On a mission to get sick: my logs

[Hygge]

Movie was good, not man people in the theater since its late and a weekday.

If I can muster up enough guts, I'm going to go running when we get home. It's about 40 degrees out. Not freezing but decently cold. Now to just was my hair and go for a run with it wet lol. Bf is coming too and he'll probably think I'm nuts when I walk out with wet hair to run but... The person behind me spilled some of their food on my shoulder, I'll say it got in my hair

[Hygge]

I only ran like two miles, it was pathetic lol. I have stupid asthma stuff that isn't very bad unless I'm having an allergy attack or running xP I need to strengthen em up, I want to be more in shape. I'm pretty thin but I have nooo muscle or anything, and I'd like to just feel strong and stuff haha.

Anyway... So I breathed through my mouth the whole time. My throat feels like closed lol. It's not super sore, just been scratchy all day still and kind of feels like I'm wearing a tight scarf or something. My head wasn't even cold even though my hair was wet, I was too focused on trying to breathe and not be dizzy hahaha xP I think not having much sleep or food today doesn't help... Going to get some food now.

Now it's time to stay up late and get up early again. Yaaay

[CuteSneezeGirl]

Ohhh! It sounds like you might be getting sick! *Grins hopefully*

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck.

[Hygge]

Ohhh! It sounds like you might be getting sick! *Grins hopefully*

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck.

I don't know, I'm trying not to get my hopes up and I really think it's just allergies, because I've had a lot of throat issues in the past because of allergies xP and it's still kinda sore and scratchy but no other symptoms :/ I'll be extra disappointed if this is just something like the worlds mildest cold and I makes it take even longer for me to get a real cold xP but I really think it's allergies.

Today in Houston! It's been fun. It's sooo hard to get out of bed in the morning now and I desperately want to just have a catch up day to sleep xP I might try to just keep a steady 5 or 6 hours a night, instead of doing like 2 hours one night, 5 the next, 3 the next, etc. I'm getting so worn out. But if that's the price to pay, I'm not gonna give up.

We went to the mall for a little while today. It was totally packed despite it being a weekday. And now we're going to some more stores. I forgot to soak my feet in ice water last night! I didn't even think of it... The weather here is warming up again :/ but it's supposed to get colder in a few days. Right now it's like 70s, it's really nice, clear, sunny weather. Which doesn't help me when trying to get a cold xP we did go to a playground too... I'm a horrible person, I got my vitamin D :| but my boyfriend really wanted to and I figured it was stuff that's touched by kids so... Worth a shot. And getting out really helps with trying to ignore feeling tired haha.

By the time I give up this "give me a cold" lifestyle, I'll like be addicted to caffeine lol. My boyfriend works at Starbucks, so every day I get to drink my weight in coffee and espresso to keep awake and dehydrated hahaha

[BananaTree]

lolol man you are determined

[Hygge]

lolol man you are determined

Lol I know it's pathetic. If i notice in time, i even wish for it at 11:11 bahaha. And even more frustrating that it's so difficult

Sooo throats became more sore and I'm trying so hard to not think anything of it. Just have to keep up what I'm doing and wait...

[sickfan90]

This is soooo interesting! Have you tried local pharmacies? Maybe you could touch all over the cold and flu medicine. Surely some sick folks have been there. Good luck!!!

[CuteSneezeGirl]

XD Don't worry! Hard work always pays off! :3

Haha, here are some places you can try:

1. Kitchen counters

2. Phones

3. Money

4. Wet/dirty laundry

5. Public doorknobs/water fountains

Go to a bunch of crowded places. Someone has to be sick there, right?

Also, if someone leaves tissues laying around, don't throw them away. Use them...

Haha, I'm not very helpful. Sorry! ^^" But it's worth a try! Don't lose hope yet... I'm sure you'll get a cold soon! Lol...

[Hygge]

This is soooo interesting! Have you tried local pharmacies? Maybe you could touch all over the cold and flu medicine. Surely some sick folks have been there. Good luck!!!

