sneezes. Jamie nods.

“I thought that would be the answer, but I can’t say that doesn’t freak me out just a little bit. We can’t call for emergency help and risk outing you while you’re in this state. I’ll just keep doing what I can. I've cleaned you up and I’ve at least managed to stop the bleeding. I was able to use the blood stopping spray on the majority of your wounds which thankfully were more superficial. I had to do a little more for the wound on your chest, I think I'm glad that you were passed out for that. God Jam there was so much blood. But I guess on the plus side the skin glue has lidocaine in it so hopefully that helps numb the pain I'm sure you're feeling. We'll hha—have tt—to—"

Hhh’SssTch...Hhh’TtStch…SssTch…Hhh’TttStch..Hhh’SsTch..TSstCh...Hhh'Hhh'SSSCh..Hh'SsTch..HhhehhESTchu

"I think we'll have to monitor that closely. I don't know how well the closure bandages will work on your fur and I do not want that opening up again."

Hhh’SssTch...Hhh’TtStch…SssTch…Hhh’TttStch.

"Your le-leg is also Hhhhuuuh another matter. I—I've bb—baand—"

Hhh’SssTch...Hhh'STch..Hhh'TtSTch…Hhh’SSTchu...Hh'SsssTch..Hh'Hh'Hh'SSsTch

"I've bandaged it and got it in a make-shift splint to stabilize it but I’m sure it’s broken.”

Hhh’SssTch...Hhh’SSTch…TtSTCH…Hhh’SSTch....Hhh'hhh'SSsTCHu

"I’m doing my best but I’m not a qualified professional I might miss something. What about internal injuries? And we can’t even communicate with words right now for me to figure out if anything else hurts behind the visually obvious.” Jamie can tell River is panicking. He presses his nose against him laying a paw on his thigh in a gesture that he hopes helps center him.

“Sorry, I Just, Jam, yy—you bbeeettter n-nn-nnot die on me—“

Hhh…Hhhh’Heeh….ESSssTchuuu….Hhh’EssSssTchuu..Eh-Heh-Hhh’TtTSsssChu. Hhhheh’SSsssTchuu.. Hhhh’tSSsstch…’SsssTchuu…Hh’ssTch

Jamie gives River a sad look, whining in a way that sounds an awful like “Bless you.”

River chuckles. “Typical Jamie, gravely injured but more concerned with the person affected by something as trivial as allergies. Let’s try to keep our perspective yeah? I doubled up on my medication, it should help. I’m mmmoore Hhh—ww-wwoorried about—“

Hhehh’ESssssssTch….Hhhh’SssTch…Hhhihh’Ehhh’SssTchuu…Hiihh’SssTchuuu..Hhheh’Hhh’SsSssTch…Hhhh’Hhhiih’SsssSSTchuuu…Hhh’SssTch…Hehhh’SssSsTchu.Hhhh—Ssstch.

The sneezes are hitting him so fast River abandons trying to talk riding out the fit.

“Whew, okay let’s try this again. I’m more worried about stabilizing you and making sure you live through the rest of the day and night while we figure out a game plan. We’re several days out from the car, though in your current state it’ll probably double maybe even triple our time to back especially if you’re not able to walk on your own and I have to pull you in the sleeping bag tethered to my backpack like I did when you passed out. And we’re probably about 10 days from anyone coming to look for us but I think we can better assess our situation tomorrow. I’m going to set up camp here and we’ll just let you rest for the rest of the day and see how things are in the morning.”

He narrates for Jamie’s benefit or to ease River’s anxiousness. Maybe a little of both. Either way, the honey rich and soft timbre of River’s voice is soothing and Jamie revels in it.

“Here try and drink this while I pitch the tent. I’m way out of my depth but I do know hydration is going to be critical in your state.” River places one of their camping bowls in front of him filled with water. “Are you able to take pain medication like this?”

Jamie nods.

“Okay there’s some Vicodin in the medical supply kit that I’m going to give you plus some Benadryl. It’s not a true pain med but does have some analgesic properties and will probably knock you on your ass. Sleep will do you good. It’s okay to give you a standard dose? Like I don’t have to adjust the dose in your wolf form?” 

Jamie shakes his head.

“Okay. Let me go get that.” River gets up returning with a handful of pills that Jamie laps out of his hand finishing it off with several sips of water.

Ten minutes later he has the tent set-up. “Come on sweetheart, let’s get you inside.”

Jamie stubbornly shakes his head. He gestures to River then the tent than paws at the ground outside the tent right by the door gesturing to himself. “Oh no, I’m not letting you stay outside exposed to the elements and I’m not leaving you alone.”

Jamie shakes his head with that same huffing sound and pointing to River. “Jamie, I don't give a flying fuck about my allergies right now, like at all.” Jamie still doesn’t budge.

“Stubborn mutt.” River says and Jamie raises an eyebrow with a playful growl showing his teeth but there’s no intent behind it.

“Okay, you know what just to show you how little I care…” and he’s burying his face deep in Jamie’s fur. Jamie barks in protest shimmying away but the damage is done and the effect is immediate.

Hhhh’TSSssTch…Hhhh’Tsstch…Hhhihh’ESssTchu….Hhhh’TSSssTchu…Hhhehh…Hhhihh’TSsssTch….Hehh’Hhh’TSssTchuu..’EsssTchuu..SssTch..Hhh’SssTch..Hh’Hhh’Hhheh’TttSssTch’Cchh.

“Ohhh Heehhh...Oh God” River says before doubling over with 10 more sneezes. “Iiiii ccaa-Heeh ccan’t ssssSSSTschu….stop.”

Jamie gives him a look as if to say “and who’s fault is that?” But also looks at River who is a helpless sneezy mess with sympathy scooting away from him. “Yyyyou’re fffiiine”

Hhh’SsssTchu….Hhheh…Hhhh’TtSSSsChu..Hhehh’ESssssssTCHu….Hhhh’SssTch…Hhh’SssTch…Hehhh’SssSsTchu..Hhhh'Ssstch.”

The fit finally subsides, Jamie lost count of how many sneezes but he didn’t think it was an exaggeration to think it was close to 100.

“See, it can’t get any worse than that, now let’s get you in the tent.”

Jamie still too weak to stand fully half crawls half uses River’s weight to get into the tent curling up on his sleeping bag that River had laid out. “There you go sweetheart.” River says lying beside Jamie giving Jamie's back long easy strokes. Jamie stiffens at the contact knowing it’s just going to make things worse for River and tries to move away.

“Uh-uh sweetheart. You’re not going to worry about me right now. I want you comfortable, you're who matters for the time being. Does that feel good?”

Jamie reluctantly nods.

“Okay then, be a good boy and let me pet you and snuggle you and take care of you. Do you understand?” His tone leaves no room for contestation. It’s commanding but gentle and Jamie can’t help but respond to it a visible shiver rippling down his spine.

River’s lips uptick into a gleeful grin. “Oh! you like it when I get bossy?” Of course the reaction not escaping his attentive eye. “I’ll file that away to use later.” He adds with a flirty wink.

Jamie ducks his head the flush rising in his face, which is thankfully masked in his wolf form.”

River giggles “I can totally tell you’re blushing right now.”

Jamie makes a groaning noise hiding his face in the sleeping bag.

“Awww Jam, don’t be embarrassed. Your blushes are gorgeous.”

Jamie peeks his head out from the sleeping bag making a scoffing sound.

“It’s all part of that contrasting alluring charm that I mentioned. You’re built like a superhero movie star. People with your sex appeal are not people you expect to meet in real life and you wouldn’t expect someone who looks like you to blush so easily but you do. Yyy—you oh hhh—hhooolddd ooonn—“

 Hhh’TSsSSchuu…Hhh’TssSStch..Hheh’Hhhh’TSsssTchuu…Hhh’SssTCh TsssTCh..Hhh’Hh’SssTCh..Hh’Hhh’EsssSTchu..Hhh’MMmmpTchu..TtStch..Hhh’SssStch.

“Mmm okay. What was I saying? Oh yeah. You carry yourself in a way that exudes self-assurance, you seem like you would have a wealth of sexual and self-confidence but your tendency to blush at compliments or flirtatious interaction belies that assumption. You don’t readily share your emotions but your blushes say a lot. It’s so adorable and endearing. I live for them, especially when they happen because of me. My sweet Jamie blushes.”

Jamie feels himself growing even warmer with that statement. He wants to tell River that he’s all his, not just his blushes, but he doesn’t have words right now so he snuggles against River resting his chin across his leg.

“That’s it sweetheart. Just relax. I'm going to take care of you." Jamie closes his eyes relaxing into River and enjoying the soothing honeyed sound of his voice and the feel of his hands in his thick fur.

“So you being a wolf certainly explains some things.” Jamie opens one eye to look at River a little sadly. “Now, don’t you do that. I don’t need you apologizing for who you are. I’m not upset.” It must be a testament to how in tune they really are with each other that River is able to pick up on the subtleties of what Jamie is thinking and communicating without any words.

“It’s your right to come out on your own terms, when you’re ready and it’s up to each individual person to decide when that is. No one else gets to tell you when. I’m not here to lecture you or give you the third degree about why you didn’t tell me. I know it’s not personal, and I also know that it doesn’t matter how close we are, how supportive you know I’d be I’m not entitled to that information simply on that basis. I understand at least a little of why you didn’t. Besides—“ River’s voice goes a little pitchy at the end his breathing shallow and rapid and Jamie knows what’s coming he tries to scoot away but River holds him in place on his lap. “Yy—you’re ssstaaying Hhheh rright hhhhere.”

Hhh’TSsSSchuu…Hhh’TssSStch..Hheh’Hhhh’TSsssTchuu..’TSsSSchuu…Hhh’Tsch..Hh’SsssTchuu.. Hhh’TSsSTCh…TCh..Hh’SsssTchuu..’TSsSSchuu…'STch..Hh'SsTChu

“Uhhh Bless me. Besides you were going to tell me, weren’t you? That’s what you were going to talk to me about after our trip?”

Jamie nods.

A musing look crosses River's physiognomy "And, you were going to tell me that night when you were asking about if I’d ever had allergy shots weren’t you?”

Another nod.

“Then Scott had to go and ruin it by sharing that article with us. As if I needed more of a reason to despise that two-faced ass.”

Jamie whines placing his paw over one of River’s hands.

“I get it Jam, I do. You were trying to protect me. As usual you were putting everyone else above yourself. I can’t imagine what all this has been like for you. Carrying the wwww-wweight ooofff—“

Hhh’hhh’hh’SssTch..Hh’TsssTch…’EsssTchu..Hhh’hhh’Hhh’SssTCh..Hh’hh’hh’SssTch—Cchu..’EsssSTch..Hh’SssTch.

“Carrying the weight of all this injustice on your shoulders all on your own. I’m glad you at least had your brother and that he had enough sense to come out and check on you. You needed that. And now you have me, because I promise you Jamie I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure it out. No one, not even the law gets to tell me who I get to be with.” 

Jamie looks at River with adoring eyes making a happy sound.

They slip into a comfortable silence. Jamie soaking in River's touch and presence in his wolf form. Thankful for every inhale of his delectable scent, every gentle pet on his fur, his pain slowly receding floating away on the horizon leaving only the nirvana of River.

River scratches under Jamie's chin and down length of his stout. Nudging his head right under Jamie's face rubbing against him, laying his arm on the top of his neck.

Jamie trembles, zings of pleasure traveling through him. Jamie extends just the tip of his tongue licking River's chin. River responds with a tiny moan that sounds more like a whine tilting his head to the side for Jamie.

It strikes Jamie how wolf-like all this behavior is. Admittedly, Jamie isn't personally familiar with the physical intimacies of humans but in, even his limited experience, he knows that while there is some overlap it's distinctly different, and yet when River gets physical with Jamie he behaves exactly as a wolf would. He reflects on all their past interactions, everything River has said and done coming back to him. He picks it apart, searching for meaning, and arrives at only one conclusion. His reverie is interrupted by the soft quick inhales coming from River.

Hhh'TttSTch...SsTch-Hhh'hh'SsTchu..Hh'SsTch'HTsh..Hh'STsch..Hhh'SssTch..Hh'TtStch..Hhh'SssSTchu..Hhh'SsTch..Hh'Hh'Hh'Hh'SsssTtChu

Jamie pulls back feeling more than a little guilty. But River carries on like he didn't just sneeze 50 times in a row with hardly room for a breath in between.

“You’re really magnificent like this you know? I can see the resemblance too. Your fur matches your normal hair, all thick and glistening and your eyes aren’t the normal wolf color, they’re brown. Your brown, all doe eyed, sweet and soft at the edges, and expressive. God Jamie, when you look at me with those eyes, you have no idea what you do to me.”

Jamie smiles to himself, if it’s even a fraction of what River does to him he knows at least a little.

“You’ll be okay won’t you?” River asks “Because I swear Jam, if you die, I will personally bring you back and kill you myself.” He says attempting to joke but Jamie knows that’s all bravado, he can hear the worry lacing his tone.

It’s actually really concerning that Jamie isn’t able to shift back to his human form. It means his body is damaged enough that his wolf form is safer than his human and his body is protecting him by keeping him in the form that is most likely to heal him faster but he doesn’t want to worry River and he doesn’t have the communication complexity to share that anyways so he just nods.  

“Yeah, you’re going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.” He says but in a tone that makes it seem like he’s trying to convince himself.

Feeling the heavy weight of sleep coming on him Jamie releases a deep bellied contented sigh followed by a big yawn.

“Sleep sweetheart. Let your body start to heal. I'll be right here.”

***

Jamie wakes slowly, River no longer beside him. He has a brief moment of panic before he smells cooking. He shuffles to the tent door that River thankfully left open, but it’s not without effort. He makes a tiny whine as he’s moving. The pain and ache having settled deep in his bones, in his muscle fibers, it's like lightning. 

River turns at the sound “Hey sweetheart.” he says coming over to assist “How are you feeling?”

Jamie grimaces.

“Yeah, maybe not the best phrased question. I can imagine after heroically going through the ringer with a grizzly on my behalf you’re feeling less than stellar. I guess more appropriately are you feeling better or worse?”

Honestly, Jamie’s not quite sure. He doesn’t feel like he’s going to collapse at any second but his pain level is higher than he’s ever experienced in his entire life, and that’s with the medication that River gave him likely still active in his system but he can’t really tell River anything.

River seems to realize that “Right, you can’t exactly answer that right now. Well, I’m going to check your injuries after dinner, make sure the bandages are holding, and give your body a once over to be sure.”

Jamie quirks an ear up raising one eye.

“Not in that way, you pervert.” River laughs. “Though I suppose if you’re contemplating that as an option, I'll take that as a good sign.”

Jamie gives a rumble in his belly equal to a laugh.

“Don’t you worry, there will be plenty of that when you’re back in your human form.”  River winks and Jamie ducks his head the invisible blush heating his cheeks.

“God, you’re far too cute for your own good.” River says with a small chuckle. He turns back to attend to what he's cooking.

“Dinner will be ready in just a moment.”

Jamie scrunches his nose in digust. The idea of food churns his stomach. “I know you probably ddddon’t Heeh want tttto—“

Hhh’TsSssCh…Hhhh’SSSSTchu...Hhh’TSSSssCh..Hhhh’SsssStch Hhh’SsssTch…Hhh’TSSSstchu.

“I know you probably don’t want to but you really should eat, keep your strength up especially since you’re injured.” Jamie pulls another face but nods. He’ll try for River. He’ll do anything for him but when River sets the bowl in front of him just the smell of the food so close makes his stomach rolls. He gently pushes the plate away with his paw.

“Okay, that’s no good. Can you at least drink some water for me?” River asks sliding the bowl he’d placed out earlier in front of Jamie. Jamie appeases River lapping at the water.

“How bout we try a granola bar maybe that will sit better?” River asks extending a piece of a bar to Jamie. Jamie eyes it warily but accepts it gently taking the granola into his mouth. His stomach doesn’t feel like an amusement park as he chews so that’s a positive.

He lets that settle and a few minutes later River breaks off another piece giving it to Jamie. As he’s chewing he begins to lose consciousness again exhaustion winning over.  

***

Jamie isn’t sure how much later but judging by the darkness he’s sure it’s got to be the middle of the night, he’s woken by River sneezing.