Well I've tried touching the meds at like walmart's pharmacy section haha. But I don't always get a chance to hang out over there when I'm with my boyfriend. I made a joke once about how I wanted to look through and see which ones had that ingredient that people used to cook meth with (I'm pretty sure I didn't make that up, it sounded familiar and I think it was true but not sure) and tried to touch a bunch but I don't want to seem to suspicious lol.

XD Don't worry! Hard work always pays off! :3

Haha, here are some places you can try:

1. Kitchen counters

2. Phones

3. Money

4. Wet/dirty laundry

5. Public doorknobs/water fountains

Go to a bunch of crowded places. Someone has to be sick there, right?

Also, if someone leaves tissues laying around, don't throw them away. Use them...

Haha, I'm not very helpful. Sorry! ^^" But it's worth a try! Don't lose hope yet... I'm sure you'll get a cold soon! Lol...

Thank you so much!! I work with money, keep a pouch with like hundreds of dollars in it at a time traveling around doing glorified estate sales for rich people hahaha (weird job), so on bathroom breaks and stuff I try to take it out and friggin rub the money on my face, rub my hands on my eyes, etc... And so far it hasn't worked ugh xP I need to go to houston on a weekend or something when places are SUPER crowded. Where I live it's not too big, but everyone goes to the movie theater cus that's the only thing to do. So maybe this weekend me and the bf can go to yet another movie. Maybe I can leave in the middle to "go to the bathroom" and go touch handrails and doors without him their to notice my weird actions haha.

Okay so... tonight me and the boyfriend were driving home and were kind of talking about mind over matter stuff. Like I was telling him about how I have this thing that I want to happen... And I try to make it happen, and it should work, but nothing I do works. I pray and it doesn't happen, I wish and it doesn't happen, and instead sometimes it even happens only to the people around me like to torture me lol.

So we're talking about mind over matter... Like he's super ticklish and asked me how I became not ticklish, and I just figured I kind of forced myself not to be. So we were trying to figure out the method how, because he tries to convince himself "this doesn't tickle" and it doesn't work. So we came up with this diagram...

There's the forced belief: This doesn't tickle

There's the doubt in the back of your mind: This might tickle. And you listen to this doubt, you look for it, and that's the result. It tickles.

So we're trying to figure out how to change that... Like swapping it and come up with... You have to accept it. You have to make the doubt into the belief.

Honest belief: This does tickle.

And then the doubt has to be switched. The thing in the back of your mind is the result... So now it's like the hope instead.

Hope: I can overcome it, it won't tickle.

I know this is kind of stupid lol. But we thought it was interesting and I started thinking... how can I incorporate that into what I'm doing? Cus right now. I'm trying to make myself sick and I have this doubt in the back of my mind that whatever I do won't work.

Forced belief: I can use my environment around me to make myself get sick.

Doubt: My immune system is so strong, I won't get sick.

So I have to switch it...

Honest belief: My immune system is strong, I can't force myself to get sick. Have to admit that it's out of my control.

Hope.....??? I don't know! What's the hope! I have to hope that the original forced belief will work? Because than it's not a new formula... I have to hope and know that I will get sick...?

It's like... the honest belief contradicts the hope. There's no "hope" that I can have to help me achieve it, other than patience... :/

Haha, but that's just a weirdo theory that I wanted to try to apply to myself... I thought of maybe just trying to do what everyone that gets sick all the time does... Be a germaphobe. I know so many incessant hand-washers that are sick all the time. So I'm going to keep trying what I'm doing for now. But if this whole sore throat allergy thing goes away, I might attempt to just constantly wash my hands / use hand sanitizer and maybe it like strip my hands of natural, protective oils and make them vulnerable...?

Why is this so out of my control! lol. It's driving me crazy. Throat is less sore and scratchy now. :/ nooooo come back.

[BananaTree]

My advice would be to not stress it so much. When you want something SOOOOO badly, it usually doesn't come. Like when a woman NEEDS a baby so badly and tries everything to get pregnant. Ya notice she never does. Often times she'll adopt and calm down when she gets her new baby and then what happens? Boom pregnant.