Hhheh’SSsssTch..Hhh’SssStchuu..Hheh’hhh’TSsssTch..SssStch..Hhh’Hehh’SSssTchu..Hhh’SStchuu..Hhh’SSsTchu..’Tsstch.Hhh’Hheh’SsssTchu.Heh’hhh’Tch..SssStch..Hhh’TSssTchu...HhhehSTch..Hhh’SSTCH..Hheh’SSsTCHU..Hhh'SSTCH

It’s relentless. River is helplessly compelled to submit to every release. It’s the most brutal attack Jamie has ever witnessed from River, potentially hours of build up after being in an enclosed space with Jamie. Jamie inches towards the tent door flap. He whines and paws at the door. “Iiii’m—“

HheHH’TSSTCH…Hhh’SsSsTCHuu…TSSTCH.Hehh’Hhh'SSSTCH

"ffffiiinnee”

'SSSTCH

River barely gets out, he is clearly not fine. Jamie whines again this time trying to use his teeth to grab onto the zipper to open the tent door himself. He huffs in frustration when that doesn’t work. When River’s sneezing morphs into coughing and wheezing Jamie becomes more insistent, frantically pawing and crying at the door. He doesn’t care that he’s hurt, he can handle the cold but he has to get out of small tent.

“Alright Jam.” River says, his voice scratchy.

As soon as the door is open Jamie, drags himself from the tent, settling under a tree that’s a good 5 meters away.

After 10 minutes River emerges from the tent. Even in the small light from the flashlight he’s holding Jamie can see that his eyes are red and his face looks a little swollen and puffy.

The light scans the area until it lands on Jamie. He whines sympathetically at River covering his paw over his face to convey his apology. 

“Awww Jam, it’s alright, I’m alright. I took more meds, they'll kick in, please come back to the tent.”

Jamie vehemently shakes his head.

“Jamie, I promise, it's fine.” Jamie still refuses. “I’m not going to be able to convince you am I?”

Jamie shakes his head.

River sighs. “Okay, how ‘bout this. I won’t ask you to come back inside, but can you stay just outside the tent door.  Please? I’d feel better if you were closer.” Jamie tries not to get too mushy over that. He nods and slowly begins inching back towards the tent the sleeping bag in tow.

“Here let me help.” River says coming out of tent he wraps his arms around Jamie’s belly and helps stand him upright. Jamie leans his weight into River hobbling back to the tent entrance.

“I hope you feel better tomorrow.” River says his voice bleeding with concern. “Night Jam.” He says giving him a quick scratch behind his ear. Jamie makes a pleased sound in his throat. River enters back into the tent quickly releasing a set of sneezes. Jamie makes a small whimpering sound before curling around himself and falling back to sleep.

***

Jamie is decidedly not better in the morning. He’s worse. He wakes up dizzy and disoriented, his eyesight is blurry, his paws feel numb and tingly, and the pain is unsurmountable.

River takes one look at him and panics.

“Fuck Jam we have to get you out of here. I have no idea how to care for you but something is really wrong. Shit! Shit! Shit! What are we going to do? God this is all my fault!”

Jamie’s too confused and too in pain to fully comprehend what River is going on about but his instinct is to comfort River, he nuzzles his leg with a soft whimpering noise. He thinks he vaguely hears River saying sorry before he loses consciousness entirely. 

***

Jamie wakes slowly to bright lights and a steady beeping noise. He glances down catching sight of a hand. Twitching the fingers, he realizes it’s his own. But when did he shift back?

“Where am I?”

“Jam! Oh thank God.”

The remaining fog disappears and Jamie blinks to see River leaning over him intently.

“You’re in the hospital sweetheart. Your injuries produced some internal bleeding, you had to have surgery.”

“But I don’t understand how—“ He gestures at his very human body. 

River’s face looks contrite. “Right, about that. I didn’t know what to do, but you were legitimately dying. I contacted Mel on the alert device. She came and got us but ummm well she knows. I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to but I needed, *you* needed help. I wasn’t going to lose you. For what it's worth I know she'll protect you. She'll keep your secret.” He finishes with a whisper.

“It’s okay Riv. You did what you had to, and I agree I trust Mel. Remember when she told us that her family heritage is Cree and that the ranch name even means wolf?" 

River nods. 

"Well after she shared that, I did some research. Apparently wolves are pretty sacred in Cree culture. Between that and the all hands meeting she called after the new laws were instated I knew if it ever came to it she'd be an ally. I didn't tell her, much for the reason why I didn't tell you. I was worried about your safety and the safety of your jobs, and her business. If anyone else had to know about me from this situation I'm glad it's her. But the doctors here, they-" 

"No, we took care, they don't know, we knew it was too risky to come to a corporate hospital with you as you were. Turns out Mel was the best person outside of your brother I could have told." 

"Ty's here?" 

River nods. "He's listed as your emergency contact Mel contacted him right after we got you transported here." 

"Right, yeah." Jamie says shaking the confusion. 

"He stepped out to get some coffee, I think, but aside from that and bathroom breaks he hasn't left your side.

“Anyways about how we got you here like this, before coming here, Mel took you to a private care physician who specializes in "animal" treatment. He’s also part Cree. He gave you some medication that forced you back into your human form so we could transport you to a hospital for treatment.” River whispers this hardly audible but knowing that Jamie will catch it, not sure how much is safe to share even behind closed doors, uncertain of how thick the walls and doors are, and who might be around to hear.

Jamie nods following along. "How long have I been—"

“Just relax. The doctor will be in to check on you in a little bit. She can answer all your questions.” River says leaning forward to steal a quick kiss. At the same moment the door opens.

A relieved sigh comes from the person. Jamie meets the concerned eyes of his brother. Waves of emotion are reflected there, but when Ty speaks it's all joking.

“Hey baby bro, good to see you finally got your head out of your ass and listened to me.”

Jamie lets out a light laugh before realizing the flexion in his abdominal muscles hurts in a way that takes his breath away. “Mmmm” he moans. “Okay obviously no laughing.” He says a little breathlessly.

“Sorry” Ty says his playful jovial attitude immediately replaced.

“Hey” Jamie says hoping to interrupt what guilt ridden thoughts are going through Tyler’s mind. “I want to be clear about one thing. My getting my head out of my ass had nothing to do with you. It was River’s doing so feel free to take no credit. There’s hardly enough room in here to swing a cat with you and your ego taking up space.”  

Ty laughs but his expression remains somber. “You had us acting like a bunch of cats on a hot tin roof Pudge.” His face pales as memories of seeing Jamie barely clinging to life filter through his mind. “Don’t you ever do that to us again!”

Despite his grim expressions Jamie takes comfort in the fact that he’s continuing to play their little game.

He shoots a playful smile despite the pain he's growing steadily more conscious of the longer he stays awake. He knows both Ty and River have been through enough in who knows how many days. They don’t need any more reminders of his brush with death.

“You know us cats have nine lives and don’t worry unless my boyfriend finds himself unknowingly stumbling on a grizzly bear den again I won’t be taking on any more bears.”

“Boyfriend?” River asks with tentative hopefulness.

“I hear dating someone is the least you can do after someone saves your life.” Tyler says with a smirk.

The heavy bleakness that had taken residence in the room dissipating, much to Jamie's relief.

“Well I guess square is square” River responds also smiling, his dimples in full force. “Just—you’re really okay with that?” He says turning to Jamie.

Jamie situates the mechanical bed so he’s propped upright. “I’m tired of pretending that I don’t want you, that I don’t need you like the air I breathe, the water I drink, the food I eat. Like you said, we’ll figure it out.” He gently tugs River towards him, taking his lips. River sighs into his mouth. The kiss quickly heating up. River tugging playfully on Jamie’s lips compelling a small unmistakable moan out of Jamie.

“And that’s my cue to leave.” Ty says “I’m happy for you Pudge, truly, but there are some things a guy shouldn’t be exposed to about his brother.

“Sorry” Jamie mumbles turning bright red.

River laughs. “My fault. I’ll behave.” He says before bending to Jamie in a whisper “At least until we get home.” Giving Jamie’s ear a quick lick.

Jamie squirms his blush deepening watching Tyler’s amused expression. This is mortifying but he supposes he'd rather the amusement than Tyler's previous grim sorrow. Whispering he says “That’s not as discreet as you think it is Riv. With our senses, my brother can smell that I’m uhhh—I believe the polite way to say it would be, affected by you.“

“Oh! Sss—“  

Hhh’SssTch…TtSsch..Hh’hh’HhSsTchu..HhhSsSTch..TtStCh—u…H’EeeSssTch

“Sorry” River finishes after the sneeze interruption glancing to Ty “Ooops….?”

Ty just laughs. “It’s not like I didn’t have a week and a half to get immune to it. Anytime you were near my brother he turned into his own Eau de toilette: Rivière d'amour.” 

Jamie buries his head in the blanket while River looks at him intrigued. "You think your so clever." He grouses.

But River is unperturbed "Really?" 

“Oh yeah, it was so strong I'm pretty sure it’s still lingering on me. I thought I was going to need to invest in an air freshener for my car so people didn't think I was stinking up the place when I went back home.”  

“Shut up. Aren’t you supposed to be nice to the patient?” Jamie mumbles from underneath the blanket.

“I think it’s sweet that you smell different with me.” River says. “Wait, do I?”

“Do you what?” Jamie peeks his head out from the blanket.

“Do I smell different when I’m around you?”

Tyler laughs. "Yeah Pudge, explain this to River."

Jamie is probably turning purple at this point. “Well uhhh I—when we’re I mean ummm—you do—that is—I don't think the nuances are that noticeable to other wolves, at least Ty said he couldn't tell. Which is typically the case, usually humans have a little bit of a scent but it's not as strong to us as our own kind but you uhhh... well your scent is like nothing that I have ever experienced and I'm pretty attune to the variances. You smell different when you're angry scared and umm I can smell when you’re turned on.”

“Wow! That’s—you’ll have to tell me all these little things. There’s a lot I want to learn and I want you to tell me everything. When we’re in private.”

Jamie nods "Yeah there are definitely things now that I can actually talk that I need to tell you, paramount being—" 

"Shhh" River puts his finger over Jamie's mouth "Anything you have to tell me, big revelations included, can wait for when we're home. While you're here we're not going to concern ourselves with anything beyond keeping you well enough to get there.  Right now I'm just glad that you're alive and here with me."

At that moment the doctor comes in. She examines him asking him questions about how he is now that he's conscious and can speak for himself. As River had explained he'd had emergency surgery to stop his internal bleeding. The doctor also explains that he required hundreds of stiches from both the claw and bite marks he'd endured but River's first aid care likely saved his life long enough to get him to professional medical care. He had multiple fractured ribs and had broken both his radius and ulna bone in his right forearm from the bear biting him, He’ll need to be in a cast for 6 weeks followed by physical therapy. Minus the permanent scars, they expect him to make a full recovery, amazed already with his progress he’s made just within the 4 days he’s been in the hospital. If he remains stable over-night now that he has been conscious for a sustained period he will be discharged the following day.

“I’ll give mom and dad the news” Ty says after they’ve been briefed. “They’ll be out here tomorrow, it was the soonest they could make arrangements with dad’s work. I’ll just have them meet us at Mahihkan since you’re being discharged tomorrow.”

Jamie groans “Did you tell them I’m fine now and there’s no need.”

“Pudge, you know I couldn’t have kept them away, ma especially.”

“I know, I know and I’m not ungrateful. I just—“

“You don’t like people worrying about you. I know, but you’re going to have accept that you do have people that worry about you and will be there for you when you’re suffering because none of us are going anywhere soon.”

Jamie sighs but with a smile. “Thanks Ty.”

“You know I’m always here for you Pudge and so are your coworkers at Mahihkan. I’m glad that you’ve found your pack. Speaking of, I think you and River need some alone time. You two are still on vacation after-all. I won’t intrude any more on your time. I’ll be back tomorrow though. Do everything I wouldn’t do.” He says with a wink then turns to River “Just go easy on him yeah he is still recovering.” And quickly leaves the room.

River laughs while Jamie turns into a cherry. “Subtle.”

“I don’t think he’d know subtle if it was a broadside of a barn.” Jamie comments with a fond smile. “He comes across sometimes as a social goof ball but underneath that he’s a sensitive guy and a total romantic. We’re both quite old in our terms to still be single. I know he wants a partner but he’s had a string of bad relationships. He’s happy that it’s something I’ve found, well and he’ll never turn down the opportunity to embarrass me.”

“So he’s basically the perfect brother.”

“Yeah, he really is.” Jamie says unable to stop the full faced smile that stretches across his cheeks. He shifts trying to get comfortable, wincing from the pain.

River immediately launches into caretaker mode. “You alright sweetheart?”

“Pain meds have definitely all worn off, feeling a bit like I’ve been mauled by a bear, you know you’re typical Saturday, or whatever day it is.” Jamie grins through the pain.

“Can I maybe—“

“What?”

“Can I get in the bed with you?”

Even right next to him it doesn't feel like River's close enough, the idea of River in his bed with him sounds most appealing. “Please.”

River carefully slides in on alongside Jamie. Circling his arms around Jamie’s good arm, careful not to touch anywhere he knows he's bruised, broken, and stitched.  

“Is this okay?”

“More than.” Jamie presses in closer.

“I’m not hurting you?”

“You’re the only thing that doesn’t hurt right now Riv.” Jamie says maybe revealing too much about the pain he’s still in but Jamie doesn't want to hide anything from River.

They lay in silence, Jamie unconsciously running his hand through River’s hair, River drawing shapes on Jamie’s chest. Their lips find each other in a moment of pure softness.

River abruptly pulls away putting as much space between Jamie and him as is allowable in the small bed.

Hh’TtStch..Hhh’hh’SsSTChu..Hh’SsTch…Hh’SSssssTch…Hhh’Hh’SSTchu..Hh’SsTch..Hh’hh’TSTch

The tiny convulsions vibrate through River, his body jerking violently against Jamie. “Sorry, maybe this was a bad idea. I don’t want to hurt you and I’m probably going to keep sneezing.”

Jamie pulls River back into him. “I think it’s I who should be saying sorry. And no you didn’t hurt me, you could never hurt me, as long as I have you.”

River smiles "I'm sure that's not true, but I appreciate the sentiment." He nestles into Jamie's side but it’s only a few minutes before the need to sneeze overtakes him again, but as he goes to pull away Jamie lays his arm on him.

“Stay. You won’t hurt me.”

River wants to protest but the sneezes are building too fast and Jamie’s arm has him securely in place so he does the only thing he can do, pressing his face into the pillow releasing the tickles, attempting to control how much his body moves with each release.

MmmptStch…PpptStch..MmPTSch..HHhmmmStch..Hhh’TxXT

“Bless you sunshine”

River blinks up into Jamie’s soulful brown eyes some 15 sneezes later.

Jamie traces his thumb along River’s jawline then his bottom lip with his fingers. River’s tongue sweeps out grazing Jamie’s finger before he puckers his lips and sucks it into his mouth.

Jamie gasps as River’s tongue plays around the tip of his finger. Jamie wasn’t even aware that his nerve endings were so sensitive there but his entire body is alert and singing. “Riv” he says with a desperate whine.

River releases Jamie’s finger with a pop. “I was so scared Jam. I thought—I thought I was going to lose you and I—I felt like a piece of me was dying with you. Being without you is like trying to breathe on a planet without air. Please don’t let me face a world without you.”

Jamie turns on his side sliding a leg between Rivers’ and pulling him so they’re face to face.   

“I’m here Riv. I’m with you. “

River sobs pressing his face into Jamie’s neck.

“Shhh. It’s okay now Rivy. I’m not leaving you. I’d die for you in a heartbeat, but we’re going to live together first. I’m not leaving a love like this so easily.”

River’s eyes meet Jamie’s his lashes damp with unshed tears. “Love?” He whispers.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, it seems like such a simple declaration but I didn’t have all the words I wanted to say before. I still don’t. I love you doesn’t seem enough, it doesn’t begin to cover the magnitude of what I feel for you. I could tell you every second of every minute of every hour of every day for a thousand years and it wouldn’t even come close to the measure of love I feel for you. But even if it doesn’t quite cover it you deserve to hear it. I love you River. A part of me always has, my wolf knew from the beginning, it sees its equal, its perfect match, in you. I love you and I promise to find new ways of telling you every single day so maybe one day when we put all the declarations together it comes close to the ineffable depth of feelings I have for you.”

“Jesus Jam. And you say your brother is the romantic.” River replies the tears now openly falling down his cheek.

Jamie’s right side of his mouth quirks up in a tiny self-satisfied smile. “I never said I wasn’t. I just made the claim that he was. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

River chuckles wrapping placing his palm at the back of Jamie’s neck pulling him so his face is only a couple of inches away from Jamie, so they’re breathing each other’s breath, the currents of desire almost palpable between them. “Kiss me.”

The command ripples through Jamie’s body like a breeze, making him shudder. His lips becoming River’s, as they connect. It's gentle and soft and exploratory, a promise, a gift. They kiss one, twice, tasting each other slow and sweet until Jamie slides his arms around River’s shoulders pressing River into him with a fervent need, opening his mouth so River’s tongue slips in caressing Jamie’s. Jamie’s breath grows ragged and they kiss harder, deeper, with increasing urgency. Jamie’s at last right where he should be, drinking his fill and tangled in the limbs of his mate.  

***

It's been a long morning as they cover all the logistics of his release and Jamie is anxious to get home.

With the help of River and Ty he's just finished getting dressed in an overly large baggy t-shirt and sweats and has just completed signing his discharge papers when two cops come into the room.  

The surly alpha male personality looking one violently pulls Jamie's arms behind his back, gripping his broken arm with extreme force, cuffing him. “Jamie Alldridge you are under arrest for maintaining a relationship with a human as a wolf and for keeping your identity secret.” 

Jamie winces in pain from his broken arm being handled so roughly but chokes back the distressed noise begging to come out of his mouth.

“Stop! You’re hurting him.” River cries attempting to run over to Jamie, but is held at bay by the other officer.

“How did you even—“ River trails off to see Scott standing just outside the open door next to yet another officer.

“Scott! You filthy bastard! How could you!?”

“How could I!? That’s the thanks I get!? Rio, I know you're some pansy woke snowflake but that man is dangerous, he’s been lying to us all, you most off all! I was protecting you, all of us. A wolf has no right to be with a human. He has no right to work among us. I refuse to work alongside him. You'd see it to if you weren't so busy pushing the liberal agenda."

“Jamie is the purest person I’ve ever met. Who he is, being with him, isn’t a crime! The true crime is people like you.” He turns back to the officer “This isn’t right! If you’re going to arrest him arrest me too! I too have broken the law being with him.”

“We are aware that you were only recently privy to the fact that Mr. Alldridge is a wolf and that your relationship began before you knew. You were unwillingly lured into a relationship with this beast. You are exempt from arrest. It's this one that needs to be taken off the streets.”

“No! That’s not—“

“What is the meaning of this? Do not handle my patient this way.” The doctor says coming into the room at all the commotion. “He’s recovering from a bear attack and is not be handled so.”

“Seeing as how I have this man’s discharge papers in hand, he is no longer your patient and is now under the jurisdiction of Flathead County Police Department. He is a criminal and is being taken into custody. I suggest you don’t stand in our way in less you also wish to be arrested for obstruction of justice.”

The doctor looks shocked but stands down.

The officer leads Jamie out the door

River struggles "Get off me!" He screams at the officer detaining him, finally breaking free from the stronghold running towards Jamie and the other officer as they enter the lobby.

“No!" He pleads. "You can’t do this, please! Take me too. I knew. I knew.  You have to take me too. Jamie!” He says his throat burning with held back tears.

"We're not after you." The Cop states simply. "He's the one we want and we got him. You mean nothing to us." 

Jamie glances at River an unspeakable sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry sunshine. You have to let them take me. It’ll be okay. I'm always with you, hold onto that."

River takes a quivering shaky breath tears streaming down his face. “How can you be with me if you’re not by my side?”

“Because Riv” he jostles his shoulder so the loose shirt he's wearing slips down his shoulder and cocks his head to the side to reveal the still raised and red teeth marks left behind from River’s mouth against his flesh. His eyes momentarily glance at Ty when he hears his gasp, knowing he understands the significance of the mark, and gives him a small nod and thin lined smile.

“I was going to ask you if I could return to the favor, maybe someday I’ll be able to, if you’ll let me. But this means I’m yours. I belong to you. For always. Listen to your heartbeat and know mine beats with yours. That’s how you know I’m with you.”

“I don’t understand what—“ 

“Enough!” The Officer who has Jamie yanks hard on Jamie’s broken arm shoving him towards the exit.

"He isn't resisting you pompous asshole!" Tyler says warningly his own anger flaring again. "You don't have to treat him like that."

“And what are you going to do about it sonny? The law is the law. And don’t think for one second I won't hesitate in arresting you too.”

Ty’s and the officer’s eyes clash. Ty wants to show this guy who he’s really messing with, what happens when you come between a wolf and his family. "You think you're so tough big guy? You need that shiny badge to feel important. Your machismo and alpha posturing means nothing to me. I'll show you—"

"Ty" Jamie says gently. "You know this man is just the cat's paw. You told me that there had to be a way to fight this, to look at all my options and alternatives before accepting an unjust fate. But we have to choose our battles Ty. This isn't the one you should be fighting. There's a whole different game of cat and mouse that you should be playing, don't waste your time having kittens over this guy." Jamie stares at Tyler steadily his gaze penetrating. The silent conversation continues until Tyler’s shoulders slump his face grim.

"Okay" He concedes.

"What!?" River interjects.

"We have to let him go." Ty whispers grabbing River's hand. 

"NO! How can you say that! He's your brother! You know what they're going to do to him." 

Ty's eyes are filled with a silent agonized rage. "I know" he croaks. 

"Then why! We can't! They're not!" River's crying so hard now he isn't getting enough oxygen taking huge gasping heaves.

"Riv look at me." Jamie's gentle voice cuts through the chaos. River's eyes snap to Jamie's. "This isn't going to be easy for you, which is why I need you to remember what I said. When it becomes too much, listen to, take comfort in your heartbeat, that's where I am, until I can be with you in person."

River gives I distraught sob. "I really don't understand." 

"I know sunshine, just please tell me you'll remember."

"I'll remember Jam." 

"Good and remember this too, I love you. I love you forever and I love you for always."

River releases another heavy blubbering snivel. "I love you too Jam." He says softly, resigned.

Jamie's eyes flick once more to Tyler giving him another pointed look "Be there for River please." 

"Yes, of course Pudge, you know I will." 

Jamie gives a singular nod.

"Alright I've heard just about enough of this soft ass bull shit. You shut up! Or I'll be gagging you, you think you can do that mongrel?" The cop angrily spouts. Jamie casts another look to both River and Tyler silently nodding.

Jamie's hauled the rest of the way to the police car, shoved into the back seat. As the car pulls away sirens blaring, River falls to his knees on the ground in despair.

“What are we going to do Ty?” He says shakily his voice soggy with tears.

“I don’t know, but Jamie was insinuating something in everything he said to the two of us. I think he wants us to fight this, not just his arrest, but the law the led to it, and I think he was telling us how. He was telling us something more than meets the eye by showing us the bite you gave him. I’m sure of it and we’ll figure it out, starting with you telling me how it happened.”

~TBC~

Additional Author's Note: 

Chapter title comes from the song "Never Let Me Go" By Florence and the Machine

 

Edited September 20, 2023 by Not Telling
Changed Chapter number. Numbers got misaligned, had multiple chapters listed as the same number.

[dwaekki]

You CANNOT let this happen omg 😭😭 just when everything was getting so soft too! I'm glad to hear that you have a brainstorm for the storyline ready because I can't wait to see what happens next! This whole chapter was so beautifully devastating yet sweet, and the sneezes really made it one of the best things to read. PLEASE update soon I can't take this 😭😭💔

[ichixshiro14]

Noooo this roller coaster is too much for my poor heart 🥺🥺🥺

Another amazing chapter for sure. They're always worth the wait because they're like the length of several chapters! 

Also, the mistreatment hits a little too close to home in the USA... 😮‍💨

[thesneezyowl]

12 hours ago, Not Telling said:

The surly alpha male personality looking one violently pulls Jamie's arms behind his back, gripping his broken arm with extreme force, cuffing him. “Jamie Alldridge you are under arrest for maintaining a relationship with a human as a wolf and for keeping your identity secret.” 

I gasped and then proceeded to bite off all of my nails reading the rest. The length of your updates is a gift that keeps on giving!!! The declaration of love from Jamie alone will hold me over until the next update!!! 

[Lily]

On 9/11/2023 at 10:14 AM, ichixshiro14 said:

Also, the mistreatment hits a little too close to home in the USA... 😮‍💨

💜 

coucou @Not Telling 💜

I read with bliss these last chapters I didn't read before, thank you so much because this story is wow, everything. The talking inducing the sneezing was such a great idea I loved it I think I re-read this part again and again because that was just so great !! The emotions ??? The part where Jam is crying, letting go of all things that triggering him was so moving I felt like my mouth was becoming dryer as I read it because it was so well written I could feel how he feel. The brother ? I love a great brother coming in to shake the other sibling, and also how he see (or smell) Riv and Jam's relation is just the absolute best, I was giggling. Sorry if my comment is a bit confused, I'm a bit confused too after this read of mine. I can't wait to see what you have to give us after this, but until now, it's just a masterpiece.

But the ending of this last chapter 💔 please take care of them 😭

just to finish on a lighter note : Jam's sneezing because of the excitment of the game is just the absolute cutest 🥰

[funbusej]

I KNEW that bastard was going to be a problem!  Mel should have booted Scott's ass as soon as he outed himself as a nasty bigot.  Ty, you better be as smart as Jamie thinks you are!!!  You have me on the edge of my seat, I am right there in the trenches with River, feeling his pain.  This story is amazing, and I can't wait to see how things play out from here.  Hopefully, they will get there happy ending...

[2SHY222]

WHAT???!!! DAMN IT SCOTT! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?! Now with that out of the way...this chapter had be on my toes the entire time. I'm sooooooo happy River was accepting (told ya so Jamie) and the way he didn't let his allergy come between them especially when he was taking care of Jamie was incredible. I can't wait to see how they fight the system or at least stand up for the injustice. 

Also the fact that River could tell when Jamie was blushing in wolf form made me giggle. It was adorable.

[solitaire-au]

Oh, I feel so bad for Jamie! 😢 

@Not Telling the suspense is agony, but not as much agony as what Jamie and River are going through! 😭 

[Not Telling]

Soooo......fun story (please note the heavy sarcasm). This is my third time drafting this introduction and all my responses to y'all. The first two times while making final tweaks and edits to the update before posting I lost everything. (Not the chapters themselves luckily, those are saved elsewhere though I did lose any additions and updates I made after pasting into the editing box which there were a fair few.) And for whatever reason undo did not bring it back. All said, I've lost about 8 hours worth of writing. 😭 I'm still quite distraught and unhappy and felt I needed to share. There go any future plans. Here we go again, third times a charm I suppose. 

@dwaekki I know I know I'm sorry. It had to happen. Well, I suppose technically it didn't, but storyline and plot and all that jazz. I did try to integrate some soft and tender moments to try and alleviate some of the heaviness of the angst. While I do enjoy a good hurt/comfort trope, I myself can only handle a certain quotient of angst and require a balanced ratio between the two, my poor heart can't handle it otherwise. (My first draft leaned very heavy into the hurt with very little comfort. A good foundation, but definitely not publishable.)

@ichixshiro14 Would it help if I told you that I feel your pain? Angst always weighs heavy on my heart and completely destroys me. Thank you again for your nice compliment. ☺️

On 9/11/2023 at 2:14 AM, ichixshiro14 said:

Also, the mistreatment hits a little too close to home in the USA... 😮‍💨

Yeah, sadly, the reality is not too different from the fiction. Societies have a long standing history of oppressing minorities.  I drew inspiration from many events including WWII, the apartheid in South Africa, racial segregation, and anti-miscegenation laws. The laws and proceedings in the story are pretty corollary to current social injustices. I actually did quite a bit of research into existing anti-gay and anti-trans laws specifically in the US and Montana. The law in my story that allows business and schools to forcibly out wolves was actually patterned off of a law that I discovered exists in Montana: SB518 which allows schools to misgender and forcibly out transgender and non-binary students. Just heartbreaking.

@thesneezyowl I hope that your nails are okay, and they've had time to recuperate! I have a feeling you will need them for the next chapter. The duration between updates was solely for your benefit.  Jamie's love declaration was such a soft and sweet moment. Knowing what was coming, I really wanted it to be accompanied with tender moments to make the angst at least partially more manageable. 

@Lily Thank you so much! Tu es trop mignon! 🥰 Don't you worry, your comment made perfect sense. Yes, I am rather fond of Tyler myself and to think that he was only a character that was developed based on how the story was evolving and not one I had originally intended for, but now he's such an integral secondary character.   

@funbusej Your instincts were correct! I think sadly, Mel wasn't aware of Scott's true nature until it was too late. It would also have been a pretty precarious situation that she would need to handle alleviating him of his position delicately to not incur legal ramifications especially since Scott's actions and statements were protected by the law. I imagine for it to work she would have needed to "let him go" under the basis that his services were no longer required rather than terminating him.

@2SHY222 Your outburst at Scott made me smile. I wholeheartedly agree. Actually, your entire comment made me smile. Thank you! 

On 9/15/2023 at 1:59 PM, 2SHY222 said:

I'm sooooooo happy River was accepting (told ya so Jamie) and the way he didn't let his allergy come between them especially when he was taking care of Jamie was incredible.

This was one of my favorite parts to write. Of course River would prioritize taking care of Jamie and his wellness and safety above anything else. He even intentionally didn't make  any distressed comments about his allergies, as he sometimes does when he's caught in an epic allergy fit out of sensitivity to Jamie, knowing that he would internalize it and feel even more guilty over it and he didn't want that.

@solitaire-au Indeed.  

 

_____________________________________________

Hello friends! I truly can't thank you all enough for your wonderful comments. It makes my day reading what each of have to say and think. 🥰 Thank you for giving this story your attention and life and giving a tortured writer such kindness and encouragement. 😂 

We're in for a bit of a bumpy ride but I think (I hope) that you will find this next part satisfactory. Because I didn't want to leave y'all hanging again we're in for a two-parter!

I actually did extensive research while writing this next part to ensure authenticity. It's admittedly silly, because it's just a piece of fiction and I could easily have made up the details and it wouldn't have compromised the integrity of the story nor would have the overall direction or intent have been lost, but as the story is based in a realistic world and not an entirely made up I have an obsessive and neurotic need for accuracy, even with the minute details. The devil is in the details after-all. 

For everyone who has been craving some Jamie sneezes, I think you will be pleased....

I hope you all enjoy! Without any further gilding the lily.....

______________________________________________

Chapter 13: Sometimes You're Made To Feel As If Your Love's a Crime
Nothing Worth Having Comes Without Some Kind of Fight

Incarcerated life for a wolf is even worse than one would expect. If the animosity towards preternatural creatures on the outside was abominable it's nothing compared to the enmity that was pervasive throughout the prison system, beginning with the warden.

Jamie was attended to by the prison physician to ensure that his bear attack wounds were routinely checked but due to the beatings at the hands of the prison guards recovery was slower than projected. It’s never enough to necessitate hospitalization as that would require documented incident reports which could potentially expose the less than legal operations occurring within the prison. It was just enough to regularly incapacitate Jamie and prevents him from fully healing.

He’s given food but his appetite is practically non-existent. He forces himself to eat when it’s available and he tries to remain active through some circuits of body weight exercises but most days he’s too exhausted and feeble to expend much energy. He’s lost weight, his muscles having begun to atrophy.

It’s been 4 months since that day at the hospital. Three months since his trial and he plead guilty for violating Montana’s anti-lycan-miscegenation law and sentenced to 5 years in prison. That was the last time he saw Tyler, his family, and River.

He has been placed in solitary confinement for his posed danger to the prison employs and other inmates as a wolf. The official report states that his first night he arrived he shifted and brutally attacked three of the prison guards.

He lives in a bathroom sized grey concrete cell with no windows, a single toilet and sink, locked behind a solid metal door. Outside of the prison officials, the prison appointed physician, and the infrequent visits from his attorney- most of their communication occurring through legal mail – he hasn’t seen or spoken to another person since the judge’s ruling.

He sleeps on the cement floor with only a blanket to cushion himself. Most nights the lights are left on in his cell and especially to Jamie's sensitive ears there is a constant cacophony of echoing voices, keys clanging, doors banging, and feet walking down the corridor.

His food is given to him through a slit in his door. Meager amounts of hygienic products like soap, shampoo, and toothpaste are squeezed out into dixie cups and supplied only once a month. He's permitted to shower once every week. The prison uniforms are jumpsuits but Jamie is only permitted to wear it when his attorney visits, otherwise the only clothing he is provided is boxer shorts.

He's allowed out of his cell for an hour at a time each day where he is escorted to the yard or what the officials like to refer to as "outside" but it's just another concrete room roughly the size of 2 parking spaces with cement walls 20 feet high covered with a grate on top that reveals a tiny patch of sky. 

Hheh'...Heeh'Ssschiew…Haah'SchChew..Hhhehh…Hhhehhh…Hheh’ASSsTchiew Hehh…Hhhehh’SssTchiew.

Jamie sneezes for what feels like the thousandth time today.