So just relax and enjoy life, (Christmas is here for goodness sake!) quit trying to force it. Maybe someone you know will get sick and you can stalk them. Watch when they blow their nose and take the tissue and inhale in deeply.

For a good sneezy cold only involve your nose. Don't lick anything or rub your eyes. Just stick things up your nose. Heard someone else did that and it worked.

I dunno what else to tell ya, hun. Just relax is all

Edited December 19, 2013 by BananaTree

[Hygge]

My advice would be to not stress it so much. When you want something SOOOOO badly, it usually doesn't come. Like when a woman NEEDS a baby so badly and tries everything to get pregnant. Ya notice she never does. Often times she'll adopt and calm down when she gets her new baby and then what happens? Boom pregnant.

So just relax and enjoy life, (Christmas is here for goodness sake!) quit trying to force it. Maybe someone you know will get sick and you can stalk them. Watch when they blow their nose and take the tissue and inhale in deeply.

For a good sneezy cold only involve your nose. Don't lick anything or rub your eyes. Just stick things up your nose. Heard someone else did that and it worked.

I dunno what else to tell ya, hun. Just relax is all

Yeah... That's kind of what I'm afraid of lol. That the more I want it, the less likely I'll be to get it xP so maybe I'll just try to not like plan my life around it. Just do what I enjoy and in the background, continue to make an effort but not making it like the focus... Idk. It's so obnoxious, everyone around me gets sick and I spend time with them, try to catch it from them, and never do. :/ I just wish there was a secret I could figure out that would make it happen xP

[CuteSneezeGirl]

Haha, thanks for replying!

Honest belief: My immune system is strong, I can't force myself to get sick. Have to admit that it's out of my control.

Hope: Everyone gets sick, no matter how strong their immune systems are. X3

It doesn't hurt to try! C: Being stressed weakens your immune system... (which is why I always get sick during finals, haha. ^^") Think pressuring thoughts.

Also, maybe you could focus on being more inactive. Don't exercise, don't walk, don't go anywhere. Make up an excuse to stay in your room. And while you're in there, don't even stand up.

Once, it was my friend's birthday. I decided to honor her by giving her breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, along with anything else she needed. Why? So she could be as comfortable as possible. But late that night, she got a fever. I couldn't figure out why...

And then, once my other friend was really bored. It was winter break and we didn't have school. So she stayed in bed all day. I mean, she didn't even bother to stand up. She put everything she needed (snacks, drinks, her iPads, etc.) in her room where she could reach them. And then a couple days later, she got a really bad cold. :3 So maybe you should try being lazy. Without exercise, immune systems just don't function correctly... ^^

Lol, that sounds really weird. Good luck though! Please continue writing your amazing obs~ <3

[Hygge]

Haha, thanks for replying!

Honest belief: My immune system is strong, I can't force myself to get sick. Have to admit that it's out of my control.

Hope: Everyone gets sick, no matter how strong their immune systems are. X3

It doesn't hurt to try! C: Being stressed weakens your immune system... (which is why I always get sick during finals, haha. ^^") Think pressuring thoughts.

Also, maybe you could focus on being more inactive. Don't exercise, don't walk, don't go anywhere. Make up an excuse to stay in your room. And while you're in there, don't even stand up.

Once, it was my friend's birthday. I decided to honor her by giving her breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, along with anything else she needed. Why? So she could be as comfortable as possible. But late that night, she got a fever. I couldn't figure out why...