That’s the other thing, once a day he gets injected with a serum that blocks his ability to shift but for the serum to be effective it needs to mixed with the rhinovirus antigen. Jamie has been some level of perpetually sick since his arrest.

If it weren’t for the letters, the one thing tethering him to the outside world, and granting him any semblance of human interaction, he’d probably be going mad from social isolation and touch starvation. All incoming mail is inspected and censored by prison officials. In Jamie’s case, he figured out early on this meant that letters from his family and River were being confiscated but privileged mail, or mail between client and attorney, court, or other legal entity that is clearly marked by law, while it can be opened to check for contraband it cannot be read by any prison official and the recipient must be given the correspondence per the law. 

Since Jamie’s indictment Tyler connected Jamie to an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union, Bradley Coben who agreed to take his case on the consideration that his arrest, ruling by the city court, and Montana law HB802 violates constitutional rights as they exist under the 14^th Amendment. With the legal communication he receives Ty and his attorney came up with the brilliant idea to clandestinely slip in the personal letters along with the legal mail.

While he has only been able to send and receive one letter with River through this method it has served as a lifeline.

Jamie scans the most recent letter from his attorney.

LEGAL DEPARTMENT AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION FOUNDATION NATIONALOFFICE125BROADSTREET,18THFL.NEWYORK,NY10004‐2400T/212.549.2500F/212.549.2651WWW.ACLU.ORG

BY USPS MAIL

May 30^th 2025

RE: DISTRICT APPEAL DOCKET NUMBER DC-15-2025-17

Dear Mr. Alldridge,

As suspected the district court denied your appeal for post-conviction relief. We continue to work closely with your brother Tyler Alldridge and will be filing a petition for writ of Certiorari to review the judgment of Flathead County Court with the office of the clerk of the Supreme Court. The original proceedings of the petition must contain and set forth:

i.                The facts that make it appropriate that the Supreme Court Accept Jurisdiction.

ii.              The particular legal questions and issues expected to be raised in the proceeding. Our claim is that your ruling, arrest, and Montana law HB802 violates constitutional rights as they exist under the 14^th Amendment due process and equal protection clause.

iii.             Summarizes the arguments and authorities for accepting jurisdiction and pertaining to the merits of the particular questions and issues expected to be raised.

iv.             A copy of each judgement, order, notice, pleading, and document proceeding referred to in the petition.

Enclosed is the petition and supporting documents. Please review each thoroughly. I have taken the liberty of highlighting the sections you are required to fill out on the petition form. Note the time for filing is 90 days.  You will also note that there is a $100.00 filing charge. You will not need to worry about that, your brother has covered this fee on your behalf.

If you have any questions or comments please include them in your next correspondence. Upon your approval we will be submitting the petition.

Sincerely,

Bradley Coben

Staff Attorney

American Civil Liberties Union

Embedded in the middle of the petition documents hidden amidst documents with a legal header and paragraphs of legal jargon lies River’s latest letter.

My sweetest Jamie,

I was ecstatic when I received notice that your attorney would be sending you the latest update on your case as I finally have excuse to write to you again.

As I’m sure you have read the district court dismissed your appeal. This was as we had expected but disappointing nonetheless as it extends the time you’re away from me. I know we’re fighting for the greater good, but selfishly I want you with me. The lawyers have warned us that depending upon how far we have to take our case we could be waiting over a year probably longer and even then there’s no guarantee the law will be overturned and you’ll be released. I wish the judge had granted your motion to vacate your conviction and set aside your sentence so you could be with us taking the petition to the higher courts on the outside instead of from behind bars. 

To say I miss you my sweetest love, would be an understatement. These letters offer some solace but it’s not nearly enough.

What you told me in your last letter about wolf relationship dynamics and that what you were eluding to, that day outside of the hospital meant that we had romantically spontaneously bonded and I had marked you as my mate when I bit you left me speechless. I wasn’t sure how soon I would be able to write you again, so I spoke with your brother extensively about it. He explained in more detail that romantic spontaneous bonds even among two wolves hasn’t ever been documented and that to your knowledge its pure folklore. That for a wolf couple to bond they have to go through a series of rituals to form and then solidify a bond which is usually succeeded by mating, that the two happen almost in conjunction with each other. For us to have bonded, as an interspecies couple it’s beyond impossible.

Looking back, it does explain certain compulsions I was having, like how I would tilt my head and show off my neck to you. Ty said that was a behavior known as presenting? He explained that it is a demonstration of acceptance and willingness to mate with a wolf partner. According to him, I evidently did that an absurd amount. I think it must have been mostly unconscious because I really only remember doing it that once while we were in Glacier. Then of course there was my own fascination with your neck. I always wanted to lick it or rub up against it, and as we know, bite it—the one compulsion I couldn’t resist.

I know you were worried over the fact that I had bit you and thereby claimed you as my mate without understanding its full meaning and that you wanted me to be able to make that decision with all the facts. Well, now I know and I can assure you I don’t regret it and I’m not sorry. You’re it for me sweetness. The only thing I’m sorry for is that you didn’t get to complete the mating ritual by biting me. Even without it, you have to know, I’m yours, forever committed and devoted to only you, and when you get out you are free to mark me as your own, in fact I hope you do. #putaringonit  

Shocking though it is, you have to admit it’s terribly romantic. Our souls knew that we were a two piece puzzle meant to fit side by side next to each other before we cognitively knew that we belong together.

You once told me that a part of you had been in love with me since we met. I was reflecting back on the first day we met as well and I think it was the same for me. Can you believe that was just over a year ago now?

When I looked up to see you standing there next to Mel I’m pretty sure my heart arrested. At first I wondered if you were a celebrity guest. People with your caliber of looks don’t exist outside of the upper echelons of society. When I realized that you weren’t just an employee but the person who had been assigned to live with me I’m positive I had a full on heart attack. And then you opened that gorgeous mouth of yours and blushed for the first time while we were introducing ourselves and I was totally endeared. Throughout the course of the day I just kept thinking that your demeanor didn’t at all match how I thought a sexy Adonis such as yourself would act. You were all shy and sweet and a bit mysterious. I knew then that falling in love with you was likely an inevitability. What I didn’t imagine at that time was that it would be the same for you.

That second day when you had me pressed against the counter during your “demonstration” I was milliseconds away from attacking your lips. There’s only so much propriety a guy can maintain when a hunky tall glass of water is pressed up against you mouthing at your erogenous zones, even if said guy is presumably straight and it goes against the number one rule of navigating being gay in a heteronormative society which is NEVER hit on the straight guy.

In that moment it was difficult to remember and even harder to hide the fact that I was unbelievably turned on. I thought even that you noticed and were just too polite to draw attention to it. Then I learned that you’re a bit oblivious to the effect you have on people and are completely unaware of how attractive you….. I know your blushing right now sweetheart and maybe rolling your eyes a little bit, trust me, it’s one of your endearing qualities.   

Do you think one day our story will be a movie? I think if they dyed his hair Timothee Chalamet would make a good me. You’d have to play yourself, there is no one else that could even come close to capturing you.

I developed the photo I took of us while we were in Glacier. You should see it Jam. The picture snapped just before we kissed. Your eyes aren’t quite shut and you have this soft fond smile on your face that pulls at the corner of your eyes and my hand isn’t quite yet on your cheek but on your neck. It’s intimate and serene. You can feel the love jumping off the photo. I would have sent this packet with a copy but I thought when it’s reviewed for contraband it would come across as suspicious.

Things at the Ranch are alright, Jesse and Sarah ask about you regularly. Tyler has adopted to your role well, and I’m grateful that he’s been here but it isn’t the same with you gone. Though I dare say if he weren't sticking around, I don’t think I would be coping as well. Without you I feel this huge gaping emptiness. It by no means compares, but he does help fill the void, if even just a little. If there is someone who misses you as much as I do, it's Ty.

We went to the lake the other day. The temperature is warming up though the water is still quite cold. I only submerged my legs. Naturally Tyler was totally immune. I imagine you would be too, you and your abnormally high body temperature. I kept thinking about the last time we were at the lake together and that if you were with me now I could do to you everything I wanted to do before. I could push you up against the support beam of the dock and kiss you. (We haven’t kissed nearly enough. We’re making up for that when we’re together again.) I would lick the rivulets of water as the drip from the strands of your thick hair down your face and onto your neck. I would wrap your strong secure arms around me and never let you go.

I wish you could be here. Sometimes I just imagine that you’re holding my hand. Sometimes you need somebody to hold your hand to know you’re still alive. Do you need to feel like you’re alive Jam? I can’t imagine the atrocities you’re experiencing. You haven’t shared much and I know what that means, you’re trying to shield me and your family what you’re enduring but you don’t have say anything for me to know, your silence is statement enough. So here’s my hand. Hold it now sweetheart and let me testify to the fact that you’re still alive, your heart is still beating, in perfect rhythm with mine that is ever faithfully yours.  

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, I wouldn’t write all melancholy and forlorn. I wanted to give you happy things to get you through but then I sat down to write and this is what came out. I just miss you my sweet, in a quite simple desperate way. I anxiously await the day you can come back to me. My happiness is to be near you. When will be free of all this and just be able to pass our time loving each other?

Oh! Here’s something funny, there was a wedding ceremony recently that took place at the stables and one of the horses broke down the door and pranced into the reception. There was a carrot cake, I guess he was just really hungry and wanted a special treat. Haha. The couple and guests took it in good humor. Ty definitely had his hands full fixing the door though.

I can’t possibly say everything that I should like in this letter but I hope it brings you some nearness to me as writing it has done for me.

Until we can speak again.

I wait for you always my love.

Your mate,

~Riv

Jamie re-read the letter 3 more times with a simultaneous ache and warmth in his chest. His eyes stinging with unshed tears. Placing his hand over his heart his senses focusing on his heartbeat. After some thought Jamie begins to scrawl out his own response.

My dearest River,

Being able to receive one of your letters is the one of the only things I have to look forward to. Your correspondence is the light that leads me safely to shore while I’m being tossed about these violent and crashing waves.

There is so much I want to say too, I'm afraid that I won't have time to say it all. I don't want to risk a guard checking in on me and confiscating what I'm writing and risk exposing what we've been doing. I also want to get this petition back to Brad as quickly as possible. The sooner the petition can be submitted to the Montana Supreme Court, the sooner I can hopefully return to you and we will have more than written words on a page every few months.

I am not as good at expressing myself as you are, it doesn’t come naturally to me. You’re so open, and honest. Even your face reveals you. You don’t hide anything. It is a marvel to me how unbidden you are with your emotions. For you, I want to be that open. I want you to give you everything you’ve given me and more. I suppose the words flow better on paper, where I have plenty of time to think and compile and organize my thoughts. Ironic isn’t it, that it is easier to expose myself while I am trapped behind bars in a stonewall cage? As it’s the only thing I can give you right now my beloved I will do my best to give you my words and with them my soul.

There are stretches of time where I feel almost lifeless. I think I have to be, I have to dissociate while I’m here. That’s also part of why I don’t share. I don’t entirely mean to be so undisclosed, I just have to be, if I’m to survive in here.

I think I could use a testimony of life from the feeling of your hand in mine. Mostly my testimony right now is the interminable despair I feel since being separated from you but the warmth of your soft hand and living in your memory and solicitude is a far more amenable testimony to be sure.

I am so ready to hold your hand again for real. There is nothing that I desire more than to be with you constantly and look upon your sage green eyes. You know there is nothing like your expressive eyes, the windows I can look through to only see you, because my darling River of all the beauty there is in this world to look upon, of all the breathtaking things I have seen, you have to know that you are the best by far. There is nothing comparable to the warmth and comfort I feel when I hear your full contagious laughter. Simply, there is nothing, no one like you sunshine. (Not even Timothee Chalamet, as wonderful of an actor as he is, would be able to capture even a fraction of your essence. So I suppose what we’re saying is if they make a movie of our story it will have to be a documentary.)

Maybe in a more enlightened time people will know our story. They’ll see these letters and read what we went through and know how in love we are. Though, there is a selfish part of me that would rather keep our love story between just us. What I do hope most of all to come out of story is that it creates a precedent to eradicate these anti-wolf and anti-lycan-miscegenation laws.

There’s this saying we have: “The wolf knows. Where the wolf goes, the human follows.”  Basically, while we are one and not entirely separate there are instincts that are predominately driven by the wolf or the wolf instincts sense something first but the more decidedly human aspects of ourselves eventually, inevitably go along with what the wolf decides. The day we met, my wolf chose you. In other words, falling for you was more than just an inevitability it was a necessity. It doesn’t explain how I spontaneously romantically bonded with you and even less how you were able to spontaneously bond with me and how you were compelled to more wolf-life behaviors.

Maybe we don’t need explanations. Sometimes the greatest things don’t come with an explanation, they just are, and that's what makes them so wondrous. And what is, is you love me and I love you. Something deeper draws us together than a need to understand why. I like to think though, that it is testament to the power of our love, it reveals that it is the purest and truest of loves. It transcends impossibility. Which means my darling River that there is no obstacle our love can’t conquer. We’ve already achieved what cannot be, so everything else that follows is entirely possible.

I remind myself of that when it feels like I’ll never get through this. We’ll get through this Rivy. Our love will hold us together until we can be together again. I fervently desire it to be sooner rather than later, but we’ll hang on for whenever that is, because no matter what anyone else says you and me are meant for this world, we’re meant to be.

I’ll tell you a secret. That second day, when I was conducting my demonstration, I wanted to kiss you too. There is little sweeter, more desirable then your lips, the taste of you on my tongue. (And the only things that are, still come from you). I concur, we will definitely have to remedy the fact that we haven’t kissed nearly enough to be satiated. I can’t say I ever will be.

You awakened something in me and opened me up in ways I hadn’t ever conceived as possible. My body is crazy with wanting you. It’s almost a tyrannical necessity. I want your kisses, and your hotness, your lean muscles, your swoon-worthy voice all melting into me while we hold each other.

Perhaps it’s through this medium that emboldens me to say that when next I see you I will bring you to ecstasy with all the joys of the flesh. I will take you and fill you with such overwhelming pleasure that even your dry bones will quiver when you recall the moment. I will worship you so hard and so long that you will feel like you have left this plane of existence and then I will resurrect you again and again. I will devour you, bringing you to otherworldly delight. I want to thrill you and amaze you to the extent that you’ll confess to yourself that even in your wildest dreams you didn’t think such a transport was possible.

Until then, know that while we are apart in distance you are never far from my mind. Hold onto me as I hold onto you. I promise, I’m coming.

Yours eternal,

Jam

Jamie quickly reads through his letter from Tyler drafting a response to that as well signed the petition forms and put them all in an envelope with the appropriate identification slipping it through the tiny slot from his cell to be taken to the mail room.

When the guard beat Jamie that night he floats away on clouds filled with River’s words re-reading the letter in his mind to block out the pain.

***

 

LEGAL DEPARTMENT AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION FOUNDATION NATIONALOFFICE125BROADSTREET,18THFL.NEWYORK,NY10004‐2400T/212.549.2500F/212.549.2651WWW.ACLU.ORG

BY USPS MAIL

Aug 25^th, 2025

MT SUPREME COURT CASE DA-25-0582

Dear Mr. Alldridge,

We are writing to inform you that the Montana Supreme Court has ordered a response regarding your case.

We will be preparing an opening brief to file within the next 30 days.  

Once the brief is submitted there is potential for the Court to require additional responses including oral argument. I will continue to keep you informed as your case unfolds and apprise you of any new information.

I have attached a copy of the brief and all required response documents for your review.

Please let me know if you have questions in your next response,

Sincerely,

Bradley Coben

Staff Attorney

American Civil Liberties Union

Jamie knows he should feel good about this development and he does but in moderation, he can only scarcely allow himself to imagine his freedom. He does eagerly through the remaining documents searching for River’s letter.

My sweetest Jamie,

I am encouraged that your case has not been dismissed by the Montana Supreme Court. I hope that means they will overturn the law and send you home to me. For right now it means that I get to write to you. Anything that brings me closer to you is a light in my day. It has been however many days since my last letter too long since I was able to speak to you.

I sleep with your last letter underneath my pillow. You say you aren’t good at expressing yourself, but that was exquisite and in consideration of your sweet blushing sensibilities I will attempt to say this as decorously as possible (though given what you wrote, I would argue that your sensibilities aren't as innocent as they would seem) highly erotic. It has come in quite "handy" on numerous occasions since, if you catch my drift. Ahhh! There it is my sweet Jamie blush. If I was with you right now I would kiss your pinking cheeks. 

What words do I have to compare my sweet? How do I tell you that I desire you in every way a person can be desired? How do I tell you that I love you so extremely, so ardently that even the dead can feel it? You are the snow-capped peaks of the mountains that melt and flow into rivers and streams, and I, your River, receive you.

Though I want to make one thing clear, your worry that you don’t give me enough is one you needn't be concerning yourself with. You’ve already entrusted me with the greatest gift of your heart, and that is ample more than anyone else in the world has.

I spoke with Mel recently she told me something that I think you’ll find most surprising. Remember just before our trip she took a few days off to go to Alberta? Well apparently the reason for her trip was she purchased some land near Waterton Lakes National Park (it’s really close to the Montana border of Glacier) to expand her business. She doesn’t want to have two full-fledged resorts, this would be more of a day camp for youth to come and be escorted around the park for the day. There’s a lot of activities that you can do up there kayaking, swimming, hiking, rock climbing, biking, in the winter cross country skiing, sledding, snowshoeing.

I’m sure you’re wondering what’s so shocking about that. Well, her intent was to transfer us to run operations there when everything was finalized. I guess she had suspicions that you were a wolf (I think she started to figure it out when you requested a cabin change after finding out about my allergy to dogs) and that you and I were developing some kind of relationship. She recognized after the anti-wolf laws passed in Montana there was risk for us staying in the state. She was doing what she could to protect both of us, you especially while we remained, but she ultimately wanted to offer us somewhere safe to go, where we could freely be with each other, while not having to completely uproot our lives and still have gainful employment. The offer stands for whenever you get released. She has already begun construction for living quarters and an office. She will also pay for any official certification programs we will have to take to be official guides for the activities she is planning. Isn’t that incredible!? I know that I’ll go wherever you go but it’s nice that maybe we won’t have to leave everything behind when we do.

Jamie pauses re-reading that segment. Mel knew? He supposes that makes sense, with her ties to the Cree tribe and that Native People had always been more accepting of human animal shapeshifters given their significance in cultural lore she would likely more attune to recognizing the subtle signs. Jamie had always had large amount of respect for Mel but with this knowledge he felt even more endeared to her knowing he had been silently supported by someone who defended his existence, and his relationship with River while also working to ensure they’re safety.

Between your case proceeding through the legal process and this news from Mel it makes me hopeful for what we as society can become and what future awaits us and that hope guides me and gets me through these endless days and nights from your absence. The hope that one day soon I will look upon your face. I hope you it can guide you too until you are back safely in my arms. 

I love you always my sweet.

~Riv

Hope. Jamie had almost forgotten what that could mean. Hope for Jamie in his current situation had only meant disappointment. Being confined to this prison, with limited contact to others and exposure to the outdoors, reduced to illness, and regularly beaten these past seven months makes it feel like its decades, centuries even. Being here had slowly but surely stolen his dreams and dwindled his belief, and erased his hope. He tried to hold on, but the stabbing gripping pains of grief became intolerable. Initially he had felt despondency and despair but now he just felt empty and carved out. Like a hollow shell with nothing left inside. He didn’t let himself feel much anymore, he was just on the verge of losing his sanity, his mind threatening to fracture. He was a house of cards, unstable, unsupported, falling apart at even the slightest vibration. Jamie knew that it would be his undoing if he let himself feel anything.

Without River, in this was place he was only half a person, if that. He was only partially existing, barely surviving, and entirely not living. He'd forgotten the warmth of another person's touch. He’d forgotten how to laugh. He remembered laughing, and laughing most with River. He tried to conjure up the sound but it always seemed dull to his memory. All the memories of River that he had clung to in the early days were faded, a mere mirage, distorted like trying to look at something through heatwaves.  It was like with each passing day River was slipping further and further away and Jamie was receding further and further inside of himself.

Jamie didn’t have many good days anymore. But that’s not what he wrote to River, no his letter was also full of hope, and cheerful optimism, the way River’s was, talking about everything they would do when he got out and how they would spend their days in each other arms never to be parted again and for a little while Jamie almost believed that it could happen.

***

5 months later

Jamie is startled out of his sleep from a steel toed boot slamming into his side.

“Moon beast, you have a telephone call from your attorney.” One of the prison guards barks.

Jamie gets up slowly, groggily, stiff, the constant ache in his body waking up signaling nothing but pain to his brain.

“Come on I don’t have all day!”

Jamie nods wordlessly getting up keeping his head downcast as he’s led to a phone. A burning tickle quickly builds in his nose. Jamie tries to fight against it knowing it won’t be good if he sneezes right now. He presses his fingers hard to the underside of his nose, the urge dissipates but only momentarily as soon as he releases his hand the tickle burns. He squints his eyes shut contorting his face to hold the sneeze in, trying to breath in a way that it holds the tickle at bay but it’s too far gone. Helplessly Jamie doubles over

GnghTXT... SSGNghx—chiew…Hhhehh’pppmmmstchew

He does his best to try and stifle but he’s never been great at suppressing his sneezes, and with the constant ache in his ribs from the incessant beatings trying to hold in the expulsion of air is nauseatingly painful.

“What did you say to me?” The guard sneers.

“Nothing. Sorry, I just needed to sneeze.” Jamie responds demurely.

“You know I expect silence out of you, you know what will happen if I hear so much as a deep breath coming from you.”

Jamie nods trying to calculate how long it’s going to take to get to the phone because he already feels another angry tickle evolving in his nose about to become a full-fledged sneeze. Another reason Jamie doesn’t normally stifle, it only serves to produce more sneezes to expel the irritant. He wars with the sensation for a corridor before he resignedly has to accept. He still attempts to stifle, not that it matters much. His fate is sealed the moment he draws a shaky breath.

Heeh’Hhehh’Hhhh’GGn’MmmXxxKkTT

The guard looks back with a gleam in his eye. “I was really hoping you’d defy me.”

Over his walkie talkie he calls “Colby, yeah its Deke please let the attorney know that our furry monster is going to be detained, he will have to call back.”

The guard then rounds on Jamie. Even though he’s expecting it the first hit feels like a boulder to his jaw.

He’s tackled to the ground, he feels a force on the back of his neck before his vision goes blank.

Jamie comes to, unable to open his eye, the whole side of his face swollen, in his mouth sits a metallic taste, the all too familiar compressing exhausting ache consumes him, even his teeth hurt. He wonders if he was hit in the head, it’s like a bowling ball is pressing against the back of his skull. He gets up slowly biting the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from crying out, as it is a tiny distressed noise comes out. He’s back in his cell and he’s alone from what he can tell until there is a clanging noise and his door opens.

“Your attorney is back on the line, are you ready to try this again?” The guard, this time accompanied by a partner asks.

Jamie nods as he’s hauled up and escorted to the phone.

“Hello Mr. Coben?” He says hoarsely into the phone.

“Jamie, I have good news. The Montana Supreme Court has suspended your prison sentencing under the new terms you will be released from prison in one week’s time.”

Jamie nearly fumbles the phone, stunned. “I’m—I’m going home?”

“Well, in a sense, that’s part of the new terms of your sentencing which I will explain. I have scheduled an inmate visit with you tomorrow to go over all the details but I wanted to let you know the good news ahead of that. You’re getting out Jamie.”

Out. Released. Jamie can hardly comprehend the words. Something in him cracks and a vestigial of feeling, a glimmer of light seeps in. He’s being released, in one week he’s never going to have endure another beating again, another injection, at long last he’s going to be with River.

Chapter 14: My Thoughts Touching Every Second That I Spent Waiting For You

As Jamie is escorted from the penitentiary he is still in a state of shock. His eyes squint as he’s hit with the mid-morning sun, the cold winter air hitting his cheeks. The ground glitters with freshly fallen snow. It almost doesn’t feel possible. Jamie takes a long slow inhale allowing the cold air to fill his lungs. It burns a little on his lingering sore throat but he’s alive and free. 

Upon review of his petition the Montana Supreme Court suspended his sentencing on the condition that he leave Montana and not return for life. As it turns it, the decision was mainly circumstantial luck. It seems that while the judge didn’t entirely want to suspend his sentence there was a need to free up his cell for another incoming prisoner and in the end they decided they wanted Jamie gone more than they wanted him locked up. The fight wasn’t going to end here, he and Bradley had plans to take his case to the US Justice Supreme Court and Bradley was already in the process of compiling all the documents necessary to file a writ, but this was a win that he had not expected.

Arrangements had been made for Tyler to pick Jamie up and drive him to the property that Mel had purchased in Waterton. The day camp wasn’t operational yet, but the cabin where Jamie and River would be living was built. As much as River had wanted to be there with Tyler, at the advice of his attorney they decided it was better that Jamie not see River while he was still in the state and instead meet him at their new home.

“Jesus Christ Pudge!” Ty growls when he takes in Jamie’s appearance. “Bradley warned me after his last visit with you of your state, but I think he understated it.”

Jamie shuffles nervously. He knows he looks a fright. He’d caught a good look of himself while he was shaving in the mirror that morning. The bulk of his muscle is gone, the lines of his muscles mere shadows of what they once were. His face has adopted a deathly pallor made even starker by the numerous red cuts and facial bruises that range from deep purple to sickly green. His cheeks and sockets of his eyes are hallowed. His eyes had lost their soft soulfulness and instead looked lifeless and tormented. His voice permanently hoarse from months of coughing fits and constantly being ill. His nose is raw and red from the endless irritation, nose blowing, and sneezing. While he did get monthly hair-cuts as an inmate his hair though not much longer than its normal length looks shaggy and disheveled.

“Those mother fuckers! They’re not going to get away with what they did to you! We’ll make sure of it.”

Jamie just wearily nods. He’s not so sure. When Bradley came to visit him to discuss the details of his altered sentencing and saw Jamie he discussed pursuing legal action against the prison but Jamie wasn’t optimistic. He knew that the guards had a system for covering up any allegations made against them and with Jamie now being an out wolf, it wouldn’t be difficult to spin a story that “justified” any action they had taken while he was incarcerated. Furthermore there was no documentation of the beatings he endured, they had never been severe enough to require hospitalization and because most of his prior visits with his attorney were set up in advance the guards had always been careful about making sure their inflicted injuries were not visible, hidden under his jumpsuit. It was only through happenstance that his lawyer had been able to document that last beating. Beyond that the he had been “afforded” just enough privileges like his monthly hair-cuts, or daily hourly releases from his cell, that on paper, everything would look up to snuff, regardless that the lived reality was starkly different from what his inmate prison records would reveal.

After a quick meal Jamie falls asleep for the duration of the drive.

As soon as the car pulls up River runs towards them so when Jamie gets of the car he’s instantly encased in River’s arms. The familiar but too long un-breathed scent of River assails his nostrils. It’s too much. Jamie doesn't mean to but he reactively flinches stepping out of the hug. He sees the quick flash of hurt along with the abject horror pass through River’s eyes when he appraises him before he schools his expression also taking a step back.

“Sorry” River mumbles going over to help Tyler unload Jamie’s suitcase from the car “I’ll just take this inside.” His eyes flick tentatively to Jamie’s. “I’ll let you two say goodbye. Later Ty.” 

Tyler up-nods in acknowledgement. “He’s missed you, a whole hell of a lot Pudge.” Ty says once River’s inside.

“What? I know that, I’ve missed him too. I just—“ He stops, he really doesn’t know what he can say. He’s wanted this moment since they were separated all those months ago, he was excited about today and being reunited, he can’t explain why he withdrew from River. He had genuinely wanted it but as soon as River embraced him he felt overwhelmed, a deluge of memories of all his beatings surfaced in his mind and he couldn’t bear being touched in that moment. “Maybe you should stay for tonight.” He says.

“Nah, I think you two should be alone, I’m not going to interfere on your first night out.” Tyler says then adds “I know you’re dealing with a lot, and that’s okay, that’s to be expected. I mean fuck Pudge, just look at you.” Tyler swallows heavily.

Jamie gives a wry empty smile “You mean to say I look like something the cat dragged in?”

 “Well I guess I should feel comforted that you still have jokes.” Ty’s responding smile is more of a grimace.

“Look the point is you’ve clearly experienced more than anyone should experience in their lifetime and we recognize that adjusting isn’t exactly going to be a walk in the park. Just remember River is here for you, but he can’t help you if you don’t tell him what’s going on. Don’t shut him out. Don’t carry this alone. Talk to him. Whatever it is he’ll understand.”

Jamie nods but doesn’t say anything.  

“And you know you can talk to me too Pudge. I’d like it if you didn’t shut me out either.”

Jamie hangs his head “I know.”  

“I’m not trying to guilt you. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone in this, you can talk to me and I know you can talk to River. We’re both here for you and we’ll both there for you. You don’t have to let what those fuckers did to you on the inside control you now. It won’t be easy but we’ll get through this Pudge. I’m just glad that you’re out and you’re safe now.”  

“Thanks Ty.”

“Now go be with the love of your life.”

Jamie nods, watching Ty get in his car and pull away before heading inside.

He walks into the kitchen where River is stirring something over the stove.

“I made us something special to eat, sweet potato mash with Brussel sprouts and a nice filet mignon.” He says turning to Jamie with a plate he’s already prepared for him a soft smile on his lips.

“Oh well, Ty and I ate right as we got on the road. I’m not really hungry right now.”

“Oh” River’s smile dims. “Okay, that’s fine, we don’t have to eat right now, we can just save it for later.”

Jamie nods. He knows he’s still going about this all wrong. He’s not sure he knows how to talk to people anymore, not that it was ever his forte even prior to his incarceration. It was always River who came naturally to that. Despite the past year of solitude his first instinct is to be alone. “I’m just going to go lie down.” He says dejectedly.

“Of course. Let me show you where the bedroom is.” River leads them to a bedroom which reveals a king size bed that Jamie falls on welcome the feeling of a comfortable mattress beneath him after months of sleeping on the cement floor.

“I’ll be right back.” River whispers as Jamie’s settling in and Jamie wonders if he really is even coming back, maybe he’s pushed him away enough already to the extent that he doesn’t want to bother, maybe he regrets leaving his position to come here to Montana to live with a pod person, then feels guilty for thinking that.

What’s wrong with you! This is River. He scolds. He doesn’t have an answer. He’s only dreamed of this moment a billion trillion times, it’s the one thing he’s wanted over these past months, but now that it’s here he’s messing it all up.

Jamie knew it would be an adjustment being on the outside but he hadn’t expected it to extend to River. He always assumed that would be the easy part. His memories and thoughts and intermittent letters with River were the one thing that him through his incarceration, preventing him from losing his grip on reality and giving over completely to the hollowness he had to procure as a defense mechanism. He’s overwhelmed and overstimulated sure, but he doesn’t fully understand why his instinct is to push River away rather than draw him near. Tyler said he should talk to River how can he say “when you touch me my skin crawls, it’s too much and everything in me wants to run and hide” He gives a frustrated sigh.

“Here” River says softly handing Jamie a warm coffee mug when he returns a couple minutes later. “It’s hot water, honey, and lemon, for your throat.”

The guilt over his thoughts flares again. “Thank you.” Jamie whispers taking several sips before setting it on the bedside table lying down. He looks at River taking in his soft vanilla caramel blonde curls, his vibrant eyes, his lean yet muscular frame, his elegant hands. He feels an itch build just below the surface as he drinks in River's presence. He wants River, that hasn't changed, just everything else as. He doesn't know what he can offer River right now, not when he's a fraction, incomplete and un-whole, not when he's so broken, not when he doesn't even know how much of the man River once knew exists, if he can be the man that River once new. But he knows Tyler is right, that he can't shut him out. And there is one thing he can give River that has endured. 

"I love you Riv" Jamie whispers but he says it with every fiber of his being, the weight of a trillion tons, the power of a million nuclear stars. 

River's eyes go a little tearful. "I love you too Jam, so much."

"I'm sorry that this is who came back to you. I don't know what I have to give you anymore."

"Oh sweetheart. All I want is you. Just you, however you are. You're always enough." 

Jamie feels the damn weakening, the pressure behind the wall building.  

“Would it be alright if I lie with you?” River asks tentative, unsure.

Jamie’s stomach clenches at the thought and his whole body stiffens, conflicted. Everything in him wants to say yes. River’s presence, his touch has always been a comfort, it’s all he’s craved over the course of the past year but there’s something in him that is screaming no, and the more he thinks about it, the tenser and more uncomfortable he becomes.

River must see it in his face because gently he says “It’s okay Jam. You don’t have to say yes. Everything is on your terms. You need time, and that's alright. I’ll just let you be. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

Despite the waging war in Jamie’s mind, the idea of River leaving turns his blood to ice. "No" he says desperately on instinct he reaches out clasping River’s wrist to prevent him from walking away. Just that simple touch sending shockwaves through his body. It’s so overwhelming that his words get stuck.

“Jam?” River says inquisitively.