And then, once my other friend was really bored. It was winter break and we didn't have school. So she stayed in bed all day. I mean, she didn't even bother to stand up. She put everything she needed (snacks, drinks, her iPads, etc.) in her room where she could reach them. And then a couple days later, she got a really bad cold. :3 So maybe you should try being lazy. Without exercise, immune systems just don't function correctly... ^^

Lol, that sounds really weird. Good luck though! Please continue writing your amazing obs~ <3

Ahhhh you're so helpful!! Thank you. And so encouraging. I've been thinking that I would reallyyyy like a day to just sleep and not be so tired and focused on forcing this to happen. Cus I think that just makes my body like prepared to fight it or something haha xP never get sick when you want it right.. But you're right, I don't want to just give up like I always eventually do. So I'm gonna try your suggestions. That way I get to kind of catch up and not be going nuts but also lower my immune system by not being active. It'll be like a crash and burn thanks so much for the encouragement!

[CuteSneezeGirl]

Haha, you're welcome! I'm sure your efforts will pay off! Keep us noted~! ^^

[Hygge]

Haha, you're welcome! I'm sure your efforts will pay off! Keep us noted~! ^^

Ok I will

Just found out I work super early tomorrow, so much for ridiculously lazy day xP oh well. I'll be around many more people at least

[SpookyBoi]

You know if you did sleep a full night all the stress from your hard work might come crashing down on you and you might have a chance of getting sick.

[Hygge]

You know if you did sleep a full night all the stress from your hard work might come crashing down on you and you might have a chance of getting sick.

Yeah that's what I'm hoping haha... But I guess now it's gonna have to wait until weekend of work is done

[Hygge]

The boyfriend was kind of coughing. He can be kind of dramatic, so there's no telling with him, but I'm wondering if he got what his dad had.

This would frustrate me to NO END though lol. My boyfriend was sick about a month ago. Hard as a tried, I never got it. He's not considerate in the way that he would try to prevent me from getting sick, lol. I drank his drinks, touched what he touched, held his hands, handled his tissues... Everything short of making out with him (which I did once in the past while he was sick, but now I'm trying to work on growing away from the relationship, which he is fully aware of)... And I never got it. It was horrible, I was so frustrated and anxious about everything, I was going all out trying to make myself vulnerable, to the point where I would not only drink after him, I would inhale the liquid from his drinks Because I didn't want the germs to die in my stomach lol. I'm pathetically desperate, and no one even has any idea xP

So sometimes it's difficult for me to like not be jealous haha. It's not like he repulses me when he's sick, but he is very needy as it is and even though I'm a caretaker, it sometimes it aggravates me because he doesn't take care of me when I'm the one out haha. And he is never at his house except when he's sleeping and when I'm there with him. We eat together, do everything together other than work and sleep. So while I'm inconspicuously but devotedly touching everything his dad had touched, using his cup, trying so incessantly to get the germs, he's just hanging out, not touching anything or being in close contact to his dad or anything. And the idea that he me be the one that gets the virus... ohhhh it aggravates me haha. Especially to think... what if he didn't get it from his dad. What if he got it because the virus was on MY hands and I was the enabler?? Why can't I catch anything and it's so easy for him xP lol, turns me into a whiny little brat...

I don't even know if he's sick but... ahh it's depressing and discouraging to me to think about. I just want to know what more I can do and what the equation is that I need to solve! lol, I wish it were that simple. Germ + cold temperature = cold virus. Or Stress + lack of sleep = cold virus. Whatever the combo could be, I want to crack it. And I know it doesn't work like that but I sure wish it did.

Yeah, I need to let it go and step back for a bit, I'm probably not going to get sick when I'm searching and anticipating everything as a germ. My body just detects it off the bat like "I was expecting you" and I get down about it haha.

It's hard for me to think "if he his sick, this gives me an easier chance," because I already tried SO hard to get something from him (and even his dad lol) to no avail. And it's like... I don't want to do that again. Get so anxious that I can't eat, be so focused and obsessed with it. Yeah it's ridiculous. I want this so much hahaha. But in waves. In times like right now, I like don't want to even consider failure. Later, when it calms down, I'm like... I can wait, it'll happen eventually, at least there's that. At least, like the comparison Banana made with pregnancy, I cannot fail. I like that comparison btw, feels very relatable even though I know it's nowhere near on the same level. And some women want that more than anything and can't ever get pregnant. And I can want this more than anything and not get it for a long time, but eventually it will come, it can't be avoided. And that should give me hope, and does sometimes, but other times I'm soooo impatient and don't understand why my "fortress" is so strong and has to be totally blown up while other people get sick when a germ knocks on the door of their immune system xP