All Jamie is capable of is a despairing bleat his whole body trembling. The last remaining composure he had, everything he hadn’t allowed himself to feel while he was in prison surfaces. The months of only experiencing abusive touch, the endless stretch of confinement, the hopelessness and loneliness. “I—I—“ he tries to say.

“What is it sweetheart? How can I help?” River asks gently.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want—please don’t go. I—I want you to stay. Please.” Jamie stutters to get out.

“Always.” River replies “Do you want me on the bed or to get a chair and sit beside you?” 

“Bed” He whimpers his fingers coiling even tighter around River's wrist.

“Okay sweetheart.” River slowly crawls into bed sliding next to Jamie careful not to move too quickly, and that he doesn’t touch Jamie giving Jamie the space to come to him if he wants. Jamie’s not quite sure he’s in his right mind, overwhelmed with the torrent of emotion rushing through him, but now in this state where he isn’t thinking his body instinctively seeks what it needs and he wraps his arms tightly around River. The damn bursts, and relief flows through his body combusting the immense crushing weight he’s been carrying for the past year, as if he was Atlas and the weight of the heavens had been lifted from his shoulders.

“I need….need….please” Jamie implores incoherently.

“What do you need Jam? I’ll do anything.”

“Want….kiss.”

“You want me to kiss you?”

Jamie gives a feeble moan. “Please Riv, please”

“Okay, okay, sweetheart. Come here, I’ll take care of you.” River brings his lips to Jamie’s in not quite a kiss but a light sweeping brush.

Jamie gasps, his entire body prickling with awareness. The barest sweep of River’s mouth setting off a million tinkering bells and butterflies in Jamie’s stomach. He makes a strangled sound in his throat before surging against River. Oh sweet heaven. The kiss sparks the raging heat beneath the surface igniting all the way through Jamie’s body. If they continue he’s certain that they’ll turn everything around them to ash but he doesn’t want to stop. His body is vibrating. He barely recognizes the desperate needy noises spilling out of him losing himself entirely in the divinity of the moment.

“River, River, River” he chants in between kisses like a prayer. The pleasure explosive. But it isn’t the only thing. Through the hazy fog of his crazed hunger Jamie realizes he’s going to sneeze. At the last second he yanks his head away turning from River—

EeEhhShuue…HHhehh’SsChiew….HhhKSSShew..HhheiSHhh—ew. Heee’EStchuuuushew

Jamie gives a pained moan after the last sneeze. “Sorry” He mumbles.

“Bless you sweetheart.” River eyes Jamie critically. “Are you sick?”

Jamie flushes, but nods. “It’s from the injection they were giving me to prevent me from shifting.”

River stares at him horrified. “They what!?”

“They were giving me an injection, some kind of suppressant to keep me from being able to shift. Apparently it was mixed with the rhinovirus for maximum efficacy.”

River purses his lips before speaking slowly “Do you mean to tell me you have had a permanent cold for the past year?”

Jamie nods. “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking when I kissed you I just got a little caught up but we probably shouldn’t, I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Oh sweetheart.” River’s tone is anguished. “That doesn’t bother me. We’ve had too much time stolen away from us as it is, I’m not going to let them steal anymore. You’re here with me that’s all I want.” He gently strokes Jamie’s face. Jamie leans into the touch with a contended sigh before it turns into a harsh cough wincing through the pain in his ribs.

“Come with me.” River takes Jamie’s hand leading them to the bathroom turning on the shower. Slowly he rids Jamie of his shirt revealing more bruises on his torso. River makes a hurt sound gasping extending his fingertips to touch him before drawing back.

“What did they do to you sweetheart?” He whispers leaning up to place a sweet peck on Jamie’s lips before returning to his task of undressing Jamie. Jamie shivers still overwhelmed but now eager for the contact.

Once done River strips himself and Jamie thinks in a different frame of mind he’d be a little more interested in the fact that River is naked before him for the first time. As it is it hardly registers, not even as River leads Jamie into the shower. 

The pleasantly warm water cascades down Jamie’s body. River lathers soap into a washcloth and with great care massages it into Jamie moving slowly and with little pressure as he passes over the bruises carefully washing over his body. It's the first real shower he's had in a year and it feels wonderful. After River rinses Jamie off he switches the shower to the facet filling the tub drawing them to the floor his back against the tub legs straddled Jamie in between him. River begins massaging Jamie’s hair as he washes it.

Jamie moans leaning his head back into River’s chest. “Feels good.” He murmurs letting himself get lost in River’s touch.

River places a soft kiss at the nape of Jamie’s neck. Jamie’s body goes tense against River’s. River withdraws “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

Jamie shakes his head “Hhh—Have to ssn-sneeze—“

HesCH…HessChew..Hheeh..Hhehh’ESsSTChiew

Jamie violently pitches forward, water sloshing in the tub.

“Oww” Jamie says clutching his ribcage.

“Bless you sweetheart. I’m sure sneezing can’t feel too good right now. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Jamie shakes his head. “Not much can be done I don’t think but just ride it out.”

River makes a soft tormented noise. “If I could I would take your pain away.”

Jamie tilts his head so he’s looking at River. “You already do sunshine.”

River places a soft sweet kiss on Jamie's forehead but Jamie quickly pulls back taking an unsteady breath—

Hheh’ASSsTchiew..Hehh…Hhhehh’SssTchiew

“Bless you. Come on sweetness let’s get you back in bed.”

They lie on the bed bodies meshed up against each other, limbs entwined, hands buried in hair, lips molding together, achingly sweet. Jamie goes lightheaded, but it’s like his body is finally waking up after so many weeks apart, the numbness and lifelessness he’d reduced himself to thawing like the first signs of life emerging from the ground in spring, a life renewed. His hands reach out to grasp River’s side and pull him closer but River resists pulling back, his head turning away.

“Hhh—Hhold onnn lll-llove—“

Hhh’TtSTch..Hh’SsTch..Hhehh’TtSTChu  

“Bless. Bet you enjoyed not having to deal with that incessantly while I was gone.” Jamie tries to joke but it comes across too self-deprecating and too serious.

River shakes his head with a fond smile “When will you learn—“ he presses his face into Jamie’s hair taking several deep breaths. Though freshly clean, and back to having not shifted for months, the sensitivity is not mitigated when River is inhaling all the allergens right into his nostrils and after a few moments—

Hh’SssSTch..Hh’TstCh…HeehEssTChu...Hh’hh’hh’TsssTch…’Tsch..Hh’EssTtCtchu

“I don’t care about my allergies, they don’t matter, not when it means you’re at my side. Besides, I began immunotherapy treatment. I’ve been getting allergy shots customized to specifically treat my allergic reaction to you.”

“You have?”

River shakes his head “I really haven’t had much frame of reference on how effective it is since I haven’t been able to be around you and it felt kind of weird to ask Ty to get near enough me to test it out, and it’s usually recommended to avoid the allergen within the first few months of beginning treatment for best results, but based on how I’m responding to you today, it seems to be beneficial and I’m still in the early phases of treatment. The treatment is generally considered most effective after a year or two. My doctor just transitioned me to injections every few weeks.”

“Well—“ Jamie says with his first real smile in ages, dipping his head close to River “I’m here now.”

River returns to the smile, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“You are.”

“So we could do some experimenting.”

“Mmmm. What are you proposing my sweet?”

Jamie head-butts River’s face, rubbing the top of his head against his cheek, then across his nose, and the crook of his neck. He brings the tip of his nose so it touches Rivers, then tilts his head licking the underside of River’s nose. After so long suppressed his wolf is pleased to be indulging in his instincts, and gives a flirty rumble.

Before Jamie closes his lips over River's he holds up a finger.

“Wwait—“

Hhh’TtSTch…’TttSsssTch…Hhh’Hh’TTSsTch…Hh’SsTch…Hhh’TtSsTchu

“Bless” Jamie says before completing the prior kiss a single press, innocent, almost chaste but it produces an intense rush of lust that tingles all over Jamie. He pulls back, his lips parting slightly so he can suck on River’s lower lip. When he releases his lip River pushes his mouth against Jamie’s with more force. Their lips parting as the kiss heats up. When River swipes his tongue just inside Jamie’s mouth, between his teeth Jamie shudders gripping River’s side tighter pulling him closer on a groan his lips opening wider so their tongues meet in a slow wet glide.

Now that they’ve started they can’t stop. River tastes and feels and smells so good. River’s long fingers curl into the back of Jamie’s hair. Jamie’s breath is ragged with arousal. “Riv” he says on a sigh before bolting upright dissolving into a wracking coughing fit before immediately doubling over with two sneezes.

Hhehh’EssSTChiew

As Jamie’s building up for the second sneezes something soft is pressed against his stomach. Through his fluttering his eyes he sees that River has wrapped his arms around Jamie placing a pillow in front of him.

Heh..Hhhehh..Hhh’IsSsscchew

“Thank you.” Jamie says weakly.

“Bless you, did that help?”

“A little bit yeah.”

“Maybe we should stop though, just take it easy.”

Jamie nods then with a smirk. “I think the results of our experiment are initially positive. It does appear to indicate that your allergic reaction to me is not as severe.”

River laughs, and Jamie is filled with warmth, his memory refreshed with that most beautiful and glorious sound. “My allergist will be glad to hear it.”

His stomach chooses that moment to gurgle. His cheeks darken. “I guess I’m hungry now.”

River’s thumb plays along Jamie’s cheek. “You are too precious.” He says only causing the color to redden. River giggles. “Let’s get you some food. Do you want to eat in the living room or do you want me to bring you some food in here?”

“Living room is fine.”

***

The rest of the day passes by in a bit of a blur everything still feeling surreal. By the time they both make their way to bed Jamie is so exhausted from the emotional and physical expenditure of the day he falls asleep immediately.

“Jam, sweetheart wake up.”

Jamie is tossed awake gasping and thrashing his heart thundering, drenched in sweat.

“You’re alright sweetheart. You’re safe. You were having a nightmare.” River’s soothing voice says.

Jamie blinks the sleep from his eyes becoming aware that they’re already wet. He flips to his side curling into River, tears openly streaming down his face. River makes soothing noises as he gently runs his fingertips up and down Jamie’s side, cradling his head against his chest.

Jamie cries uncontrollably, unable to stop. He cries until it feels impossible for his tear ducts to still be producing the wet droplets. He cries until he feels like he might be sick. He cries until it feels like he doesn’t need to cry anymore, but his body doesn’t stop. Like he wasn’t in control. Some of it was relief. Some of it was residual horror from everything he had experienced over the course of the past year. Some of it from his brain finally processing the shock of what all had happened. Some of it was grief. Grief over the time he had lost with River. Grief over the pieces of himself he had lost while in prison and he wasn’t sure he could get back. The tears coming in droves, an endless stream down Jamie’s face, like something had broken inside of himself and was struggling to fix itself.

Jamie cries for hours it seems, soaking through River’s nightshirt wet and probably uncomfortable but River never once leaves his side. Cooing and whispering calming sentiments at him. Finally he lets out a final quivering breath gripping River tighter burying his face into River’s chest breathing in the earthy citrusy sweet smell of him.

“Sorry” Jamie says his voice thick and gravelly and stuffy.

River pecks his lips before passing him a tissue. “There is nothing to be sorry for sweetheart. You needed to get that out.”

Jamie sort of titters, blowing his nose, which triggers a couple of sneezes. 

Hhhehh'SssTChiew...Hhehh..Hhhahh..Heeh'TSssCheewww 

“'Scuse me. I think you're right, I did, sort of a cathartic release.”

River hums, still unconsciously stroking Jamie, the little hairs on his arm standing on end every time River’s fingertips pass over them.

“I missed you so much Riv, there aren’t enough words to describe how badly I missed you.” It didn’t begin to cover the extent but it was all Jamie could get out his brain struggling to formulate words.

“Me too.” River replies softly and it’s a simple enough response but Jamie feels the gravity everything both of them can’t say right now entwined in those two words and Jamie can’t help himself, he stretches up to kiss River.

The kiss is supposed to be sweet, an offering of himself, a promise, a declaration of love and it is but it’s also want and desire and need. It's the perfect embodiment of taste, scent, and heady emotion. Even when only their lips are taking part in the gentle dance, the air crackles with power. Jamie's hands travel to River's shoulders, his neck, his face, burning a trail of needy touches, feverishly exploring River.

“Off. Get this off.” River says urgently tugging at the seam of Jamie’s shirt peeling it off tossing it haphazardly to the floor before doing the same to his. They kiss until Jamie is a shuddering heap tiny whimpers escaping him.

River places feathery kisses all along Jamie’s cheekbones and jawline before pressing his nose into Jamie’s neck, tracing over the faint scar of his bite with his tongue.

Jamie makes a loud noise of pleasure his back arching reflexively into the touch. River continues to lathe over the sensitive tissue reducing Jamie to incoherent babbles and desperate pleas. His body an earthquake. He protests when River pulls back grabbing for him until—

Hhh’SssTch…’SssTch…Hh’hhh’SsSTch..TtStCh..Hh’SSsTchU…Hhh’TtSTch

Jamie blesses him plunging his tongue into his mouth with a sloppy wet wanton and desperate kiss.

“Please Riv” he begs.

“What do you want Jam?”

“You” he gasps the word, in a fluid motion, rolling over on top of River. “You” he repeats nuzzling River’s neck resting his open mouth over the tendon his teeth lightly grazing the sensitive skin to be sure River knows what he means.

River shivers his breath coming in pants. “Do it” he commands.

Jamie gives a mixture of a moan and a primal snarl taking a small amount of the skin between his teeth giving it a gentle tug.

“Oh Fuck! Yes, Jam!”

“You’re sure sunshine? I’m not entirely sure how this will feel for you since you’re a human, it might be a bit painful. I have to bite hard enough to pierce the skin.”

River makes an unintelligent noise. “Don’t care.” He croaks. “Make me yours.”

“Yes my River.” Jamie says. Lust, and nerves, and sweet heady excitement churns through Jamie as he leans down biting into the ivory skin at River’s neck.

River roars writhing in ecstasy underneath Jamie.

A sensation begins at the base of Jamie’s spine and as his teeth sink deeper into River’s soft skin a million fireworks go off in his body, sizzling in his veins and popping in his brain until his vision is filled with stars. Consuming pleasure explodes through him. Sensations similar to an orgasm but infinitely more.

“Holy shit!” River rasps while they both bask in the afterglow each of them still shaking with the aftershocks of gratification.

The mark Jamie has left on River has already begin to purple. It fills Jamie with a possessive pride. He licks the bite. “Mine.” He purrs followed by “and yours.”

“Yours and mine” River replies with a dopey, happy smile.

For the first time in months Jamie sleeps soundly surrounded by the love, comfort, and presence of his mate. Finally able to dream of the future where he has everything he wants.

~TBC~

Additional A/N: 

Chapter 13 chapter title comes from the song "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" by Bruce Cockburn

 Chapter 14 chapter title comes from the song "Beloved" by VNV Nation

 

 

Edited September 20, 2023 by Not Telling
Formatting issues. Changed Chapter number. Added TBC note at end

[dwaekki]

Oh my goddd 😭 I'm so relieved about this!! I don't know if I could've beared it if Jamie was still stuck in prison! Thank you for the amazing balance of angst and fluffiness, I really am a sucker for River's use of 'sweetheart' ... It was so cute to see Jamie sneeze for once and the emotional roller coaster followed by comfort was SO incredible to read, comfort is definitely one of my favourite genres(?) Plots(?) I don't know but whatever it is I LOVED it and can never get sick of it. I have so much anticipation for how you're going to continue this, I hope the future looks up for these 2 because they really are my favourite characters at the moment ❤️

[Alabaster]

UGH. Yes

[Wirescrossed]

My babiessssss! I've been trying to get an account approved for weeks but my other email never got the email so I tried another just for this story after reading it while lurking on guest mode for a while.

[thesneezyowl]

I have been savoring this in small bite size chunks all day!!! My nails that had grown back a smidge are, yet again, gone. The letters to each other 🤌🏻 And OF COURSE Jamie was writing Riv positive, hope-filled letters so he wouldn’t worry. The tie in of him being sick from the shots was brilliant! I have never been so invested in a wolf and his mate EVER!!! Again, THANK YOU for the depth of storytelling and character development, and the length of the DOUBLE CHAPTER UPDATE!! I feel so spoiled! 

[Lily]

Olalala mais quel génie ! I read this chapter when you posted it but didn't took the time to commenting it properly. Here we go, even if it's not proper 😂

I was so relieved when Jamie was finally out of jail. Cause it was horrible. He could have easily became very sick as we know how terrible the conditions in jail are, many ppl developp allergies there. Poor Jamie.