Sorry for the rant. Feels better now that I've said it. My throat is still being slightly sore, and I'm waiting to wake up with something more but it hasn't happened haha. Boyfriend might not even be sick, but just in case he is, I've heard that the beginning is the most contagious time. So I made sure to expose myself plenty. I even sarcastically stuck my finger up his nose and made him eat his own boogers lolol, I know, tmi and gross, and he wasn't weirded out at all. He was just like laughing and trying to pull away and saying "that's not chicken!" which was what food we were going to get. We're both very comfortable with our / each other's bodies (I don't mean that in like a gross sexual way baha), we just don't really have a bubble, and mess around with each other all the time. Like tickling or wrestling or whatever, we're pretty comfortable with each other. so it wasn't a weird thing to do.

We'll seeeeee... I'm hoping that this weekend will really be the time when everyone is out and about as well. So going to try to go to the movies tomorrow and saturday night, and hopefully lots of customers will come at work bringing all of their sicklings. Just gotta try to not be too worked up about it all xP

[Hygge]

On a different note, I've been wondering... Do you think it would help or harm my chances to get sick if I was inducing during this? I'm not sure if it would help me by irritating my nose more, or make it more difficult because all of the mucous would flush out and carry all the germs out with them before they could take hold...

Any thoughts?

[CuteSneezeGirl]

Lol! XD Your boyfriend sounds cute.

I don't know... I guess, just go to the extremes. Like get barely any sleep, then be extremely lazy the next day. Or go to a crowded, germy place, then eat unhealthy stuff to weaken your immune system. Or spend a lottttt time with someone sick, and then go out into the cold with your hair wet or something. I don't know. Don't give up though... C:

Inducing...? I don't know. Sneezing makes me feel refreshed... so... maybe not. But if you took someone (sick)'s used tissue and used it to induce...

NEVERMIND. Haha, I don't know. If your boyfriend really is sick... take the trouble to be around him. Cuz like, since you've spent the previous days trying to get sick, your immune system should be more vulnerable. Which would expose you more to germs if he was sick...

[Kshu]

Good luck!

[Hygge]

Lol! XD Your boyfriend sounds cute.

I don't know... I guess, just go to the extremes. Like get barely any sleep, then be extremely lazy the next day. Or go to a crowded, germy place, then eat unhealthy stuff to weaken your immune system. Or spend a lottttt time with someone sick, and then go out into the cold with your hair wet or something. I don't know. Don't give up though... C:

Inducing...? I don't know. Sneezing makes me feel refreshed... so... maybe not. But if you took someone (sick)'s used tissue and used it to induce...

NEVERMIND. Haha, I don't know. If your boyfriend really is sick... take the trouble to be around him. Cuz like, since you've spent the previous days trying to get sick, your immune system should be more vulnerable. Which would expose you more to germs if he was sick...

That's true Thanks for keeping me motivated

He said he was feeling hot and shaky and stuff when we were texting so... I'm prepared, I guess xP we spend every day together, like we're already married or something lol. Other than work and sleep... So, I'll be around him plenty haha, but that's what I thought when he was sick a month ago :/ I thought that was my chance and I had it for sure, and I wouldn't have to worry about getting him sick if he gave it to me Which would be great, because even though I love contagion and being sick, I would hate to make anyone else sick. I feel like that would be making them feel how I feel when I keep failing at trying to get sick haha.

[CuteSneezeGirl]

Lol If he gets you sick, it's a win-win situation. And hot and shaky, huh? Let's hope he's sick... XD

[Not_Telling]

Hot and shaky

[JaeChaeGi]

Yeah, I'm starting to see this as a win-win for you, too! I've also heard that the beginning is the most contagious time! Plus, if it were me, I'd rather get sick directly from someone I was dating/my partner than from anyone else.