The meeting with Riv was everything. Bonus point for Ty who is so great. When I was a kid I wanted a big brother like that. He is the best. But yeah. Riv. Riv being the sweetheart he is. Love how you write this difficulty to find each other like how Jamie felt overwhelmed it feels so true I was like "I know I know but please Jam you need to be with Riv he is going to make you feel better you'll see ..." Yeah I'm talking to my computer on a regular basis. To fictional characters. That is true I'm not even denying it I'm too invested in this.

On 9/18/2023 at 9:52 AM, Not Telling said:

Despite the waging war in Jamie’s mind, the idea of River leaving turns his blood to ice. "No" he says desperately on instinct he reaches out clasping River’s wrist to prevent him from walking away. Just that simple touch sending shockwaves through his body. It’s so overwhelming that his words get stuck

Omg this is just so - like I could see the scene so well in my mind

Also when Jamie said to River that he was already making his pain goes away was just the cutest romantic thing (plus sneezing during the declaration was just *chief kiss*)

And on a general note the blessings and the sweet words 🫠

And the lot of sneezing from Jamie were killing meeee I'm so happy you choose to incorporate them in the story !! I was living. And the emotions 😭 I was like this during all the chapter : 🫠🫶

Sorry I'm using to much emoticons but I just can't process this story it's too much for my fragile heart (but don't stop please please please I love them so much) 💜

[dwaekki]

I've been missing this story 😭😭 just wanted to comment so it stays on the front page of original fiction for as long as it deserves ❤️

[2SHY222]

What happens next? The suspense is killing me 😱🫠. I'm super glad for them both. This fresh new start is everything they hoped for. I hope Jamie copes well and River treasures the time together. On that note...I wonder what would happen if Riv caught Jamie's "permanent" cold 🤔😏. 

[Not Telling]

@dwaekki Thank you for all the love you have given this story and for your kind and enthusiastic comments. ☺️ (And I'm sorry I made you wait so long). I know, my original intent was for Jamie to be imprisoned until the end but as I was writing it through I realized I just couldn't do that. I've never been one to tolerate copious amounts of angst, don't have the stomach for it. Though, you can probably thank my reading of a novel in which the characters were kept apart for 30 years as the true impetus for why I adjusted my original plans. It just tore me apart and made me reconsider if I wanted to keep Jamie and River apart for the length of the original timeline I had mapped out and if I really wanted to put them through that (or all y'all or myself for that matter.) Ultimately this outcome is better anyways. I am with you River calling Jamie sweetheart just makes me sappier than a bottle of maple syrup.

@Alabaster So glad that you're enjoying. 

@Wirescrossed Oh my gosh! Hi! This is one of the biggest compliments I could ever hope to receive. ☺️ It warms my heart that you are enjoying this story. I had no idea what to expect when I started it but I definitely didn't expect for it to receive so much attention and love. It was just the idea embedded itself in my mind as the perfect way to integrate sneezing into a plot driven story. I mean a wolf/human love story where the human is allergic to dogs it practically writes itself haha. It's definitely become very near and dear to me though. Thank you so much for commenting and welcome to the forum! ❤️

@thesneezyowl *blush* Gosh, thank you so much! I am stunned by what has come out of the silly little idea of a wolf story in which the love interest was allergic to dogs but it's been so enjoyable to write. Yep, you know Jamie, even suffering in prison he's going to put his beloved first. I'm so glad that you liked how I incorporated Jamie sneezing into the story. I was racking my brain over it seeing how popular the prospect was and finally it came to me how I could do it but have it be organic within the plot and not making him sneeze for the sake of making him sneeze

@Lily❤️ Thank you for the wonderful comment and sweet compliments! 

Yes, I am quite glad I didn't go along with my original plan and drag out Jamie's incarceration. There's only so much torture we all can take! 

On 9/20/2023 at 4:00 PM, Lily said:

 Yeah I'm talking to my computer on a regular basis. To fictional characters.

I mean, I thought everyone did this. 😉 Isn't that the norm, and everyone else that doesn't are the outliers? 

On 9/20/2023 at 4:00 PM, Lily said:

And the lot of sneezing from Jamie were killing meeee I'm so happy you choose to incorporate them in the story !!

It took some serious brainstorming and agonizing over how I could make it happen but when the idea came to me I was like "Oh yes that's it!! Bloody brilliant!!" 

@2SHY222 Sorry! Not even my brain knew what happened immediately following the last chapter and it took far longer than I would have liked to figure it out. 

On 9/30/2023 at 9:07 PM, 2SHY222 said:

On that note...I wonder what would happen if Riv caught Jamie's "permanent" cold 🤔😏. 

This is definitely a consideration I have as well. 😉

______________________________________________

Hello friends! My sincerest apologies for the extended delay with this update. The inspiration that was flowing so freely hit a brick wall after writing the last chapter. But thank you all for your patience, your amazing comments, and for keeping this story alive. ❤️

Some logistical things. I somehow got misaligned on the chapter numbers, I had 2 chapter threes. I have since corrected which means we are now in Chapter 15.

Finally without further adieu I present to the next chapter. 

I hope everyone enjoys.......

______________________________________________

Chapter 15: Kept Us Awake With Wolves Teeth Sharing Different Heartbeats in One Night

Jamie wakes the next day as he had been every morning for the past year with a sneezing fit.

Hheehh’SSsTChiew…Eschew..HeH’SSschew..Hah’schew..HehAssCCHew. …Ha’SStchew

River stirs next to him and in a sleepy voice he mumbles “Bless you.”

“Tthhann—“ Jamie attempts to say but is cut off before he even gets the word out

EhhSsHue…HHehh..Heeh’SSchiew…Hahh..HiihhhTSSChhiew….HeHSchew…Heh’AssTChew… “Oohh God”

Heh..Heeh..Heeh’EssCHEW..Heehh’ESsTchiew

River is fully awake now rubbing Jamie’s back in little circles. “Bless you sweetheart.”

“Thanks. Sorry.” Jamie replies embarrassed over the fit even though this is his new normal. He swears he’s sneezed more over the past year than his whole life combined.

River places a gentle kiss near Jamie’s temple. “No need to apologize Jam. It’s not like you haven’t seen me sneeze a gazillion times. Speaking of—“

River turns to the side pulling the collar of his shirt up over his nose and mouth.

Hhh’TSTch..SsTch..Hhh’SssTchu..Hh’Hh’TsSSTCh

“Bless you.” Jamie says softly turning to take River in. His hair is sleep mussed and adorably appealing in a way that makes Jamie want to card his fingers through the thick curly mop. His eyes however, are bright and alive. Jamie’s gaze trails down to where he sees his mark sitting fresh on River’s neck unconsciously a possessive pleased rumble vibrates through his throat. When he becomes aware of it he flushes.

River smiles knowingly leaning in to nip Jamie’s ear. “You like my bite don’t you? You like seeing your mark on my skin. You like seeing that I’m yours.”

Jamie’s breathe has already quickened. River takes his ear between his teeth breathing hot against his skin and a tiny uncontrollable sound escapes him. He gives a tiny nod.

“Say it.” River whispers low and enticing in his ear.

Jamie’s head is spinning he feels a little drunk “I like it, you’re pretty when you’re mine.” His voice is thick and husky.

River licks from Jamie’s collarbone to the lobe of his ear. “Good boy.” He purrs.

Jamie shivers unable to hide his body’s visceral reaction to the phrase, going all melty and happily dopey from the affirmation.  

A sexy chuckle comes from River. “Told you in Glacier I’d be filing that away for later use. Does my sweetheart like it when I call him a good boy?”

Jamie’s mouth is dry. All he can manage is another nod.

“Tell me.” River commands softly.

Jamie swallows “Yes. But it’s not—I like knowing that I please you. That I did something you wanted. That feels good. I always want to be good your boy.” He admits shyly.

He can feel the smile against his neck. “Oh Jam, you are. My perfect sweet good boy.”

Jamie whimpers dipping his head so embarrassed. How fucking cliché could he get, a wolf with an eagerness to please and follow direction and a soft praise kink.

“Oh my sweet self-denigrating Jamie. You need to learn how amazing you are, exactly as you are. There is no shame in the things you like. All those little things that you are embarrassed about yourself over are exactly the things I love about you.” River takes Jamie’s lips in a drugging kiss. Jamie completely melts into River, letting him kiss away his insecurities. With River pressed against him surrounded by his presence he forgets to feel ashamed or self-conscious, feeling nothing but River's love and acceptance.

“I have an idea for today.” River speaks against Jamie’s lips. “If you’re up to it. I don’t want to push you with your cold.”

Jamie raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

River in between trailing kisses down Jamie’s body says “I’m worried about how long it’s been since you shifted and I’m especially worried about how they drugged you to keep you from shifting. I thought we could do some exploring outside, with you shifted.”

“It’s literally freezing outside.”

“Are you saying that will bother you?”

“No, but you?”

“There’s a thing called layers Jam, besides we dealt with colder weather than this in Glacier, and you’re with me to keep me warm if I get too cold.” He finishes with a wink.

“But—“

“If you dare say one word about my allergies Jam I swear. All I need to know is do you think you would feel up to that today?”

Jamie’s expression turns sheepish. He can feel his wolf practically bursting over the prospect.

“Yes, I think I would like that.”

“And your cold?”

“Now who’s fussing?” Jamie grumbles but not with any seriousness. Truth be told he kind of likes that River fusses over him. Outside of Ty and his parents, Jamie hasn’t had relationships like that. Jamie has always been the protector and caregiver. He’s realizing that it’s nice to be on the receiving end. As if on cue his nose rebels.

Hhehh’EeSsTchew… Eh...heh...heh... HEssTchew….Heh’ESCHieww

River raises an eyebrow sending Jamie a meaningful look.

Jamie shrugs. “It’s just a cold, it’s more annoying than anything. Besides, the sneezing is the worst in the morning usually. Even if not, I’m pretty used to feeling like this by now.”

River nudges at Jamie with his face whispering “No one should ever get used to being tortured.”

“It wasn’t torture.” He immediately defends going stiff. He doesn’t really understand why he’s arguing, he knows full well what happened to him in the penitentiary was abuse. Why is he trying to deny it?

“Jesus Jam! Of course it was! They made you sick, they literally gave you an injection every day that made you ill. Do you not see how fucked up that is!? They beat you, and who the fuck knows what else. I mean look at you!? I hardly recognize you.”

Jamie visibly flinches. This is exactly what he was worried about, his concerns and fears manifesting themselves in that one statement. He isn’t who he was, and it was possible there was no fixing him, no healing his psyche. He’s a burden, he’ll be a blight on River’s existence. He’s too broken, River should be with someone whole. But now they—they Oh god they had mated. It had been impulsive, Jamie had been overwhelmed and emotional and desperate. They should have waited, waited to see if River really wanted to tie himself to Jamie.

As if he knew he’d said the wrong thing, River softens his tone. “Fuck I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean that how you’re thinking it. I just hate that all this has happened to you. I hate that you feel like you have to downplay it.”

“You’re not wrong though, I am—I’m not the same. I—“

“I’m going to stop you right there sweetheart. We’re both different how could we not be after what happened? But as your partner, as your mate it’s my job to love you through your evolution. My love, our love is transcendent. I love you because I just do, no amount of circumstances is going to change that. I don't regret choosing you. It doesn't matter what universe, what reality we're living, I'm always going to choose you. Your mine Jam and I’m yours those are the facts and that’s all we need, everything else we’ll figure out.”

Jamie sucks in a breath taking in everything River was saying. Letting the words settle in him. Rendered speechless he just presses his body into River, nuzzling into his neck, licking the bite. River shivers.

“Jesus Jam, I love when you do that.”

Well that’s request enough. Jamie pushes River into the mattress gently giving the bite another slow sensual lick circling the mark of his teeth with his tongue. “So I’m not the only one who likes your mating mark huh?”

River moans loudly in response lifting his hips and giving a single thrust up into Jamie. "Never said I didn't" he adds his voice sounding like he's run a marathon, his fingers trailing to the faint scar from River's own teeth on his neck. 

Jamie shivers. He could bask in the sunshine of River’s touch and presence for a million years and he thinks he would never get sick of it.

“When we go out, will you run with me?” Jamie says against River’s skin.

“Like, with your wolf?” River asks his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Jamie nods a little bashfully. “It’s—it’s kind of a thing in wolf mating ritual to go running together. I don’t know if it’s something other human wolf partners do but I uhh I want to do it with you. If—I mean if that’s okay with you.”

River grins “I want everything you’re willing to give and show me. Let’s get some breakfast in our stomachs and then we can go out.”  

Half an hour later they’re fed and River is bundled in his thick winter attire. Jamie is standing by the door shuffling his feet anxiously.

“I have to get undressed.” He announces turning a rosy shade. He isn’t sure why he’s blushing River has now seen him completely naked. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t fully in his right frame of mind yesterday and now a little more clear headed he feels self-conscious and all too aware.

River licks his lips his eyes trailing the length of Jamie’s body. As if sensing Jamie's nervousness he steps forward sliding his hands underneath Jamie’s shirt letting it ride up before slowly peeling it off over his head. He trails kisses down Jamie’s neck, across his pectoral muscles, down his abs, his bellybutton, until he gets to Jamie’s waist where he proceeds to pull down his pants leaving the trail of kisses all down his legs as they become exposed. As he comes back up his hands cup over Jamie’s crotch.

“Oh fuck” He mutters glancing down at River on his knees before him his eyes lust hooded and it brings out something primal in Jamie. “We’re not going to get anywhere if you keep that up.” He adds his voice gravelly with his own lust.

“After.” River says as much a promise and a demand as it is a statement.

With the final article of clothing removed, River in front of the door, Jamie shifts. 

While River had been there when Jamie had first shifted he hadn’t caught the details. It had all happened so quickly that he’d missed the shift entirely. But now Jamie’s shift happens more slowly. Jamie’s body going a little blurry like an optical illusion where you blink and shake your head trying to make sense of what you’re seeing. Suddenly he isn’t human anymore. Standing in front of River is a wolf. And it’s Jamie. His coat is a shiny midnight. His wedged kite shaped face, muzzle thinner than River maybe would have expected given his human face. Despite his withered appearance in human form his wolf still appears strong, his broad chest strong and muscular. His legs are long, a thick busy tail. And the most defining feature his kind chocolatey eyes.

“There you are gorgeous. I bet your ready to get outside aren’t you?”

Jamie quirks his head to the side, his tail wagging and paws at the door.

River giggles opening it. Jamie bounds forward already feeling life seep back into him, renewed, the dull ache and fatigue that has lived in his body for the past year from all the injections and beatings disappearing. He rolls enthusiastically in the snow laden ground rejoicing in the rejuvenation.

River sits on the edge of the porch watching Jamie amused. After a few minutes he comes back to stand by River.

He holds out his hand “This is your show sweetheart. Just lead the way.”

Jamie sniffs River’s extended hand then surges forward, not quite pouncing but suddenly River has his arms full of wolf. Jamie rubs his face against River not restraining the wolf impulses. He places his paws on River’s shoulders and pushes him flat against the porch. River goes easily grinning. Jamie drags his tongue over River’s neck. River gasps. Jamie pulls back to look at him.

“Hey sweetheart.” River says a soft smile on his lips and Jamie can feel the fondness the affection of his tone passing through him.

Jamie releases a puff of air and a small whine nuzzling into River’s neck. Beneath him Jamie feels River’s chest expand and retract, little rapid breathes coming from his mouth.

Hhh’TSsSSchu…Hhh’KssTch.. TSsssTchuu.. Hhh’Tsch..Hh’SsssTchuu.. Hhh’TSsSTCh…SsTTCh..Hh’SsssTchuu…Hh’TTSCh.

Jamie carefully dismounts River backing away.

“I’m fine Jam.” River sniffs. “Just another experiment in testing how well the allergy shots are working yeah? I can handle it.”

Jamie gives him a dubious look before his face breaks out in a lopsided grin his tongue hanging out of his mouth and he leans forward licking River across the mouth.

“Hey!” River says laughing before abruptly releasing 4 quick sneezes. 

Jamie leaps off him bounding away.

“Oh that’s how it’s going to be.” River says slipping into his gloves and running after him.

Jamie is romping across the ground weaving in and out of trees. Leaping over imaginary obstacles. It’s a giddy rush, propelled by a potent energy he had lost sight of, had forgotten could even exist from his days in isolation. Realizing that River is lagging behind him he quickly turns dashing back towards River. He teases him when he approaches corralling him, dashing around him to cut him off every time River attempts to move.

“Aww come on Jam” River says bending over panting as if he’s defeated. Jamie stops quirking his head but River uses the pause to race away from Jamie. He isn’t going to get very far, Jamie will be on him in seconds but he sprints like he’s a gold medalist in the 100 meter dash. A playful growl tells him Jamie is right on his heels. River pelts across the land until there is nothing but the rhythm of his feet on the ground and his breath in his lungs and Jamie’s footsteps behind him.

River glances behind him to check to see how close Jamie is and that’s when Jamie leaps sending them both tumbling to the ground. River gives a wild laugh as he lands under Jamie’s furry hot body. Jamie plants his front paws on River’s chest leans back and howls.

River tips his head back adding his voice to Jamie’s as he gives his own answering joyful howl.

Jamie nudges River’s body this way and that, his mouth returning to his mating mark on River’s neck. He sets the tips of teeth over the bite. Jamie can feel the pulse of River’s heartbeat increasing.

“Do you want to bite me like this?” River asks breathlessly.

Jamie is taken aback, the shock on his face apparent even in this form. In the blink of an eye Jamie is human lying naked on top of River. “You’re really sure?" 

River nods.

Jamie worries on his bottom lip. "I don’t know, it might be different biting you in my wolf form. I don’t want to hurt you.”

River’s gaze is sure and trusting. “You won’t.” He says with so much certainty it was as if he was a clairvoyant that looked into the future and knew the outcome.

Jamie appraises River, the idea of biting him in his wolf form, giving him a true mating bite has Jamie’s wolf excited. He wants to, oh now that River has mentioned it he yearns for it, to bind himself to River both as a human and a wolf is heady, but even in bianimilia relationships he isn’t sure if such a thing has ever been done, the wolf biting the human while in its natural form.

“I trust you.” River says then “Please Jam, I want it. I want to belong to you, all of you, in every way possible.”

How could Jamie deny such a sweet proposition? “Okay, yes, I—I want to too.”

“I’m yours, all yours, Jam, claim me.”

With that Jamie once again a wolf his body enveloping River. He bends his head nosing at River’s neck tentatively he reaches out his tongue and gives it a quick lick. He settles his canine teeth just over the bite only lightly pressing into the mark.

“Jamie” River half moans half whines pressing up into Jamie’s mouth. “Ohh—hhholld on” He takes a stuttering breath. Jamie carefully draws back knowing what’s coming.

Hh’TssTch..Hhh’SssTCh…Hhh’Hhh’HhhSSSSsTch…Hhheeh’TtSTch…Hhh’SssTCh…Hh’SssTch

River looks up at Jamie with a sheepish expression after 5 more sneezes. “Sorry.”

Jamie shakes his head to say it’s okay, it’s his fault for River’s sneezing anyway, why should he be apologizing. He then cocks his head to the side and gestures to River’s neck hoping his eyes reveal the question.

River nods. “Yes, don’t worry I’m ready now.”

Jamie angles his mouth and resumes his previous position. In this form he is hyper aware of all of River’s small body tremors and anticipatory quivers. His heart is beating at a faster tempo than normal and his respiration increased, his breathes coming heavy with audible exhales. After a few moments hesitation he gently latches onto River’s neck.  

River lets out a desperate sound of pleasure “Feels so good, you feel so good Jam. More give me more. It doesn't hurt I promise.”

Encouraged Jamie sets his teeth into the tendon in River’s neck only just piercing the skin. A powerful euphoric drugged sensation overrides Jamie’s brain. River’s enticing scent envelopes him, his touch settling deep in his bones, the sight of him underneath him hair tossed, cheeks rosy from the cold and exertion and arousal, eyes alight burned into his mind. Jamie can’t describe it but it feels like he’s absorbing River’s presence, like for the briefest of moments they really are one. He wonders if River feels it too.

River shouts before burying his face into Jamie, which very quickly proves to be a mistake. “Sssorry” River begins his breath labored “Hhh-hhave to—“ but River doesn’t need to finish. Jamie knows, he quickly lathes over the bite before detaching himself and climbing off River.

Hh’SsTch..Hhh’TttSTchu…Hhh’SsSTch…’TsSSCh..Hh’hh’SsTch..Hhh’Hhh’SSTch..Hh’TtSSTChuu…Hhh’SSsssTTCh

When River is done he yanks Jamie back onto him licking into the inside shell of his ear. “Take me.” He says all lusty and seductive sending a visible almost violent shiver through Jamie’s body. He growls low and possessive.

They hastily make their way back to their cabin as soon as they're inside and Jamie’s shifted back he pushes River up against the wall with an almost feral urgency taking his lips in a brutally passionate kiss. His tongue sweeps River’s mouth. It’s all hunger and need and desperation. River gives a sexy little groan, responding in kind tangling his fingers in Jamie’s hair and gripping hard pulling him closer to him. Jamie pushes his tongue into River’s mouth savoring the feeling wanting to ingrain it into his body. He encases River’s face in his hands sucking on his tongue. River answers nipping at Jamie’s lip. Jamie looses track of how long they stand there, Jamie boxing in River as their lips dance and mingle with each other, moving seamlessly from mindlessly desperate, pure heat and carnal need to sweet and slow and tender changing the pace to match exactly what each of them needs. 

Keeping their lips connected Jamie guides them to the bedroom backing River up onto the bed, blanketing himself on top of him but not quite letting his full weight into River, keeping himself propped above him on his forearms in the worlds most sexiest push-up. It feels like years before they come up for air and when they do it's River pushing Jamie away turning his head to the side. 

Hhh'SssTCh...SssTch..Hh'TttSssTchu..Hhh'SssTch..Hhehh'TttSSssTch..Tsscht...SsssChT

Oh fuck, the friction coming from the jolt of River's body when he releases the expulsions of air is amplifying Jamie's avidity and sexual hunger.

"Jeez sss-ssorry" River tries to say through a set of relentless sneezes. 

Hhh'SssTch..Hh’kSSTXT! Hh'hh'tSCchT..HehTCcch 

"It's fine Riv, more than fine. If you can handle sneezing because I'm a wolf then I can damn well handle you sneezing. Besides, I love you like this."

"Uncontrollably ssnn-ssnneez-" 

Hhh'SssTch...Hhh'SSsTch...TttSTch.

"Sneezing?" 

Before he can protest Jamie captures River's lips with his even though he's well aware that he's winding up to sneeze again. The shock of Jamie's actions seems to cause it to back off though. "Underneath me. Mine." Jamie growls.

River's eyes go wide before the abated sneeze returns and the force drives him up into Jamie. This time as River springs up into Jamie, Jamie responds by rutting against River bending into his ear and whispering "Bless you." 

River gasps. "Ohhh fuck" He mutters under his breath. "Love being yours Jam. Love when you get like this, when you let loose. It's so sexy. My sweet study in contrasts. Love it, love all of you Jam." He's mostly babbling now but it fills Jamie with confidence. 

He yanks River up to the edge of the bed ripping his shirt off followed by both his pants and underwear in one smooth motion pushing River back on the bed, an animalistic desire driving his actions but River yields instantly melting against him spreading his legs allowing Jamie to settle between his thighs. The submission further fuels Jamie’s actions.

He tears his lips away from River’s mouth to explore River’s jaw, his earlobe, the corded tendon of his neck.  River is expelling tiny hitched breaths and sexy moans rolling his hips against Jamie and Jamie is drunk on River’s pleasure. He grounds himself rocking his hips against River.

Jamie sends his mouth to his dusky red nipples, the contrast against River's creamy skin appealing and enticing. He lets his tongue lave over them when River bucks up into him he takes one into his mouth sucking till it hardens to a stiff peak taking careful note of every moan and sound coming from River’s mouth, reveling in how his body twitches under him. He teases River as he continues to taste and touch him trailing lower and lower slowly devouring every inch of him. He gets lost in River’s sounds and desire focusing only on giving him what he needs, what he wants, marveling in how easily River lets himself be vulnerable with him. How readily he relinquishes control and allows Jamie to take over. How completely he trusts Jamie. It makes Jamie want to protect him and keep him safe but also makes him want to be vulnerable in turn, completely giving himself over to River. He marvels over how well they fit together, how there is this perfect balance of give and take between them. Just as he has that thought River draws up his legs flipping them over so he’s on top.

“My turn.” He whispers in Jamie’s ear his tone dripping in sultry sensuality.

When Jamie moans over River’s ministrations he takes his mouth between his teeth. “That’s it sweetheart, let me hear you. Let me know how I make you feel.”

Jamie feels like he’s losing his mind. Overloaded and overwhelmed with sensation, like he’s drowning with River’s weight above him. He’s barely aware and hardly recognizes the noises he’s making. Everything River is doing to him too much to contain. The softest brush of River’s touch on him spiking his pleasure. All the sensory input is lightning striking Jamie's veins. It’s everything and yet it’s not enough. As if River read his mind he says “Need you in me.”

The guttural groan Jamie emits couldn’t have been held back if he tried but he steals himself before doing anything more. “You should know, there’s this thing that happens when wolves uhhh engage in umm sexual intercourse with their mates. It’s ummm it’s like a knot that would lock us together. Basically my uhhh, you know, it swells like beyond human size. It’ll force us to stay tied until the swelling goes down. I’ve never—I don’t know how long it will take but most reports say it can take half an hour or so to go down. I don’t know if well I really don’t know how big it will get and the pressure can be kind of intense.” Jamie knows he’s fire engine red the heat flooding his cheeks. God talking about the logistics of wolf copulation is so embarrassing. He bites his lip unable to quite look River in the eye.

Jamie isn’t necessarily concerned about River rejecting him but outside of when he shifts by all appearances he seems entirely human. These small variances that make it apparent that he isn’t human might be off-putting. The blatancy of the fact that he isn’t entirely human might be uncomfortable even for those that are accepting of wolves. It is one thing to think everyone deserves equal rights and access to the same opportunities and afforded the same privileges as everyone else, it’s another when you’re confronted with the glaring functional differences face to face. Jamie would understand and it wouldn't offend him if it’s too close for comfort.

“Do it.” River says simply the implicit trust River grants to Jamie once again amazing him.

Jamie's head spins. He should have been prepared for River's ready acquiescence but he also wants to make sure he understands what he's agreeing to. “Maybe we should work up to it? I think they have toys that simulate the knot. I just, it can be a lot more and your body isn’t built to take it like another wolf, it might take some adjusting to and once it uhhh happens I won’t be able to pull out if it becomes too much. I just don’t want to hurt you, what if it causes permanent damage?”

River cups Jamie's face his eyes boring into him. “I want it Jam, fill me up. I can take it.”

Jamie balks still unsure.

River drags him into a toe curling mind erasing kiss sparks slide down Jamie’s spine and he knows he’s supposed to be in control but right now it doesn’t feel that way, he knows he’s going to capitulate and give in. He’s never been able to resist River and not when it comes to something he wants too. “Come on be a good boy give it to me.” River commands and that does it.

Electricity flares in Jamie’s bones. He groans rolling them on the bedspread so he's back on top. "You're totally going to use that against me aren't you." 

River smirks. "Only when you're being ridiculous." A playfulness in his voice.

Jamie can't help but chuckle "I suppose that's fair." 

River's hand reaches out and sweeps Jamie's hair out of his face. The air sizzles with attraction and pleasure and connection. "I know you won't hurt me. You know how?" 

Jamie shakes his head. 

"Because I know you want to protect me. Because I trust you. Because in your arms I am safe. Because quite simply it's you Jam, and things with you could never hurt." 

It's not the most logical argument but it is perhaps the most romantic and it totally works on Jamie. He caves taking River's lips in a bruising kiss. Giving into the molten desire. Jamie’s head spins becoming muddled, his hands travelling everywhere all over River’s body needing to touch him everywhere all at once. Slowly thoroughly he turns River into puddy until his begging pleading and urging turns into babbling nonsense. 

Jamie himself enters a sort of dreamy state. He can hear River moaning beneath him cataloging each sound as he moves within him but it’s almost like he’s drifting on a cloud, lost in a rhapsodic haze, his body buzzing with all the happy chemicals River is pouring into him, his scent permeating, soaking into Jamie’s skin. It almost feels like sacrilege like he doesn’t deserve to feel this much pleasure but he lets it swallow him whole. He hears River curse beneath him then a white light flashes before Jamie, intense and bright before bursting into a thousand multicolored pieces both of them tumbling over the edge shaking apart.

When Jamie comes back to himself he takes River in his arms pulling him against him capturing his lips in a tender loving kiss. “Am I hurting you? Are you comfortable sunshine?” Jamie whispers.

River blinks at him his eyes have a filmy dazed look but his face holds this almost peaceful serenity. His chest is rising and falling rapidly from huge gasping breathes. He hums contentedly pressing his head into Jamie’s chest. “It’s—it’s I’m so full of you. I didn’t realize I was so empty until now. This is everything Jam.”

They lay in blissful silence soaking in each other’s presence basking in the afterglow, the lingering connection between them. When Jamie takes in River, looking all angelic his blonde curls shooting out every which way in a sexy rumpled manner, knowing he’s painting him in the deepest recesses of his flesh, Jamie wasn't even sure it was possible but he thinks he falls a little more in love with him.

What he feels is all consuming. His lungs full of his scent, his heart soaking his essence and his soul wrapped around him. He feels utterly complete, everything inside him moving and shifting into place, a warmth growing in his chest and then a small almost imperceptible thump just beneath his sternum but it wasn’t his heartbeat. He thinks maybe he imagined it but there it is another small thump accompanied with a soaring feeling just under his breastbone.

Is that? It can’t be. He looks at River to see him already gazing back at him, with the same bewildered expression he imagines he’s wearing on his own face.

“Do you?” River asks his brow furrowing cutely placing his hand in the middle of his chest, between his pecs and as he does so Jamie feels it, not quite in the same way as if River was touching him it’s more like a remnant a shadow of his touch etching itself into Jamie, his whole ribcage inflating.

Jamie nods. “I think—I think we’ve soul bonded.” he says astounded. “It happens sometimes in wolf mates, a sort of paranormal magic but the last documented case was during the middle ages. Most doctors have assumed that the magic of soul-bonding died out in the modern age if it ever existed in the first place. Many wolves nowadays believe that soul-bonding is rooted in fantasy.” He supposes by now he shouldn’t be surprised he and River consistently defy all odds. Their entire story has been wolf legend and myth turned fact but it's still incredible. He'd honestly forgotten that soul-bonding was even a possibility because by all respects it wasn't. He didn't even think it was taught in wolf education curricula, the only exposure coming from fantastical romance books, or through stories handed down in generational wolf families like Jamie's.

"It must have happened because I bit you in my wolf form and we uhhh messed around right after. It solidified what's always been brewing between us." Jamie muses.

River’s brow creases deeper in further confusion. “So what, can we like read each other’s minds now or something?”

Jamie chuckles. “It doesn’t really work like that. It's not telepathic. I don’t know the full mechanics but it’s more like we can feel each other’s presence. Like a part of me resides in you and vice versa.”

River hums contemplatively pressing his fingers into his breast plate. “So that, what I feel, that’s you?”

Jamie smiles before leaning into to kiss him placing his hand over Rivers and bringing it to press against his own chest. “It’s us.”

“Us” River echoes with awe.

They spend the rest of the day in bed together the beating pulse of Jamie living in River's chest and the beating pulse of River living in Jamie's, just more proof of what they already knew, that they belong together, nature and nature confirmed.   

~TBC~ 

Additional A/N: 

Title Chapter comes from the song "Heartbeats" by The Knife

 

 

Edited November 3, 2023 by Not Telling
Format changes

[Not Telling]

Hi all, 

The server timed out while I was attempting to post and so the last chapter was posted multiple times. I have since deleted the duplicate versions. Hopefully this didn't cause too many issues for everyone on the receiving end. 😕 

 

Edited October 2, 2023 by Not Telling
Server timed out, post was duplicated

[Privatedancer]

Wow - just wow.  I loved the intensity of this chapter and of their love making.  The idea of a shadow heartbeat is amazing.  This was a hard-earned happiness for these two but the intensity of their bliss and explosiveness of their connection needed that slow burn 🔥 to ignite it.

[dwaekki]

Aaah the happiness is everything! I'm so glad you took this route with the plot and let these 2 love each other peacefully! I also loved seeing both of the characters sneeze in one chapter hahaha, I can't wait to read more! ❤️

[thesneezyowl]

This update is EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! I’m a puddle that’s being played in by Jamie and River. I just love them so much!!!!!! They live in my head rent free!!!

[Catsgotyourtounge]

I am OBSESSED WITH THIS STORY! ESPECIALLY LAST ENRTY OMG!!!

[Wirescrossed]

I need to write something like this. Something with sneezes AND lore. But I suck at lore, like many others. Like, genuinely, the plot is so good. My mind is blown every entry, genuinely.